Hardin's POV.

"I had a nice time tonight Hardin." Tessa tells me when I pull into my father's driveway to drop her off.

I should be taking her off at home, our home.

"Me too. I hate ice-skating." I say and she laughs.

"I couldn't tell."

"What are you doing the rest of the night?" I ask her.

"Nothing, studying I guess. You?"

"Nothing, I don't have shit to do actually." I rub my eyes.

"Are you tired?" She questions.

"Yeah, a little."

"You should go to bed early." She suggests.

"I can't. I haven't slept through the night in two weeks." I admit and her face falls.

"Oh."

Tessa's POV.

Of course he hasn't.

"Are you.. have you been.." I begin.

"Yeah, every single night." He tells me and my heart aches.

"I'm sorry." I hate this. I hate those nightmares for haunting him.

I hate that I'm the only elixir, the only thing to make them stay away.

"It's fine. I'm fine." He says but the dark circles under his eyes beg to differ.

Inviting him up would be a terribly stupid idea. I am supposed to be thinking about what to do with my life from this point forward, not spending the night with Hardin. It's so strange that he is dropping me off at his father's house, this is exactly why I need to get my own place.

"You could come up? Just to get some sleep, it's still early." I offer and his head snaps up.

"You'd be okay with that?" He asks and I nod before I let my thoughts invade.

"Sure.. only to sleep though." I remind him with a smile and he nods.

"I know Tess."

"I didn't mean it like that.." I try to explain.

"I got it." He huffs.

Okay..

There is a distance between us that is both incredibly uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. I want to just reach over and push the lone strand of hair that has fallen onto his forehead but that would be too much. I need this distance, just like I need Hardin. It's very confusing and I know inviting him up won't be helpful to that confusion but I just really want him to be able to sleep.

I give him a small smile and he stares at me for a second before shaking his head.

"You know, I better not. I've got some work to do and.." He begins.

"It's fine. Really." I interrupt and open the car door to escape my embarrassment.

I shouldn't have done that, I'm supposed to be distancing myself and here I am being rejected.. again.

When I reach the door I remember I forgot my dress and heels in Hardin's car but he's already out of the driveway by the time I turn around.

My mind replays our date over and over as I wipe the makeup from my face. He was so..nice. Hardin was nice. He was dressed up and he didn't get in a fight, he didn't even curse anyone out. This is major progress. I begin to giggle like an idiot as I remember him falling on the ice, he was so irritated but it was so funny to watch him fall. He's so tall and lanky and his legs kept wobbling in the skates, it was definitely one of the funniest things that I have ever seen.

I'm not sure how I feel about Hardin's piercings being removed but he told me over and over that he wanted to keep them out so it's not up to me. I wonder what his friends will say about it.

My mood shifted slightly when he told me about his birthday party, I don't know what I assumed he would be doing for his birthday but partying wasn't it. I'm an idiot though because this is his twenty-first birthday after all.

I want to spend it with him more than anything but something bad happens every single time I go to that damn frat house and I don't want to continue the cycle, especially when we are in such a fragile state as it is. The last thing I need is to drink and make things worse. I would like to get Hardin something for his birthday though, I'm terrible at gifts but I will think of something. I stop by Landon's room but he doesn't answer when I knock, when I open the door he's asleep and I decide to go to bed myself.

The next morning I text Hardin as soon as I wake up to wish him a happy birthday and get dressed while I wait for a reply.

With a sigh I put my phone into my bag and head downstairs to meet Landon to tell him I'm going to miss half the day today.

"Where are you going?" He asks as he pours milk into his cereal bowl.

"I need to get some things from the store."

"During classes? Why don't you go after?"

"I don't know, I need to get Hardin something for his birthday." I admit, biting down on my lip to gauge his reaction.

"Oh, what are you going to get him?"

"I honestly have no clue." I sigh and lay my head on the cold granite counter.

"I can come with you if you want?" Landon offers.

"And miss class? It's okay."

"Alright, well I have got to go or I'll be late. I'll tell Professor Soto or should I say Jonah that you'll be out today." He grins and I toss a grape at him.

