Windsor still knows how to throw a party.

I try my best to put on a brave face as we enter the building, but all I want to do is crawl into Brendon's arms and never leave him.

The atmosphere doesn't allow me to do that and neither does the rest of MARS. They tiptoe around me since the end of the race, trying not to set me off into another fit of tears, but they have the party on their side now and they're using it to their advantage.

A drink is forced into my hands followed shortly by Jun saying, "I'm not peer pressuring you or anything. This is just a suggestion."

I take a sip and he claps like I'm a child learning how to eat by myself for the first time.

        "Happy?"

"Happy." He holds a finger up on either corner of my mouth and lifts them. "Happier when you're happy too."

"I feel bad, Jun. Fuck."

"Stop." Jun swings his arm around my shoulders and coaxes me into the crowd. Windsor crew members call out to me as they pass by, and I plaster a smile on my face when I return their greeting. "Bash is fine. He told you himself."

"I know but—god—I'm such a bloody wanker."

       "Okay, Everleigh."

       "No it's funny 'cause I'm literally on my pe–"

       "I'm aware, I know your cycle."

Intercepting us in the middle of the crowd, Lauren takes my other arm so I'm sandwiched between the two of them. She rests her head on my shoulder, and her curls bounce outward, tickling my cheek.

"Stevie. I'm gonna need you to stop being such a bloody wanker tonight, please."

       "I already made that joke."

       "Dammit."

Shaking both of them off, I spin on my heel and fan my arms out. See, I can be a normal person. "At your request."

The two of them shake their heads at me, clearly seeing through the bullshit, when Lauren's eyes travel upward. I don't have enough time to process the way her face shifts into a small smile when someone's arms come around on either side of me and their face is pressed into the crook of my neck. A small kiss I can recognize anywhere.

"Why are your mates scolding you about enjoying yourself?"

I twist around in Brendon's arms and place a hand on either side of his face. He's cleaned up from the race. Freshly showered, a dusting of cologne, a clean fit. He looks every bit like someone ready to enjoy themselves at a party, and here I am, being a knob about it all.

"Think you're mistaken."

Brendon shakes his head. "Don't think I am."

"That was definitely not me being a grump. Just someone that looks a lot like me."

Brendon shuts me up with a kiss. "You're lucky you're still just as beautiful as a grump or the party police would have kicked you out by now."

"And who would this party police be?"

"Me," Jun says and hands my drink back to me. "Drink up, bub."

Brendon uses a finger to lift the cup to my lips and I oblige, only because it's him. It's not even a midori sour or wine so I'm not enjoying myself as much as I should be.

"Fine. Grump hours are over."

"And no listening to your 'sad girl sour candy' playlist later either."

"Stop stalking me on Spotify."

Once they're all fully convinced I'm turning a new leaf and committing myself to enjoying the party, which includes finishing the entire drink, Brendon submerges us fully into the rest of Windsor while Jun and Lauren go off to be Jun and Lauren.

It's a masterclass on how to take a loss. The smile doesn't slip from his face the entire time, and everyone that comes up to him makes sure to keep it there. A few of them share their frustrations in his season ending the way it did, but they keep the downer-mood to a minimum, unlike me. It's not like Brendon doesn't have anything to celebrate at all. He still ended up second in the overall standings, which is something to be proud of. And despite Idris slipping past him to take the title, most people agree that Brendon had an overall more impressive season, especially considering the titan he was up against in his teammate. While he can't say he's beaten Idris Johnson, he can say he gave him a run for his money, and considering the way most of Idris' other teammates have faired, that's another thing Brendon can be incredibly proud of.

Proving who has more emotional stability in this relationship, Brendon lets me cling to him the entire night. (Hey, Brendon and Stevie.)(Look, it's Brendon and Stevie.)(Brendon and Stevie, can we get a picture, please!) Whenever I tighten my arm around his and press a kiss to his shoulder, he stops to make sure I'm doing okay. Doesn't move along until I'm sure I'm ready. For the first time in a long time, I find myself at a party and don't feel the need to flee because it's too hard to breathe. I know he has a lot to do with that.

