CATEGORY: Fluff/angst
FEATURING: child!Tyler and child!Josh
TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH, FEELS
PROMPT: None, I legitimately got the idea for this from a wacky dream
WORD COUNT: Approximately 3,570

I have been dead for a long time.

I don't know how long, exactly. Time is confusing in death. It feels like I've been asleep, really, since I died.

I can't remember how I died. I actually can't remember much of anything. I mean, I can remember things about the world, and life, but I just can't remember my world and my life.

When I wake up, everything is kind of foggy, like I'm just being brought out of a dream. My vision is blurry, and I blink a few times as I get up for the first time since I was put here.

I'm in a forest. It's night, and the light of the pale moon shines through the trees, helping my eyes adjust.

The weird thing is, I can't feel anything.

I can't feel the breeze against me, and I can't feel the ground I'm laying on. I can't feel my hands, or my feet, or any part of me. This sends a rush of alarm through me.

I try to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down, but find I can't breathe.

I panic for a few minutes, but soon reality sets in. Does it matter if I can't breathe, or feel anything? It means I won't be able to feel pain, and besides, what's the worst that could happen to me now? I'm already dead.

I note that though I have no feeling in my body, I can move. I sit up and look around me a bit more.

I'm sitting on a leafy forest floor. I can hear the sound of running water nearby, like a gentle stream. A breeze rustles the leaves in the trees, and somehow, I find this dark forest familiar. 

What I do not find familiar, however, is my own appearance. I'm sure I had flesh and blood once, but I'm a skeleton now. This isn't scary to me, just strange. My bones are white and pale, almost the same color as the moon, although I get the feeling this isn't the real moon.

Now I can see that the moon has sunk down below the trees. It's much larger than the real moon, unnaturally bright and silvery. I find it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

Some part of me wants to go closer to the moon. I don't know why, but I decide to do it.

I stand carefully. My legs are a bit wobbly, but I manage, and take my first steps since my death.

I feel more and more calm as I walk towards the moon. It keeps me in its silver gaze.

I follow the fake moon for a long time. It just keeps growing bigger and bigger as I get closer to it.

After a time, I've reached the moon. It hovers just a few feet past the edge of a cliff. I can hear the dark ocean quietly churning below.

The moon is so beautiful. 

I want so badly to touch it.

Maybe I can...

But what if I fall? Can I die twice?

I know it's the worst idea I've ever had (though I can't remember any bad ideas I've had before), but I stand just at the edge of the cliff and reach out to touch the moon's almost soft-looking surface.

The cliff crumbles.

I fall,

fall,

fall

down to the ocean.

I almost expect to feel the impact.

I wait to fall asleep again, like I did before, but I don't.

Maybe you really can't die twice.

I open my eyes.

I'm underwater, for sure, but it's not near as deep as an ocean, which confuses me. In fact, it looks no deeper than the shallow end of a swimming pool. My bones, thank goodness, aren't shattered or broken, though I guess if they were I couldn't feel it anyway. I carefully stand and step out of the water.

I'm in a forest similar to the one I first woke up in, though the trees are taller, and a bit sparser. The moon is just as big as before, but high up in the sky now, beyond my reach.

There are other skeletons everywhere.

I feel a bit nervous, but not afraid. One of the skeletons, tall and white, approaches me. She speaks without moving her mouth, and her voice is distinctly feminine. "Hello."

I concentrate and my voice floats up into the air. "Hello."

My voice is small, and I'm physically much smaller than the other skeleton. I must have been young when I died.

"I'm Jenna," the skeleton says.

"I'm..." my voice trails off. I don't remember my name.

Jenna rests a bony hand on my thin shoulder. "It's okay. You'll remember it soon."

We walk together, and I peer around at other skeletons. Some are small, like me, but most are taller like Jenna. They're in varying states, which is strange: some have clean, white, strong bones, while others have yellowed aging bones riddled with holes and decay.

"Where are we, Jenna?" I ask.

