Zed's hand immediately moves to my cheek making the skin on the back of my neck raise and he pulls my arm to bring me to him. I hit my knee on the steering wheel as I climb across and mentally curse at myself for nearly ruining the moment, but he doesn't seem to notice as he wraps his arms around my back, bringing me flush to his chest. Our mouths move in sync and my arms latch around his neck.

His mouth is foreign to me, it's not like Hardin's. .his tongue doesn't move the same, it doesn't trace mine and he doesn't trap my bottom lip between his teeth the way Hardin does.

Stop it Tessa. You need this, you need to stop thinking about Hardin. He is surely in bed with some random girl, Molly even. Oh god, if he's with Molly..

"You could have been happy all the time, not just sometimes." Zed just said.

I know he is right, I would have been much better off if he would have won. I deserve this, I deserve to be happy. I have suffered enough and dealt with enough of Hardin's bullshit and he hasn't even tried to talk to me about it. Only a weak person would run back to someone who has trampled on them repeatedly. I can't be that weak, I have to be strong and move on. Or try at least.

I feel better right now, in this moment than I have in the last nine days. Nine days doesn't sound like a long time until you spend it counting every single second of misery waiting for something that didn't  come. With Zed's arms around me I can finally breathe, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Zed has always been so kind to me and he's always been there. I wish he would have won, I wish he would have been the one I fell for instead of Hardin, none of this would be happening.

"God Tessa.." Zed moans and I tug at his hair.

I kiss him harder.

"Wait.." He says into my mouth and I pull away slowly.

"What is this?" He looks into my eyes.

"I..I don't know?" My voice is shaky and I am out of breath.

"Me either.."

"I'm sorry.. I'm just emotional and I have been going through a lot and what you said to me just now made me.. I don't know, I shouldn't have done that." I look away from him and climb off of his lap back to the driver's seat.

"It's nothing to be sorry for.. I just don't want to get the wrong idea you know? I just want to know what this means to you." He tells me.

What does this mean to me?

"I don't think I can answer that, not yet. I.."

"Thought so." His voice slightly angry.

"I just don't know.."

"It's fine, I get it. You still love him."

"It's only been nine days Zed, I can't help it."

I keep managing to make an even bigger mess than the last.

"I know, I'm not saying that you can or will stop loving him I just don't want to be your rebound. I just started dating someone, I haven't dated anyone since I met you and I finally met Rebecca then when I saw the way you reacted to me dating someone I started thinking.. I know I'm an idiot but I started thinking you didn't want me to move on or something."

"You aren't my rebound.. I wanted to kiss you just now, I just don't know what I'm thinking or doing. Nothing has made sense to me for the last nine days and I finally stopped thinking about him when I kissed you and it felt amazing, I felt like I could do this. I could get over him but I know that it's not fair for me to use you that way. I'm just confused and irrational, I'm sorry for making you cheat on your girlfriend, that wasn't my intention I just.."

"I don't expect you to move on already, I know how deep his claws are into you."

He has no idea.

"Just tell me one thing." Zed says and I nod.

"Tell me that you will at least try to allow yourself to be happy. He hasn't even called you, not once. He has done so much shit to you and he hasn't even tried to fight for you. If that were me, I would be fighting for you. I would have never let you go in the first place. I don't need an answer right now, I just need to know that you are ready to try to be happy. I know you aren't ready for any type of relationship with me but maybe someday you will be."

My  mind is racing, my heart is racing and aching all at once and the air has been sucked out of the car.

I want to tell him that I can try and I will try to allow myself this but the words won't come. That small smile that Hardin has on his face in the mornings when I finally get him to wake up after he complains about my alarm clock, the way his raspy morning voice says my name, the way he tries to force me to stay in bed with him and I end up squealing and running from the room, the way he likes his coffee black just like me, the way I love him more than anything in the entire world and I wish he could be different. I wish he could be exactly the same only different, it doesn't make sense to me and I know it won't make sense to anyone else but that's the way it is.

I wish I didn't love him as much as I do, I wish he wouldn't have made me fall in love with him.

"I get it. It's okay." Zed says and tries his best to smile but fails miserably.

"I'm sorry.." I say and mean it more than he could ever know.

He climbs out of the car and shuts the door behind him and I am left alone, again.

"Fuck!" I scream and hit my hands against the steering wheel, reminding me of Hardin once again.

Hardin's POV.

I wake up soaked in my own sweat again.

I had forgotten how miserable it was to wake up this way nearly every night. I had thought the sleepless nights were a thing of the past, but now the past haunts me yet again.

I glance at the clock, it's six in the morning. I need sleep, real sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. I need her, I need Tess. Maybe if I close my eyes and pretend that she is here I can go back to sleep..

