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ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING
vi. HOMICIDAL REINDEER

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  "THE CHITAURI ARE COMING. Nothing will change that."

  "Have you looked outside, Mr. Loki? We can clearly see that, asshat," 11-year-old Riley O'Dair sassed with her squeaky voice.

  Tony Stark, stripped of his armor, was standing at the bar from within Stark Towers. Fixing himself a drink, he glanced over his shoulder and said, "Hey, watch your damn mouth, Tink." He leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his alcoholic beverage. "She thinks she's all high and mighty 'cause she graduated high school last year."

  Loki sneered at the tiny hero. "What have I to fear? A Tin-Man and his fetus friend?" Riley stuck her tongue out at the villainous man.

  "The Avengers," Tony simply answered. Loki stared at him, puzzled. "It's what we call ourselves. Earth's mightiest heroes kinda thing."

  "Seriously, get with the program, you homicidal reindeer," Riley chirped from beside Tony. She folded her arms over her chest.

  He shot her a look. "Stop stealing my jokes and making them better, fetus," Tony shot.

  "Fine, Tin-Man," she grumbled before turning herself invisible.

  Loki smirked at Tony. "Yes, I've met your... Avengers."

  Tony nodded. "Yeah. It takes us a while to get any traction, but let's do a headcount here," Tony suggested. "Your brother the demigod, a supersoldier who's a bit of a living legend..." While Loki was turned around, Tony slipped on a pair of silver cuffs. "A man with breathtaking anger management issues, a couple of master assassins, and my personal favorite, the 11-year-old who could kick any of our asses whenever she feels necessary. And you, big fella, have managed to piss off every single one of them."

  "That was the plan."

  "Not a very good plan, if you asked me," Riley squeaked. She could practically feel Tony's eyes on her even though he couldn't see her. "But no one has... so... uh, I'll be over here..."

  Tony walked forward with his drink in hand. "When they come—and they will—they'll come for you."

  "I have an army," Loki threatened.

  "We have a Hulk," Tony countered. "There is no throne, no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damn sure we'll avenge it."

  Loki walked forward with his glowing scepter in his hand. "How can you be so sure your friends will be fighting me when they're so busy fighting you?" he questioned. Then, he reached up and went to tap his scepter to Tony's heart, or rather, his arc reactor. Loki furrowed his eyebrows together upon realizing that his little magic trick wasn't working. "Huh... This usually works."

  Tony shrugged. "Performance issues, what can you do about them? Honestly, I'd rate yours maybe one out of five—"

  Interrupting him, Loki grabbed Tony and threw him to the ground. "JARVIS, any time now," he quietly spat, grunting as he rose to his feet. "Stand down, Riley!"

  Loki marched forward and grabbed Tony by his face. "You will all fall before me."

  "Deploy! Deploy!"

  With that being said, Tony was thrown out the glass window of Stark Towers. Eyes widening, Riley screamed, "Tony!" She observed as one of his suits went flying after him to save him, which made her feel somewhat relieved. Nonetheless, she turned to Loki with a fire burning in her eyes. "You're gonna regret that."

  The 11-year-old stomped forward and brought her tiny fist up to Loki's jaw, causing him to fall onto the ground out of surprise and drop his scepter. She made herself visible once more, kicking him in the stomach.

  Mid-kick, Loki grabbed her ankle and tossed her away from him. In response to this, Riley created a forcefield behind herself to stop her from getting too far. Another forcefield went around his scepter, preventing him from retrieving it.

  She leaped forward to grab the scepter, but in between those few seconds where there was no longer a forcefield blanketed over the weapon, Loki claimed it once more. She stood in her place, frozen, with her hands raised. Heart racing, the child huffed and puffed quietly.

  "Hm, how peculiar," commented Loki. "You, my child, are one of the few Midguardians to have Valor."

  Riley stared at him blankly. "I might be smart, but I'm still a kid, which means I have no idea what that means," she sassed once more.

  "It means to show courage in the face of danger, fetus," Loki unenthusiastically explained. "I've been keeping my eye out for you ever since Agent Barton mentioned you. You've shown fierceness and bravery for someone of your age."

  He stood directly before her, towering over her. Loki held his scepter and placed it where her heart was; however, he found that his trick failed once more. Her eyes bled a shade of purple, similar to ultraviolet rays. A forcefield had taken form over her most vital organ.

  "You might be some kind of monster, but listen here, tough guy," the child sneered, "the sun will shine on us again." She paused. "You're going to throw me out the window like you did to Tony, aren't you?"

  Loki shrugged. "If that is what you wish."

  With that being said, 11-year-old Riley O'Dair was chucked out the window without another word. The only thing that could be heard amongst more glass shattering was a loud, "You... suck...!"

