— there is more to this world
than i ever thought before.

ONE MONTH PRIOR:
KIM TAEHYUNG

==

every other day, since the beginning of september at six o' clock, just before the sun begins to set.

kim taehyung opens his eyes—looks at the dishes in his gentle hands—bites his lips as cold sweat accumulates on healthy skin—steps away from the kitchen counter with faintly scarred feet—stumbles to the bathroom and unbuttons his newly bought sweater, it would be a pity to stain it—leans over the sink and breathes.

then, he sputters. and into the drain, he coughs blood.

but it isn't red. it's black.

==

taehyung is always curious to hear the story of how linnie found him. often, as they stand side by side with each other in her absolutely wonderful apartment (being a doctor, taehyung has learned, has incredible benefits) cooking steaming pots of noodles, or mixing oriental salads, she speaks with an aged voice and crinkling eyes.

it's the only real closure he has, anyway. linnie is the only person he's ever known, aside from faint, vague recollections of people and faces, warbled cobwebs in the reservoirs of his brain. so for the four years he can clearly remember things without shouting from frustration into his pillow, it's the closest thing he'll ever get.

"you were a skinny little thing," is how the story always begins, linnie's crooked finger poking the side of taehyung's torso in affection. "reminded me a lot of my own grandson, actually—oh, he's a big guy now, working in that large corporation down at sunab city, but that isn't the point here.

"but anyway. i took a late shift at the clinic that night, and not many people were out. and you know where i found you? in some alleyway, with a broken bottle from the ground held close to your chest. and—oh lord, it still irks me—your shirt was covered in blood, taehyung." a pause here. "you were shivering, oh, you poor thing. god only knows what happened to you."

"i can't remember," taehyung always quietly responds.

"i know you can't, child, it isn't your fault. so i walked up to you, tried to talk to you, and the moment i touched your shoulder you screamed!"

"christ, linnie, that's—"

"embarrassing? why should it be? you were frightened to death, my goodness, you had every right to shout. but right after that you fell unconscious—i thought it was exhaustion, you looked awfully malnourished—, so i picked you up and took you all the way to car and drove us to the clinic. and let me say, i might be a strong old woman and you might have been skin and bones, but that was quite the exercise."

"i'm sorry about that."

"how many times must i say it, you have nothing to be sorry for, boy! alright, let me continue. so i took you to my clinic and examined you; my god, you had the absolute worst gash in your stomach, taehyung. that was the real reason you looked so beaten up, y'know. and you had these horrid cuts in your feet—my guess is 'cause you were up scurrying around the city barefoot—, and these scratches in your arms. i hate to admit it, but it's a miracle i got your body back up and running after all that damage you had sustained."

taehyung never fails to flinch at that part.

"but never mind that part, that's the bit i hate most. let's see, you were what—seventeen, back then? good thing you remembered your birthday, huh?" they both laugh here. "so a few days after that, you woke up. and the only thing you could remember was your name and basic information. nope, you had no idea why you were there, how you were there, where you came from, how you got hurt in the first place. but you knew common knowledge, things you'd learn in school, y'know. and yet, nothing of what made you individually you. we took you to doctors, and...they couldn't figure it out."

"how'd you react?"

"hm?"

"to me not knowing anything? how did you react?"

and this is where linnie always pauses, uncertainty briefly flickering across her face, as if debating what to say. it never fails to go past taehyung, but he never brings it up; it just isn't necessary.

"ah, well." a cut of a vegetable here, a flip of a pancake, a stir of ramen. "i was baffled, of course. but you were so scared, y'know. and you had no home, no memories, no nothing, so i said 'you know what, i'm gonna take this boy into my care and feed him until his belts don't fit anymore', you hear."

laughter.

"you had nightmares, at first: nightmares you never remembered when the morning came around. and you barely spoke to me. you'd mumble in your sleep, things about monsters and your parents, something called chim—never quite understood what that was, but you talked, and still talk, about it a lot in your dreams."

"agh, i don't remember what it is."

"don't beat yourself over it, remember? okay. but after several—and i mean several—months, you began to warm up to me. and in no time, you were the bubbly taehyung i know today. that's the best feeling, you know. i started to home school you, and you're always so clever in our lessons!"

taehyung is always smiling at this point. "i don't know about that."

it's always nice to hear it from linnie, hear about the four years he's known and adored.

but for the seventeen he has no clue about, it just isn't enough.

it won't ever be, until he remembers.

