— "we'll be okay,
chim chim!"

NOVEMBER 6:
PARK JIMIN

==

the next morning, taehyung is discharged from the hospital after heavy protest from his doctors (to which taehyung fired back with a simple, "i'm fine, aren't i?"). he hasn't yet regained all of his strength of course, but that doesn't stop him from immediately getting back to the situation and helping the society. while jimin is at his classes he receives numerous texts from mrs. kim, complaining over her son's complete lack of care for his weakened body at the moment. it makes jimin smile in amusement.

sometime in the early evening as jimin boards the subway (he only started going back on the transit two days ago, what with all that's happened), his phone buzzes from an incoming call—taehyung. it's still a strange feeling, watching his contact name flash over the front of jimin's phone screen; four years of silence is hard to push behind.

"what's up, tae?"

"are you free today?"

"uh, yeah." jimin slightly laughs at his abrupt greeting (or rather, lack thereof). "i'm on my way home. i was held up talking to a professor about this paid internship. you wanna grab ice cream or something? i have a gift card—"

"actually, um." there's a crackle of static, indicating taehyung has paused. "i need to talk to you. only you. can...can you drop by my apartment as soon as you can?"

jimin furrows his eyebrows as he steps into the subway. "is everything okay, taehyung?"

"yeah, everything is...fine, i've just been meaning to talk to you since i got discharged. just...come here as quick as possible, okay?"

"are you hurt? do you want me to call—"

"i just need to talk, jiminie. that's all."

there's a slight tilt in taehyung's voice that doesn't fail to go past jimin. he's hiding something—something important. exhaling slowly, jimin nods his head subconsciously and speaks quietly.

"i'm on my way."

==

there are differences between the taehyung of four years ago and the taehyung now. their appearances, obviously, are the most distinctive of these, but there are a few subtle changes that jimin has managed to notice—the way he speaks, his gestures, minuscule details that manage to show jimin just how much his best friend has grown in the time they've been apart. but taehyung is still taehyung, and many things have stayed completely the same.

his inability to lie is one of them.

"something's wrong, isn't it?" jimin says immediately as taehyung closes the door behind him, his face carrying an unreadable expression. "you didn't sound very convincing when you said everything was 'fine'."

taehyung bites his lip and walks into the living room. he scans his surroundings, and that's when jimin realizes that they are standing here, in the very place where abraxas stripped taehyung of his life before, in the very place where their memories thrived, in the very place that began this all. jimin turns to the window near the sink, fixed and covered with the strongest glass. but it isn't difficult for him to visualize that broken pane from years ago, glass shards littering the expanse of the floor below and the cold night air howling into the room. that sight is engraved into his memory, and it's stubborn to disappear.

"strange, huh?" taehyung says, quietly. "i've been here for an hour, but i still can't grasp this. it feels like nothing's changed. everything is still the same in here..." he turns to the flowerpot on the dinner table. "it's like i never left."

"mrs. kim almost wanted to abandon the apartment," jimin murmurs. "when you and your father...left. said it held too many bad memories. but when she started packing up her stuff to move, she went into your room for the first time after weeks, and—and she just broke down. she couldn't leave. you had grown up in that apartment, in that room, and it was just too hard to distance herself from it. so she shaped this place up the best she could and got back to her feet with the help of relatives and close friends. continued her job, too."

"but she never truly got back, right?"

"i helped her the best i could—"

"i know," taehyung whispers, smiling gratefully. "i know you did. and now she's okay, but..."

he takes a few moments of silence before continuing, inhaling deeply. "i told mom to stay with linnie when they dropped me to the apartment. i know this is probably cruel on my part to you," he chuckles weakly, "but i wanted to tell you first, only. it's easier that way. because i...shit, i don't know how to do this, god—"

"buddy, what's going on? what do you need to tell me?"

"h-how am i supposed to do this, i can't just—"

"tell me, taehyung." jimin takes his hands. "i'm here and i'm listening. we can get through it, okay?"

taking a deep, shaky breath, taehyung speaks. "abraxas's true form is its physical form now, right? because we're still intertwined? our bond is even stronger now, jimin. that's how i know and understand all these things. somehow i managed to survive the night it took me and it's caused all this mayhem, because just as i have had the time to grow stronger, abraxas has, too. and now that it's in its true form without any physical limitations, it can kill anyone it wants. destroy anything it wants. do anything it wants."

"o-okay, and what does that mean?"

"now we're intertwined completely," taehyung croaks. "we feed off each other's power and existence. abraxas hasn't just fallen back into the cycle of finding a new host, making a new physical form, because i lived. i lived and i give it that power, and it gives me power. it's latched on to every part of me. it's the balance of power, like the society said, except now it's so much bigger."

"i-i don't understand."

taehyung looks up. what he says next shatters jimin.

"abraxas dies only if i die, too."

when the wind is knocked out of you, momentarily you can't breathe. you can't feel, can't understand, can't recognize your surroundings as you focus only on the sudden lack of air in your lungs and the sudden pressure in your abdomen.

jimin doesn't get the wind knocked out him. a storm hits him, engulfing his senses and rational thinking. he doesn't feel a simple ache in his gut; in fact, he's numb—numb everywhere, numb to the point where blinking is slow and tedious. taehyung is joking. he's playing a cruel, sick prank. when he arrives to his senses, taehyung will be laughing, telling him everything was a lie, that he should have seen his face, that his reaction was priceless—

but when jimin comes back to reality moments later, he isn't greeted by any of that. taehyung's expression is that of pain, just as it had been. his words are true. his words are true and it hurts taehyung just as much as it hurts jimin.

"no," jimin says, his voice small. "cut it out. don't mess with me like that."

