I look over at Jason. Him and I both know they live in the UK, and that would involve me leaving the country.

Great. Now I'm split in two.

I look at the two YouTubers before looking back at Jason.

"Go," he says, smiling, "live with, and have the family you've always wanted." He says and pulls me into a hug.

I hug him tightly and sigh. "Thank you. For being such a great friend." I say softly and pull away then smile.

"Hey, it's just who I am." He says, smiling. "Now, how about that haircut?" He asks, arching an eyebrow and flashing a smile.

Three weeks later, and we're all packed up. Dan and Phil took me for a bit of shopping, and have promised to order a binder and testosterone- not quite yet surgery, because it's super expensive.

"You ready to go?" Dan asks, pulling open their car door.

"Yeah," I say and hug Jason again. "I promise, I'll come visit." I whisper before turning and jogging to the car with my bag.

Well, goodbye, America.

-

Three weeks later, I've been taking the pills, and I've begun to see changes. My voice has been cracking from time to time, and a bit of facial hair has begun forming.

Jared and I have also become pretty good friends, I've seen him shirtless and damn he's hot, and he's Dan and Phil's neighbor so I've seen his sleepy hair and tired voice. Damn I'd love to wake up to that every morning.

I run a hand through my hair, quiffed up like Joey Graceffa's hair, only its dyed a bit of a metallic silver.

I look at my reflection and smile a bit as I pull on a tank top. I've also started going to the gym - so I'm starting to get that summer guy body. But I've gotten a bunch of looks because what guy goes to the gym with a shirt on? Well, me, for one.

I slip on my leather jacket and grey jeans along with my black converse then trot down the stairs, into the kitchen where Dan and Phil are.

I grab a yogurt cup then a spoon and stand at the window, leaning against the windowsill as I pull the yogurt cup open and then start eating out of it.

"Hey, Alex," Dan says, grabbing my attention so I'm looking at him now.

I've also grown a bit - but not because of the pills or working out or whatever. So now I'm around Dan's height.

"We're gonna go to lunch soon, just so you know." He says, and I nod a bit before looking back out my window, thinking.

How's Jason doing? I never had a phone I could use so I never got Jason's number.

Did he forget me? Will he still want to be my friend when - or if I ever see him again?

"I'm sure he's fine," Dan says softly, knowing exactly what I'm thinking about. Because I've been thinking about Jason the whole time I've lived here.

"It's not him being in danger I'm worried about," I say softly. "It's that - I miss him." I say and set the yogurt cup down before looking down at my hands.

"I know," Dan says and approaches me before putting a hand on my shoulder. "You'll see him again. I promise."

I've also noticed that I'm also picking up a slight accent. It happens when you hang around British people enough.

"How about this," Dan says, smiling. "We take you back out there next month. For about a week. How's that sound?"

I look over quickly. "R - really?" I ask in surprise.

"Of course," he says without thinking.

"Thank you!" I say and hug him.

He's clearly taken aback, but proceeds to wrap his arms around me in a warm hug.

"Aww," Phil coos, making my cheeks heat up.

I hear a melody of knocks on the door, and I quickly release Dan.

"Jared's here!" I say and jog to the front door then open it. "Hey!" I say, smiling.

"Hey," Jared says, smiling as well. "Guess who's going to lunch with you guys as well?" He teases, smiling.

"Really?" I ask, smiling a bit more.

"Yup," he says and laughs.

He always somehow cheers me up. I guess that's what having a crush is like - I dunno.

"Well, shall we go?" Dan offers.

"Were we really waiting on his slow butt?" I ask, arching an eyebrow.

That's the thing about our friendship. We tease each other. A lot.

"Hey!" Jared puts me in a headlock and I laugh when he tries to mess up my hair.

I wiggle my way out of his grip and run out of the apartment (house?) laughing as I go to the car.

He jogs to the other side of the car and makes faces at me through the windows, but I just stick my tongue out at him and flip him off.

He flips me off as well, making me laugh and get in the car when it's unlocked.

-

Finally, after another couple of weeks, my voice has finished developing - but problem. My feelings for Jared have grown.

"Dan," I ask, walking over to him.

"Hm?" He hums, looking over at me.

"When are we going back to the US?" I ask, just now realizing how anxious I've grown to see my best friend again.

"Soon," he replies with a small smile. "I promise." He says and scruffs up my already messy hair.

I nod a bit and hear Phil come in. He's like a best friend too.

I run towards him and playfully mess up his hair.

"Alex-!" He laughs.

I laugh a bit as well.

"Hey, I've got something for you." Phil says, smiling.

"What?" I ask, releasing him and looking at him, raising my eyebrows.

He pulls something out of his pocket. And then my heart drops. In a god way. And now I have the butterflies. And the feeling that I'm going to cry bursts up.

"Is that what I think it is?" I ask softly, my heart racing.

"If you think it's four plane tickets to the United States, then yes sir you're correct."

"Oh my god thank you!!" I say excitedly and hug Phil before going and hugging Dan tightly.

"The plane is scheduled to leave at five pm tomorrow, so be ready." Dan says.

I smile and look at him. "Don't spray deodorant into your eye this time, Dan." I tease.

"That was a one time thing! Why can't anyone let it go?!" Dan shouts, making me laugh.

"Because it was a funny story!" I say and open the refrigerator to grab some orange juice.

"Pff, whatever." Dan sasses, making me snort, nearly laughing as I pour the juice.

"It was," I hear Phil say.

"No, it was tragic! I couldn't see out of my eye," Dan pouts.

"At that point in time it was because that plane was about to leave. But thinking back now, it was pretty funny."

"Whatever," Dan says. "I've gotta record a video."

YouTube still doesn't know about me. I haven't made a sound while Dan and Phil record, nor have I ever been in any of their videos or introduced to any of the fans.

But for a good reason. I'm trans. And there's still transphobic and homophobic people on their channels. They're just trying to keep me safe - and I appreciate that. Because that's something I've never been exposed to.