dear diary,

i'm really sad today.

sorry for wetting your pages. i didn't mean to.

i don't think i can handle this anymore.

i'm not strong enough.

i never was to start with.

mom wasn't home when i arrived from college so i could take care of my wounds without no one asking what i'm doing.

i'm so tired of living in fear. i'm tired of being afraid.

afraid of those scary guys at school, afraid of not being good enough for mom, afraid of mom figuring out what i'm going through, afraid of failing.

i don't even know what i'm afraid of anymore.

it's like there's this black hole in my heart and it keeps getting bigger. and i'm at the edge, not afraid but ready to fall. i always try to find something to hold on to, because i know if i fall i won't be able to get up. everything that falls breaks after all and porcelain it's not the same with tape on it.

i have nothing to hold on to at the moment and that terrifies me.

i just need a reason.

-daniel.