"i'm not, chim chim. why would i ever lie about that?"

"you can't die. you can't, i-i just got you back—" jimin's rakes a hand through his hair desperately. "four years you had vanished and now you're here again, that—i can't just let you go, no, you can't, you can't die—"

"how else is abraxas going to die, jimin?" taehyung says, barely above a whisper. "how else am i supposed to fix this? i told you. i told everyone. i can't just let this cycle repeat over and over again, killing second witnesses and ruining their families like countless times before. i have a chance no one has ever had. i have the advantage on abraxas. i can stop this cycle."

"you don't need to be the one to fix this!" cries jimin. "we have the society, a-and we have our research, you don't need to—"

"you saw abraxas's power first-hand, didn't you? it's practically invincible. and now, there's a way to finally kill it and end the cycle. i can't be selfish and just let more people die. don't you understand? i've made up my mind, and i have to do this."

tears are streaming down jimin's cheeks, but he simply shakes his head and continues speaking in a cracked voice. "it's not being selfish!"

"yes it is, jimin!" taehyung finally shouts, trembling at the sight of his crying best friend. "fuck, do you understand what abraxas is capable of now? it's in a physical form with all the abilities of its true self. it can go as far as it wants now, destroy anything and everything, without being seen by barely anyone. the only one who is safe is me, because abraxas knows if i die now it does too, so it keeps its distance. and i can't just—shit, that's wrong, chim! putting myself before millions, billions of people is just wrong!"

jimin can't respond.

because taehyung is right.

exhaling deeply, taehyung slowly pads into the kitchen and takes out a small knife from the drawer. "tae, what—"

taehyung carefully cuts a small slit on his palm—tiny enough not to hurt, but large enough to bleed. jimin is about to protest, when the sight before him cuts his train of thought.

the cut bleeds black.

"see?" taehyung all but breathes. "i'm not who i was anymore, jimin. my normal blood is gone. it's all black. i-i'm intertwined head to toe, and sure, i'm living and i'm breathing and i'm surviving but abraxas is, too. and i can't let that be."

jimin takes a step back. another step back.

"this can't be real," he mutters. "no. no, you vomited all the black blood. you can't...this can't be—"

"but it is, and it's our only hope. it's the only way this cycle will be over and the world can fix itself again."

"i've spent all this time looking for you. hoping that you would be alive. praying that we could maybe, one day, have normal lives." jimin licks his lips, tasting salt. "you can't just give that all up. i can't just give that all up. you're my best friend, tae! fuck, you're a brother to me!"

"you think i want to die?!" taehyung yells, tears finally spilling. "you think i want to leave my mother, my caretaker, my best friend, all these new people who genuinely care about me? i-i want to be here, and get ice cream with you and cook with linnie and hug mom every morning and be alive. but i don't want anyone else to die, either." he exhales shakily. "and...abraxas controlling my life constantly, wonchol telling me i was at fault, never living normally...i'm tired of it, jimin. i can't do it any more. it hurts to see all the pain abraxas has caused. that i have caused."

the words sting.

taehyung's situation is that of pure distraught. and finally, jimin realizes this; he has no easy way out. the gun is pointed from either side. he's making this worse for taehyung, acting selfish and turning the situation into a battlefield. taehyung came to him to talk, for christ's sake, because he doesn't want to hurt anyone else by telling them. not yet, at least.

jimin takes a deep breath. for the past four years and, to an extent, even before, he's been selfish, hurting those around him just because he pains. he's hurt those he cares about most, and those he sees with a passing glance on the street. and he's tired of it. he's tired of channeling his grief and loss into frustration and anger. he's tired of holding onto the same past struggles for years and years. he's tired of not changing.

so today, i'm going to.

slowly, jimin steps forward again. takes taehyung's hand, shaking and cut. pulls him gently into a hold—not an embrace, necessarily, just foreheads against foreheads, left hand in right, and eyes closed. "i'm sorry, taehyung," he rasps. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry."

a quiet breath in response.

"god," jimin's face contorts and dammit, he can't control his emotions, he can't hold any more tears in, "i'm sorry that you have this shitty life, taehyung. i'm sorry that you never got to experience the things children your age should have, and i'm sorry no one, not even your best friend, believed you wholeheartedly.
and i'm so fucking sorry i can't fix this. i'm sorry. you deserve so much better."

"chim—"

" a-and i know you want to end this cycle. and i do, too. so, i..."

taehyung looks up, wide eyed. "no, no, chim, no...god, none of this is your fault. don't apologize. this is my choice, and i—"

"you've made up your mind, taehyung. that's one of the hardest and bravest decisions you could have ever made, and it's the right one. you're right." jimin swallows the lump in his throat, watching as taehyung manages to weakly smile. "as much as i want to say you aren't and keep you here with everyone. but...you're right. and i'm going to help you and be with you. right until the end."

slowly, taehyung coils an arm around jimin's shoulder, pulling him into a loose hug. without a second thought, jimin holds him back. they stay like that for several minutes, letting the air and each other's shoulders dry their faces, relaxing into the other's embrace. jimin holds onto this moment and keeps it safe in his memory.

"you'll have your parents," taehyung finally whispers after a long while. "and mom, and linnie, and jeongguk, yoongi, hoseok, seokjin, namjoon, haewon, iseul, gunho, everyone who loves and cares about you. you'll be okay if i leave again. it won't be like before."

jimin bites his lip and closes his eyes. "it won't be. i know that for a fact. i'm gonna change."

but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

==

me: im an asshole
yall: we been knew
b4 u guys come at me w/ pitchforks & torches just know that ya girl was tearin up at 1 am watching vmin edits and writing this so i feel ya!!! man i Do haha ha. h a
pls dont hate me im only young BBYE