(The song I listened to while writing this was "Hundred": by The Fray. I feel like it is exactly what they are going through. I have a "Hessa" playlist that I listen to while writing this story, I just thought I would let you know what I listened to while writing this chapter! lol ily all)

After my shower I decide to get myself all the way ready before leaving the bathroom. I am a coward, I know but I need a little more time before I put on a fake smile for Hardin's mother. It's not exactly a fake smile, that's the problem. I had a really nice time yesterday and I slept better than I have all week including my drunken slumber with Hardin on Friday. I slept well that night but I only got a few hours of sleep.

Once my hair is curled to near perfection, I pack my things back into my small bag.

"Tess?" Hardin's voice calls through the door as his knuckles lightly tap the wood.

"I'm finished." I respond and open the door to find him leaning against the door wearing long gray cotton shorts and a white t-shirt.

"Not to rush you or anything but I really have to piss." He gives me a small smile and I nod.

"Sorry." I say and try not to notice the way his shorts hang on his hips making the black ink over his side even more visible under the white t-shirt.

"I'm going to get dressed then I will be on my way." I tell Hardin and he looks away, focusing on the wall.

"Okay."

I exit the bathroom and walk straight to the bedroom to get dressed before facing Anne. I feel terribly guilty lying to her and leaving so soon. I know she was so excited to meet me and I am leaving on her second day here.

I decide on wearing my white dress with my old black tights underneath, It is too cold to wear only the dress. I probably should just put on jeans and a sweatshirt but I decide against it.  I wear the dress more than the rest of my clothes lately but I love it and it gives me a strange sense of confidence, which is something that I need today. I pack my clothes back into my bags and place the hangers back into the closet.

"Do you need some help?" Anne says from behind me.

I jump, dropping my navy dress that I wore in Seattle.

"I was just..." I fumble my words. I don't know what to say.

"How long will you be at your mother's?" She asks, her eyes staring into the half empty closet.

"Uhm.. I.. " I am a really terrible liar.

"It looks like you're going to be gone for a while."

"Yea.. I don't have many clothes." I squeak.

"I was going to see if you wanted to do some shopping while I was here, maybe if you come back before I leave we can go?" She asks.

I can't tell if she believes my lie or if she suspects that I don't ever plan on returning here.

"Yea.. sure." I lie again.

"Mum.." Hardin says in a low voice as he enters the room.

I notice his frown as his eyes take in the empty closet and hope that Anne isn't observing her son the way that I am.

"I'm just finishing packing." I explain and he nods.

I zip the last bag and look at Hardin, completely unsure what I should say.

"I will take your bags down for you." He says, grabbing my keys from the dresser then bends down to pick up the bags from the floor.

As Hardin disappears from the room, Anne's arms wrap around my shoulders.

"I am so glad that I got to meet you Tessa, you have no idea what it means to me as a mother to see my only child this way."

"What way?" I manage to ask.

"Happy." She replies and my eyes begin to sting.

If this is happy Hardin to her, I don't want to see her usual Hardin.

I say my final goodbye to Anne and reach for the door knob to exit the apartment for what feels like the hundredth time.

"Tessa?"

I turn around to face her once more.

"You'll come back to him won't you?" She asks me and my heart sinks. I get the feeling she means more than coming back after Christmas break.

I don't trust my voice so I just nod and quickly exit.

When I reach the elevator I wipe the corners of my eyes and take a deep breath before meeting Hardin outside. He has moved my car to the very front of the building and wiped the snow off of my windows.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that." I say when he steps out of the car.

"It's nothing." He half smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

His nose is red and his cheeks are flushed. The sleeves of his jacket are covered in snow and his exposed legs must be freezing.

"I'll uhm.. well call me if you need anything." He says and shakes the snow from his hair.

"Yea..okay." I respond. I feel like I should hug him but I don't know if that is okay so I just nod awkwardly and get into the car.

It is warm and the heat is all the way up. I look back towards the door but Hardin has already gone inside. I decide not to call my mom to tell her that I am on my way. I don't feel like talking to her right now. I want to use this two hour drive to think and try to clear my head. I need to make a mental list of the pro's and con's of considering being with Hardin again. I know how stupid I am for even entertaining the thought, he has done terrible things to me. He has lied, betrayed, and humiliated me. So far on the con's list we have the lies, the sheets, the condom, the bet, his temper, his friends, his ego, his attitude, and him breaking my trust.

On the pro's list I have.. well.. I have the fact that I love him, he makes me happy, he makes me feel stronger, more confident, he usually wants the best for me unless of course he is the one doing the damage, the way he laughs and smiles, the way he holds me, the way he kisses me, the way he hugs me, the way I can tell he is changing for me. I know my pro's list is full of small things, especially compared to the large list of negatives but the small things are the most important right? I can't decide if I am completely insane for even thinking about forgiving him because I am so consumed by my feelings for him. As much as I try to fight it, I can't stay away from him. I never have been able to. The only way would be to move to Seattle when the new Vance Publishing building opens.

This would be a good time to have a friend to talk to, a friend that has been in this type of situation before. I wish I could call Steph but she lied to me the whole time too. I would call Landon but he has already told me his opinion and sometimes a woman's point of view is better, more relatable.

The snow is thick and the wind is strong, whipping my car side to side on the deserted roads on the way to my mother's. I should have just stayed in the hotel, I have no idea what possessed me to come here. The drive went much quicker than I thought it would and before I know it I am pulling into my mother's driveway.

After three knocks she finally opens the door. She is wearing a robe and her hair is wet. I can count the times in my life that I have seen her without her hair and makeup done on one hand.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?" Her tone is unfriendly, as always.

"I don't know, I was driving through the snow so I didn't want to be distracted." I step inside.

"You still should have called so I could have been ready."