"We're in the After Life. This is where we go once our flesh and skin is gone. We spend the rest of our days here, until our bones are worn and beyond repair. Then we crumble to dust, and finally get the rest we all deserve."

I take in what Jenna has told me.

"What is there to do in the After Life?"

"We can regain the memories we lost when our minds disappeared," she says wistfully. "We can talk with others, share stories, reunite with loved ones, spend time with one another, and even play games. We're all one big family here, until our final death comes."

One big family.

I think I like that.

"Do we get all our memories back?" I ask Jenna.

She stops under a tree, sitting with her spine to its trunk. "Some of us do. The most important memories, like your name, come in first."

I sit next to her. "How much do you remember?"

Jenna gives me a small, skeletal smile. "Enough."

"How long have you been here?"

"I don't know. It's hard to keep track of time here. We don't need to sleep, and the moon never sets," she explains. Then she holds out her arm, to let me see its structure. The bone is flaking a tiny bit. "I've got a ways to go yet."

That's when my first memory comes in.

A name.

It just pops into my head, seemingly from nowhere.

Jenna cocks her skull to one side. "You just received your first memory, didn't you?"

I nod quickly, feeling a bit excited.

"Tyler. My name is Tyler."

Jenna holds out her hand, and I shake it. "Nice to meet you, Tyler."

We sit together under the tree in silence for a while.

"What kind of stuff do you remember?" I ask Jenna.

She stares up at the dark sky, as if calling up memories. "I remember my name. I remember my age, and what I used to look like. I remember my family and friends. I remember my first job, my first boyfriend, my first apartment."

"How old were you when you died?"

"Nineteen," Jenna says, almost sadly. "Car accident."

"I'm sorry, Jenna."

She smiles again, and gazes at the moon again. "It's alright. I do have some people I knew here with me. My grandparents, and a cousin."

"No really close family?"

"Not yet, but soon," she says quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"My boyfriend had just received a cancer diagnosis before I died," she explains. "It was leukemia, and it was spreading. It's sad that he was dying, but at least I'll get to see him again before I become dust." Her voice is wistful, and I can tell she must miss him very much.

"I'm sure you'll see him soon," I say, to reassure her. She smiles.

Another memory flashes through me.

My best friend.

"Another memory?" Jenna asks.

I nod as they flood my head with thoughts, then stop.

"My best friend..."

"What about your best friend?" 

"Everything about him...his face, his personality, his name..." Happiness courses through me as I remember my friend.

Jenna nods to me, somehow understanding the need to talk about him out loud.

"His name is Josh...he has dark brown hair and eyes. He's nice and really funny...I remember he wanted to play the drums in a band when he grew up."

"Where you the same age?"

"I...think so?"

My age pops into my head.

"Teenagers...we were both thirteen, I think. I was thirteen when I died."

Jenna looks concerned. "Only thirteen?"

I nod.

"That's young, Tyler...you don't remember what happened to take you away from life so soon?"

I shake my head.

"Maybe you were sick, or it was a car accident, like me," she suggests.

"Doesn't sound familiar, but nothing really does except what I know now," I sigh.

"You'll remember soon," she promises.

We set quietly for a moment. Jenna, I assume, is exploring her memories, which is what I'm doing. I'm grasping at what I now know about Josh, trying to find something to help me remember more.

"Where did you wake up?" Jenna asks.

"A forest," I say, remembering my awakening. 

"We usually wake up where we died," Jenna tells me. "You must have died in a forest, then."

Her skeleton suddenly goes rigid, and the dark sockets of her eyes get even blacker.

"Jenna? Are you okay?" I ask worriedly.

After a moment, her skeleton relaxes, and her eyes fade back to their original color. "Yes. Just experiencing a memory."

"Oh...is that what I look like when I get a memory?"

She smiles. "Yes."

"What was your memory about?"

"My sister's wedding," she says fondly. "She was so happy. She had told me I could take a date, and I brought my boyfriend." Jenna laughs, a strange, clattering sound. "The bridesmaid dresses were so, so ugly, like these dark purple strapless things with green bows. Eugh. They were ugly, but my boyfriend said I looked beautiful..." She pauses, and I wait for her to continue.

