ADRENALINE — CHAPTER 30
girlfriend

12th december 2023
phoebe's point of view

14 days. 2 weeks.

that's how long i've been back with dylan, but it already feels like i've been back a lifetime, it's not as comfortable as i remember it being.

all the things i had always let slide in the past have come back, and now they all seem to be flags burning red.

i stare at my reflection in the mirror, my legs tucked up as i sit on the black cushioned chair, my stylist behind me chatting about something, i zoned out a few minutes ago.

i'm getting ready to perform at a christmas charity event for meryl streep, i found out last week she's a big fan of my song girlfriend from my debut album.

only a few years ago something like this would've had me ecstatic, but now it feels more like a chore, the only thing i want to be doing currently is snuggling up on my sofa with my dog and a tub of ice cream.

in so many ways i feel like i've lost myself, like the girl i was before is gone.

i guess that's what i liked about jacob, i never felt like i had to pretend to be anything around him, i could just be phoebe.

my chin is resting on my knees as i look into the shiny object.

the girl in the mirrors a stranger.

before my thoughts consume me the door swings open, revealing dylan with two takeout coffees.

"you're a god" i smile softly as i take one from his hand, letting him place a peck on my lips as he takes the chair next to me.

"that's what they all say" he grins widely.

i take a sip from the coffee, the strong taste instantly waking me up, americano with 2 shots of espresso, an order jacob got me into during our road trip.

dylan has noticed my change in coffee order, i've decided not to mention jacob was the one who introduced me to it, he's become a sore spot in our relationship.

i haven't seen him since new york, i've heard his name everywhere though, with the release of priscilla and saltburn he's become gen z's new 'it boy'.

more than anything i wish i could tell him how proud i am of him.

i'm interrupted from my thoughts by dylan's voice, a voice that always calmed me, but now i silently dread to hear.

"i'm gonna get ready, but break a leg" he smiles as he kisses my forehead.

leaning down to reach my ear "and tonight i'm gonna show you how proud i am of you" he whispers before placing a peck on the lobe of my ear.

something like that would've had me a blushing mess a few years ago, but the only thing i'm wishing right now is jacob was here instead.

as i hear the door close behind him a few of the stylists giggle and fawn over him.

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jacob's point of view

i sit in an uncomfortable tux on a chair that's too small for me.

i don't really know anyone here, a couple people have come up to make small talk, but im not in the most social mood.

i've spent the last 2 weeks avoiding people.

my eyes snap to a familiar face, james raynott.

i met james at a party a few years ago when we were both starting out, he's a good guy, but phoebe's brother would not be my main choice of company tonight.

"hey mate" james grins, pulling me into a hug.

"hey" i respond as he sits down next to me.

"my sister told me what happened between you two" he says, one thing about james is he cuts straight to it.

"right" i say a little awkwardly, i don't want to loose a friend over the fact i briefly dated his sister.

"for what it's worth i thought you two were good together" james admits "i mean i don't think i've seen my sister that happy since before mum died".

it's a bittersweet feeling knowing i made her happy, i wish i could keep making her happy, but it was her choice, she chose dylan over me.

"look mate, if you two ever wanted to start anything again, you have my full support".

i chuckle pitifully "thanks james, i don't think that's gonna happen though".

james shrugs "you never know, pheebs has been miserable these past few weeks. i've gotta go but just go for it, ok?" he tells me.

i laugh softly "thanks, i'll see you around" i bid him goodbye as he goes off.

after a few minutes of drowning in my thoughts, the lights dim, a few cheers coming from the audience.

the curtains of the stage open slowly, revealing phoebe, looking different to how i know her.

her face is covered with a thick layer of makeup, her hair styled dramatically, she's beautiful, but she's not her.

just then her voice fills the room, immediately i'm pulled into a trance.

i know phoebe's an incredible singer, i've listened to her music, i've watched videos on youtube, i've seen her sing along to the car radio, but this is a different level.

as she continues the performance my eyes stay locked on her, mesmerised by her presence, her ability to have anyone in a room hooked just by using her voice, it's like she's a completely different person to the phoebe i drove to new york with.

my eyes snap off her for a split second just to look around the room, filled with a listers and starts, all as captivated as i am with her, some singing and dancing, others sitting back and admiring.

there must be hundreds if not thousands of people in this room, but in a weird way it feels like she's singing to me and only to me.

i miss driving along the stretched out roads, her playlist filling the car and her angelic voice singing along, back then she was actually just singing to me.

but even in a room full of people, it still feels like it's just us.