==

taehyung thinks about the story that night, the taste of metallic black blood still faint on his tongue, as he brings the cotton sheets of his bed closer to his face. it hasn't been much time since he began to cough blood, or whatever the hell that substance is; october is just a few days away, so it's been barely a month.

he refuses to tell linnie about it—not because he doesn't want to concern her, though that it one of his worries.

it's because with every drop of blood he sputters out, he gains a memory.

and it should be wonderful to him. it should be absolutely everything he has wanted. yes, these four years have been amazing, having daytime outings with linnie and dinnertime parties with friends he's met at the library; but seventeen years of unknown memories does take a toll on you, especially when you have the scars of something you don't even remember across the surface of your body.

but that's the thing. it isn't wonderful. because the memories he gains are the memories he'd rather leave forgotten.

he remembers screaming—he remembers pills—he remembers monsters—and a nameless boy, yelling at him in a warbled language—

taehyung opens his eyes and gasps, eyes on the ceiling. there's a sheen of thin sweat on his forehead and tears claw at his eyes.

there's something wrong and taehyung knows it.

==

october second. linnie exits the apartment at eight a.m. with a packed suitcase and a ruffle of taehyung's hair for an out-of-city doctor's evaluation.

"sunab city has an enormous, well-known hospital," she had informed him the night before. "i'll be gone for two weeks at the most, don't you worry. i'll be back in useol before you know it."

"what's it for?" taehyung asked.

she paused briefly. "an—evaluation, for my skills. it's been a while since i've had one, you know. i've been on this planet for a long time! so i'll be in sunab, okay? don't miss me too much."

now, as linnie opens the door out, taehyung can't help but frown without knowing why.

"now kiddo, why do you look so sad?"

"huh? oh i—" taehyung swallows. "i'm fine, don't worry. just...travel safely, okay?"

"of course. my business is sponsoring a flight there. kind of funny, seeing how it's only 325 kilometers apart!"

"yeah, that seems kind of pointless."

"but i'm not one to complain, it's free travel." she examines him for a moment and raises an eyebrow. "are you sure you're okay, taehyung? you look a bit uneasy."

"i'm just...i didn't sleep well last night. i'll take a nap this afternoon, don't worry."

"that's good, you should do that. and..." she bites her wrinkled lip. "just remember to be careful if you want to go outside. okay? i don't want you getting...hurt."

"yeah, i know."

"you'll wear your mouth mask, yes? the...pollution's getting pretty heavy in this city."

"i know, linnie."

with one last pause, linnie smiles and grabs her white doctor's coat from the rack by the door. her name tag stays neatly pinned to the breast pocket, glinting from lamination.

lin jae.

"call me when you reach," taehyung says after embracing her, and linnie nods with a smile.

"i know, i know. stop doting on this old woman. i'll be fine!"

the door shuts and taehyung is alone in an apartment once again.

for some reason, the feeling is oddly familiar.

==

SUBWAY 301: EXPLODED FROM UNFATHOMABLE CIRCUMSTANCES

october third. taehyung stares at the television screen with a numb body.

it's a beautiful night, the perfect combination of breeze and temperature. he was planning on visiting a shopping complex that had popped up a few blocks down. there's a clothing store he's been seeing several advertisements on.

taehyung wipes black blood from the corner of his mouth and stares at the footage of the subway explosion.

at the white tattered shirt. at the dusty black pants. at the favorite winter cap from so long ago. at the boy grinning directly into the camera's focus.

at himself.

"what?"

the word is a whisper.

"wh—oh my god, no..."

taehyung stumbles backwards, clutching at his hair in absolute shock.

"no, no, no, oh my god...that isn't me, what? who? oh my g-god, who is that..."

the footage replays. and replays. and replays.

"that isn't me! oh my god, who is that? who—they look...oh my god, they look like me—"

black liquid seeps down from the corner of his mouth and collects at the bottom of his chin. taehyung watches as the reporter discusses the video, her eyebrows raised in the fake sorrow that every news broadcaster carries nowadays, and something inside him suddenly snaps.

and taehyung is running to the bathroom. he cranes his neck over the granite counter, sweaty strands of dark hair falling over his face, as a horrific surge of pain wells in his gut. a strained cough leads taehyung into vomiting, but for some reason the amount of black blood leaving his mouth is more than ever before.

taehyung feels his head go dizzy and steadies himself against the counter, desperate and short breaths leaving his wet lips. he stares as the liquid seeps through the drain, and after a few more minutes of tireless coughing and clenched fingers, the pain finally subsides.

he stands up fully and takes a glance at the mirror.

"oh, god no."

the man in the footage looks exactly like him. there isn't a doubt.

but that isn't me.

and suddenly, kim taehyung is remembering.

memories, moments, names flash through his mind at the speed of light, its chronology making no sense and perfect sense at the same time, and taehyung is gasping. the faces of his parents are clear, a concrete named paired with their distraught expressions, a series of happy childhood moments and traumatic teenage experiences—suddenly everything is there, tangible, reachable, so clear to him that it's shocking that he'd ever lost it.

the things he used to do as a child, the medication he was forced to swallow ever since his childhood, the patient embraces of his family, the fake smiles of his apprehensive doctor—

and park jimin. chim. kim taehyung's only, longest, and closest friend.

he doesn't gain all of his memories. but he gains enough to know that the person he was before linnie found him is much different than who he is now.

with quick fingers, taehyung grabs his crumpled sweater from the floor and shakily calls a contact in his phone.

