Chapter 8 – Analise

    Performing arts were something I'd never wanted to divulge in. I never had the dying urge to join chorus or theater, but when I needed an easy credit, it seemed like the most plausible option. And usually I paid pretty good attention to what was happening in theater class, as much as I didn't want to, but as I waited for Will to get here I couldn't help but let my thoughts drift to my fight earlier.

Ashlynn had crossed a line that neither of us had ever gotten to before. She'd fucking told me she was glad my parents were dead, that I deserved it. So I told her I hoped her parents died, and she slapped me. Ashlynn was a lot of things – Bratty, annoying, perky as anyone could ever be – but she had never been one to strike first because she was scared shitless of me. She knew she fucked up when she hit me first, everyone did. I was a lot of things but a shitty fighter I was not. I could handle my own, and she knew that.

I didn't mean it when I said I hoped her parents died. Truth be told, as the saying goes, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. And my worst enemy was Ashlynn Collins. Losing one's parents was something that I wish no one had to experience because it was fucking awful and it was one of the worst feelings in this world.

Ashlynn knew my parents were dead because once upon a time she'd tricked Tommy into telling her. She knew Tommy was my best friend, so to get dirt on me, she used him. She got him super drunk one night at a party, promising sex and other things, and while I'm sure that did happen, so did him confessing a handful of my secrets to her. One of those secrets of course was that my parents were dead and my brother took care of me.

It wasn't embarrassing to be taken care of by my big brother. He was my superhero of sorts and I looked up to him so much for everything he went through for us and how strong he was. When our parents died he took on the 'fatherly' role super quick without hesitation. He was only eighteen and I was only twelve. He worked two jobs to support us – three once upon a time, and he was always getting home late and always exhausted. He wouldn't let me get a job to help, telling me to focus on my education and that was how I could help because then maybe we could finally get out of this shit hole. But I couldn't help the guilt that ate away at me every day I saw him busting his ass to keep us afloat.

My thoughts were cut off by the doorbell ringing, and I went and peeked through the peephole. After seeing Will I opened it, motioning for him to come in. He did, and I closed and locked the door behind him.

"I'm surprised you called me, honestly," he admitted after a few seconds of silence.

I raised an eyebrow. "What, the big bad Analise can't want to succeed at something for once in her life?"

"That's not what I meant!"

I shrugged, not being phased in the slightest by his raised voice and embarrassed look. "It's okay if it is. That's what everyone else thinks."

He walked up to me, looking me straight in the eyes and for a second the serious look in his eyes made my breathing falter. "I don't think anything negative of you, Analise. I don't even know anything about you, but I want to. I've been trying but you keep pushing me away."

I shrugged, averting my eyes towards the carpeted ground and taking a step back. I had to put some space in between us. "It's better that way."

"But why?" Will asked, exasperated.

I ignored him, taking out the script for the play and putting it on the coffee table, signaling that we needed to get started. Will wasn't my type of friend even if I was the friendship type. I was a bad ass of sorts and did what I wanted when I wanted and Will was the coddled type who thought everyone could hold hands around a camp fire and sing songs and be friends. That's not how it worked in the real world.

We ran lines a few times over, taking the stupid picture the teacher wanted us to take and emailing it to him before we even started. Eventually our lines kind of blended into each other and we were both getting sick of reciting the same lines over and over again. It seemed pointless to practice outside of class and I didn't see how this would ensure we had chemistry. If anything this made us more tired of each other.

I was in the middle of one of my lines, about to suggest we call it a night when my brother came in, slamming the door behind him. The nightly gunshots hadn't started up yet and I hoped we were in the clear for the night, but from the look on his face I assumed I'd gotten ahead of myself.

"I'm so sick of these motherfuck- Oh, I didn't know we had company," Drew cut himself off, looking over at Will. He locked eyes with me with a look as if to ask who this guy in a damn spiderman t-shirt was, but I just shrugged. He walked over to Will, extending his hand out. "Hey man, I'm Andrew. Drew for short."

"Drew's a mechanic," I explained to Will, seeing him eye the stains on Drew's hands.

