07 | Pop Culture References
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ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING
vii. POP CULTURE REFERENCES
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OUTER SPACE WAS NOTHING like Riley ever imagined it would be. She sat in front of the viewport with marvel glistening across her eyes. The stars moved past the ship as they advanced through the universe, heading toward their unknown destination. Riley could make out the shape of the nearby planets, only able to name the ones you learn in school. She wondered how far they were from Earth.
"Pretty."
Riley turned to face Peter, almost forgetting that he had been sitting next to her. He had been staring at her. "Huh?" she asked him.
Peter's eyes widened. "I-I mean, space is," Peter stammered, "Pretty, I mean. S-Space is... Space is pretty. Not that you're not, but I was talking about... uh, about space!"
Unsure of why he had become so nervous, Riley just smiled at the boy, puzzled. She looked back out the large window. "I'm glad you're here. I know it's dangerous and all, but... I don't think I'd survive if you weren't here," she admitted.
"Well, sure you would," assured Peter. "You're Riley Stark!"
"I think Valor would be alright, but Riley? I don't think so," she said.
Riley was confident in her abilities as Valor. Valor was almost like her alter-ego. Valor was strong and confident. Valor always knew what to do. Valor was impulsive in all the right ways and knew how to tell a damn good lie. Valor never underestimated herself. Riley, on the other hand, was just a really smart kid with a screwed up backstory.
Peter shook his head. "You and Valor are the same person," he reminded her.
"I-I know, but..." Riley paused. "Valor's known to be prepared. She can face anything. She's badass and powerful. At the end of the day, I'm just plain ol' Riley."
Peter shook his head again, a bit more vigorously this time. "You're outta your mind, Riles. Valor would be nothing without Riley, and Riley would be nothing without Valor. You're a package deal because you're one and the same," he rambled in attempt to raise her confidence in herself. "Just because you're not always saving the day doesn't mean you're not a hero. I didn't look up to you and the Avengers as a kid because I admired Valor and Captain America and Thor. I looked up to you because I knew that at the end of the day, there was an entire person under the suit. And that person was the true hero."
Peter sheepishly rubbed the back of his head as she remained silent, taking this all in. "Sorry. I'm not really sure where that came from."
Riley laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Thanks, Pete," she mumbled. "I really don't know what I'd do without you."
"You'd be fine," assured Peter.
Riley lifted her head. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Peter shrugged. "I mean, you heard my pep-talk. You're an Avenger."
"So are you."
"I've been one for 13 minutes. You've been one for 13 years," reminded Peter. "I have a lot to learn."
Shaking her head, Riley declared, "You don't give yourself enough credit, Pete. You work so hard everyday when you don't have to. You've saved so many people, even from little things. You're just as much a hero as anyone else. Don't you ever forget it."
Peter smiled at Riley. He hadn't realized how close they had gotten in the past few months. Their relationship was nearing his and Ned's level in such a short amount of time. But still, even now, there was something about their relationship that Peter couldn't quite put his finger on.
He was pulled out of his thoughts upon Riley saying, "Hey, guys, I think we're here... wherever that is."
The surface of the planet they were approaching was getting closer and closer, bigger and bigger. Tony approached the object used for steering: a pair of strange-looking machines. He took one and encouraged Peter to take the other.
"I don't think this rig has a self-park function. Kid, get over here. Get your hand into this steering gimbal. Close this around it. You understand?" Tony demanded.
Peter obeyed, listening carefully. "Got it."
"This was meant for one big guy, so we gotta move at the same time," instructed Tony.
The ringship moved swiftly toward the center of what looked like one of a colossal game of jacks. "We might wanna turn," suggested Peter before he became extremely alert. "Turn! Turn! Turn!"
The ringship suddenly clipped the "jack" obliquely. A good chunk of the ship fell off due to the collision. Riley and Strange stumbled a bit before exchanging glances and nodding. They were clearly on the same page. She raised her hands to either side of her, summoning a large forcefield around the four of them. Doctor Strange threw up the Shield of the Seraphim in order to strengthen their chances at protection. They both anticipated a rather rough landing.
Riley grunted, keeping her concentration steady, as the ship plowed through the dirt and stopped. She could feel it leaning slightly to one side. More than half of the ship was destroyed and torn apart. But eventually, the ship landed, and somehow, they survived.
Doctor Strange was the first to lower his shield, followed by Riley. Panting from the exertion of their landing, she looked around at the others to make sure they were okay.
