Eat Food, Drink Water, and piss ur pants today, or I'll do it for u>:(

You were right, within a couple minutes Chrollo had silently ordered Shal to tear you away from Hisoka.

Not that it mattered. You got what you needed from him. For now at least.

As annoying as he was, he was good at information dealing.

Now the issue was just how reliable that information was. And, unfortunately, you had no way to fact check what he said.

"What were you two chatting about?" Shal asked as wrapped an arm around your shoulder. Leading you away from Hisoka.

You could still feel Hisoka's eyes on you as you walked off, the creepy bastard, "The Hunter exam."

Technically true. Some of what you spoke about was exam related.

"Oh," Shal let his arm slip away from your shoulder. Turning to face you and walking backwards as he continued to speak, "you two took it together, right?"

The fact that he managed to keep pace, while not being able to see where he was going was impressive. But you suspect that it was only so he could keep his eyes on Hisoka.

"Mhm," You nodded, knowing everything you said would be told to Chrollo, "he was annoying the whole time."

"Annoying?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. Smiling like he wasn't interrogating you right now.

Chrollo should've done the questioning himself. He was better at it.

Supposedly, he's hoping you're attached enough to Shal to answer. That or Shal's just that good at manipulation.

"Just.. Hisoka?" You shrugged, flopping down on a nearby couch. Shal sitting across from you.

You wonder how much control Chrollo has over Shal's actions right now.

From what you know of the Troupe's inner workings, they're usually left on their own as long as they don't fight each other.

Chrollo values the Troupe more than he does anything else. Including you.

So he wouldn't change the rules that much. He probably just told Shal to not get too clo-

"Thinking about something?" Shal asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Hm? Oh-" You were about to play it off as nothing important, before a question popped into your mind, "..just wondering why Chrollo's having me meet you all."

Might as well try to get some answers. Especially considering that, originally, you assumed he saw you as yet another stolen prize. To dispose of once you became unentertaining.

"Huh?" Shal stared at you for a moment before laughing softly, easily explaining, "Why wouldn't he want us to meet his future spouse?"

Oh.

You just stared at him, processing the information.

Likely, it's a lie meant to gain your trust.

But if that were the case he wouldn't involve the Troupe in his schemes. Not if he had plans to only keep you for a short while.

But him actually wanting to marry you didn't make sense either. Why would he want that?

Fuck, if you didn't figure this out soon you were going to kill yourself. Why did it all have to be so confusing.

"I guess that makes sense." You finally said, before quickly switching the topic.

—

"Stay safe, dear." Chrollo kissed your forehead as he stood up to leave, "Phinks, Feitan. Watch the base while we're gone."

As Hisoka had said, the Troupe meeting was in place for an actual heist. Which was far better than if it was just about you.

Less attention on you this way.

You're not sure if members always got left behind to "watch the base", or if that actually just meant watch you. But, still, you were stuck alone with Feitan and Phinks.

You like to imagine it as Feitan's own personal punishment, for torturing you.

And Phinks' punishment for having literally no eyebrows. Not cool man.

Still, the second Chrollo and the rest of the group was out of sight, Feitan appeared right beside you. So he was fast. Good to know.

"How.. fake dead?" Feitan drawled out, his eyes boring into yours. As if searching for answers that may lay there.

Shuddering at the cold stare, you quickly turned your head away. Shrugging your shoulders, "What are you gonna do if I don't tell you?"

You meant for it to sound more confident. Like a taunt. Instead it sounded more like a genuine question.

With Chrollo not around to stop him, what'd he do?

Feitan stared for a moment longer than you were comfortable with. Before turning and walking off. Not bothering with pressing for answers.

Phinks, however, didn't share the same idea.

"So you're Chrollo's lover?" He popped open a beer bottle with practiced ease. Swirling it around before taking a large swig of it. "How'd you two meet?"

"Wrong number texts." You hummed, scooting over so he could sit beside you. Even if he was ugly. "Just by mistake, I guess."

"Hah," Phinks gladly took the invitation to plop down next to you, "really got unlucky there, didn't ya? Couldn't imagine just getting roped into all this one day."

You blinked at him once. Then twice. A third time. Before finally, "Aren't you supposed to.. make me delusionally in love with him or something?"

That's what Chrollo himself was trying to do at least.

"Me?" Phinks took a large gulp of the beer, practically downing the thing in one go, "Hell nah. If Chrollo wanted manipulation from us, he would've stuck with Shal."

You were about to reply before Feitan cut in.

"Phinks.. watch what say. ..Brat's sneaky."

You couldn't choose between being flattered that Feitan was considering you as some level of threat. Or annoyed that your information source just got shut up.

"Oh c'mon! It's not like they're gonna do anything with it," Phinks argued, resting his feet on the nearby coffee table, "look at the twig. They're weak."

Yeah. So please keep talking.

"Doesn't matter." Feitan replied, his voice low as he stared at Phinks, "Boss wants them.. out of loop."

Oh so this was a Chrollo-ordered thing. That means both these people underestimate you to some extent. And that, if you ever want to escape, it has to be now.