"After the ceremony, my boyfriend and I danced. We fed each other cake, too." Jenna doesn't seem sad at the memory, only hopeful.

"It sounds like a nice wedding," I say to her.

She nods. "It was."

"Did you think about getting married to him?"

Jenna nods again. "We'd talked about it, before the accident."

I want to ask about the accident, but don't want to pry. After a moment, though, I give in. "What happened?"

She stays quiet for a moment, and I worry I've offended her or hurt her, but then she speaks. "I had been about to make dinner when I realized that we were out of milk...I was driving the couple of blocks to the convenience store, and there was a drunk driver tearing down the road. I had to swerve to avoid him, and I hit a tree, and that was it. I should have just walked."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--"

"No, no, it's alright," she says, patting my bony shoulder. "I didn't feel a thing when it happened, and I know my boyfriend will be here soon. As long as I can see him before I go, everything will be okay."

A memory starts to swallow me, and I brace myself.

Josh...

Oh, Josh...

"I know what happened..." I whisper to Jenna.

Josh and I were just hanging out together in the woods behind his house after school. It had been snowing part of the day, and we'd had a snowball fight together. We were just running around, having a good time, when the sun started to go down.

We needed to get home, but by then we were lost. It was cold, and dark, and we had decided to wait the night out until morning. We'd huddled together in a big pile of leaves under some trees. I remember how cold it had been, how freezing cold as more snow had fallen from the sky... I should have known then that we wouldn't make it until dawn.

And once I'd woken up as a skeleton, Josh... I'd just woken up and walked away... I'd left my best friend there without even knowing it. How could I have done that?

"I left him, Jenna, I left him," I say quietly. My face feels wet, and I realize I've been crying. My tears aren't clear, though: they're gray.

"Left who?" Jenna questions

"Josh...we died together. I just left him there, Jenna. When I woke up, I left without him. How could I have done that?" I become frantic very quickly. "What have I done?"

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Jenna says. "Just calm down. If you died together, he should be around here."

I make myself calm down. "I have to look for him."

"Of course," Jenna soothes. "Come on, I'll help."

I don't know how long we look for Josh. Like I said before, time is confusing in death, and, as it proves, in the After Life.

Throughout the search, Jenna and I stick together. We spread the word to others who have little else to do, and they help us, scouring all of the After Life.

We never find him.

When we finally get back to the tree, I feel horrible. Something is surely wrong. Josh should be here with me, right?

"If he isn't here, then where is he, Jenna?" I ask my friend.

She gives me a pitying look. "You died around the same time, right?"

"Yeah, same night, same place."

"If that were true, he should have lost his flesh and skin, like you." She gets down on one knee so that our skulls are face to face. "If your friend isn't here, Tyler, then he's probably still alive."

I don't know whether to be elated or depressed.

Jenna tries to comfort me. "I know you miss him and wish he was here with you, but because he isn't, he'll have a long, happy life ahead of him. Isn't that good?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah." Of course it's good. I'd never want Josh to be dead. I just wish he was with me.

Jenna cocks her skull to one side, as if thinking. Then she gives me a wide grin. "You can see him again," she says, getting back up. "Once."

Hope floods through me. "I can?"

"Yes," Jenna says, the sad tone gone from her voice. She holds up her skeletal index finger. "Every soul in the After Life has the right to one, and only one visit back to Earth. You get one hour to look over the life you left behind before you get taken back here, but it's worth it."

I leap to my feet. "When? How?"

"Whenever you choose, and I'll show you." Jenna offers me her hand, and I take it as she leads me across the After Life.

Before too long, we've reached the pool where I entered the After Life. Now that I look around more, I see that there are lots of pools scattered around this area. In a nearby one, I can see a skeleton, old and yellowed with age, diving under the water, coming back up, and diving again.

