Chapter 9 – Will

    Depression is something I've always struggled with. It wasn't something I openly liked to admit to anyone because it wasn't socially acceptable for a guy to deal with depression. I had dealt with it since I was a kid, and it only got worse when my dad died and as I got older.

A couple days after going to Analise's house, I found myself sitting alone at an empty lunch table. We had still been rehearsing and sending our daily pictures to our teacher, and I was still friends with Mallory and Justin, but I had my bad days like anyone does and this certain day was a day I wanted to be alone.

I pushed what was supposed to be spaghetti around on my plate with my plastic spork, not being in the mood to eat. I scrolled through my phone at the pictures my friends from back home were posting – shirtless ab pictures and pictures at the gym, and I sighed to myself sadly.

I wish I looked like that.

I wasn't way overweight, but I wasn't skinny or muscular, either. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't super attractive, either. I was average and I felt just how average I was every day. I didn't have protruding muscles like everyone else, and even though I was strong, I couldn't bench double my weight at the gym even if I wanted to.

Image issues were something I'd never really heard other guys talk about. It was probably because most of my guy friends were skinny and muscular and had no problems like that. I never bothered to talk about my image issues.

They had gotten better when I ditched the glasses last Christmas and switched to contacts, but not much better. Even with clear skin and contacts, I still had to stare at my non muscular chest in the mirror every morning and it killed me.

I had had girlfriends in the past, sure, but I was never one of the guys that every guy wanted to be or the guys you see in movies or read about in books.

I felt a presence beside me and looked up, efficiently locking my screen before anyone could see what was on it. The last thing I needed was someone to see me looking at my shirtless friend and think I was gay. I didn't care if people wanted to be gay, but I wasn't and I didn't need even more help scaring the ladies off. My looks did that enough.

Analise stood there, staring down at me with pursed lips and I couldn't hide the surprise on my face. "Analise?"

"Hey Rando," she said, taking a seat at my table. I looked around, scanning the faces of my peers for her friend group, and I wasn't surprised by the shocked looks on their faces. The rest of the student body matched their faces perfectly.

"Uh, hey," I greeted, trying to be friendly but still very shocked. "You're sitting with me?"

Analise visibly shrugged, placing her tray in front of her on the table and nodding. "You looked lonely, or sad. I couldn't tell which one. I felt bad."

I nodded to myself, unable to help the words coming out. "So I'm your charity case?"

She raised an eyebrow, her brown eyes narrowing towards me. "Do I look like the type to have a charity case? If I want to pity you, I'll just do it. I'm not going to waste my time sitting here."

"So why are you?"

Analise ran a hand through her long brown hair, ruffling it and looking around. "Well I didn't see anyone else rushing over to see if everything was alright."

I smiled a small smile, giving her a thankful look. "I appreciate it. I'm alright, just thinking."

A smirk graced her lips. "About me?"

For once, no.

I grinned anyway, deciding to take the opportunity to be playful with her because it wasn't very often she was. "Maybe."

She nodded, looking down at her food and taking a bite of her pizza. I decided to ask if we were friends, and she almost choked on her food. After calming her coughs, she said, "No."

Oh.

After seeing my deflated expression, she sighed. "But you're alright, I guess. You've moved up to acquaintance."

An easy grin made it's way onto my face. "I'll take that. It's progress. Slow progress, but progress."

"Like a snail," she added, making me chuckle quietly. "So I can't do our rehearsals today, I have to do something. I hope you understand."

I nodded to myself. "I do, everything alright?"

Analise halfheartedly waved a hand in dismissal. "Yeah."

*

I was following Analise. It was about two hours after school let out and I was following her. She was in Tommy's car and I was in my own, relishing in the warmth it provided. I couldn't help it, I tried to stay away and not do it so as not to be a nosy Nancy, but I couldn't stay away. I had to see what she was hiding from me and I felt like this would tell me.

So far that was proving to be incorrect.

So far they'd gone to the grocery store and a clothing store, nothing too exciting and it was getting hard to tail them with all the turns they were doing. I considered the possibility that they were on a date and I was following them on a date, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind when they came out of the clothing store with ski masks.

I also considered the possibility of me following them to a bank to rob, but we were way out of the heart of town where all the banks were by now. I toyed with the idea of them knowing I was following them and leading me to an abandoned field in the middle of nowhere to kill me and bury my body.

That was still a possibility, I hadn't squashed that one yet, I thought with a grimace.

I knew it was intrusive of me to follow them but I couldn't help it. My curiosity was too great, and I had so many questions that needed answers. Where are her parents? Why did she keep jumping off of high places? Why had her and Tommy fought that day a couple weeks ago? Why were those gang members scared of her?

I was hoping at least one of those questions would be answered by me following her tonight, and I had pretty good odds in my opinion.

We finally stopped somewhere almost an hour outside of town and I parked in a dark shaded spot where they couldn't see me and looked around. Nothing was around but a run down looking Mexican place that I wouldn't eat at if you held a gun to my head and made me eat it, and a 7/11.

Well I guess they weren't taking me to a field to kill me. Not yet, anyway.

I watched as they walked up to the Mexican restaurant in confusion. The place looked like it hadn't been in business in at least a decade, so why were they walking up to it like they came here all the time?

My question was answered as a guy with a red bandana on his head came out, wrapping Analise in a hug. My mouth was ajar so much so that I wouldn't have been surprised if bugs flew in. He looked around and I ducked so I wasn't seen. When I figured it was safe I peeked back up slowly, watching as a couple more guys came out. They all had red bandanas and were talking animatedly to one another about something that looked important. I wanted to hear what they were saying.

Out of pure curiosity and taking a leap of faith, I rolled my window down a tad, catching the tail end of what Analise was saying.

"He can't know, Quince," she said, looking more serious than I'd ever seen her – even during her fight with Ashlynn. "I mean it."

The guy whom Analise had called Quince nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. I felt a little bit of jealousy stir inside me but I willed it to go away. I'd never have a chance with Analise anyway. "Andy won't find out, Ana. I mean it, I've got your back. But when he finds out, you'll be the one he answers to, not me."

Andy?

"As long as he doesn't find out then, we'll be golden," Tommy piped up, smirking and putting a hand on Analise's shoulder.

Another guy shrugged his shoulders. "I won't tell him, but if you're going to do some jobs, he's going to find out eventually. He's just taking a week break, but you know he'll be back."

"Then we do jobs under the radar," Analise said sharply. "Or you or Quincy say you're doing it and leave it to me, then give me the earnings from it. I'll give you part of it for keeping your traps shut."

"Why are you doing this, Ana?" The guy said quietly, almost sadly. "You know you don't need the money. Your brother-"

"My brother doesn't need to do anymore than he already is doing," Analise cut him off, shaking her head. "And for his own good, he's not to know about this. Okay?"

Oh. Oh. Andy. Andrew.

Well I'm an idiot.

The guys nodded and her and Tommy walked inside the restaurant, effectively cutting off any chance I had left to hear them. I only had more questions than when I first started following them, and I was half tempted to go inside and let myself be known and ask my questions. But of course, I was a wimp, and more than that I was a smart wimp who didn't feel like dying, so I backed out and headed towards the way we came from.

I needed to go home before my thoughts consumed me even more than they already were.

How would her brother find out whatever it was she was doing? I mean, I had been told he was a mechanic so surely there was no way he'd have anything to do with a gang.

He didn't look the type anyway.

When I finally pulled into my driveway, I sat there staring at the front door for a good few minutes, questions swarming my head like a pack of bees to a hive.

I needed to get to know this girl more, and soon.