"You alright?" Tony breathlessly asked Riley, placing his hand on the teenager's shoulder. She nodded silently, attempting to catch her breath. Adrenaline soaked through their veins. "You did good, Tink. I owe you one."
"Can I cash that in and ask that I'm not grounded?" Riley attempted to joke, her voice croaky. Tony just rolled his eyes. She stood up straight, feeling perfectly fine suddenly out of nowhere. "It's weird. I feel way more energized than I should."
"Adrenaline?" asked Tony.
"Adrenaline's never healed me completely," she denied. "JO was trying to say something earlier before we lost connection. She said... something about how the shortened distance between me and the sun improved my vitals and energy levels perfectly. That never happens to me. I mean, I know sitting in sunlight's always helped, but never like this."
Tony paused, thinking about it. "Well, your powers are based off of the sun and ultraviolet rays identically. Maybe the closer you are to the sun, the stronger you and your powers are?" he theorized.
Riley nodded slowly. "That could be why I materialized through the spaceship earlier," she said, mostly to herself.
"You what?"
Riley shrugged. "Don't ask me."
Descending from above in spider-like fashion, Peter announced, "Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I end up eating one of you, I'm sorry."
Riley gave him a look of amusement while Tony pointed his finger toward Spider-Man. "I don't wanna hear another pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?" scolded Tony.
"I'm trying to say that something's coming."
Riley suddenly tensed, watching a grenade roll in front of them. She immediately moved to summon a forcefield, but the grenade went off before it could touch the rest of the team. They went flying backward. Three individuals went barging into the ship's remains almost on cue.
"Thanos!" yelled one of the three, flinging his blades at Doctor Strange, who calmly deflected it with a mystical shield. In return, his Cloak of Levitation went flying toward the man's face, smothering him and throwing him down.
A man with an odd mask over his face flew into the air. Tony flew after him immediately. Riley turned invisible and created a flat forcefield beneath her feet, riding it into the air as Tony was pinned down by a magnetic disk.
Hearing the masked man laugh at Tony, Riley soared directly at the stranger. She punched him in the gut, causing him to go flying backward. He blindly shot his gun, attempting to hit her and miserably failing.
"Thanos has employed ghosts now!?" the blond man shouted.
Valor rolled her eyes, shooting rays out of her palms at him. She grunted when one of his weapons finally struck her. She became visible again and landed as safely as she could. Directly behind her, Peter was webbing down the third member that had ambushed them.
"Whoa!" Riley yelled, ducking as the masked man she had just been fighting went flying toward her, feet-first. He knocked Peter back.
"Stay down, clown!"
By the time she rose to her feet again, Peter had already pounced on the man. The man couldn't quite counter Peter's spider reflexes at first. He fired at Peter, who, now had extended six new legs from his suit. She created a forcefield in front of him every time one of the gunshots got a little too close for comfort.
Riley quickly turned invisible once the man wrapped some kind of electric-like cord around Peter, sending him rolling backwards.
Before they knew it, the blond man was holding Peter in a headlock with a gun to his head, Tony was standing with his foot on the second man's chest and his blaster to the first man's head, and the third member of their party had been completely webbed up.
"Everybody, stay where you are. Chill the f out!" he yelled, powering off his helmet and revealing his face. "I'm gonna ask you this one time. Where's Gamora?"
Confusion washed over Riley. Tony took it upon himself to ask what the others on his team were thinking. "Yeah, I'll do you one better," he shot back, de-helmeting. "Who's Gamora?"
"I'll do you one better!" the second alien-man yelled from the ground. "Why is Gamora?"
With his Quad-Blaster aimed at Spider-Man's head, the blond demanded, "Tell me where the girl is, or I swear to you, I'm gonna French fry this little freak."
"Let's do it! You shoot my guy, I blast him. Let's go!" Tony extended his nanotech canon, looking uncannily like an electric shark about to eat the alien-man's face.
"Do it, Quill! I can take it!"
"No, he can't take it!" the third alien, a female, exclaimed.
"She's right," Doctor Strange deadpanned. "You can't."
"Oh yeah? You don't wanna tell me where she is? That's fine. I'll kill all four of you and beat it out of Thanos myself," the leader of the opposing team threatened. "Starting with you."
"Wait, Quill, there's only three of them," the female realized, looking around. "Where did you get four?"
The man, known as Quill, glanced around in confusion. He held Peter tighter, trying to understand. "No, I could've sworn..."
The alien on the ground laughed. "Quill, even I can count to three," he said with a laugh, making their leader look stupid. "See? One, two, three—"
"Four," Riley's voice came from beside Quill. She turned visible, causing their enemies to noticeably jump. Her hands were radiating with ultraviolet energy. "Let him go or I'll have to kill you."