"You don't need to be ready, it's only me." I shrug and hear her huff.

"There is never an excuse to look like a slob." She informs me.

I almost laugh at her ridiculous comment but I decide against it.

"Where are your bags?"

"In my car, I will get them later." I tell her.

"What is that? That dress you are wearing?" Her eyes scan my body and I smile.

"It's a dress for work. I really like it."

"It's way too revealing but the color is nice I suppose."

"Thanks. So how are the Porter's?" I ask, I know bringing up Noah's family will distract her from insulting me.

"They are great, they miss seeing you. Maybe we should invite them over for dinner tonight."

"Oh, I don't think that's a good idea." I cringe.

"Why not?" She pours herself  cup of coffee.

"I don't know.. that would be awkward for me."

"Theresa you have known the Porter's for years. I would love for them to see you now that you have an internship as well as going to college."

"So you basically want me to show off?" The thought annoys me. She only wants to have them over so she can have another thing to brag about.

"No, I want to show them the things that you have accomplished. It is not showing off." She snaps.

"I really would rather not."

"Well Theresa this is my house and I want to invite them, so I will. I am going to finish getting myself presentable and I will be back." She says before exiting the room.

I walk back to my old bedroom and lay back on the bed to wait for her to finish.

"Theresa?" My mother's voice wakes me up. I don't even remember falling asleep.

"Coming."

When I reach the living room Noah is sitting on the couch.

"Look who stopped by while you were napping." She smiles her fakest smile.

"Hey." I knew I shouldn't have come here.

"Hey Tessa, you look great." He smiles and waves his hand at me.

I have no problem with Noah at all, I care for him deeply, like a family member. But I need a break from everything going on in my life and him being here only adds to my guilt and pain. I know it isn't his fault and it's not fair to him for me to be short with him. I am the one who hurt him and he is still so kind to me.

My mother leaves the room and I pull my shoes off and sit down on the couch opposite of Noah.

"How is your break going?" He asks.

"Good, yours?"

"Same. Your mom said you went to Seattle?"

"Yea, it was great. I went with my boss and some co-workers."

"That's awesome Tessa. I am happy for you."

"Thank you." I smile. This isn't as awkward as I thought it would be.

"You're mom has been so tense since Saturday. I mean more than usual. How are you doing with all of this?"

"What do you mean?"

"With the whole thing with your dad?" He says slowly like I know what he is talking about.

"My dad?" What?

"She didn't tell you?" He looks down the empty hall.

"Don't tell her I told.." Before he can finish I am on my feet.

"Mother!" I storm down the hallway to her room.

What the hell about my dad? I haven't seen or heard from him in eight years. Did he die? I don't know how I would feel about that.

"What about dad?" I raise my voice as I burst into her room.

Her eyes go wide but she composes herself quickly.

"Well?" I shout.

"Tessa you need to lower your voice. It is nothing, nothing that you need to worry about." She rolls her eyes.

"That is not for you to decide, tell me what is going on! Is he dead?"

"No, I would tell you if he was."

"Then what is it?"

She sighs before she speaks. "He has moved back here. Not too far from where you are now but he won't be contacting you so don't you worry about it. I took care of it."

"What does that even mean?" I don't have enough space in my head for all of this with Hardin and now my absent father moving back to Washington. Now that I think about it, I didn't know he moved away in the first place. I only knew he wasn't here.

"It doesn't mean anything. I was going to tell you when I called you Friday night but since you couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone I decided to handle it myself."

I remember her calling me repeatedly while I was at the night club but I was too drunk to answer. Thank goodness I didn't. Now that I know, I wish I didn't.

"He isn't going to bother you so wipe that sad look off of your face and get ready, we are going to do some shopping." She says too casually.

"I don't want to go shopping, this is sort of a big deal to me mother."

"No, it isn't. He hasn't been around for years. He still won't be around now, nothing has changed." Her tone is full of annoyance.

"I don't want to go shopping, can't we just stay in today?" There is no use arguing with her.

"No, we are going shopping and you need to lose the attitude." She says and disappears into her closet.

I walk out of her room and back to the living room. I grab my phone and put my shoes on.

"Where are you guys going?" Noah asks.

"I don't know where she is going." I answer and walk out of the house.

I wasted all this time coming here, two hours of driving in the snow just to have her be a complete witch.. no bitch, She is a complete bitch. Honestly one of the biggest bitches ever. I wipe the snow off of my windshield with my arm, a terrible ide. I climb inside and start my car, clenching my rattling teeth as I wait for the car to hear up slightly before backing out of the driveway. I repeatedly call my mother every name I can think of during my drive and try to figure out what to do next. Memories of my father flood my mind and I can't get them out. 

Tears soak my cheeks as I grab my phone off the passenger seat.

"Tess? Are you okay?" Hardin's voice booms through the small speaker.

"Yea.." My voice betrays me and I choke on a sob.

"What happened? What did she do?"

"She.. can I come back?" I ask and he lets out a deep breath.

"Of course you can baby..Tessa." He corrects himself but I find myself wishing we wouldn't have.

"How far are you?" He asks.

"Twenty minutes." I cry.

"Okay, do you want to stay on the phone?"

"No..it's snowing." I explain and hang up.

I shouldn't have left in the first place. It's ironic that I am running to Hardin despite everything he has done. When I pull into the parking lot I am still crying. I wipe my face the best I can, my makeup from this morning streaks and litters my face. When I step out into the snow, I see Hardin standing by the door covered in snow. Without thinking, I run over to him and wrap my arms around him. He steps back, obviously throw off by my affection but then wraps his arms around me and lets me cry into his snow covered sweatshirt.

(Out of curiosity I want to ask what has been everyone's favorite part/scene/ of After so far? Book and two included?)