I walk to the bathroom to remove the makeup off of my face and pull myself together. I am much more calm than I was fifteen minutes ago and I am actually glad to be back here. Despite everything that Hardin and I have been through, I am glad to know that I still have a safe place to land with him. He is the only constant in my life, I remember him saying that to me once. I wonder if he meant it then. Even if he didn't, I believe that he feels that way now. I just wish he would tell me more about how he feels. Seeing him breakdown yesterday was the most emotion that I have seen out of him since the day I meant him, I just want to hear the words behind the tears.

The warm water washes away all evidence of my eventful morning. I am not sure why I was so emotional over my father's return when I didn't know he left in the first place but think that it was a mixture of my anger towards my mother, the unexpected mention of my father, and everything going on with Hardin that caused my breakdown. I go back into the room to find Hardin sitting my bags down onto the floor.

"I went down and got your stuff." He informs me.

"Thank you, I really hope I am not intruding." I tell him and bend down to grab some sweats and a t-shirt. I have to get out of this dress.

"I want you here, you know that don't you?" He says quietly.

I shrug and he frowns.

"You should know that by now, Tess."

"I do.. it's just that your mother is here and here I am bringing all this drama and crying." I explain.

"My mum is glad that you are here and so am I."

My chest swells but I change the subject.

"Do you guys have anything planned today?" I ask him.

"No, I think she wanted to go to the mall or something but we can go tomorrow."

"You can go, I can keep myself entertained." I don't want him to cancel plans with his mother when he hasn't seen her in over a year.

"No, it's fine really. You don't need to be alone."

"I'm fine."

"Tessa what did I just say?" He growls and I look up at him.

He seems to forget that he doesn't get to decide things for me anymore. No one does.

"Sorry.. you stay here. I will go shopping with her." He corrects himself.

"Much better." I say and try to fight my smile.

Hardin has been so gentle, so ..afraid the last few days so it is nice to see he is still himself.

"You could come?" He offers.

"I just want to stay in today, it's been a long day already and it's only four."

"Alright, I will see if she wants to go now then so you can have some privacy."

"Thank you." I say and walk into the closet to change my clothes.

Just as I lift the dress over my head he taps on the door.

"Tess?"

"Yea?" I say.

"You'll be here when we get back?" He questions.

"Yea, it's not like I have anywhere else to go." I snort.

"Okay. If you need anything call me." He says, the sadness in his voice is clear. 

"Yea." I agree.

A few minutes later I hear the front door close and I emerge from the bedroom. I probably should have went with them so I wouldn't be here alone with my thoughts. I already feel lonely. After watching television for an hour, I am beyond bored. I wish Hardin would come back already.  My phone finally stops buzzing, it seems my mother has given up on trying to call me. I grab my nook and start to read to pass the time but I can't stop looking at the clock.

Maybe I should text Hardin and see how much longer they will be? It's only seven and I don't want to rush him and his mother's time together. I will just make dinner to pass the time. I go into the kitchen to decide what to make, something that takes a while so I can stop checking the time every two minutes. Lasagna. That's what I will make, easy but time consuming.

Eight-thirty. It's only eight-thirty when the timer goes off for me to remove the pan of lasagna from the oven. If he doesn't come home.. come here.. by nine I will text him. What is wrong with me? One fight with my mother and suddenly I am back to clinging to Hardin. If I am honest with myself I know that I never truly stopped clinging to him, I just fought it and tried to avoid it. Even though I may not be ready to admit it to myself, I know that I am not ready for a life without Hardin. I am not going to jump into anything with him but I am exhausted from battling with myself all time over it. As terrible as he has been to me, I am even more miserable without him than I was when I found out about the entire bet. I am irritated at myself for my lack of strength but I can't deny how resolved I felt when I came back today. I still need a little time to think, to see how everything goes with us being around one another. I am still so confused.

Nine-fifteen. It's only nine-fifteen when I finish setting the table and cleaning up the mess I made in the kitchen. I will text him, just once, a simple text just to check on him. It is snowing so I am only texting him to check on him, you know for safety reasons.

I pick up my phone as the front door opens. I sit my phone down as he enters the kitchen.

"I was just going to text you." I blurt out.

"You were?" He seems surprised but happy about that.

"So how was shopping?" I ask him at the same exact time that he says "You made dinner?"

"You first." We both say and laugh.

"I made dinner. If you already ate that's fine too." I tell him as Anna joins us in the kitchen.

"It smells so good in here!" She smiles as she surveys the table full of food.

"Thank you." I say and she sits down at the table.

"That mall was dreadful, all the last minute Christmas shoppers filled the place. Who waits until two days before Christmas to get their gifts?" Anne complains.

"You." Hardin answers and pours himself a glass of water.

"Oh hush." She scolds him and picks off the end of a breadstick to pop into her mouth.