I close my eyes and try to imagine her head on my chest as I lay on my back, I try to remember the way her hair always smells like vanilla, the way she breathes heavily in her sleep. For a moment I feel her, feel her warm skin against my bare chest.. I'm officially going fucking crazy.

Fuck.

Tomorrow will be better, it has to be. I have been thinking that for the last.. ten days now.

If I could just see her one more time, it wouldn't be so bad. Just once. If I saw her smile one more time I could live with myself for letting her go. Will she be at Christian's party tomorrow? It's likely seeing as she works for him and Kimberly is her friend.

I stare at the ceiling and try to imagine what she will be wearing if she was to go. Would she wear the white dress that she knows I love so much? Will her hair be curled and tucked behind her ear or will she pull it back? Will she wear makeup even though she doesn't need to?

God damn it.

I sit up and get out of bed. There is no way I can go back to sleep. When I get downstairs Robin is sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper.

"Good morning Hardin." He says to me.

"Hey." I mumble back and pour myself a cup of coffee.

"Your mum is still asleep." My mum's boyfriend says to me.

"You don't say.." I roll my eyes.

"Your mum is really happy to have you here."

"Yeah sure. I've been a dick the entire time."

"Yes, that's true but she was glad to have you open up to her. She is always so worried about you, until she met Tessa then she wasn't so worried anymore."

"Well she will have to be worried again." I sigh, why is he trying to have a fucking heart to heart at six in the fucking morning?

"I wanted to bring something to your attention." He says.

"Okay?"

"I love your mum and I intend to marry her."

I spit my coffee back into my cup.

"Marry her? Are you mad?"

"Why would my intention to marry her be mad?"

"I don't know.. she's already been married.. and you're our neighbor.. her neighbor."

"I can take care of her the way she should have been taken care of her entire life. If you don't approve I'm sorry but I thought I'd let you know that when the time is right I will be asking her to spend her life with me, officially."

I don't know what to say to this man, the man who has lived next door to me my entire life, the man who I have never seen angry, not even once. He loves her I can tell but this is too weird for me to comprehend right now.

"Okay then.."

"Okay then." He repeats and looks behind me.

My mum walks into the kitchen with her robe wrapped tight around her and her hair in a mess on her head.

"What are you doing up? Are you going back home?" She asks.

"No, I couldn't sleep."

"And this is home." I tell her.

This is my home.

"Hmm.." She sleepily replies.

Tessa's POV.

I'm getting sucked back in, back under. The memories that I shared with Hardin tug at my feet, attempting to pull me under the current.

I roll the windows down in an attempt to get some air. Zed is so sweet to me, he is understanding and kind. He has dealt with a lot for me and I have always brushed him aside. If I could just stop being foolish, I could try with him. I can't even imagine being in a relationship right now, or really any time soon but maybe with time I could. I don't want Zed to break up with Rebecca because of me if I can't give him an answer, or even a hint of an answer.

As I drive back to Landon's house, I am more confused than ever.

If I could just talk to Hardin, just see him once more, I could get closure. If I could hear him say that he doesn't care, if he could be cruel to me just one last time, I could give Zed the chance, give myself the chance.

Before I can stop myself, I grab my phone and press the button that I have been avoiding since day four. If he ignores me, I can move on. We are officially over if he doesn't answer my call. If he tells me that he's sorry and that we can work on it..no. I put the phone back on the seat. I have come too far to call him again, to break down again.

But I need to know.

I grab my phone again and call him. I can't stop myself. The line goes straight to voicemail.

"Hardin.." The words leave my lips at a frantic rate.

"Hardin.. it's Tessa. I.. well I need to talk to you. I am in my car and I am so confused.." I begin to cry, again.

"Why haven't you even tried? You just let me leave and here I am pathetically calling you and crying into your voicemail. I need to know what happened to us? Why was this time different, why didn't we fight it out? Why didn't you fight for me? I deserve to be happy Hardin." I sob and hang the phone up.

Why did I just do that? Why did I break down and call him? I am such an idiot, he is probably going to listen to it and laugh at me. He will probably show whatever girl he is hooking up with the message and they will laugh together at my expense. I pull into a deserted parking lot to gather my thoughts before getting into another accident.

I stare at the phone and breathe in and out to stop crying. Twenty minutes go by and he still hasn't returned my call, or even text me.

Why am I sitting in a parking lot at ten at night crying and calling him? I have fought myself for the last nine days to get to this point and here I am again. I can't let this happen. I pull out of the parking lot and drive.

Hardin's POV.

"I need something to sleep." I tell my mum and Robin.

