Trigger warnings!!!
Branch from trolls
Hisoka vs pedophile catchers

Basically Weezer Groupchat
1 online

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅 is now
online

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Chrollieee

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Ur online💞💞💞

The Devil From the Bible🙏
I am

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
😋

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
How's the troupe?

The Devil From the Bible🙏
What did you just say?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Groupe* mb😔

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Basically the same thing actually

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
So u can't even correct me😝

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Dear, group doesn't have an e

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Oh.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
I knew that>:/

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Yeah?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Of course🤒

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
I mean it's so obvious

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
I was testing u actually🥳

The Clown From the Circus?? is now online

The Clown From the Circus??
You do make me feel smart, dear~

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Literally means ur dum dum

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Need other ppl to make u feel smart🙄

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Hm.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
What's that supposed to mean🤨

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Chrollie??

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Nothing at all, love

The Clown From the Circus??
You're acting quite strange boss ♡

The Clown From the Circus??
Have you fallen ill?

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Perhaps.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Just ignore, ibuprofen, isolate until
it goes away

The Clown From the Circus??
I much prefer manipulate, manslaughter, manhole, thank you☺️

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Hisoka, a word.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Huh

2 people are now offline

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Wait what

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Guys???

—

The Devil From the Bible created a new chat
The Devil From the Bible added two people to the chat
The Clown From the Circus?? is now online
What is now online

What
I assume this is to speak behind
Y/n's back

What
Yet I do not see the purpose as to why
we must do so

The Devil From the Bible🙏
I believe they caught onto something.

The Clown From the Circus??
The "troupe" mixup?

The Clown From the Circus??
It really was a honest mistake💞

The Clown From the Circus??
You overreact, boss ♤

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Say what you want, but I assure you
they are catching on. I'm certain of it.

What
I do not believe they have the intelligence
to do so

What
And even if they did, which is unlikely,
they do not have the capability to do
anything with said knowledge

The Devil From the Bible🙏
They're more intelligent than they
let on, Illumi

What
Doubtful.

What is now offline

The Clown From the Circus??
I fear I must agree </3

The Clown From the Circus??
I doubt they know as much as you
think💞

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Believe what you wish, Hisoka

The Devil From the Bible🙏 is now offline

—

Basically Weezer Groupchat

What is now online

What
Hello I am most definitely Illumi

What
A very emo, gay, and over all unenjoyable person to be around🙏

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅 is now
online

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
What

What
What?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Illumi??😭😭

What
That is most certainly my name, yes

What
My name and no one else's

What
As I am Illumi (trust)

The Devil From the Bible🙏 is now online

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Who are you?

What
Miss girl, we been over this🙄🫰

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Illumi girlbossing arc??

What
Fr fr😫

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Crting I can't😭😭

The Devil From the Bible🙏
So many emojis coming from Illumi's
phone is.. surprising, to say the least

What
Girly just say you're uncomfortable💅

What
Not that anyone cares😫

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Illumi drag queen??

What
I'm serving cunt

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Ateeee😫

The Devil From the Bible🙏
I do not wish to be apart of this
anymore

What
It's time to get our 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 on🫰🙄

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Haters hatin🙄🫰

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Not that that can stop us🥰

What
Girlypop what did Illumi do to deserve
you🤨

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
He has the big bucks hoeeee😫

What
Bitch he giving you money??

What
Fam won't even but me snacks, and
I'm his brother??

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Buy*

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Sucks to suck🫰

What
Girl I am not the one sucking, we both
know how u getting that money

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
🤑

The Clown From the Circus?? is now online

The Clown From the Circus??
Valley girls giving blowjobs for
Louboutins ♡

What
What you call that?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Head over heels🤭

The Devil From the Bible🙏
I feel as though I am missing something important here

What
Slurp slurp😋

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
can't wait to be ur in law

What
Girly you do NOT want to be here🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
But girllllll the moneyyyyyy😫

The Devil From the Bible🙏
You really do not need him, if you
need money just ask

The Clown From the Circus??
And if you need new heels~

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Hard pass, suck u later🥰

What
I am a MINOR??

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Ur gonna be a miner when I reestablish
child labor in the republic of
padokea🥰🥰

What
Why you out here knowing my address

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Neededthem heels bad fam

What
😞

What
Betrayal hurts worse than when my
family tortures me

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Oh so u allll getting tortured over there

What
Yes???

The Clown From the Circus??
Did you assume it was just our dear Illumi taking the brunt of the abuse?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
...