"Very funny." I smile and he leaves the kitchen in laughter.

By the time I circle the mall twice I am still empty handed. Nothing in this mall seems good enough to get Hardin for his birthday. He is better than some cheap mall gift. I just have no idea what to get him. I am literally the worst at buying presents for anyone and Hardin somehow manages to come up with the best gifts imaginable. If we were in a different place I would stop buy Victoria's Secret and call it a day.

I'm a little surprised by my thoughts but it does sound intriguing. Since the first time we slept together this is the longest we have went without having sex, I guess that's a good thing..I guess.

Hardin's POV.

"It's gonna be sick man." Nate tells me as he climbs onto the stone wall at the end of the parking lot.

"Sure it will." I remark and move out of the way of Logan' cigarette smoke and sit next to Nate.

"It will, and you better not bitch out because we've had this planned for months." Logan tells me.

My legs swing back and forth and for a second I think of pushing Logan off the stone wall for all the shit he gave me about taking my piercings out.

"I'm coming. I already told you I was."

"Are you bringing her?" Nate asks, obviously talking about Tess.

"Nah, she's busy."

"Busy? It's your twenty-first birthday dude. You took your rings out for her, she needs to be there." Logan remarks.

"Whenever she comes shit always goes down anyway, and for the last fucking time I didn't take them out for her." I roll my eyes and trace the cracks in the concrete.

"Maybe you should have her beat Molly's ass again, that was priceless." Nate chuckles.

"That was so funny, she's funny when she's drunk too. And when she cusses it's so funny. It's like hearing my Nan cuss." Logan laughs along with Nate.

"Would you two just shut the fuck up about her already? She's not coming. "

"Alright, calm down would you?" Nate smiles and I almost do the same.

I wish the two of them wouldn't have put together a party for me because I wanted to spend my birthday with Tessa. I don't really give a shit about birthdays but I wanted to see her. I know she doesn't have shit to do she just doesn't want to be around my friends, not that I blame her.

"Is something going on with you and Zed?" Nate asks as we head to class.

"Yeah he's a dick and won't stay away from Tessa. Why?"

"I'm just wondering because I saw her going into the environmental whatever the fuck it's called building and I thought it was weird.." Nate tells me.

"When was this?"

"Like two days ago, Monday I think."

"Are you..." I stop midsentence because I know he's serious.

God damn it Tessa, what part of stay the fuck away from Zed do you not understand?

"You don't care if he comes though right? Because we already told everybody and I don't want to un-invite anyone." Nate says, he's always been the nice one out of our group.

"I don't give a shit, he's not the one fucking her, I am." I tell him and he laughs.

If he only knew what was actually going on.

Nate and Logan leave me in front of the athletic building and I have to admit I'm anxious to see Tessa, I wonder how she wore her hair today and if she will be in those pants that I love so much.

What the fuck?

It still blows my mind the way I think about the dumbest shit. Months ago if you would have told me I would be daydreaming about the way someone was wearing their hair I would have knocked your teeth out, yet here I am hoping that it's pulled back so I can see her face.

Class starts in ten minutes and I haven't seen her walk in yet so I head inside and glance in the classroom, she's not in there. Maybe she isn't coming? I know how much she hates to miss class so where the hell is she?

If she's in that god damned environmental bullshit building I will flip the fuck out. Who the fuck studies environmental shit anyway? Oh yeah, that's right, fucking Zed does. I wonder why Tessa was in there, what were they doing? Is she there now?

No, of course she isn't. She's probably just running late. I should call her.

Her phone goes to voicemail after a few rings but moments later I get a text from her.

*I'm driving. Can't talk, remember last time?* It says.

Is she texting then?

*I hope you aren't texting me while driving because if I remember correctly that's what caused the wreck.* I can't help the stupid ass grin on my face when I picture her rolling her eyes as she reads my message.

*I'm at a stop light. Stop texting me.*

I laugh and put my phone in my pocket, There's no way in hell I'm stepping foot in that yoga class without her.

............

