— "you can't change
a single thing!"

NOVEMBER 3:
KIM NAMJOON

==

"one caramel mocha! except without the caramel, because we're kind of out of caramel syrup."

it's been far too long since namjoon has been in this situation—and yet, at the same time, barely any time has passed. scattered files, papers, and binder clips litter his crammed desk, situated between the glass wall of the agency and the sole two trashcans of the office room ("the rookie spot", as his colleagues like to call it). he sits in the same, squeaky leather chair, but he's far from the person he was more than a month ago. he's stronger, smarter. maybe, he guesses, it took a demon and a broken man to teach him that.

"better forfeit the coffee boy title, hoseok," namjoon grins, leaning back. "i've yet to witness the day where you actually get my coffee order right."

"you make it sound like i'm some sort of barista," scoffs the intern. but he gives the styrofoam cup to the other without a moment of hesitation, his arm cast delivering the action stiffly. "and besides, i'm technically only here to get experience and hours. my coffee boy career is an act of selfless, devoted volunteering."

 "the gift cards on our boss's desk beg to differ."

"what's wrong with a little appreciation?" hoseok dramatically says, faking offense. "besides, i kind of need a job here. those gifts are...just a bit of assistance."

"sounds like a suck-up thing to do."

"let's hope he doesn't consider it that."

namjoon laughs. it's taken him three days since coming back from useol of being back at the detective agency to fall into habit —much quicker than he expected. maybe he's been at this for so long, it's hard to lose his working attitude. (or maybe it has something to do with the optimistic orange-haired coffee boy by his side, never failing to keep a smile, even when the sparkle in his eyes seems to dim. maybe that's truly what's helped him.)

missing two weeks in all—one from going to useol, the second to recuperate from everything that happened—could very well have jeopardized namjoon's relatively stable career, regardless if he had a medical excuse for the second week. hell, he can't blame his boss if he were to deduct his paycheck, or even fire him; it's not like namjoon has been a star worker lately. but for some reason, he can't find a single ounce of regret inside of himself. everything he did these past few weeks has been monumentally more important than he could have ever accomplished from writing about some celebrity's new engagement. he knows that without a doubt.

namjoon remembers the emotional chaos that dark night on the twenty-first, driving to the hospital with a wrecked car full of wrecked people. he remembers the shocked, completely exhausted looks the nurses at the hospital had on (namjoon couldn't help but feel pity for them; he can't imagine how awful hospital rounds must've been at that time), and the incredulous look the receptionist gave haewon when she limped to the desk, slammed her hands on the counter, and slurred, "sorry to bother, but we're beat to hell right now. think you can fix us?" then her, jimin, and hoseok were being wheeled into emergency rooms.

he can't quite remember the rest of that night. everything was a blur, moving faster than his weakened mind could comprehend. hell, the fact that he could see abraxas in its true form still hadn't even sank in yet. but namjoon vividly recalls the moment jae, yoongi, jeongguk, and mrs. kim walked into the reception room with eyes as wide as saucers, comparable to his own. it was strange how they found themselves in the same hospital at the same time, for reasons neither side could comprehend. and god did they have stories to tell each other.

because they had to return back to sunab on the twenty-fourth, the four still not discharged from the hospital were transferred to the one in sunab—including taehyung. their severe wounds were blamed on a "car accident", where namjoon supposedly rammed into a tree because his blinkers malfunctioned and the road was too slick. his busted up truck is enough to support the claim, at least to the physicians and the police: not only because of how old it is, but driving straight through an old parking garage meter at eighty miles an hour, trying to escape a vicious demon, isn't exactly going to leave a vehicle unscathed. and besides, they were only a few minutes away from the hospital, and his truck was still functioning; it was quicker to drive there themselves than call the police. long story short, namjoon has numerous mechanical bills to attend to.

but those aren't the only bills now. although namjoon has more or less paid his hospital release off (he isn't injured, really, but the doctors refused to let him go without completing several scans for internal wounds, which all—thankfully—yielded negative), he still has piles of ignored electrical bills, overdue rent payments, and taxes due in less than a few weeks to pay. it's almost like chasing abraxas and, now, being part of the society made him completely forget about the normalized realities of adulthood. and on top of that, those just recently discharged as well as yoongi and jeongguk (they were released the day of leaving useol) still have heavy medical bills to attend to, and namjoon knows for a fact that most of them aren't exactly financially stable. 

although jae is paying as much as she can for all of them—namjoon will never lose admiration for that woman—, and haewon has enough money to pay for herself, namjoon still wants to help them. it's the least he can do for everything they've done for him. 

as of now, jimin has mostly recovered from his wounds (stitching on his abdomen and shoulder were needed, and he wears a brace for his fractured shin), and haewon underwent a successful surgery in her leg a week or so before, paired with her own minor stitching too. she's now back in useol, though reluctant to leave taehyung in his concerning state. hoseok has a simple arm cast, and the rest of them sustained injuries that could be treated with a few guaze wraps and small medication. the two of them were discharged five or so days ago, and none of them could be happier. the past weeks have been torture, especially being cooped up in the hospital; it's ironic, honestly, considering all they have done is lapse back into their regular schedules, so it shouldn't be as stressful as it is. 

but knowing abraxas is out there, loose in its true form, is disconcerting enough to keep them on their toes. they haven't seen abraxas ever since the parking garage episode. somehow, that makes the tension grow.

the only one still in bed, now, is taehyung.

