── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

❝ letter seven ❞

𝟤̶𝟧̶26th April 1944

My love,
                I am so very tired. My father thinks that I am just being lazy but I am so incredibly tired. I am sleeping through most days and I can barely keep myself awake enough to eat.

My aunt is worried and she has called the doctor for another visit but I know it is nothing unusual. I have gone through bouts of exhaustion my entire life. I have gone through bouts of sadness just like this one and I have always been okay in the end.

With you and James there, I have made it out of them alive and I know I will do this one. But I am so endlessly exhausted. This war and this life is so very tiring. I know that this war is important and the Nazis are cruel and ruthless but I am so tired of you being far away from me.

When you traveled across the country, I could hear your voice and you would return to me but not now. Not anymore. You are a vast ocean away and there is no way for me to bridge the gap to you.

I miss you and as my last letter said, I am so hopelessly devoted to you that it is painful to be without you for so long. It has been seven months. Seven months of misery without a single response and I know that you are busy and war is painful but anything to know that you are well and able to write would mean the world to me.

I understand that you may not have read these letters or maybe you haven't had the time to respond but if you are reading these words, please write something to me. I miss you so dearly, Steve. Even writing this letter is making me so incredibly exhausted, I must take a break and hopefully when I return I will be in better spirits.

It is late now, my aunt does not know that I am awake but I tried to sleep and I could only think of you.

My wrist is tired and my throat hurts from coughing but I know that I must finish this letter to send it by the morning post so you can receive it as soon as you possibly can.

I was thinking about when we were younger while I was lying in bed.

It was such an odd time then. There was so much pain and suffering and it feels like that pain and suffering is on a constant cycle. Although yes, there were some good years, we have done nothing but suffer. We have lost our families, the people we care about and we have been given nothing in return and although I have faith, I know God must have some plan for me but I cannot help but feel it is rather cruel.

I just want to love recklessly and without fear of loss but I cannot do that. I cannot live so recklessly because there are moments where you may be taken away. People always took advantage of you and your bravery. They used you as their punching bag and I had to stitch you up so many times.

I was always so scared for you and now I am still scared for you. I know it is selfish for me to say it like this but I am so tired of being scared for you. I just want you to be safe in my arms.

I want you to be home, with me where I can hold you and hug you and care for you like I always have. Europe is somewhere that I cannot reach. A place I cannot see you and it makes my heart ache that I may never see you again. I live with that constant worry and fear every day and I don't know how my heart can take it.

It has been seven long, arduous and sad months without you and although my heartaches and longs for your return, it has changed nothing about how I feel.

Maybe I am foolish because there is no doubt that some other girl may have turned your head. There are plenty of nurses and women in the army that are much stronger, braver and have so much more courage than I could ever possess. I do not see how you could still love me in the same way you have. The Great War fundamentally changed my father and this will you. I just hope when you return I will still be enough for you.

That I can still capture your heart.

Love,
Josie