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ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING
xiii. SUNFLOWER

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   IT WAS RILEY'S FAULT.

   Everything was all Riley's fault.

   So much loss could have been prevented had Riley not destroyed the Infinity Stones. If she had just sat and waited for the others to find her, they could have ended Thanos's reign of terror and brought everyone back. The past five years—No, life would have been completely different had Riley not destroyed the stones. But Riley let her own desperation get the best of her, and now, she was the reason the world was still in shambles. God, how could she have been so stupid?

   Subsequent to sitting through a series of examinations, Riley learned that the only bright side to her current condition was that physically, she felt great. There were perks to being a human solar panel, as it turns out. She could sit underneath direct sunlight and feel her body gradually bounce back to peak condition. Sure, there were still some things that required special care, such as her broken ribs and reopened wounds from briefly fighting Carol fucking Danvers, but most of her trivial injuries had been somewhat healed, give or take a few scabs and scars.

   Riley's mind seemed to be stuck on two things. One was obviously the guilt and regret she was facing, but the other was the fact that she had actually tried to take on Carol Danvers. She additionally couldn't believe that Carol Danvers knew her name. Riley was totally starstruck.

  Unfortunately, Carol announced it was time for her to head back into space. Apparently, Riley had awakened from her week-long coma just in time for Carol's monthly check-in. Natasha said the teen was the luckiest unlucky person in the galaxy.

   A full two days had passed since Riley had woken up, allowing the teenager to settle back into the rhythm of everyday life. No one bothered her unnecessarily, knowing that Riley had to find it in her to become accustomed to the world again.

   She had originally tried to shadow Natasha like the old days, cruising the headquarters and striving to comprehend what it was everyone did these days; however, walking around the HQ prompted an unsettling feeling to descend into the pit of Riley's stomach. Everywhere Riley looked, she could almost perceive the ghosts of those who were lost to the Decimation. It made Riley feel worse kenning that she could have brought them back. Because of this, Riley took it upon herself to spend more time in her room than anywhere else.

   Something about sitting in the room that was meant to be Riley's in the Avengers HQ was utterly surreal. Riley never had the chance to live in the headquarters since she had been shipped off to Queens for a babysitting gig around the time the others moved in. She wondered what that life would have held for her, especially since her neighbors were Pietro Maximoff and Bucky Barnes (of course, he wouldn't occupy that room until he was pulled from cryogenic therapy in Wakanda). That all felt so far away now... like it was a lifetime away. Things were so much simpler then.

   She spent most of her time trying to catch up and relax. This included getting constant check-ups, finally showering, and of course, skimming the Internet. The Internet was the same as it had been before, but she was mostly infatuated with a certain blog she stumbled upon during her attempt at catching up on the last five years.

   Apparently, someone had been keeping up a blog of some sort documenting everything that had happened in the world post-Decimation. The person who ran the website claimed that they kept it going to inspire hope in others that maybe the world could return to the way it once was. Maybe then, the people who had gone missing could catch up on what they missed through the blog. The blog, at this point, was Riley's holy grail.

   Not much had occurred during the last five years. There were some good things, like newly discovered advances in medicine and communities coming together to honor the fallen. There were also bad things, like riots and risen rates of crime. Earth was a nightmare to live in if you looked close enough, even if some had found it easier to move on than others.

   There was even a good chunk of information regarding Valor and her life as Riley O'Dair/Stark. Videos and images were collected to furthermore prove Valor's identity as if Tony Stark and Pepper Potts confirming it themselves weren't enough. The earliest video of Riley exposing her identity was back in 2018 when she used forcefields to protect civilians with Doctor Strange, Tony, Wong, and Bruce standing in the background. She was proud knowing she had protected her identity so well for so long.

   There were also interviews of people who had survived the snap from Midtown High talking about her. Riley actually managed to laugh for the first time in ages when she watched an interview of Warren from five years ago where he said, "I had no idea that dweeb was a freaking Avenger. She's really good at her job, but I think I should've known better. I mean, she did make Tony Stark visit her in Principal Morita's office once. Huh? Why did she have to visit the principal? Uh... let's just say, she was standing up to a bully."