"Wait a minute, did you say Thanos?" Doctor Strange started. "Alright, let me ask you this one time. What master do you serve?"
"What master do I serve?" repeated Quill, laughing. "What am I supposed to say? Jesus?"
Tony and Riley exchanged glances. "You're from Earth?" questioned Tony.
"I'm not from Earth," Quill spat. "I'm from Missouri."
"Yeah, that's on Earth, dipshit," Tony snapped. "What are you hassling us for?"
"So you're not with Thanos?" Peter asked.
"With Thanos?" indignantly repeated Quill. "No, I'm here to kill Thanos. He took my girl—Wait, who are you?"
Removing his helmet with his very intuitive suit, Peter said, "We're the Avengers, man."
The female stuck in Peter's webs behind Riley jumped at this. "You're the ones Thor told us about!" she shouted.
Riley's eyes widened, heart racing at the thought of her old friend. She hadn't seen him in years.
"You know Thor?" asked Tony.
"Yeah," confirmed Quill. "Tall guy, not that good-looking, needed saving."
"Not that good-looking? Dude, are you serious—?"
"Where is he now?" Doctor Strange interrupted, glancing at Riley and silently judging the child for her continual outbursts. He could really see how Tony and Riley were family.
Quill looked around and sighed before explaining their story.
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As it turned out, the three attackers were part of a somewhat bigger group called the Guardians of the Galaxy. Riley thought the name was a bit long and suggested that they shortened it to an acronym or something like that, but their leader, Peter Quill, was somewhat offended by this.
Nonetheless, Riley was the first to take a liking toward them after learning about them a little bit more. They were idiots in a sort of endearing way. Drax, Mantis, and Quill were temporarily separated from their other members, Rocket and Groot, who were with Thor trying to acquire a new weapon that could properly defeat Thanos. They all had the same intentions of stopping Thanos, just with the extra detail of saving their final member Gamora from him. As it turned out, Gamora was also Thanos's adopted daughter.
Thanos's overall goal was to wipe out half of Earth's population and resources. He did this to prevent overpopulation, which always coincided with a great lack of resources. When Riley and Peter realized this, they both had the same idea in mind:
"So... wait, Thanos wants to destroy half of the planet's population and resources in order to make sure the planet has enough resources?" Peter had asked. "Something isn't adding up. Maybe Thanos should take a math class or an economics class sometime."
"Yeah," Riley had agreed. "Wouldn't destroying half of our resources and half of our population just leave us in the same predicament we're already allegedly in? Is this Thanos's half-assed excuse for wanting to kill people? Odd flex, but okay."
Just like the Avengers, the Guardians were trying to stop Thanos from collecting all of the Infinity Stones, which were kept in his gauntlet. Now, they were just trying to figure out a plan to steal Thanos's gauntlet. If they could take the gauntlet, they could win this whole thing. It was the key to the end.
Quill, who had been measuring the planet's tilt, asked, "The heck happened to this planet? It's eight degrees off its axis. The gravitational pull is all over the place."
Riley shook her head. "You can measure a planet's tilt, but you don't know basic geography?" she taunted. Riley had learned from him that they were on a planet known as Titan.
Quill stuck his tongue out at Riley, who laughed in amusement. "What are you, 12?" taunted the older man.
"Yeah," Riley childishly replied. "12 times better than you."
"Wha—!?"
"Yeah, we got one advantage," Tony declared, interrupting Quill. "He's coming to us. We'll use it. Alright, I have a plan. Or, at least, the beginnings of one. It's pretty simple. We draw him in, pin him down, get what we need. Definitely don't wanna dance with this guy. We just want the gauntlet."
Drax yawning grasped their attention. "Are you yawning? In the middle of this? While I'm breaking it down? Huh?" Tony snapped. Drax looked back in his direction. "Did you hear what I said?"
"I stopped listening after you said, "We need a plan"," shamelessly said Drax.
Sighing, Tony said, "Okay, Mr. Clean is on his own page."
"See, "not winging it" isn't really what they do," Quill explained.
Peter raised his hand. "Uh, what exactly is it that they do?"
Fiercely, like an eight-week-old kitten, Mantis snarled, "Kick names, take ass."
"That's right," quietly agreed Drax.
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," mumbled Riley, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Tony sighed after a long moment, deep hopelessness written on his face. "Alright, just get over here, please," Tony begged. He glanced over at Quill. "Mr. Lord, can you get your folks to circle up?"