So, all you have to do is escape from two of the fastest, strongest people ever. Who can also call for more people to hunt you down. Some of those people far more intelligent than you.

And your tools available were somewhat hidden intelligence, mediocre acting skills, and Hisoka(potentially).

Lovely. You also had maybe an hour to come up with a plan and execute it.

You should give up now. Accept your fate.

An eternity with Chrollo. Which, while it may be ChrolloOnTopOfMe's dream. It's not exactly in your best interests.

Phinks, at some point, had gotten off the couch, and grabbed himself another beer. You were too consumed in thought to notice or care.

Once Chrollo got back, you were completely and officially trapped.

But, you might as well say you were already trapped and call it a day. There was no way you'd escape two phantom troupe members-

A large crashing sound caught your attention, followed by multiple gunshots. Both sounds seemingly very close by.

Well fuck.

"Of fucking course." Phinks grumbled, slamming his half-finished bottle on the ground.

Feitan immediately moved to grab you. Which, while unfortunate, was expected, "Phinks go fight. I protect twig."

"Can you all stop calling me that?" You grumbled, stuffing your hands in your pockets.

One cold stare from Feitan, and you immediately looked away. Maybe the name calling wasn't that important.

On the bright side you only had to run from one troupe member now.

Unfortunately it was Feitan.

"Motherfuck!" Came the shout, only a few moments after Phinks disappeared down the hallway.

With how confident he was, rolling up his sleeves and winding his arm, it was a rather girly scream in comparison.

You almost laughed, if it weren't for Feitan watching you.

"Are you.. gonna help him..?" You asked. This could be a very nice opportunity to run.

Digging out his phone, Feitan didn't bother to respond. Immediately dialing a number.

You could guess it was Chrollo's.

"Boss," And you were right. "an attack. Phinks may be injured. I still stay with brat?"

Whatever Chrollo said on the other side probably wasn't good, based off of Feitan's expression.

But, it's Fei, so maybe his face is just stuck that way.

Hanging up the phone, Feitan grabbed your arm. Dragging you along as he grumbled, "Follow.. Stay quiet."

Following along as Feitan dragged you down the hallway, you tried to look for a possible escape. Hopefully Feitan just thought you were looking for signs of Phinks.

Still, Feitan's grip was unwavering. Only loosening slightly when he saw a hint of blood against one of the corners.

Staring at the small puddle of blood, you asked "Is that a enemies or Phin-"

"Told you stay quiet." He growled. Gripping your wrist again. Tighter than Chrollo would probably alike. But that's not the priority right now.

About Chrollo. He, or one of the other members are probably on their way back. Giving you ten minutes tops to escape.

This day just keeps getting worse.

Another loud crash, and suddenly you were being dragged again. Far faster than you could keep up with.

Guys let's all go in the direction of mysterious noises. That's never worked badly for anyone ever. Especially not when there's only a small handful of people and they're all split up.

Luckily, or unluckily, Feitan quickly found Phinks. Fighting a gigantic fucking black cat. Like minivan sized. Or like a hundred and eighty two ice cream cones.

Anything but the metric system of measurement.

"Fucking hell, this thing won't stop fucking-"

Assuredly Phinks was going to say attacking or something like that.

You couldn't tell because he was charged by the cat, causing him to curse again.

Feitan glanced between you and the beast, before ordering, "Don't move." before going to help his coworker.

"Meow." Jinx, who was sitting in the windowsil-

Wait a fucking second.

Jinx is helping you escape right now.

Glancing between the two men fighting the large cat—probably some follower of Jinx or Jinx variant—and Jinx, you quickly hoisted yourself up onto the windowsill. Sliding out the window and hopping onto the grass outside.

At this point. Every part of your plan relied on hoping this weird supernatural black cat had things under control.

So, when Jinx ran, you followed. And didn't look back.

Probably a rookie mistake, as you followed Jinx into a dead end alleyway. A sharp sting in the back of your neck, before you hit the ground.

—

"You're so cruel, Illu ♧" Hisoka laughed, leaning against the alleyway's wall. Fiddling with a deck of cards. "The poor thing might've thought they were free. ♡"

"They shouldn't trust so blindly then." Illumi replied blandly. Easily picking up your unconscious body.

"Jinx, go home. I'll meet you there." Illumi ordered, not even glancing back at Hisoka as he added, "Don't you have somewhere to be, Morow?"

"Hm. I suppose I've been gone suspiciously long ♢" Hisoka purred, even though Illumi was well out of sight.

Word Count: 1980

Fun Facts:

• Yippee Illumi!! Seems like Y/n forgot about the other threat at hand<33 and Jinx being Illumi's cat

• There was no way to make Y/n escape cuz they're just not all that. So of course I needed God(Jinx) to help. Phantom Troupe reaction ‼️WILL‼️ be shown next chapter cuz that shits funny asf

"How'd you lose my lover??"
"Well, you see.. there was a cat.."
"A cat."

• Y/n is at the point where literally do not see anyone outside the Phantom Troupe or Zoldycks as a threat (until they have to fight head on). Gunshots? No issue. Hunters? Not a problem. Sure be a shame if that goes wrong for them at some point.