   The more Riley read through the blog, the more she was beginning to realize that this was really happening. This was real life. This was the life she had caused everyone to live because of her mistake. This was all her fault.

   It made Riley wonder... Was she any better than Thanos?

   Almost as if on cue, a knock-knock-knock caught her attention. Her gaze fell upon the door as her dark thoughts fled to the sidelines of her mind. "Come in!" Riley meekly called. The door slid open, revealing Natasha Romanoff. "Hey, what's up?"

   Natasha just shrugged. "Just thought I'd check up on you." Riley nodded, motioning for her to sit down. Taking her place, Natasha added, "How're you feeling?"

   Riley wouldn't lie; she had been taken aback momentarily. Natasha's question was simple enough, of course, but the problem was that she didn't know how she was feeling.

   There was a lot circling her mind. She felt guilt, regret. But she also felt relieved to be alive. There was despair and confusion, too, for she had no clue what the future had in store for her. Nervous, too. She was nervous to actually start living again. She wasn't even sure what living normally meant anymore.

   Really, Riley was a total mess, even if she had been holding it together somewhat well. Of course "somewhat well" should be taken lightly. She sobbed the entire first night she woke up from her coma.

   "I don't know," she admitted. She paused again. "I'm sorry."

   "Why are you sorry?" Natasha gently pressed. "You okay?"

   "Can I be honest?" Natasha nodded, causing Riley to hold her breath as she decided to answer honestly, "No. I feel terrible. I'm feeling so many emotions that are all being... weighed down by... by guilt. Because... you know, if I never destroyed the stones, we wouldn't be here. We could've brought back everyone. The world wouldn't be in such deep shit. It just feels like all of this could have been avoided if I wasn't so selfish."

   Natasha's blue eyes widened. "Selfish?" echoed the ginger, appalled. "You might be a lot of things, but selfish isn't one of them, Riley. You can't beat yourself over what happened. I don't blame you. No one does. Do you know what the world has been calling you?" There was a pause. "A hero. You aren't selfish. You're brave."

   Riley knew this from the blog, but something about hearing Natasha call her brave caused her to perk up. "Really?"

   Natasha nodded. "Yeah."

  Then, Natasha hesitated. She was unsure of herself, a common trait for her these past five years. She was still processing Riley's return, after all.

   This was Natasha's second chance. She had a second chance to help Riley and to make sure that she knew she was loved and cared for through this incredibly difficult time in her life. The first time they met, Riley was in a similar condition where she needed love and support, but Natasha couldn't give her that. But things were different now.

   Natasha decided to continue by saying, "Because that's what you are. You were born to lead, to be a hero. It's what you're best at. You are light, Riley. Thanos baited you. You couldn't have predicted what would happen. You have to know that, Riley. We're all so grateful for you and your sacrifices. I wish you knew that."

   Riley wore a soft smile on her face. "When did you get so good at pep talks?" she teased.

   It was true. Natasha had never been good at those. Riley knew that firsthand. Whenever she wanted words of motivation or advice from Natasha over the years, she'd tell the girl to suck it up. Riley wasn't used to these kinds of talks from her former mentor.

   There was a glint of grief in Natasha's blue eyes. "Since I realized there was so much I wanted to say before I lost the people I care about," she gently answered.

   Riley's smile fell. "Are you okay?

   Riley was always concerned about Natasha, even at times when she had no reason to be. For the decade they had known each other, Natasha was resilient, ruthless, unbreakable. Nothing could stop her, no matter how hard you tried. It was how her brain was wired; she never allowed herself to give up. But Natasha was different now.

   Though, Riley couldn't blame her. Natasha had witnessed unspeakable things in her lifetime, and those things did nothing but add up over the years. Her longtime apprentice returning from the dead after five years was just another burst of wind in the hurricane that was Natasha's life. Still, Riley couldn't help but worry.

   "Can I be honest? No, but... seeing you again gives me hope. I don't know what for, but I'll take what I can get. It's better than what we've all been feeling for a while now," Natasha confessed. She cleared her throat and rose to her feet. "I have some things I have to do, but I just wanted to check in on you. Call me when you need anything, okay?"