Scoffing, Quill repeated, "Mr. Lord. Star-Lord is fine." He motioned toward Drax and Mantis.
"We gotta coalesce. Cause if we all come at him with is a plucky attitude..." trailed off Tony.
"Dude, don't call us plucky," Quill told him. "We don't know what it means." He paused. "Alright, we're optimistic, yes. I like your plan... except it sucks, so let me do the plan, and that way it might be really good."
"Tell them about the dance-off to save the universe," suggested Drax.
"The what?" Riley asked.
"What dance-off?" Tony queried.
"It's not a..." trailed off Quill, stammering. "It's not... It's nothing."
"Like in Footloose the movie?" Peter wondered, curious.
"Exactly like Footloose!" exclaimed Quill, much more enthusiastic at the sound of the classic movie. "Is it still the greatest movie in history?"
"It never was."
"Don't encourage this, alright?" Tony told Peter, who was busy fist-bumping at the comment. "We're getting no help from Flash Gordon here."
"Flash Gordon?" Quill repeated. "By the way, that's a compliment. Don't forget, I'm half-human." He pointed at the three Avengers. "So that 50% of me that's stupid? That's 100% of you."
"Your math is blowing my mind," sarcastically retorted Tony.
"Alright, I love stupid banter as much as the next guy, but I'm pretty sure you still called yourself stupid," Riley pointed out.
"I..." Quill trailed off, at a loss for words.
"Excuse me," Mantis spoke up with a sweet voice. "Does your friend often... do that?"
Riley's eyes trailed over to where she had been staring. Doctor Strange was sitting cross-legged, floating slightly above the ground. His hands were poised in a mystic gesture with the Time Stone glowing brightly in the Eye of Agamotto. Green vapor-like energy flowed from the stone while even more intricate energy patterns circled Doctor Strange's forearms. The Cape of Levitation flowed behind him as if the stone was creating a strong breeze. His eyes were closed shut and his head jerked rapidly from side-to-side, the motion blurring, but resembling the idea that he was looking for something.
"Strange, we alright?" called Tony while approaching him. Almost on cue, Doctor Strange snapped out of his trance and fell forward, letting out a cry. Tony grabbed him, reassuring him. "You're back. You're alright."
"Hey, what was that?" inquired Peter while Riley worriedly wondered, "Are you okay?"
Strange panted heavily. "I went forward in time to view alternate futures... to see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict," he revealed.
"How many did you see?" Quill questioned.
"14,000,605," he easily recalled.
"How many did we win?" Tony interrogated.
Doctor Strange looked up with a grave look in his eye.
"One."
Like a ton of bricks, the thought had suddenly hit her. Riley had known what they were up against before. Riley had known that she was in outer space to fight evil. For some reason, she had been under the impression that, as always, they would win. They would conquer the darkness that plagued the universe. That was what Riley was so convinced would happen. After all, they always won. Every single time, without fail, they won. Good is supposed to outweigh the bad, right?
However, now, the idea had become significantly clearer. There was only one outcome, out of the millions he traveled to, where the Avengers won. Only one. There was one future, one hilariously impossible future where things could end up alright.
Riley's heart sunk in her chest. Every moment, every decision she made starting now would have to be carefully thought out. Because, frankly, they were screwed unless they did everything right. The worst part was that she didn't even know what exact steps needed to be taken. They were shooting darts in the dark.
Riley, who had been smiling and cracking jokes because she had forgotten how serious their situation at hand was, had a solemn expression on her face. Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed and a frown tugged at her lips.
"Only one..." repeated Riley, mumbling. She seemed to be the only person verbally reacting. Everyone else had fallen silent. "There's really only one future we actually win? Only one? That can't be—"
Riley interrupted herself by a gasp escaping her mouth. Her eyes were glossed over with a bright white light. Though her body was physically on Titan (She could tell because she could feel someone shaking her shoulders), Riley's mind seemed to have been transported away.
Once her sight was returned back to her, she looked around. She wasn't sure where she was, unable to recognize her surroundings. All of space looked the same to her, but this place... it felt different. She felt slower, almost like she was dreaming. Still, it was strange because very distantly, she could hear her friends calling her name and trying to speak to her. They sounded so, so far away...
Riley continued to look around until noticing a large, purple figure standing behind her. Riley's eyes widened, taken aback. "Who... Who are you?" immediately asked Riley. She paused, having to look up at the creature. Her eyes landed on the gauntlet around his fist. "You're Thanos, aren't you?"
