Chapter 10 – Analise

    I saw my breath in the chilly Chicago air and I watched it float away. I sometimes wished I could float away, just like that, but I wasn't able to as easily as breath was. I took a hit of my cigarette, blowing the smoke out and watching it mingle with my breath in the cold air. I couldn't tell which was which. It reminded me a lot of people, and how sometimes you couldn't tell how people were and which type of person they were going to be on any given day.

It reminded me of myself.

I finished my cigarette, glancing down at my phone to see I had a text from an unknown number.

It's time.

I got up from my spot on the grassy field and headed into the abandoned building masked as a restaurant, looking around. I saw no one at first, until movement from my left caught my eye. I snapped my eyes to meet whatever it was that had moved and saw a dark figure in all black. I followed them.

They brought me to a black car with tinted windows I couldn't see into and I gulped. I had to remind myself I wasn't scared of anything, and I truly wasn't, but I still got nervous.

I got in, sitting in the back as the guy from before drove to our location. Trees and fields passed as we went, and I didn't recognize anything around us. I looked up at the night sky, trying to count the amount of stars I saw since you never saw any in the big city, but we were moving too fast and there were far too many.

Part of me wanted to back out because I just knew I wasn't cut out for this. When Quincy told me that this was a job even my brother wouldn't do, I almost backed out right then and there. But after getting jumped into the gang and mentally preparing myself, I knew I had to do this. It was a more difficult and dangerous job, and that's why Drew would never do it. It involved people dying. But the pay was almost double the regular pay, sometimes triple, and I knew that money would help us out.

So I agreed.

Unbeknownst to me, we were on the way to get some money from someone. I was told during the long drive. The only thing I'd been told is that someone could die, but they'd make sure it wasn't me, and I wouldn't have to be the one to kill whoever it is. That didn't ease my mind in the slightest, because I didn't think I could watch someone die, but I knew I had to. There was no part time job I could do to be able to get us out of the debt we were in. I had to do something and this was the fastest way I knew how.

While I was lost in my thoughts we pulled up to our destination. I saw the guy who may very well be about to lose his life cowered into the corner of the alleyway near the dumpster, and I gulped. There were two men in front of him. I recognized one of them as Quincy, and I didn't recognize the other one.

The figure nodded towards the men, sending me a hidden message to get out of the car and get the job done. I slid out easily, heading towards them with my hood up. I felt my face, the fabric of the mask foreign against my skin and I had to pause to take a deep breath. I could do this. This was the only way to get my brother out of a bad situation. To let him rest more.

I walked up to the man, pulling the silver pistol out of my pocket and pointing it at him. I masked my voice. "Give them the money, Crawley!"

He put his hands up, looking me in the eyes. I saw fear and sadness in them and an overwhelming feeling of guilt consumed me, but I couldn't stop. Not now, not when I hadn't gotten to show Drew what I was made of.

"You guys sent a girl?" The guy asked disbelievingly. "You sure you want to do that? You look mighty pretty, jail wouldn't be a good look for you."

"Shut up and give them the fucking money!" I shouted in a deep menacing voice, surprising even myself with my force.

The guy visibly gulped. "I will! I- I just need more time, please guys. I have two kids at home, I need to watch them grow up."

Quincy shook his head, masking his voice as well. "Your times up pal. You've had months, and we're here to collect the debt or a dead you. Take your pick."

"Come on man, I'm trying."

"Trying doesn't give us the damn money!"

"It was just some drugs man, come on, you're really going to kill me for not paying you for drugs? I'm trying, that's the best I can give you."

The guy next to Quincy nodded, "Well, then you dying will just have to do then."

The guy raised his own pistol and before I knew it the cowering guy charged for me. Him and I struggled a second, me trying to keep him off of me the best I could. He got one good punch in before I heard a gunshot pierce through the air. The guys eyes were wide, staring into mine and I saw the life slowly going out of him.

His poor kids.

I dropped him, feeling sick to my stomach. A guy had just died in my arms and I wasn't sure anything had ever prepared me for it. I looked at my blood covered hands, willing myself not to throw up. I couldn't let myself throw up; I couldn't show any signs of weakness, and that was one of them. I needed to complete this job.

I reached down, searching in the dead mans pockets for his wallet while holding my breath. I found it easily and slid it out, looking inside and finding some cash. I counted it.