   The look in Natasha's eye caused Riley to bite back the humorous comment that was about to slip out of her mouth. Instead, she nodded. "You, too, Nat."

   Natasha had been the busiest out of everyone. She had reportedly taken over at an orphanage, temporarily replaced Fury, and who knows what else in the past five years. Riley was worried she was overworking herself to an early death.

   Natasha smiled at her. "Anything for you, shortie," she teased, ruffling Riley's hair before walking out of the room.

   Silence returned to the room as Riley was left alone again. She was beginning to hate being alone.

   She turned back to the computer, the screen still opened on the blog. She started to read through it again, but that unsettling feeling of guilt returned back to her, completely washing away everything Natasha told her.

   When Riley finally realized that reading this anonymous person's blog had done nothing but upset her, the teenager turned off the computer and sunk down in her chair. She needed something to make her feel better. Naturally, when she was having a bad day, Riley would call up her friends, but that didn't seem like a plausible idea since all three of her best friends from Queens had been dusted. What else could Riley do?

   "Hey, JO?" Riley gently beckoned, splintering the quiet of the room. Riley felt a little silly, but JOCASTA was the only being she knew that could help her out. "What do you do when you're feeling down?"

   There was a pause before her robotic voice replied, "Are you asking personally?"

   Sighing, Riley let out a little, "Yeah."

   "I'm sorry you're feeling down, boss. Would you like me to contact the hospital wing and request a shrink?"

   Riley shook her head. "Nah. I just... I dunno... I think I need something to distract me. Just for a little bit, you know?"

   "I understand. Should I play some music until you feel better?"

   Riley hummed. "Yeah, that should work. Just... play one of my old playlists. I don't care which one." There was a pause before the sounds of an electric guitar and faint chants filled her ears. Thunderstruck by AC/DC.

   As the music continued to blare in her ears, a memory unintentionally unwound in Riley's head.

"C'mon, Pete, don't be nervous!" encouraged Riley with a smile on her radiant face. "You're Spider-Man! You fight crime everyday! This is no big deal." She narrowed her eyes at the boy standing before her in her condo. "Why do you look like I'm about to get some med student to perform a lobotomy on you for the first time?"

Rolling his eyes, Peter claimed, "Are you seriously asking me that right now?" The boy from Queens followed Riley like a lost puppy. "Unlike most heroes, I don't wear a mask to hide my identity. I weak a mask to hide when I start crying!"

Placing a jug of Orange Juice onto a table, Riley turned with a teasing smile on her lips. She poked his nose with her index finger, provoking him to scrunch it up in response. "Aw, Pete," cooed the youngest Avenger. "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now, go get the syrup from the kitchen. They should be arriving any minute."

Nodding, Peter sluggishly headed toward the kitchen. "I don't understand how you're so hyper in the mornings!"

"It's all the drugs I do!"

"Hilarious!" Peter sarcastically replied, making his way back to her side as she set out placemats around the table.

Laughing, Riley shrugged. "I dunno," she confessed. "I've always been a morning person. It's weird. I feel like I get the most energy when the sun's out. Even standing under direct sunlight wakes me up. Maybe it's because of all the UV energy in my body?"

Peter, who had gone to set the silverware, snapped his head upward. He observed her curiously with his big brown eyes. "Like a reptile?"

Riley shot Peter a pointed look. "Wow, you really know how to charm a girl!"

Peter chuckled. "Reptiles are cute and badass, you know!"

"I can feel myself falling in love with you more and more already!" Riley jokingly quipped with a laugh. "Remind me to never let you be my wingman."

"Aw, c'mon! Okay, okay, what about..." he lingered off, barely able to contain himself. "Oh, I got it! You're like a sunflower!"

She just shook her head. "Well, I'm glad you're not nervous about our families having breakfast together anymore," she said, changing the subject as Peter laughed to himself. When she noticed his chuckles fading away, she glanced up to see the troubled look on his face. "Peter!" Riley scolded. "What's the matter with you? This was your idea, you know!"