I can't believe I'm back at this house again, it feels like ages ago when I lived here. I don't miss it at all but I don't exactly love living in that apartment alone either.

This year has been fucking insane. I really can't believe I'm twenty one now and will be finished with university next year. My mum kept crying on the phone earlier about how I'm growing up too quickly and I ended up hanging up on her because she just wouldn't stop. In my defense I was somewhat polite about it, acting as if my phone died.

The house is packed, the street is lined with cars and I wonder who the fuck all these people are that are here for my birthday. I know the party isn't totally for my birthday, it's just an excuse to throw a big ass party but still. Just as I begin to wish Tessa was here I spot Molly's hideous pink hair and I'm glad she didn't come.

"There's the birthday boy." She smiles and walks into the house before me.

"Scott!" Tristan calls from the kitchen, he's already been drinking I can tell.

"Where's Tessa?" Steph asks.

All of my friends are standing in a small circle basically staring me down as I try to think of something on the spot. The last thing I need is for them to know I'm trying to convince her to come back to me.

"Wait...more importantly where the hell are your rings?" Steph puts her hand under my chin and tilts my head to examine me like I'm a fucking lab rat.

"Get off." I groan and pull away from her.

"Holy shit! You're turning into one of them." Molly says and points to a group of preppy douche bags across the room.

"No I'm not." I defend and she laughs.

"Yes you are! She told you to take them out didn't she?" Molly presses on.

"No she didn't, I took them out because I fucking felt like it. Mind your own damn business." I snap and she rolls her eyes.

"Whatever you say." She walks away, thank god.

"Ignore her. Anyway, is Tessa coming?" Steph asks me and I shake my head.

"I miss her! I wish she would hang out more." She takes a drink from her red cup.

"Me too." I say under my breath and fill a cup with water.

Must to my misery the music and voices get louder as the night goes on. Everyone is wasted before eight o'clock. I still haven't decided if I want to drink or not, I went a long time without drinking until that night at my father's when I destroyed all of Karen's china and Landon called Tessa to come help him deal with me. I used to go through these lame ass parties without drinking, well for the most part. I barely remember my early college days, bottle after bottle, slut after slut, it's a blur and I'm glad. Shit didn't make sense before Tessa came around.

I find a spot on the couch next to Tristan and zone out to thoughts of Tessa while my friends play another dumb ass drinking game.

"Happy Birthday Hardin." A female voice interrupts my thoughts.

I look up to see that girl Zed is dating. Lovely.

"Thanks Regina." I sigh.

"Rebecca, it's Rebecca." She corrects me.

"Uhm.. okay. Thanks Rebecca."

"It's okay. You can call me Becca if that's easier to remember." She smiles and sits on the floor in front of me.

"Okay.."

She seems like a nice girl and she's really pretty but I don't have any reason to remember her name and she's staring at me and it's annoying.

"Where's Zed?" I ask her.

She sort of reminds me of Tessa, not as pretty but she looks like someone Tessa would hang out with.

"He's getting us a drink." She beams and I dig my phone out of my pocket.

*Hey.* I finally give in and text Tessa as Zed walks up and hands his girlfriend her drink.

He doesn't even look at me.

That's what I fucking thought.

"Hey Hardin, can you help Tristan and Nate move that couch so we can put those beer pong tables up?" Steph asks me.

"No. It's my birthday and I'm not doing shit." I tell her.

"Oh come on! Please help them." She begs and I finally agree, only so she will shut the hell up.

When I stand up Zed takes my seat on the couch and Regina stays on the floor.

Tessa's POV.

*Hey* The text from Hardin reads.

The butterflies that appear in my stomach are ridiculous.

He sent it less than five minutes ago, I have been hoping he would text me.

*How's your party?* I send and shove another handful of popcorn into my mouth.

I have been staring at the screen of my nook for two hours straight and I need a break.

*Lame. Can I come over?* He responds.

I nearly jump off the bed. I made the decision earlier after spending hours finding a decent gift for him that my "space" can wait until after his birthday. I don't care how needy or pathetic that is, if he chooses to spend time with me over his friends I will take it. He really is trying and I need to acknowledge that, granted we need to discuss his attempt at sabotaging my career but that can wait until tomorrow.