"One fifty," I called to the other guys, shaking my head.

"One fifty short, but it will have to do," Quincy said, picking the guy up and tossing him over his shoulder. "Let's go."

I closed my eyes, the picture of the man's face as his life left him engrained in my mind. I couldn't believe I had decided to do this, but then the tired face of Drew entered my mind and I willed the bad thoughts away. I had to do this for my big brother. He wasn't the only one who needed to make sacrifices.

I followed them, hopping in the car and sitting next to the deceased man. My hands fiddled with his wallet, and I opened it to look at his ID. His name was Todd Crawley, age thirty four. I gulped. He probably had young kids and now they were without a father. But he had tried to steal narcotics from a gang leader, and if that didn't scream lose his life to him, I didn't know what did.

After collecting my money and being driven home by Tommy, I walked into my house a couple hours later. It was completely dark and I wondered where Drew was. I locked the door behind me and turned around, a beam of light suddenly coming on. I saw the face of my brother, and I looked down in horror. I still had blood on my clothes.

Drew followed my gaze, taking in my outfit and audibly gasping. He came over, lifting my arms and spinning me around. "What the hell happened to you, Lise?"

I shook my head, gulping down my inhibitions. "It's not my blood."

His blue eyes met my brown ones, and he narrowed his. "What do you mean it's not yours? Who's is it?"

"It's no one's," I mumbled, trying to push past Drew. He wouldn't budge, holding me in place.

"Who's. Is. It?" Drew ground out, his teeth clenched and his voice tight. He looked murderous, and if looks could kill I would be ten feet under.

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes and lie to him. "This girl at school owed me some money from a bet, so we fought but she gave it to me so it's okay."

He nodded, I suppose accepting that answer, and giving me another once over. He lifted my shirt slightly to look at my stomach and saw no cuts, and visibly relaxed. "Thank got it's not yours, Lise. You must have done a number on her. I asked you to stop fighting."

"I know," I agreed, relieved he accepted the lie. I felt so bad. "But I got the money, so it's okay. You don't have to work doubles all week."

"How much did she owe you?" Drew asked, watching as I dropped the pile of money on the table. He looked up, meeting my eyes, and looking back at the wad of cash. He counted it, his eyes wide. "Five hundred? A high school girl gave you five hundred dollars?"

I nodded. "She's rich. She owed me. No big deal."

"It's a huge deal Lise," Drew protested, following me into the kitchen. "What kind of bet was it?"

It took me a second to come up with a lie I hoped would be somewhat believable. "I bet her that she couldn't sleep on the football field for a whole week's worth of nights. She couldn't."

He raised an eyebrow. "And that earned you five hundred fucking dollars?"

"She's rich, who cares. I got it, it's over with, so call your boss and tell him you're not working any doubles this week."

Drew smiled, pulling me into a side hug so as not to get blood on him. "Thanks Lise. I'm so glad I was lucky enough to get a sister like you. I'm so glad we tell each other everything."

I nodded, closing my eyes tightly in regret. I was doing this for him. I just needed to keep repeating it. "Me too."

After changing my clothes and eating dinner with my brother, I decided to turn in early. The gunshots were ringing out into the night as they always were, and it was hard to fall asleep. I couldn't tell if it was hard to fall asleep because of the fact that the gunshots were very loud and very consistent, or the fact that I couldn't get Todd Crawley's face out of my mind, but I couldn't stop tossing and turning.

I sighed to myself, looking at my phone and seeing I had a missed call from Will. We had exchanged numbers during one of our rehearsals, and I stared at the missed call. I knew he would wonder why I'd ditched rehearsals for the last three days in a row, but I had to get jumped into the gang and do this job. I knew that money would help us out tremendously.

Will's face took over in my mind and I knew I needed to keep him away. We had gotten a little bit closer, almost to the point of being called kind of friends, and I knew I couldn't let him be my friend. Him and I came from different worlds and there was no way I could get him mixed up into my fucked up one, even as a friend. Not that he'd want to be my friend once he found out I had watched a man die and didn't do anything to stop it.

I sighed to myself, apparently a new normal for me, and went to take a shower. It was the third of the day, one being in the morning and one before I changed clothes, but I felt disgusting and dirty and needed to take another one.

I sat under the hot water, thinking to myself about how bad of a person I was. And I sat in that shower for an hour, thinking of Todd Crawley the entire time.