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Chapter 4 - Analise

   Fear. Fear was something everybody knew, no matter who you were. I was what I liked to call fearless. Having gone through some of my most traumatic life events as a young child, I learned to be fearless far before I probably should have. And though I wish I hadn't gone through so much, I was grateful for the fact that I could go through almost anything unafraid.

I was never scared on the first day of school. I wasn't scared when people tried to pick fights with me. I wasn't scared during tests.

I was never scared. I welcomed death defying activities in my life because in my opinion we were all going to die one day, why not have fun? I always did the unthinkable – from sitting on the edge of bridges and buildings, to standing on the edge of a boat. I liked to live life on the edge, it helped me in situations I needed to be strong the most.

And I had a good time doing it.

No one ever came with me when I did the 'unthinkable.' They were a big bunch of scaredy cats who thought they would die or something. I was a lot of things, but I wasn't suicidal and I wouldn't do something if I didn't know I could successfully do it.

I wasn't scared to sit on a bridge 40 feet above water and basically float on the railing. I wasn't scared to stand on one foot in the back of a pickup truck going sixty miles per hour. And I certainly wasn't scared to audition for the stupid play my theater teacher was making us participate in.

"But Dad, I love him," I said, the word love feeling foreign and gross on my tongue. I was in the middle of my audition scene, trying my best not to laugh at the idiotic plot of the script. It portrayed a girl and guy that were in love, but their parents wouldn't let them be together. Maybe like a modern day Romeo and Juliet without the suicide and the drama. Well, not as much drama anyway.

"Scarlet," the theater teacher called, playing the role of my 'father.' "You don't know what love is. You're a kid-"

"I'm eighteen Dad!" I exclaimed as I was supposed to. "I'm not a kid anymore and I can make my own decisions on who to love."

"I know you can, Scarlet, but I don't want to see you hurt."

I looked up before looking back at the teacher with as much earnest as I could muster. "If I never try... How will I prove to myself that I can do this?"

Applause broke out from my fellow students, Tommy smirking at me from the back of the class, sticking two thumbs in the air. I put my middle finger to my lips, pretending to apply lipstick with it and mouthed bite me.

"Very good Analise!" Our theater teacher called to me, a big smile on his face. "Who knew you had such a gift for acting?"

"Certainly not me," I muttered through gritted teeth with the best fake smile I had.

I started walking towards the back of the class, hearing, "Good job Analise," as I passed. The voice of the new kid, Will. I nodded as acknowledgment to him before going towards the back next to Tommy, and the nod surprised me as I never acknowledged anyone.

"What was that about?" Tommy queried, closing his notebook and looking between Will and I.

"He told me good job, I nodded. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is you never communicate to anyone unless it's a punch in the throat."

"Or eye," I added. "Or anywhere."

"Ana," Tommy said. "Stop."

"I just nodded. No big deal. Over and done with. Maybe I was still acting. Who knows."

Auditions continued and at the end our teacher dismissed us, telling us we would hear the next day during class. We were here during after school hours, so it was about time, really. I packed up my stuff as fast as possible but was no match for Tommy who was hurrying out the doors of the classroom, telling me he'd call me later.

I got up, picking up my bag and heading towards the door. Once I was almost out of the school, I felt a tap on my shoulder. A wave of annoyance ran through me because I knew who it was without even turning around. It was the only person who ever bothered me, and what a persistent fuck he was.

"What can I help you with, Rando?"

"I was wondering if you-"

I turned on my heel, staring straight into his baby blue's. "Look, I've tried to be nice, but in case no one around here has told you, I'm not friendship material."

He nodded. "I've heard. But I don't give up that easily."

I groaned, running a hand through my hair in frustration. My hood fell and I put it back up quickly. "What has you so persistent on getting to know me, Will? I'm bitchy, I'm annoying, and I've been ignoring your every attempt."

"Maybe it's because you fascinate me."

I turned around, starting to walk away.

"Or maybe it's because I want to know how a girl like you scared off three gang members."

I stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Will chuckled lightly, coming to stand in front of me. He cocked a brow, crossing his arms. "I think we both know what I'm talking about."

I was angry and irritated and frustrated and everything in between. This guy had been here a week and a half and was already trying to pry into my personal life. My own friends didn't know everything about my life, much less a stranger. That's what I got for being nice.

"Look, I'm really not friendship material."

"I think you are," he argued.

"I think you don't know anything," I snapped, catching the surprised look he gave me. I internally shrugged. Maybe now he'd get the hint and leave me alone.

He walked closer to me, looking straight into my eyes. "I think I do."

Feeling uncomfortable at the close proximity, I backed up a little bit, putting space between us. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. What was it with this guy? Was he so spoiled that he didn't understand how to take a hint? I even directly told him to leave me alone!

"What's it going to take to get you to leave me alone?"

"A chance," Will answered confidently.

I scoffed, almost laughing. A chance at what? A chance to be with me, or date me? That's what most guys wanted and it made me laugh every time. If I wasn't friendship material, what made this dude think I was relationship material?

"I'm not interested in dating right now."

Now it was his turn to scoff out a laugh. I narrowed my eyes at him before he said, "I don't want a chance to date you."