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phoebe's point of view

the adrenaline of the performance is still running through me as i high five crew members down the corridor leading to my dressing room.

i turn into the room and look at the black dress hanging for me to change into for the reception.

before changing i quickly check my phone, a message from dylan appears..

dylan o'brien
hey baby, you're probably not gonna read this till after your performance, but im sure you crushed it. i got a bit caught up in something that i'll explain later, i'll see tonight at home, enjoy the party ❤️❤️

all the adrenaline and excitement in my body immediately leaves, i don't know why i'm so surprised, he's cancelled on a lot of things, but some naive part of me truly believed he'd be there for me tonight.

i don't even bother to respond, i turn my phone off and begin to change into the dress.

once i leave the dressing room and come into the loud venue, i can feel my heart beating a mile a minute.

i used to know my place was the spot next to dylan, now i'm searching the room for anyone i know.

james, my brother, i walk up to him to see him talking to some wannabe c listers.

i don't have the energy in me to introduce myself to someone new.

the next person i see is meryl herself, talking to some other actresses. she looks happy, i don't want to interrupt.

5 minutes of wandering around like a headless chicken before i stand alone in the busy room.

i've never felt so out of place somwhere.

thats until i see jacob, my eyes lock with his for a few seconds, it feels like a lifetime though.

fuck this, i'm too sober for this shit.

an hour and a million tequila shots later and i'm talking to anyone who'll talk to me, giggling and laughing and being extra flirty.

in a weird, subconscious way i want to punish dylan for not being here tonight.

my eyes have spotted jacob's multiple times throughout the night, but i haven't had the balls to go talk to him.

he must hate me, i would hate me.

i notice him walking up to me, oh shit.

"have you been avoiding me?" he asks, i forgot how tall he was, i forgot how sexy his accent was.

"no" i lie.

"tell me the truth" he says, sounding extra australian.

"tell me the truth" i mock his accent.

that's all it takes for all the walls to fall down, he lets out a loud chuckle, a deep, rich sound, it feels like everything is going back to how it should be.

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"no way!" i speak out between giggles as i sip on my vodka coke.

"yes way!" jacob laughs back, we've been arguing over the best cigarettes after sex song.

"all locals say nothings gonna hurt you baby is the best" i grin "sesame syrup is obviously better".

"sesame syrup is great, but nothings gonna hurt you baby is perfection".

"you just started listening! you haven't reached the point yet!" i giggle.

"oh yeah? and what point would that be?" he teases.

"the point where you think you've listened to them too much but then one day you just miraculously can't listen to anything else".

he lets out a drunk bark of laughter "you're so obsessed with the band, it's cute" he says, a flirty undertone to his words.

"you haven't even listened to it on vinyl! i've got one at home and the sound quality is just perfect. you should come see it".

jacob raises an eyebrow at that, almost taking a hint i didn't intend to make.

"like now?" he asks, i nod.

"alright" he swallows, getting his suit jacket from the back of his chair, placing a hand against the small of my back as he directs me out of the building.

his hands make hell feel cold.

we step out of the building, he wraps his suit jacket around me to keep me warm, i mouth a thank you.

after talking to the valet guys about ordering us a driver, he comes back to me.

"should be here any second now" he tells me, i nod.

"phoebe" he says in a more serious tone.

"jacob" i mock the tone.

"lets make this work" he says, putting a hand on my face "i had no right to be that mad about dylan, even if there was anything we never agreed we were exclusive, and come on you and i were great together".

i can see the car pulling into the parking lot.

"jacob-" i try and interrupt but he keeps going "pheebs come on, even james said it! we're good together, we get along we-"

"im with dylan" i blurt out.

he stops speaking, it's like when your phone freezes on facetime.

he opens his mouth to say something before deciding not to say it.

he just turns and gets in the car, closing the door as the car drives off, leaving me alone on the sidewalk in his jacket.

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t's notes
helllooooo we officially have chapter 30 out!! i hate this chapter but we live laugh love. also anyone notice how the last chapter was called boyfriend and this one was called girlfriend im so smart ughhh.