"taehyung? what's the matter—"

"i need to meet you, linnie. now."

==

october fourth. the headache from last night's tension still hasn't subsided, but taehyung brushes it aside when he opens the door to jae's office in sunab.

he wears a black face mask and an old snapback, a pair that shields his face as much as physically possible. grabbing a train to sunab last minute wasn't the difficulty; what really pounded at his heart was showing his identification, waiting for the moment when the man at the desk would look at his picture and realize that is the man who blew up the train.

even when it wasn't.

and surprisingly, nothing happened. the man slipped his card back under the glass panel, gave a polite smile, and gestured to the train. as if taehyung was just another nameless face.

now, he stands in sunab's hospital as the weight of something he doesn't even understand crushes him.

"taehyung—" jae steps forward and cups his trembling face, her wrinkled skin contorting as an expression of guilt, almost, covers her, "taehyung, oh god. oh, lord...taehyung..."

"it wasn't me," he whispers.

"you shouldn't have come, taehyung, child, you should have stayed back at home...it would have been safer, the thing is all around this city now, oh god—"

"linnie," taehyung takes her shoulders and swallows the lump in his throat. "the man in that footage—that wasn't me."

jae's voice is pained. "i know."

the room seems to sink with the thick silence. taehyung drops his arms to his sides and chokes on his words.

"how? how do you know? what's going on, linnie? i-i don't, people are going to find me, linnie, they're gonna—gonna think that i did that,  that i blew up the subway, i didn't, linnie, i didn't—"

"trust me, no one will think that...look, taehyung, we can't talk about this here, okay? there's something going on, and —"

"wait, wh—you know what's going on? what the hell is happening, linnie?" taehyung's cheeks are growing wet, the feel of salt stinging against his skin. "i'm remembering things, jae. i-i don't know what i'm remembering, but it's people, and names, and memories—"

"taehyung? you've been remembering? your old memories?"

"they've been coming for a month now, linnie," is all taehyung can get out. "and i've been retching black blood with it."

jae's face absolutely falls, glassy eyes widening and strands of hair obscuring her face. she staggers to the edge of her desk and deeply inhales.

"oh no. no, no, no...for a month, taehyung? and you never told me?" jae is pacing, voice growing panicked. "oh my god, taehyung, a month. a whole month! you don't understand, oh my god, i should have at least warned you, but you—"

"jae!" taehyung yells. "what the fuck is going on?! tell me! please!"

"taehyung, child, listen to me closely, okay?" jae steps forward, the tremor of terror evident in her voice, as  she struggles to remain collected. "do you remember how you got so angry when i first took you in because you couldn't remember anything? how you felt so upset because you had lost your memories?"

"what's the point, linnie?"

"you didn't lose your memories, taehyung." she swallows thickly. "they were stolen from you."

silence.

"who took them, then?" taehyung finally whispers, voice small.

jae wipes her eye. "the monster you talk about from your nightmares, your memories—it's real, taehyung. it's been real for thousands of years and it's been ruining people, people like you, except you managed to escape. but the price you paid were your memories—i don't know how it takes them, i don't know what its true form looks like, i don't know what happened the night i found you other then from the papers—"

"papers?" taehyung interrupts, his mind spinning. "what papers?"

"i've hid a lot from you for your own protection, taehyung. and those papers are one of those things."

taehyung bites his lip, hard enough to well blood, and wrenches his eyes shut. "so my memories...they were, they were stolen from me by the monster?"

jae nods.

"and..." taehyung's mouth is running on his own, barely comprehensible to his own mind. "and is it the reason there is someone out there destroying things and killing people who looks exactly like me?"

jae lets out a chuckle that sounds all too similar to a sob, and taehyung opens his eyes. "it isn't just the reason. that someone is the monster."

it's as if the weight of the situation finally crashes on him. taehyung sits down, trying to understand everything, find some sort of logic in her words. and unfortunately, he just can't.

"and you hid this from me? for four years?"

"if i hadn't hidden it," says jae, words slow, "the monster would have caught up to you long ago, taehyung."

==

october fifth. jae tells taehyung everything as the city around them crumbles in terror.

and october eleventh:

he remembers everything.

everything but the night a monster crawled into his house and erased kim taehyung's existence to the world around him.

==

aigh listen yall this is almost 3k words of
absolute death i pulled an all nighTer im
seein stars boYO
im exitin cya next tim e