○ ○ ○

   Riley awoke with a jolt, head snapping upward. Her arms instinctively moved to her stomach. She felt like she was falling, like her dream. Her heart pounded against her chest as she looked around, quickly realizing that she was sitting in her third period English class, not fighting the God of Mischief. Just a dream.

   "This is it. I'm gonna fail out of Spanish, then high school, and then I'll lose the Stark Internship..."

   Leisurely, Riley turned to the boy beside her. Her eyes felt heavy, but Peter Parker's frantic mumbling was enough to keep her awake for now. She didn't even remember falling asleep.

   Peter Parker looked like he was about to pass out. His entire body was stiff as he stared at the stacks of papers and notes scattered across his weathered desk.

   "Oh, hey. You're awake." Riley's gaze flickered between the papers back to Peter's face. She didn't realize she'd been staring.

   Awkwardly, Riley cleared her throat. She was still in a bit of a daze after her dream. "Uh, yeah," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "...Are you okay? You sound like you're about to go full Lohan over there." He sighed, shaking his head.

   "It's this Spanish test I have next Monday," Peter explained. He looked down at the paper in front of him that he had been writing on. "Hola. Mi nombre es Peter. Tengo que llevar mi alce la bodega."

   Riley was baffled. She had never thought about the fact that Peter actually had ordinary problems, like friends and tests and homework. She was impressed he could juggle all of that on his own. However, that wasn't why she was so perplexed.

   Riley pinched her eyebrows together. Her mere confusion seemed to fully wake her up as she translated, "You... have to take your moose to the cellar? Do you even know what you just said?"

   He seemed a little frustrated. "I'm usually really good at Spanish, but I guess I've been sorta behind in studying because of the Stark—Wait." He turned to her, surprised. "You understood all that?"

   Riley nodded. "I speak Spanish, English, Russian, Portuguese, and French. Yeah, I definitely understood that," Riley assured him. "Listen, if you need help with your Spanish stuff, I'm free pretty much all week."

   Peter's eyes seemed to light up upon hearing what the Latina had been suggesting. "Oh, boy, you'd really help me out?" he asked. Riley nodded. "I think you're my hero."

   "Trust me," Riley replied, leaning on her desk, "I'm not a hero."

   Peter scoffed. "If you can get me an A on this test, I'll go up to Mr. Stark himself and get you initiated into the Avengers," he joked.

   A little laugh left her. She wasn't sure why Peter didn't have many friends at Midtown. She thought he was charming in his own boyish way. Then again, maybe that was just because she was an optimist and enjoyed a good pleasant surprise when it found its way to her.

   "You really like Tony Stark, huh?" asked Riley. She twirled her pencil around, watching as Peter beamed at the mention of his mentor. "I mean, you talk about your... internship thing every day, so I just assumed."

   Nodding, he enthused, "He's the best. He's, like my hero. I-I mean, I know he's already a hero, but—"

   "I know what you mean," gently promised Riley. "It's cool you guys are friends."

   She didn't know it, but her kindness brought Peter a different type of joy—one he wasn't used to. Tons of people were quick to say Peter was lying when he said he knew Tony Stark. They belittled him and taunted him when the mere topic of Mr. Stark came up in conversation. He was glad people like Riley existed. It made him feel good being seen, heard.

   Peter leaned back in his seat. "What do you think of Mr. Star—I mean, Tony? I didn't think you'd be into superheroes and stuff," he admitted.

   Riley eyed him, sitting up straight. "Why? 'Cause I'm a girl?"

   Immediately, Peter's eyes widened as he insisted, "Wh—No! No, no! Of course not, I just... I just meant..." He weakly glared at her when she smiled, giggling at his explosive reaction. "You're messing with me, aren't you?"

   "Mhm," she hummed, amused. She shrugged. "Anyway, to answer your question, Tony Stark's cool. But can I be honest?" She paused, wearing a serious face. Peter tilted his head to the side, curious as to what she was about to say. "He gives off short energy."

   Peter snorted, chuckling. "Short energy?" he repeated.

   "Yeah!" returned Riley. "Come on, you can't look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't come off as a dwarf on TV. His ego's a mask for his short energy."

   The two broke out into laughter, smiles on their faces as they bonded over the strange man that was Tony Stark. Riley always liked hearing good things about the man after he faced so much backlash in the media. Deep down, she knew Tony was a good person with good intentions. He'd probably give his life for the universe if it came down to it, and people would still have something negative to say.

   Riley wondered what Peter would think the day he found out she was Valor. She knew it would come, but maybe in a year or so.

   The whole "You're my hero" thing would have a completely different meaning to it afterward. That's for sure.

   But for now, Riley wouldn't think about the future. The future was far away, and right now, she wanted to live in the moment—in a world where she was just a normal girl named Riley O'Dair.