*Yeah, how long until you'll be here?* I send.

I dig through the dresser and grab a blue sleeveless shirt that Hardin once told me looks nice on me. I will have to wear jeans, otherwise I will look like an idiot sitting in this bedroom in a dress.

Why am I so giddy?

I wonder what he will be wearing. Will his hair be pushed back like it was yesterday? Was his party boring without me and he wanted to see me instead?

He really is changing and I love him for it.

*Thirty minutes.* The screen says.

I rush to the bathroom to brush the popcorn kernels from my teeth. I shouldn't be kissing him, should I? It is his birthday.. one kiss won't be so bad and let's be honest, he deserves a kiss for all the effort he has put into this so far. 

I touch up my makeup and run the hairbrush through my hair before pulling it into a pony tail.

I clearly have no sense of judgment where he is involved but I will scold myself tomorrow. I know he doesn't care for birthdays and I want this one to be different, I want him to know that his birthday is important. I grab his gift and begin to wrap it quickly. The wrapping paper I bought is covered in music notes, it would make a good book cover. I'm getting nervous and sidetracked even though I shouldn't be.

*Okay, see you soon.* I send and head downstairs after scribbling his name on the small gift tag.

Karen is dancing to an old Luther Vandross song and I can't help but laugh when she turns around with flushed cheeks.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were there." She says, clearly embarrassed.

"I love this song, my father used to play it all the time." I tell her and she smiles.

"He has good taste then." 

"He did." I smile at the somewhat decent memory of my father twirling me around the kitchen, before the sun fell and he gave my mother a black eye for the first time.

"So what are you up to tonight? Landon is at the library again." She tells me what I already knew.

"I was actually going to see if you could help me make a cake or something for Hardin, it's his birthday and he's going to be here in about a half hour." I can't help but smile.

"He is? Well of course, we can make a quick sheet cake.. or actually let's do a two layer circle cake. What does he like better chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate cake and chocolate icing." I tell her.

No matter how much I feel I don't know him sometimes, I know him better than I think I know myself.

"Okay, get the pans out for me?" His step-mother asks and I do just that.

Thirty minutes later I'm waiting for the cake to cool the rest of the way so that we can ice it before he gets here. Karen has dug out some old candles, she could only find a one and a three  but I know he will find humor in that.

I walk to the living room and look out the window to see if he's here but the driveway is empty. He's probably just running a little late. It's only been forty-five minutes.

"Ken will be home in an hour or so, he had a dinner with some colleagues. I am terrible and claimed to have a stomach ache, I just hate those dinners." She laughs and I giggle as I attempt to smooth the chocolate icing along the edges of the cake.

"I don't blame you." I tell her and place the numbers on the top of the cake.

After arranging them to say forty one, I decide to have them say fourteen instead. Karen and I laugh at the corny candles and I scribble Hardin's name below the candles.

"It looks..nice." She lies.

"It's the thought that counts." I cringe at my terrible icing skills.

"He will love it." Karen assures me before heading upstairs to give us some privacy I'm sure.

It's now been an hour since Hardin told me he would be here in thirty minutes and I'm sitting in the kitchen alone waiting for him to show. I want to call him but if he isn't coming he should be the one to call me and tell me. He will come. It was his idea to come anyway, he's the one that text me and asked if he could come over.

Hardin's POV.

"Just have a drink, it's your twenty-first birthday dude it's illegal not to." Nate jokes and hands me his cup.

"Fine, one drink but that's it." I say and he pulls his cup back and grabs the bottle of liquor out of Tristan's hand.

"At least have a proper one." He says and I roll my eyes before taking a swig of the dark liquid.

"Alright, that's all. Now you can leave me alone." I tell him and he nods in agreement.

I head to the kitchen to get another cup of water and Zed out of all fucking people stops me.

"You left your phone sitting on the couch when you got up." He says and hands it to me before walking back into the living room.