The Devil From the Bible🙏
If I had to raise Illumi, I'd beat him too

What
SCYAHMING

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
CHROLJYM??

The Devil From the Bible🙏
I believe my message was clear, dear

What
Help I'm going through Illumi's phone

What
the devil from the Bible's contact info is literally "🐛🐜🦟🪲🪳🐞"

The Devil From the Bible🙏
He still fails to understand the difference between arachnids and insects I see

The Clown From the Circus??
And pray tell what mine may be? ♡

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
NO ME ME MR

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
WHATS MINR DAVED AS

What
One second, impatient hoes

What
Clown fucker urs is "that one clown from the impassive wood burning act (Hunter Association administrated after 1999)"

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
LITEERALLY WHAU

The Clown From the Circus??
Aww, he remembers how we met🥰

The Devil From the Bible🙏
I'd say it's the opposite. Illumi seems to be using that as a reminder of who you are

The Clown From the Circus??
.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Humbled so fast

What
As a wise man once said- sit down, be
humble

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Kendrick Lamar?

What
🤭

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
I love u not-illumi

What
..I didn't introduce myself, did I?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Girl no😞

What
Killua Zoldyck, pleasure🫡

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Girl why'd they legit name u kill(ua)

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Poor creative thinking skills

What
Same reason Usian Bolt is named
Bolt.

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
That's crazy

The Clown From the Circus??
I can't help but still be curious ♤

The Clown From the Circus??
What has Illumi saved Y/n as?

What
I'm not ur slave, I don't need to tell u

The Clown From the Circus??
And what would it take to make you talk?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Two and a half pennies ??

What
😧

What
Sold

What
Brb

The Devil From the Bible🙏
..I wasn't aware Zoldycks could act like
that

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Wait guys I know Illumi's last name now

The Clown From the Circus??
And what do you plan to do with that,
dear?

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
Idk eat it

What
HOLY FIBFCK

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
WAITCWHAT

What
HTE SAVER U AR POTETNTL SUITOR

The Clown From the Circus??
Oh?

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Absolutely not

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
LIKEV FICKING MARRAIGE?

What
EXACTIKU

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅
ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ
ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ
ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ
ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ
ÆÆÆÆÆÆÆÆ

The Cunt From the Alleyway💅 is now
offline

The Clown From the Circus??
You certainly must be lying, no?

What
OLUMIN IS ONTB LOVE

The Devil From the Bible🙏
Doubtful.

What
UR JRALPUDSY I

What
My apologies, my brother had somehow managed to get his hands on my phone
while I was preoccupied

What
Please ignore whatever he may have said

What is now offline

The Clown From the Circus??
Illumi is.. in love with our dear?

The Devil From the Bible🙏
He's making this a matter of urgency then

—

Illumi held his phone in his hand as he glanced over at Killua. With a sigh, he clicked the off button. Watching the screen go black before shoving it back into his pocket.

"Go to your room, Kil," Was all Illumi said. Not looking at the boy. His breathing slow, almost forced.

Killua swallowed dry, his fists clenched at his sides. Illumi wasn't.. mad?

"You aren't going to torture me?"

"I said go to your room."

"But I stole your phone, you should-"

"Killua." Illumi's voice was cold as he turned back to face Killua. His eyes boring into the young boy as he approached him, kneeling down so he could rest his hands on Killua's shoulders. Forcing Killua to face him, "Go to your room. Do not speak of this. Not to father, not to mother, not to a butler. No one."

Killua tensed, freezing at Illumi's touch and cold response. Fingers curling around his pants, clutching them tightly.

"Dad-" Killua almost didn't continue, the option of being able to leave now and never speak of this again tempting. Still, he knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he had an answer, "..Dad doesn't know?"

"He doesn't need to."

"But-"

One look from Illumi and Killua's jaw immediately snapped shut. Movements tense as he nodded.

Illumi slowly released Killua, letting the boy stumble back. His eyes not leaving Killua, "If you understand, go to your room."

Killua ran.

Word Count: 1865

Fun Facts:

• That end part was entirely unplanned, and I kinda just let the words do whatever. So not used to writing anything "serious" so it just feels.. off I guess?? Idk, I don't have time to go and change it though

• Hisoka was so shocked by the suitor thing that he genuinely dropped the "~" and emoticons

• Anyways so now Illumi wants to get you faster than Chrollo does, and Vice versa. Mostly so the other can't have you in case they decide they genuinely want you. Don't get too excited hoes, ur still just an object to them