"we're still going to the hospital tonight, right?" hoseok's voice snaps namjoon back to his senses, almost on cue. "all of us. to visit taehyung."

"yeah. jeongguk's and jimin's classes ended early today and yoongi's shift doesn't start until ten p.m., so we'll leave as soon as work gets out."

hoseok is quiet for a moment. "you know what's absolutely shitty?" he suddenly blurts. "mrs. kim got to be with taehyung for four days before he passed out. four days after four entire years. what the hell does the universe have against that family?"

"i don't know, buddy. i really don't." namjoon sighs quietly. "but he'll wake up, i know he will."

"you think so?"

"that guy has walked through hell and back. you think a little sleep is gonna stop him?"

==

six p.m.—the sun is halfway down the horizon, bleeding brilliant streaks of crimson and magenta across the cloudless sky. sunab has always been a beautiful city. but now, with everything he's been through and everything still going on, namjoon has learned to appreciate that in tenfold. now, he notices the smallest, seemingly insignificant things—like the way that marketing skyscraper he used to ignore on the daily has a tiny national flag billowing at the top, rippling from the slightest pressure of the wind. and that group of teenagers who always get ice cream at an old lady's street cart. and a particularly brave tomcat that loves to pass through intersections at the busiest traffic hours, somehow making it out unscathed. they're all things that have been an integral part of the city, but namjoon has never taken the time to notice them.

he smiles briefly, feeling the cold wind on his face.

after a quick bus ride, namjoon and hoseok arrive at the hospital. they have clearance for visiting, jae having labeled them all as close family friends of taehyung, and he knows precisely which room he resides in: 502. he opens the door quietly to see yoongi, seokjin, jungkook, jimin, jae, and mrs. kim already there, jae ushering them in warmly. she was able to take some time off of her job in useol and visit sunab, where taehyung is being treated and the rest of them reside; having a kid in a coma is likely a good enough reason for a few weeks of leave.

"hey, kiddos," she smiles. "how's being back in schedule feeling?"

"i forgot how much work goes into working," groans namjoon, and the room collectively chuckles. "but hey, we've been worse. how's taehyung been?"

it's quiet for a moment. the monitor connected to taehyung beeps in monotone, and namjoon glances to jimin, who sits in a chair scooted to the side of the hospital bed. he has his pale fingers clasped around taehyung's olive ones, rubbing his thumb over the bones of the latter's knuckles. 

"...he's stable," seokjin finally says. "meaning his heart rate is normal—for being in a coma, at least. there isn't much variation in his conditions. the doctors...they say they have no idea when he'll wake up. they say it's nothing like they've seen before."

of course it isn't, namjoon bitterly thinks. and from the way everyone's eyes fall to the floor momentarily, they're thinking the same thing. "he's gonna have a hell of a wake up process," yoongi mutters, almost sadly. "i mean—our wounds, his wounds, wonchol being part of the society, wonchol dying...not to mention abraxas is still on our heels."

jeongguk visibly flinches at yoongi's words. and suddenly, namjoon feels guilty; yoongi and jeongguk went through so much messed up shit those weeks back, too, and they're still constantly being interrogated and investigated by the police while worrying about everything that the rest of them are. awful: that's all he can describe their situation as.

"i just hope he's resting right now," mrs. kim quietly says, absently running her fingers through her son's hair. "that he's at peace. i—i know he's remembering his last memory right now, but...but i hope he finds some solace in his sleep. you know?"

"i know," murmurs jae. "and i hope so, too."

namjoon does, too. and so does yoongi, and so does hoseok, and jeongguk, and seokjin, and jimin. 

and from the way jimin holds onto taehyung's limp hand tighter, namjoon knows they all desperately want it to be true.

==

hi guys here's some angsty sadness bc apparently the last like 12 chapters arent enough of angst 4 me
also ya girl made a personal so if,, ye wanna,, check that out honestly it rly isn't worth ur time nvm box is cancelled
hope you guys enjoyed reading!!! i love u!!! my love ovERFLOWS for u guys idk im feelin #sappy right now u guys just make me so haPPY aaᵃᵃᵃAAAAAaaaaAAᵃᵃᵃᵃaᵃa BYE