At some point, I manage to untangle myself and wander over to one of the balconies where I find Idris standing by himself, leaning against the railing and staring out at the city in front of him.

I announce myself. "Congrats, Champ."

He moves over. "Thanks, Stev."

"How does it feel?"

"Which part?"

"All of it."

It takes him a moment to respond. A small laugh escapes like he can't believe this is real life. It's interesting to see someone who's spent so long at the top finally decide it's time to step down and let others have their chance to shine. In this sport, many drivers aren't given the chance to decide to let go on their own. Idris gets to decide that he's ready; happy with the legacy he's leaving behind.

"I know it's easy for me to say this after it all happened, but I'm bummed for Brendon. He was leading pretty much the entire race. He should've won it."

"It's okay. It happens. You should still be very happy about this win. You deserved it too. I don't think he'd want anyone else to have it."

"You know, you don't really go into a sport like this thinking you're here to make a difference. It was only ever about the love for racing, the passion, the drive. I just wanted to race and prove myself worthy of all of those before me whom I admired so much. And then I got here and I realized how much work we all needed to do. I didn't have the chance to just be me. I had to be me, but also be what they wanted and approved of, and then more because I was always doubted in ways no one else was. It's been tough. So tough that I can't count how many times I've wanted to give up.

"And then it happens. You do the damn thing, break the record and break even more, and still have to continue fighting for respect because even all of that is not enough for them. I wasn't sure anything ever would be. I know, even now, that it won't be enough for a lot of people. Not even a lot of the men who came before me whom I admire. Seeing what some of them have said about me is hard to wrap my head around sometimes. They still think I'm not worth the ground I walk on. And it's taken me a long time to accept that. I can't change everyone's mind. I'm too busy trying to be happy for what I have."

Idris looks at me.

"Do you ever feel like that?"

"Well—" I shrug. "I don't have the same visceral level of expectations and unfair criticism thrust on me as you do, I'm sure. But I understand what you mean. I wished I lived in a world where I didn't have to be a Native Hawaiian singer. Or a bisexual singer. I could just be a singer who also happens to be Native Hawaiian and bi and people would respect me no matter what."

He nudges my shoulder. "Exactly."

"Permission to say something?"

"Go for it," he laughs.

"For what it's worth, I know it's not the role you set out to play, but you've done it so well. You're the first driver I ever heard of before I started—" I wave my hand in the air. "—well, you know."

Another laugh. "Yeah."

"That's how big you are. You're not just a driver, you're an inspiration to so many people. Even to people like me, but especially to Black people. I can't even tell you how many people I've seen praise you online, even people who don't follow F1. The impact you've had—I don't think even your counterparts understand the history they're gotten to drive alongside. You haven't just made history, you continue to make it, and you've left a legacy so impactful, so vital to the sport that will continue to make it. You shouldn't have had this burden all these years, but you carried it so well, and I think I can speak for all of us when I say we're not just proud to know you, but incredibly honored to call someone like you our inspiration. I know Brendon feels that way. I'm sure he tells you that all the time. But...thank you. Really. You deserve all of the good things that will continue to come your way. Congratulations on a great career. You worked hard for it. You earned it, no matter what anyone else says."

Idris Johnson is no god amongst mortals. He is simply human, vulnerable as the rest of us but with the strength to withstand more than most. When he looks out at the city in front of him, I understand this more than ever.

...

Brendon finds me once I walk back into the party. "Where did you run off to?"

"Just Baby Mario and Mario bonding."

"Huh?"

I wrap my arms around his waist. "Nothing."

"What's on your mind?" His arm snakes around my waist.

"Just proud of you. That's all."

Brendon looks skeptical. "Are you sure that's it?"

