Chapter 127.
here's the double update :) It's short I know but its the second update today so please don't complain:) I love guys for commenting so much, literally it makes my life when there are so many! ily!! xo Enjoy!
(The songs for this chapter are Sleeping with sirens-James Dean and Audrey Hepburn(thank you for recommending it, I actually really like it!) You're missing it-Jason Walker, What if I told you- Jason Walker, Don't Leave her- Chris Young)
Hardin's POV.
"How will I know that you won't hurt me again?" She cries.
I could tell she was trying to hold her tears in but I am glad she isn't anymore, I want everything to be out on the table. I need to see some emotion from her, she has been so cold lately. So unlike her. I used to be able to tell what she was thinking by her eyes alone. There is a wall there now, blocking me from reading her the way only I can. I pray to god that the time we spent together today will work in my favor. I
"You don't, and I can assure you that I will hurt you again. You will hurt me too, but I can also assure you that I will never keep anything from you or betray you again. You may say some shit that you don't mean and god knows that I will but we can work through our problems because that's what people do. I just need this one last chance to show you that I can be the man you deserve me to be. Please Tessa." I beg.
She stares at me with red eyes, chewing on the inside of her cheek. I hate to see her this way, and I hate myself for making her this way.
"You love me, don't you?" I ask, afraid of her answer.
"Yes. More than anything." She admits with a sigh.
I can't hide my smile. Hearing her say that she still loves me brings the life back into me. I have been so worried that she was going to give up on me, stop loving me and move on. I don't deserve her and I know that she is aware of that.
"What can I do then? What do I need to do to so we can get through this?"
My mind is reeling and she is being too quiet. I can't handle the distance.
"I said the wrong thing didn't I? I knew I would, you know I am not good with words." I bring my hands to my face and wipe the moisture from my eyes.
I have never been this emotional in my entire life and it's the most uncomfortable place for me to be. I have never had to or even cared to express my emotions to anyone but I will do anything for this girl. I always fuck everything up but I have to fix this, or try as hard as I can.
"No.. I am just.. I don't know. I want to be with you, I want to forget everything but I don't want to regret it. I don't want to be that girl, the one who gets walked all over and treated like shit and just puts up with it." She sobs.
"To who? Who are you worried will think that?" I ask her.
"Everyone, my mother, your friends..you."
I knew that is what it was, I knew that she was more worried about what she should do rather than what she wants to do.
"Don't think about anyone else. Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? For once just consider what you want? What makes you happy?"
"You." She says and my heart leaps.
"I am so tired of keeping everything in, I am exhausted by all of the things I haven't said and wanted to say." She adds.
"Then don't keep it in anymore." I tell her.
"You make me happy but you also make me miserable, angry, and most of all you make me insane. "
"That's the point isn't it? That's why we are so good together Tess, because we are terrible for each other." I tell her. She makes me insane too, and angry but happy. So happy.
"We are terrible for each other." She says with a small smile.
"We are." I repeat and return her smile.
"I love you though. More than anyone ever could and I swear I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you if you allow me."
I hope she can hear the desperation in my voice for her forgiveness. I need it, I need her like I have never needed anything before and I know she loves me. She wouldn't be here if she didn't. I can't believe I just said 'the rest of my life' that probably will freak her out.
"I am so sorry Tessa, I love you so much." I says softly when she doesn't respond.
She catches me completely off guard when she moves across the space between us, closing it, climbing onto my lap.
I bring my hands to her beautiful face and she takes a deep breath, leaning her cheek into the palm of my hand.
"I need it to be on my terms. I won't be able to make it through another heartbreak." She tells me.
"I will take whatever I can get, I just want to be with you. Whatever it takes." I tell her.
"We have to take it slow, I shouldn't be doing this at all."
"I know." I do know that and I still can't believe it's happening.
"If you hurt me again I will never forgive you, ever." She threatens.
"I won't. I swear it." I would rather die than hurt her again.
"I really have missed you so much Hardin." Her eyes close and I want to kiss her, I want to feel her lips hot against mine but she just told me she wants to take it slow.
"I missed you too." She rests her forehead against mine and I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.
"We are really doing this then?" I ask her, trying not to sound as desperately relieved as I feel.
She sits up and I look into her eyes. The eyes that have haunted me every time I close my own for the last week.
"Yea.. I guess we are." She smiles and nods her head.
My arms wrap around her waist and she leans into me once more.
"Kiss me?" I practically beg.
She doesn't try to hide her amusement as she touches my forehead, brushing my hair back. God I love when she does that.
"Please?" I say and she silences me by pressing her lips against mine.
Tessa's POV.
My mouth immediately opens and he doesn't miss the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. The familiar taste of him ignites me, just as it used to. No matter how hard I fight it, I need him. I need to be close to him, I need him to comfort me, to challenge me, to annoy me, to kiss me, and to love me. My fingers tangle themselves into his hair and I tug at the soft strands when his grip on my waist tightens. He said everything I wanted and needed to hear to feel better about my reckless decision to allow him back into my life, even though he never actually left. I know I should have held out longer, tortured him the way he tortured me with his lies, but I couldn't. This isn't the movies, this is real life, my life and my life isn't complete or even tolerable without him. This tattooed, rude, angry man has gotten under my skin and into my heart and I know that no matter how hard I try I can't get him out.
His tongue skims my bottom lip and I am slightly embarrassed when a moan escapes my throat. When I pull away we are both out of breath and my skin is hot and his cheeks are flushed.
"Thank you for giving me another chance." He pants and pulls me into his chest.
"You act like I had a choice."
"You do." He frowns.
"I know." I lie. I haven't had a choice since I met him, I have been completely gone for him since the first time I kissed him.
"Where do we go from here?" I ask him.
"That's up to you. You know what I want."
"I want to be like we were before.. well how we were without all the other stuff." I tell Hardin and he nods.
"That's what I want too baby. I will make this up to you, I promise."
Every time Hardin calls me baby my stomach flutters. The mixture of his raspy voice, his accent and the gentleness behind his tone makes for the most perfect combination.
"Please don't make me regret this." I beg him and he takes my face into his hands once more.
"I won't. You'll see." He promises and kisses me again.
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