Jenna stops at the edge of my pool. "To go back to the world you once knew, you have to dive under the water and think of the people or places you want to be near. When you resurface, you will be there. It's as simple as that." She puts her hands on my shoulders, and looks directly into my eye sockets. "Remember though, Tyler. You can only make one trip." She turns her head over to the skeleton desperately diving into the water. "Some of us, like that soul over there, use our trips on useless ventures. He will try to go back to Earth for a long time."

"Did that happen to you?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "No, though I've used my hour. I wish I could go back again, but I know I did the right thing with my journey. Just make yours count."

I nod quickly. "I understand, Jenna."

"Alright. I'll wait here until you return." Jenna gives me a hug, surprising me. "Good luck, Tyler."

I hug back. "Thank you, Jenna."

She pulls back as I step into the water. Just as my head starts to submerge, Jenna calls to me. "Just think of where you want to go!" she yells. I give her a thumbs up and dive under.

The water is almost peaceful. It's a dark blue color, but clear, so I can see around me. I let myself sink to the bottom, and I begin to think of Josh.

I draw the memories forward from my head. I recall some big details, like his middle name, and his face, and his voice. I also recall some of my favorite details, like the way he smiled, and his pretty dark brown eyes.

Eventually I've conjured up all the memories I have of Josh. I look up, and see a dark circle above me, like a portal. 

I swim upwards and crawl out of the hole, and thus out of the After Life.

The first thing I realize once I've exited the hole in the pool is that I'm sitting in a kitchen sink.

Not only have I just crawled out of a kitchen sink, but my appearance has also changed. I look like I used to, before I was a skeleton...I have skin, and flesh, and hair. 

I look like the old Tyler, but faded. I know I'm still not alive, but I want so much to be.

I crawl out of the kitchen sink and onto the counter, and from the counter to the floor. This kitchen, I'm pretty sure, wasn't mine, but it looks so familiar...

Josh! This kitchen is in Josh's house. Memories flood me: sitting at the counter eating pizza, making sandwiches with strange ingredients for fun, grabbing an ice pop out of the freezer, popping popcorn to eat while we watched a movie...

I don't want to, but I make myself push the memories away, for now. I only have an hour here; I need to find Josh.

After tentatively walking down the hallway, more memories pop into my head. I remember running down this hallway with Josh. We were kind of rambunctious kids.

I remember Josh always had the best ideas. He'd show up at my front door on a Saturday morning. 'Let's build a treehouse!' he'd say, or 'I've got Caprisuns, let's go ride our big wheels!'. And then we would.

I stop outside Josh's door. I remember it used to have a big glow in the dark 'Beware of Aliens!' sign on his door, and happiness fills me as I see that it's still there.

I try to push open the door, but it doesn't work. I try several more times, frustrated as my hands go through the wood. I remind myself that I'm dead, and I can't do stuff like that anymore. I stop and then walk through instead.

Josh is there, only he looks a bit different. He's taller, and his hair is no longer dark brown, but a bright red, as if he'd dyed it. How many years have passed since I died? One? Two?

He's listening to something through a small mp3 player, eyes cast downward at the papers and books in front of him. The top of one notebook says '9th Grade English'. He must be doing his homework.

I know I could just stand here and stare at him for the rest of my hour, but I came all this way to talk to him, and I don't want to leave without doing that.

I move closer. He still doesn't look up.

Josh looks so wonderful. His eyes squint a little as he focuses on his work, and he pauses the mp3 player. The screen shows a white album with a skeleton in an all black marching band outfit. My Chemical Romance! We used to listen to them all the time, and it makes me happy to see that Josh still does.

I find myself drawn to him, every part of him. Now that I'm dead, I don't take for granted all these things about Josh I used to possess. His heart is no doubt steadily pounding away in his chest, and his lungs are inhaling and exhaling, and his eyes are blinking, and his skin is warm to the touch.

Without even thinking about it, I reach out and try to put my hand on Josh's arm, but my hand passes through. I pull my hand back.

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A/N: THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE SAD ENDING, SO SKIP IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE SAD ENDINGS