"I know, I know! It's just... I'm not nervous about you or May," Peter moved to explain. "You said you didn't think Mr. Stark would be able to make it, so I wasn't worried. But then he said he planned on showing up with Ms. Potts and Happy and now I'm kinda freaking out!"

"Kinda?" teasingly repeated Riley, causing Peter to throw a balled up napkin at her. "Hey, hey, I'm just teasing, Bug Boy." She moved toward him, continuing, "Look, it was your idea to get May and my parents to get to know each other since you spend so much time with us. Don't sweat it! May and my dad already know each other, and I'm positive Mom will love her."

"What about Happy?"

"Yeah, you're screwed there."

"Riley!"

"I'm kidding!" Riley insisted. "Look, everyone loves May. I seriously doubt Happy will be able to resist the classic Parker charm."

Peter's shoulders sunk as he dipped his head down. "I hope you're right."

That's not the Parker charm I was talking about!" she declared. "You just need to..." Her eyes lit up. Oh, Peter knew that look. She had an idea. "You just need to dance your nerves out!"

"Huh?"

"I'm serious!" Riley insisted. "Hey, JO? Play my family playlist please!"

In seconds, Thunderstruck by AC/DC proceeded to blast throughout the Stark condo.

Beginning to bop to the music, Riley explained to Peter, "When I was younger and I was stressed about some mission, Tony would blast music and make me dance with him until I'd shut up. It's way more effective than you'd think." Peter gave her an odd look as she danced and loudly sang along, "I was caught in the middle of a railroad track! I look 'round and I knew there was no turning back!"

Riley turned around and sighed when she noticed Peter awkwardly standing and watching. She walked forward, intertwined their hands, and forced him to dance with her. "I know you know this song, Bug-Boy," insisted Riley. "Dad plays AC/DC like it's his religion."

Peter laughed as she continued to dance carelessly with their hands locks. It didn't take him long before he went from standing awkwardly, to nodding his head with the beat, to eventually dancing with one of his closest friends. Soon enough, Peter had completely rocked his nerves away like Riley had been hoping. Through giggles, they took turns singing extremely loudly and off-key.

Almost as if on cue, the front door to the condo swung open; however, neither teenager cared. There was something about Riley that always made Peter relax and feel like himself. This was why he hardly reacted to Tony, Pepper, Happy, and Aunt May all walking in at the same time. They had all arrived simultaneously.

"Welcome to the first ever Team Iron Man breakfast!" Riley shouted over the music, continuing to dance. She pulled away from Peter to approach her guests felicitously. "You know, I don't appreciate you guys being able to just bust in whenever you want!"

Tony raised his hands in defeat, clearly entertained. "Don't look at me. It was her idea this time," he deflected, nodding toward Pepper as Riley hugged him.

Pepper took Riley in her arms next, kissing the top of her head lovingly. "You're an awful liar," insisted the blonde.

As everyone continued to greet one another, Riley couldn't help but coerce the adults to sing and dance along with the music that played throughout the speakers.

Oh, how Riley wished she could live in this moment for the rest of her life.

  As the song came to an end, Riley returned to reality. Her smile melted, her heart clenching in pain. She just couldn't prevent her mind from drifting elsewhere. It went back and forth between the horror she'd endured or happy memories that made her remember the nightmares all over again. It was an endless loop, a cycle she couldn't break out of. She was a prisoner to herself. 

   "Hey," a soft voice greeted.

   Riley jumped in her seat, her attention turning toward her door once more. Steve Rogers had been standing at the door, leaning against the frame with a worried look on his face. "H-Hey," Riley stuttered, sitting up. "You scared me."

   "Sorry about that," he kindly apologized. He nodded toward the computer screen before Riley. "Doing some catching up?"

   Riley sighed, glancing back at it. "A little," she admitted. "There's this blog that's covered the past five years. They think it'll give people hope we can reverse the snap." She pressed her lips into a line, shaking her head in an attempt to brighten her mood. "I'm not sure I believe everything on here though. There's some weird stuff about Bruce and the Hulk..."

   Steve let out a low laugh. "Do I wanna know?" he wondered, moving forward to sit down on Riley's bed like Natasha had not too long ago.

   "No way." They laughed quietly.