"I haven't got anything Hardin, I'm sorry."

"I don't know what else to do." I rub my temples.

"Yes you do." She continues to pester me.

"It's nearly five in the evening, even if I left now I wouldn't arrive for at least twelve hours." I groan.

"Well if you don't leave at all, you'll never arrive." She fires back.

I don't want to go back to Washington, I have to stay away from her. I have to make sure she can have a happy life without me.  I love her too much to ruin her like I once promised to.

I go back up to my old bedroom and stare at the ceiling again. I should have answered when she called or called her, I should have chased her to my father's house and forced her to talk to me so we could get past this. I should have told her that I can't live without her because it's true. I am dying without her. Why did I fight her so much over talk of the future when I should have been happy that she wanted a future with me at all?

What the fuck am I doing here?

Tessa's POV.

As I race up the stairs I am at peace with myself.

I bang on the door, shifting back and forth waiting for it to open. What if I am too late and he doesn't answer the door? I will get what I deserve I suppose, I should have known better than to kiss him in the middle of all of this.

When the door opens I nearly stop breathing. Zed is wearing only black gym shorts, his inked chest exposed.

"Tessa?" He gapes, clearly surprised.

"What are you doing here?"

"I.. I don't know what I can give you but I want to try." I tell him.

He runs his hand over his black hair and takes a deep breathe. He is going to reject me, I know it.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have came.." I can't handle anymore rejection.

I turn towards the stairs and take two at a time before a hand hooks around my arm and Zed turns me around to face him.

He doesn't say anything at all, he just takes my hand in his and leads me back up the stairs and inside his apartment.

The next morning when I wake up my neck is killing me, Zed's old couch isn't the most comfortable but I slept well considering.

"Hey." He says when he walks into the living room.

"Hey." I smile.

"Did you sleep okay?" He asks me and I nod.

Zed was incredible last night. He didn't even blink when I asked to sleep on the couch, he listened to me talk about Hardin and how it had all went wrong. He told me how he cares for Rebecca but now he doesn't know what to do because he has always cared for me more. I felt guilty for the first hour while crying to him but as the night went on the tears turned to smiles which shifted to laughs. My stomach literally hurt by the time we decided to go to bed.

It's nearly two in the afternoon now, the latest I think I have ever slept but that's what happens when you stay up until seven in the morning.

"Yes, you?" I stand and fold the blanket he lent me to sleep with. I vaguely remember him draping the blanket over me while I drifted off to sleep.

"Same." He grins and sits on the couch.

His hair is wet and his skin is glistening like he just got out of the shower.

"Where should I put this?" I ask him referring to the blanket.

"Wherever, you didn't have to fold it." He laughs.

My mind goes to the closet in the apartment and how Hardin shoves random things in there just to drive me insane.

"Do you have anything going on today?" I ask him.

"I worked this morning so no."

"Already?"

"Yeah from nine to noon, I basically only went in to fix my truck." He smiles.

I forgot that Zed worked as a mechanic, I don't really know much about him at all.

"Environmental prodigy by day, grease monkey by night?" I tease and he chuckles.

"Something like that, what are your plans for the day?"

"I don't know, I need to get something to wear to my boss' dinner party tomorrow." For a moment I think about asking Zed to come along but that would be wrong.

I would never do that, that would make everyone uncomfortable, including myself.

Zed and I had come to an agreement that we weren't going to push anything, we are going to spend time together and see where it goes. He isn't going to push me to move on from Hardin, we both know that I need more time before I can consider dating anyone.

I have too much to figure out, I have to find somewhere to live for starters.

"I can come along if you want? Or maybe we could see a movie later?" He asks nervously.

"Yeah, either one is fine." I smile and check my phone.

No missed calls. No text messages. No voicemails.

Zed and I end up ordering pizza and hanging out for the majority of the day until I finally leave to go back to Landon's to take a shower. On my way back I stop by the mall right before it closes and find the perfect red dress with a square neckline that rests just above my knees. It's not too conservative but not too revealing either.

By the time I get back to Landon's there is note on the counter next to dinner that Karen put aside for me. Her and Ken went to dinner and a movie and they will be back soon, it says.

I'm relieved to have the place to myself even though when they are there I don't really notice because the house is so large. I take a shower and put pajamas on before laying down and forcing myself to catch up on my sleep.

My dreams shift back and forth between green and golden eyed boys.

Hardin's POV.

When I step inside the apartment it looks different. It's still a mess from my idiotic behavior, but it's not that. It's something else.. it's the fact that she isn't here and by the looks of it, she hasn't been since I left.

(Please vote and comment, the next chapter will be the party:) eekk.ily all!!!)