Hardin sits down next to her and I take the chair across from Anne. Over dinner Anne talks about the shopping horrors they experienced and how a man was tackled down for trying to steal a dress from Macy's. Hardin swears that the dress was for the man himself but Anne rolls her eyes and continues with the humorous tale. The meal I prepared is actually quite good, better than usual and almost the entire pan of lasagna is gone by the time the three of us finish. I had two servings myself, that is the last time I will go all day without eating.

"Oh, we bought  tree. Just a small one but you two have to have a tree in your place, especially your first Christmas together!" She claps her hands and I laugh.

Even before everything fell apart Hardin and I had never talked about getting a Christmas tree, I had been so distracted by the apartment and just Hardin in general that I nearly forgot about the holidays all together. Neither of us had taken any interest in Thanksgiving him for obvious reasons and I didn't want to spend it at my mother's church so we ordered pizza and hung out in my dorm room.

"That's okay right?" Anne asks and I realize I haven't responded.

"Oh yea, of course it is." I tell her and look at Hardin.

He is staring at his empty plate. Anne takes over the conversation again and I am grateful.

"Well, as much as I would love to stay awake with you party animals, I must get my beauty sleep." She teases and stands up from the table, putting her plate into the sink.

"Goodnight." She says and leans down to kiss Hardin on his cheek. He groans and moves away so her lips barely brush his skin but she seems pleased with the small amount of contact. 

"Goodnight Tessa." She says and hugs her arms around my shoulders, placing a kiss against the top of my head.

Hardin rolls his eyes and I kick him under the table. After she disappears I stand up and put away the small amount of leftovers.

"Thanks for making dinner, you didn't have to." Hardin tells me and I nod before we both head into the bedroom.

This is one of those times where we should have thought about getting a two bedroom apartment. Or Hardin could have not destroyed our relationship, my subconscious throws in there.

"I can sleep on the floor tonight since you did last night." I offer even though I know he wouldn't actually have me sleep on the floor.

"No, it's fine. It's actually not so bad." He says and I sit on the bed.

Hardin takes the blankets from the closet and lays them onto the floor. I toss him two pillows and he gives me a small smile before unbuttoning his jeans. Oh. I desperately want to look away, I don't exactly want to, but I know that I should. He pulls his black jeans down and steps out of them. His black boxers cling to his skin and his head snaps up to look at me. I jerk my head to the side and feel my cheeks flare.

"Sorry." I say, humiliated.

"No, I am sorry. It's just a habit I guess." He shrugs and pulls a pair of cotton pants from the dresser.

I keep my eyes on the wall as he gets dressed.

"Good night Tess." He says and flicks the light off. I can practically hear the smirk in this tone.

I stare at the ceiling, I can barely see the blades of the fan moving through the darkness. The mental exhaustion from my day catches up to me and I am asleep within minutes.

"No!!" Hardin's voice wakes me.

"Please!" He whimpers.

Shit, he is having a nightmare. I jump out of bed and kneel down beside his thrashing body.

"No!" He repeats, much louder this time.

"Hardin! Hardin wake up!" I say into his ear and shake his shoulders.

His shirt is soaked with sweat, and his face twisted as he opens his eyes, sitting up immediately. 

"Tess." He breathes and pulls me into his arms.

I rub my fingers through his hair before bringing my hand down to his back. I gently run my hands up and down his back, my nails barely grazing his skin.

"It's okay." I tell him and he hugs me tighter.

I shouldn't have made him sleep on the floor, he probably has been having nightmares all week and no one was there to wake him up. I wonder if he has slept at all, except last night of course.

"Come on, let's go to bed."  I tell him and move to stand up. He holds onto my t-shirt as we climb back into the bed.

"Are you okay?" I ask him when he lays down.

He nods and I pull him closer to me.

"Do you think you could get me some water?" He asks.

"Of course, I will be right back." I tell him and turn the lamp on before climbing back out of the bed.

I try to keep as quiet as possible on my way to the kitchen so I don't wake Anne but she is already in there when I enter.

"Is he okay?" She asks me.

She must have heard him scream.

"Yea he's okay now, I am just getting him some water." I tell her and turn on the sink.

When I turn around she pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek.

"Can we talk tomorrow?" She asks.

"Yea we can." I nod.

I hear her sniffle as I walk back to the room and close the door.

"Thank you." Hardin says and grabs the water from my hand.

He gulps down the entire glass and leans over to place the cup on the nightstand.

I join him back in the bed and I can see how uneasy he is, mostly from the nightmare but I know part of it is from me.

"Come here." I tell him and see the relief in his eyes as he scoots his body towards mine and I wrap my arms around him and put my head on his chest. It feels just as comforting to me as I imagine it does to him.

 Despite everything he has done, I feel like home in his flawed arms.

"Don't let me go, Tess." He whispers and closes his eyes.

(I had to have him say it! loll.. I just couldn't help myself! xo)