   Riley appreciated having a friend like Steve. She didn't always appreciate him though, especially in the beginning. Steve was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of friend. He always tried to get along with her and make sure she was, at the very least, okay. There was only so much he could do, of course, without her wanting to rip his head off for treating her like a child. But she truly did appreciate him and all of the sacrifices he made over the years. It made her wonder...

   "If I ask you something, will you promise not to laugh?" Riley asked after a moment of silence.

   Steve hummed. "Depends on if it's funny or not," he tried to joke.

   It was odd seeing him strive to be so lighthearted and friendly when she knew he was torn apart on the inside. Natasha had done the same, as well as Rhodey, who had to fly out to D.C. last night for work. Riley could see right through all of them. They were all still hurting on the inside from what happened. Were they putting on a facade for her sake? Maybe. Probably.

   "You've... given up a lot over the years," she slowly said. "Do you ever feel guilty? Like... Like do you think if you had done something else other than what you did... you wouldn't feel so regretful about the outcome?"

   Steve seemed to automatically know what she was talking about. He was more surprised by the fact that she was voicing her questions and concerns rather than keeping them to herself like she habitually did. Riley really had changed over the years right under Steve's nose. The idea of the girl growing up made him feel bittersweet.

   "I'd have to be one hell of an asshole to never feel guilt or regret," Steve admitted after considering it for a few moments. Riley listened to his words thoughtfully. "But I think that's what makes us human. We learn through trial and error."

   "But do you think the mistakes we make are worth it?" Riley quickly jumped to question. She began to fidget with her hands. "Sure, we learn through trial and error, but does that excuse everything we do? Does that justify people like... like criminals?"

   Steve's gaze softened. "Do you think you're a criminal?" he quietly asked.

   Riley didn't answer. Did she think she was a criminal? Certainly, she wasn't any better than one. She had killed people before, albeit they were terrible people. Rebels, spies, criminals, even aliens... they were all beings Riley had hurt or killed before. And now, she was the reason 50% of the universe was still dead. Maybe she really wasn't any better than a criminal.

   "You're not one," continued Steve. "I've had my fair share of seeing the good and bad in the world. Trust me. You're a good person, Riley."

   "But..." Riley lingered. "I'm the reason they're all still dead. I destroyed the stones."

   "Maybe so," he said, "but that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you brave, strong. You can't dwell on the past. You and I know that better than anyone."

   Riley fell silent for a moment, nodding slowly. She knew he was right.

   Clearing her throat, she glanced back at the computer behind her. "So about this blog," Riley started, eager to talk about something less depressing. "There's some stuff about Tony and Pepper, too. It says they have a kid now. Is that true?"

   Steve nodded. "Mhm," he confirmed cautiously, not wanting to upset the girl. He didn't know how she would react to a new sister and missing the first five years of her life. Steve worried about Riley, which wasn't new at all. "Her name's Morgan. I won't lie, she's a cute kid."

   "Morgan," repeated Riley. She smiled. "They named her after Mom's weird uncle." She laughed at the idea before her smile fell. "I miss them."

   "They miss you, too," Steve insisted. "They wanted to wait until you felt ready to see them again. Pepper said she didn't want to overwhelm you."

   She nodded. It made sense. How did she get so lucky to find such considerate parents after losing the ones she was given?

   "Well," began Riley, "it was definitely overwhelming at first, but I think I've dealt with enough crap to be sorta unfazed. I think I'm just struggling with accepting what I did more than anything else. Like, if the thing with the stones never happened, I think I could've bounced back. Does that... make sense?"

   Steve offered her a smile. "It does," he promised. "I'm glad you said that, actually. As much as I love you, there's someone who wants to see you."

   Despite the skepticism on her face, she joked, "Trying to get rid of me already?"

   He stifled a laugh. He had always admired how even in the darkest moments, Riley was a spark of light. "I think we've learned that's impossible at this point," Steve assured, earning another laugh from the girl. He glanced back at the door, calling out, "You can come in now."

   She faltered. Slowly turning in her seat as her door slid open, her heart stopped beating in her chest once she saw it.

   "Riley?"