Chapter 6

Loss 

I didn't know how much I could take anymore...

But I was so stressed. My husband and I were constantly fighting, and Alaine wasn't doing anything to deny the rumors about her and Javi. If anything, she seemed to fuel them even more.

"No comment," she had said during an interview when asked about the rumors.

She had finally broken into the acting industry, gaining fame and adoration from fans. But along with her rise came a wave of public scrutiny for me. The comments were merciless.

Some accused me of being a terrible wife, blaming me for our marital issues. "No wonder he's straying," some said. Others even suggested that Javi and I should separate so he could "finally be with Alaina Lopez," their idol.

It was sickening. Truly disgusting.

I sat on the bathroom floor after reading one too many of these hateful comments, clutching my phone in disbelief. My chest felt heavy, my stomach churned, and before I knew it, I was vomiting into the toilet.

I couldn't believe this was happening. The world didn't even know me, yet people were creating stories to tear me down, making assumptions as though they had lived my life. I was already hurting from the betrayal of my husband and best friend, and now the public was adding fuel to the fire.

I hadn't spoken to either of them in days. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't trust Javi or Alaine anymore. The thought of it was unbearable—how could the two people I loved and trusted the most hurt me like this?

My heart ached, and my mind spiraled. It felt like I was living someone else's life, some cruel, cliché story where the wife discovers her husband and best friend betraying her. Only this was my reality, and it was far worse than I could have imagined.

I leaned back against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall, feeling utterly defeated. My body trembled as I clutched my knees to my chest. The dizziness hit me again, my head spinning as if I'd been thrown into a whirlpool.

At first, I thought it was just the stress and exhaustion catching up with me. Between the endless fights with Javi and the public humiliation I was enduring, it made sense. I convinced myself that I was just sick from all the emotional strain.

But it wasn't just stress.

One morning, I woke up with an excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. I curled into myself, clutching my stomach as tears streamed down my face. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, a deep, searing pain that left me paralyzed in bed.

Javi was already gone for work, leaving me alone in our room. I tried to call out for help, but my voice was weak. My limbs felt heavy, and I was shivering despite the warmth of the room.

The pain was unbearable, and I was terrified.

Then, one of the housemaids came into the room. She must have been sent to wake me up for breakfast, her soft knock followed by her usual cheerful tone.

"Ma'am Reese, hindi pa po ba kayo bumabangon? Pinaluto po ni Manang ang paborito n'yo—" Her voice faltered as she stepped closer and saw the state I was in.

"Ma'am Reese! M-Manang!" she cried out, her voice shaking.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway as more of the household staff rushed into the room. I could barely process what was happening, my vision fading in and out. But I heard Manang's panicked voice as she ordered someone to call for help.

"Ang daming dugo! Dali, itakbo na siya sa ospital!"

The sheets beneath me were soaked in blood. My body felt cold, weaker with every passing second.

I wanted to ask what was happening, but my lips wouldn't move. The last thing I remembered was the chaos of voices around me, the rush of footsteps, and the overwhelming sensation that something was slipping away from me.

And then, everything went black.

At pagkatapos ay sobra-sobra ang pagsisisi ko nang magising ako sa ospital. Ang dami kong nararamdaman—galit, lungkot, at matinding panghihinayang. Galit ako kay Javi at kay Alaine dahil sa kanila, napabayaan ko ang sarili ko. Pero higit sa lahat, nagalit ako sa sarili ko. Dahil alam ko ang posibilidad, pero hindi ko inalagaan ang sarili ko nang maayos.

I remembered how, despite our fights, we'd still end up in bed together sometimes. It wasn't out of love—it was angry, desperate sex. And I neglected myself afterward. I ignored the warning signs, brushed off how tired and nauseous I felt, thinking it was just stress. I even missed my appointment with my OB, telling myself I'd reschedule later. But I never did.

Kaya naman nang magising ako sa ospital at marinig ang balita, para akong sinampal ng realidad.

"You had a miscarriage," sabi ng doktor.

Halos hindi ko ma-process ang sinabi niya. I was pregnant? I didn't even know. And now, I've already lost the baby.

My baby was gone.

Nawala ang anak ko, nang hindi ko man lang nalalaman in the first place that I was carrying life inside me. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas matindi—ang galit na nararamdaman ko o ang matinding panghihinayang na bumalot sa akin.

I felt like the ground beneath me had crumbled. I was drowning in guilt and regret. Galit na galit ako kay Javi, sa mga ginawa niya, sa stress na idinulot niya sa akin. Pero higit sa lahat, galit ako sa sarili ko. Paano ko nagawang pabayaan ang sarili ko?

Pagkatapos kong magising, dumating ang pamilya ko sa ospital. My mom cried as she hugged me, her tears soaking my shoulder. "Anak, I'm sorry..." she said, her voice trembling.

I couldn't say a word. How could I? Hindi ko na rin alam ang sasabihin ko.

My younger brother stood at the corner of the room, tears welling in his eyes. Seeing me in this fragile state broke him, and I hated it. I didn't want to look weak in front of him, but I couldn't help it. I felt so frail, so broken.

Daddy, on the other hand, was quiet but visibly furious. I could see the tension in his jaw, the way his fists clenched at his sides. Galit siya, pero hindi ko alam kung kanino—kay Javi ba, o sa akin?

Then Javi's parents arrived. My mother-in-law hugged me tightly, her face filled with sadness. She whispered words of comfort, telling me how sorry she was for what I had gone through. But her words, though kind, felt hollow.

"Where's your husband, Therese?" tanong ni Daddy, ang boses niya matigas.

Nagkatinginan kami habang nakahiga pa rin ako sa hospital bed. Hindi ko siya masagot. Paano ko sasabihin na ni hindi ko alam kung nasaan ang asawa ko?

I saw him clench his fists tighter, the anger evident in his eyes.

Pagkatapos kong lumabas ng ospital, halos hindi ko na makita si Javi sa bahay. He buried himself in work, avoiding me altogether. He wasn't there while I mourned the loss of our child.

I hated him for it.

I regretted marrying him.

One evening, habang tahimik ako sa kwarto, my phone rang. Quinn's name flashed on the screen, and I hesitated before answering.

"Hello, Quinn—"

"Reese!" he interrupted, his voice filled with concern. "I was abroad when I heard the news. I just finished our game and rushed home. What happened? Are you okay? Where are you?"

His voice was so full of worry that I couldn't help but break down. My tears spilled over as I listened to him. I didn't expect this from him. I expected this kind of concern from my husband, but Javi had been absent—physically and emotionally.

"Reese?" Quinn's voice softened as he realized I was crying. "Damn it! Where are you? I'll come to you right now."

Hearing him curse under his breath while I cried only made me cry harder. He was there for me, even when he didn't have to be.

And then, a painful thought crossed my mind, why didn't I marry Quinn instead?

Naalala ko tuloy ang sinabi ng kapatid kong si Reo dati. Bakit nga ba hindi ko siya pinakinggan? Bakit nga ba agad akong nagpakasal kay Javi?

I was still young, yet I already felt like my life was falling apart. Ruined, even.

I held the phone tighter, listening to Quinn's voice as he tried to calm me down. But deep inside, I couldn't shake the regret. I couldn't help but wonder how different my life could have been if I'd made a different choice.

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