"Yes." When he doesn't look convinced, I press a kiss to the corner of his mouth and feel him chase after me. "Promise. Regardless of the outcome, I know you worked hard. And you'll only keep going up from here."

He stares at me a little longer, trying to decipher if I'm being honest or still attempting to put on a brave face for him. Truthfully, it's a little bit of both, but I know the second part doesn't help anyone, let alone him. If Brendon is happy, and he does appear to be, then I'm happy.

"I love you." He kisses me again. "Thank you for being here."

It's the smalle moments that almost passes before I notice it. A sliver of sadness in his eyes reflected back at me, but he hides it quickly. Further proof that just like Idris, Brendon isn't invincible. While he's happy with what he's achieved, he is still human and trying to reconcile with the loss.

"There's no place else I'd rather be."

For those next few hours, I forget about everything. The race, the ending. Anything that isn't Brendon or having fun. We dance the night away and drink more than we probably should. Since nobody has to worry about another race for a while, everyone on the team lets loose. MARS blends in so seamlessly with the rest of Windsor that it feels like we've been here all along.

Once we're far enough into the night, Geoff, Windsor's Team Principal, walks up to the stage to start the speeches. He keeps it short since most of what he wants to say will likely be said at the official Windsor end-of-the-year holiday party, but he congratulates the entire team on a job well done this weekend, as well as the entire season. Everyone cheers at his sentiments, and the applause only grows when he calls up his two drivers.

First up is Brendon who shines with the power of a thousand suns under the harsh spotlight. Graceful even in defeat, he doesn't let the team see even an ounce of pain in his face, walking up to the microphone with the same ease he would if he had won. On any other day, he's simply Brendon, one of the most talented drivers on the grid, and he doesn't let today be treated any differently.

What does someone even say when they're tasked with making a speech after losing out on a championship hours before? I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to handle it, but Brendon proves himself once again.

"Hey, guys. It's been....wow, it's been an incredible year. Truly. Coming off of my first year with Windsor, I knew what a great place this was to be, but you've proven yourselves to be even better. I've never experienced such a motivated, determined team before, always constantly trying to grow and do better in a healthy, positive environment without slacking off. It's made it very easy for me to want to do better because I know that's what my team deserves. Thank you.

"This was a tough loss, I'm not going to lie. But shit happens, and we get back up even after we've been pushed down. Once I'm able to process it without being so fresh, I know I'll appreciate it more. I know it's hard to accept these things sometimes, but I can't change it, and I'm not sure if I would. I'm happy about what I've done, and even more excited to see where we can all go from here. Next year is another opportunity, and I know I have the best team to back me up. Thank you for always believing in me. I've only gotten as far as I am because of this team. Because we work together. And that's most important.

"I don't think we can end this season without acknowledging the other great loss, though. One of the first I grew up watching, and someone I've looked up to every day since, is Idris Johnson. A man who has defied the odds and broken every record imaginable. Someone who's equally as impressive off the track as he is on it. The most formative years of my career thus far have been by your side, Idris. I've been gifted the chance to learn from you and be inspired by you up close. The sheer amount of knowledge I've gained just from being your teammate is priceless, and I know you don't like to take credit for a lot that you do, but I would not be where I am today without you. Because of how you inspired me and because of all you've taught me. Formula One is an infinitely better place because of your impact, and it's suffering a great loss to have to see you go. But I don't know anyone more deserving of this rest. You've worked tirelessly for nearly twenty years, and at an often thankless job of making this sport a more diverse and inclusive space. You've given a voice to those who are often not heard, and carved a space at the table for those who have been excluded for far too long. And though I know the fight isn't over yet, we're still incredibly grateful for the progress you've helped make. Thank you for being my mentor, my friend, and my brother. Always. Idris Johnson, everyone."

Wiping away my tears, I catch Brendon's eye before Idris walks up to the stage to hug him before he makes his speech. And after mouthing proud of you, I fall in love with him, over and over and over again.