"Will," Will politely responded, shaking Drew's hand firmly. "I'm a student. No job yet, but I'll let you know what it is when I get one."

I could see the laughter on Drew's face and I was sure Will was joking. Didn't stop me from rolling my eyes, though.

"We're starring in a play together so we have to run lines together," I explained to Drew even though he didn't ask. I knew he would when Will left and I didn't feel like explaining it later.

Drew nodded to himself before heading towards the kitchen. "I have pizza on the way if you wanna stay Will!"

I almost groaned to myself, just knowing Will would accept, but to my surprise, he declined. "I appreciate it but I have to get home soon and I'm pretty sure Analise is tired of my face by now."

Well, look at that; Will was correct for once. We decided to call it a night on running lines, and I decided that if I really wanted to I could recite it in my sleep. He packed up his bag, not really saying anything and even though the guy irritated the shit out of me, it bothered me.

I got up to walk Will out right as Drew called, "Lise, walk him out!"

"I am!" I shouted back, rolling my eyes and earning a chuckle out of Will.

I walked him to the door after he said bye to Drew, and we walked outside of my house. We stood there staring at each other for a moment before I said, "This doesn't make us friends."

Because I just had to reiterate it.

He nodded to himself, taking a step away from me. "I know. But it's a step closer."

"A step closer?" I voiced, raising an eyebrow.

"To being friends. That's still my goal."

I laughed a little bit to myself. "Let's not get ahead of ourself, Rando. I'll see you at school, maybe."

He smiled a small smile and it was very un-Will like. "Maybe you will."

When I walked back in after saying goodbye to Will, I made a beeline for the kitchen. I was nothing short of starving and I wasn't sure if I could wait until the pizza arrived. I was surprised Drew had even ordered pizza, because usually we struggled to get groceries for the week. I went to question him about it, but saw he was passed out with his head on the kitchen table.

It broke my little grinch heart that my brother worked so hard when all I did was go to school. Part of me wanted to secretly join the gang so I could help bring in some money, but Drew would know and he'd murder me in my sleep. I ran a hand through his tousled hair, wondering how I got so lucky to get such a great big brother.

When our parents died I didn't expect him to step up to the plate so fast, but he surprised everyone and he did. But I was all Drew had and he was all I had. We needed each other whether we wanted to admit it or not. I always wondered why Drew didn't try to date but he just told me he wasn't interested in a relationship because he was always too busy. He also knew what would happen if he got into a relationship while he was in the gang.

The Northsiders would target the girl.

I knew he had hookups and one night stands and I had witnessed one too many walk of shames, but I had no right to judge him because everyone had needs and he did what he could for us so of course he needed some kind of stress relief. That didn't mean I didn't give him shit for it, though. He was my brother and I'd always give him shit.

Tommy said I was a whole different person with him and Drew and I believed it. I didn't have to put up a front with them because I knew no matter what the two of them had my back. Tommy was a part of Drew's gang and the two of them would always be there to protect me, that much I knew.

The doorbell rang, signaling me that the pizza was here and breaking me from my thoughts. I went and opened the door, grabbing the money off of the coffee table and paying the man. When I closed and locked the door I threw the pizza on the table, making a groggy Drew pop up and mumble to himself. I grinned, pushing the box towards him. "Let's pick out, Drew. And thank you."

He gave me a huge smile, pulling me into a side hug. "Always Lise."

After we were finished eating, I cleaned up while Drew went to bed. He always got up really early and went to bed really late and he hardly had a day off. I went to lay down in my room, and like I figured, the nightly gunshots started up. I groaned, putting a pillow over my head and trying to muffle the sounds.

I couldn't help but think about my parents and a small smile appeared on my face. When we heard gunshots when we were younger, our parents would tell us not to be afraid because it was fireworks. Obviously we were more impressionable as kids to believe that fireworks went off every day and to such an extent, but it kept our worries at bay. I missed being a kid and not having to worry about anything.

That night I fell asleep dreaming up images of my smiling parents, going to the good old days when I was happy and could be friends with anyone I wanted to be. And I slept like a baby.