"-And I demand to be heard!"

The echoes of shrieks get louder and louder behind the closed door to my office and I already feel the onset of a migraine. Expectantly, my door suddenly slams open causing a picture of a happy couple to fall off the wall - an insight of what has probably happened.

"It's off!" A dishevelled looking woman points a rather ringless finger at. "The date is off!"

"I'm sorry to hear that." I put on my customer service face but this is where it gets tricky. "I truly am, however, I must make clear the clause wkrhkn the contract - 'If the date is called off or either party fails to show, the client may not receive a refund under act 260418 of the legal rights constitution'.

"Well, that complete bull! I have paid for a service and if that service is not provided then..."

I nod in reassurance, more for myself than the client, after all, it's never easy dealing with these psychos. I've seen it, I've heard it, heck, I've even solved it before! Wait. That's not right. I don't solve it because I am the solution. It's a little hard to grasp (liquid generally is) but just think of it like this - water isn't wet.

I keep nodding as the lady rants on and on but from prior experience, trust me, once was enough, I've learned never NEVER ever interrupt a client as they're progressing through stage one of the three stage progress.

"...and I was going to propose and it was going to be happily ever after and..."

Yup. Here's stage two - also known as the 'hope you havw a spare suit because that snot isn't going to clean itself' stage. Pretty self explanatory but although my suit is replacable, my innocence or rather my sanity isn't, especially after having to endure countless woman warbling all over me. I know that they say I should provide a shoulder to cry on but come on! The things I do for love...

"Hey," I soothe when the chokes slow to hiccups, "This totally sucks doesn't it? You feel like the whole world is against you right? How about I tell you a trick then?"

Stage three implemented -acceptance.

"Did you know if tou slash only three tires, insurance doesn't cover the damage?"

"Really?"

"Really." I nod one final time and that's all I need before the client leaves faster than she came in.

I sigh. "Probably not the best romantic advice I've given but it works a hell of a lot better than mollycoddling. Isn't that right honey?"

I wait for an answer, after all, no person should do all the talking. No single person should do all the listening. It's obvious. You're a couple. Not a single.

I silently chuckle at my own inside joke  It's not like anyone else would, after all, I live alone. I mean what other weirdo would live in their own office? It's just me, myself and I.