I was taken aback. That's what everyone wanted, was a chance to date me. And it's not because I was this gorgeous girl that everyone was interested in. It was the fact that they wanted to see if they could get the infamous Analise to crack from her unfriendly facade.

Except little did the stupid people I went to school with know, it wasn't fake. I didn't want new friends, or a relationship, or to be bothered. It was the farthest thing from a front. They needed to learn that.

I wasn't a chess piece, and I wasn't about to be used as a chess piece in their game of whatever it is. Try to get Analise to be nice? Try to get Analise to date? Whatever it was, I wasn't interested in having any part of it. It irritated me so bad.

Maybe that's why I was so rude to everyone. They all wanted to change me, make me into something I wasn't, make me do things I didn't want to do. I just wanted to enjoy the last year of my high school life before moving away from the shit hole that was this city.

"Then what?" I asked him to elaborate.

"I wanna hang out, as friends," he emphasized. "I just want you to give me a chance at being your friend."

I shrugged, turning away from him and pulling my back further up my shoulder. "I told you before, I have enough friends."

I started walking away before feeling a warm hand on my arm. I looked down at it, gritting my teeth. "And I told you before, I don't give up that easily."

I groaned. "I'll make you a deal. You can come hang out with me now, and then you leave me alone."

He seemed to think about it, removing his hand with a sheepish look. "And what if I don't wanna leave you alone?"

"Take it or leave it, Rando."

*

We pulled up to the carnival, and I smirked. No way he'd wanna hang out with me after he saw what I had planned here. He looked confused as to why someone like me would want to go to the carnival, and if it weren't for the fact that I wanted him to leave me alone, I would have been offended.

I was still a girl who liked to have fun.

I went to buy our tickets to the carnival and he did, making me roll my eyes. "I said this wasn't a date."

"I said it wasn't too, but I wanted to pay."

"I'm giving you the money back. You paying for it makes it feel like a date."

"I won't accept."

"We'll see," I mumbled inaudibly, heading towards the ferris wheel.

Will laughed to himself as we approached. "For someone who says this isn't a date, you sure went to the most romantic thing at the carnival."

I glared at him, seething. "You wanna fucking hang out or not?"

I saw him cringe to himself as I said the curse word, but he put his hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying."

We entered one of the carts, and I put as much space between us as I could.

"So tell me about yourself," Will said after a couple minutes of silence.

I pretended to think. "My name is Analise and I don't like you."

Will chuckled and it pissed me off he wasn't offended. "So nice getting to know you." I shrugged.

"Well my name's Will," he started. "My mom works for-"

"Rando," I cut him off. "We really don't need to do the niceties."

Although I was curious about something about him. And he seemed to notice the thoughtful look on my face. "Trade ya?"

"Huh?"

"I'll let you ask whatever you wanna know, and in turn, I get to ask a question."

I put my eyes into slits and looked towards him. "Depends on your question."

"It won't be too bad. Ask yours."

"Why are you so fucking persistent on getting to know me? I mean, serious answer."

He bit his bottom lip thoughtfully and I cursed myself inwardly for letting my eyes drop down to them momentarily. I made a mental note to punch myself in the face later. He didn't seem to notice how I had looked though, which I was thankful to whatever the hell was in the sky for.

"You interest me. And not like the others, because Mallory told me everyone wants to get to you to see if they can break you," he corrected when he saw the look I was giving him. "You interested me last summer, and you barely spared me a glance. Kinda like now, except I might have a chance to know more about you. I know you're hiding something behind those beautiful brown eyes."

I felt my face heat up from the compliment and looked away. I may not have liked him, or anyone, for that matter, but I had never really been complimented before besides from my brother. "I'm not hiding anything."

"Yeah freaking right, Analise."

"Why don't you cuss?" I asked more harshly than I'd meant to.

He smirked. "You got your question. My turn."

I sighed, noticing we were coming closer to the top and I grinned. "Go for it."

"Why were those gang members scared of you?"

I couldn't tell him about my brother. I didn't know him well enough and I had my way, I wouldn't know him well enough to ever tell him that.

"Next question."

Will sighed to himself. "Okay, why don't you let anyone in?"

I glared. "Next question."

"Come on! Okay, do you have feelings for Tommy?"

I laughed. I mean, I didn't just lightly chuckle and slap his arm or anything. I full on ugly belly laughed, clutching my stomach, wiping tears, snorting. It was very attractive.

"No," I answered, wiping my tears. "He's like a brother to me. I love him, in a I would pull him out of a burning building kinda way, but not a I want to get married and have babies with him kinda way."

Will nodded to himself thoughtfully. "Okay, why did you choose the ferris wheel?"

"You got your question," I mocked him. When the ferris wheel stopped at the top, I smiled so widely I think I scared him. He was about to find out. I stood up.

"What are you doing?" Will asked fearfully.

I sat on the edge of the ferris wheel bucket looked down and nodded to myself. I looked back at Will who was scooting closer to me, looking unsure and very very frightened.

"Adios, Rando," I called, fake saluting him and falling backwards off the bucket. The last thing I heard was him calling my name before I fell.