The purple alien just nodded. Meanwhile, the distant yells in the back of her mind grew louder once Riley had spoken his name. It was like they could somehow hear what she was saying. "Correct," confirmed Thanos.
Riley wondered if he could hear her heart pounding against her chest. She was standing face-to-face with the most powerful creature in the universe. There was a part of her that was trying to swallow her fear, but there was another part that was ready to fight. But on top of that, she knew she needed to hide her fear, and the only way to do that was to be herself.
Therefore, feeling a little bold, possibly due to her growing fear, Riley stated, "You know, you've pissed off a lot of people. We might let you go alive if you hand over your glorified Ring Pop."
Thanos, not quite understanding Riley's insults, sighed. "There's a reason I chose to astral-project your soul to me," Thanos began. "I've known of your existence for quite some time. You're a reoccurring thought in Stark's mind. You're Stark's daughter, an Avenger just like him and his friends."
Riley tensed. This was the creature that had plagued Tony's mind for so long. Tony never quite spoke about it to her, but whenever they were sleeping under the same roof, Tony's screams would wake her up. "You're the one that's been haunting Tony for all these years," Riley realized. Anger bubbled up from inside her, but she had to remain composed. Riley forced a laugh in attempt to calm herself down. "And to think, you're all mighty, yet you look like an ugly raisin. And I didn't even know raisins could be ugly."
The more Riley stood there, the more she could feel someone's hands on her shoulders. They shook her, trying to bring her back to her body, but it was pointless. Her soul was being astral-projected out of her body because of Thanos, after all. She wasn't even sure where they were.
"Hm, Loki did say you were the more annoying one out of those supposed heroes," Thanos said, mostly to himself. He spoke up when he continued to add, "I've called you here to warn you."
"Warn me?" She scoffed. "I already know what you're planning on doing to the universe. Your plan sucks, by the way."
Raising his voice, Thanos shouted, "You know nothing!" Riley visibly flinched at this, not expecting the sudden change in his tone. Thanos paused, considering his own thoughts for a moment. "You remind me of someone I once knew. As fierce and defensive a warrior she was, she died at my own hands."
Riley tensed without realizing. Thanos had killed whoever he was talking about, which caused her to think...
"Are you going to kill me?"
Thanos hummed. "No," he finally decided. He circled around the young hero. "You, particularly, out of your little friends have caught my attention. It's no wonder you're the daughter of Stark. Are you aware of the unused power sitting inside of you? It has awakened now that you've become closer to the sun. I'm almost curious as to see how much power you truly wield."
Riley closed her fists. "You wanna find out?" she threatened, despite knowing she'd never win as long as he had any of the Infinity Stones.
Thanos laughed. "You are no match for me, courageous one," he said almost too calmly. "But I am curious. There is always one being in each planet that strikes my attention. For your world, it seems that it's Tony Stark. I do respect him, but he and the rest of you will never defeat me."
"I don't care what you think about him. You better stay the hell away from my dad and the rest of us," she snapped.
Thanos shook his head, ignoring her threats. "You, however, have captured my attention, just like Gamora did when she was a bit younger than you are. I should get rid of you, but I had to meet you first and see the sun's chosen one for myself."
Riley was getting impatient. "Why am I here, Thanos? If you're going to kill me, just do it already! If it means you won't touch the others, I don't care!"
Thanos was silent. "No—I won't kill you," he declared. "Your fate will be decided by the snap... Yes, that's what I'll do with you. And should you survive? Well... we'll be in touch, Valor. But for now, what to do with you?"
Thanos had been inside of Tony's mind for six years. Throughout this time, Riley had been just as prevalent in Tony's life just as she had since she was a kid. That meant Thanos knew everything about her. He knew that Tony loved and respected her, which meant that she had to have been worth a least some of Thanos's time, right? That made sense, considering Tony had his respect. Still, the question at hand was what he was going to do with her.
Riley had no idea what he was going to do to her. For all she knew, she could be dead in the next few minutes.
"I can't have you here when I retrieve the Time Stone," Thanos continued to say. "Your powers could be unleashed and that might distract me from my mission. Hm... Then... Perhaps, I'll temporarily get rid of you." He looked over at Riley. "Yes, that's what I shall do."
He racked his brain for a long moment. He couldn't send her too far away. There was a chance that he might need her and her powers. But what to do until then? What would he do?
"Yes, I know exactly where I'll send you," Thanos finally said.
Releasing the breath Riley had been holding, she exclaimed, "Wait—!"
With the wave of Thanos's hand, Riley Stark was transported off of Titan.
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