Collin's point of view

"Hey bud, are you up?" I heard Luke ask and a knock on my door sounded. I turned around and then looked at him while nodding. "You've got to get dressed now."

"Okay." I said and he closed my door after he turned the light on. I forced myself out of bed and then went to my bathroom.

I washed my face and then sighed. I didn't want to go to school. The thought alone of it was making my stomach twist and turn with nerves. The thought of being around so many people was clawing at me and making me anxious.

I didn't even sleep because I was so afraid of going to school...

I sighed as I realized I spent too much time thinking and then I quickly brushed my teeth. I put my glasses on and then combed my hair, fixing it so my bangs covered my forehead and a bit of my right eye.

I put my black circle earrings on and then winced a bit as I missed the hole in my ear. They looked like Michael's, and probably were the same as his. They were simple because I liked simple.

After I got the back on to them, I rolled some deoderant on. I went to my closet and then grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a black long sleeved shirt.

I pulled them on and then fixed the pant legs because it was all scrunched up on the bottom. Once I evened it out a bit, I grabbed a pair of black combat boots.

I sat on my bed as I yanked some socks on and the I slipped the boots on, lacing them up and covering the scrunched up denim. I stood up and then put my Ipod and earbuds in my back pack.

I grabbed the black bag and then took a look in the body mirror behind my door. I looked like an idiot. The shirt was obviously a few sizes to big and my legs looked like twigs.

I left the room before I could criticize myself even more and then I walked downstairs. I sat down on the couch and then I fixed the shirt so the chain of my necklace didn't show too much.

"Collin? Are you ready buddy?" I heard Luke call out and he walked out. "Oh, there you are. Are you ready to go or do you want to just sit back for a few more minutes?"

"I um, let's go." I said and he nodded. I stood up and theb I grabbed my bag. I followed him out of the house and then got into the passenger seat of the car.

"Want to listen to some AC/DC?"

Fuck. Yeah.

"Sure."

-

I walked to my locker and then I put some of my things away. After Luke talked to the front office and I got my classes, we had walked around, mapping my classes so I wouldn't have to struggle to find them.

I turned around and then I began walking towards my first class, which was mathematics. It wasn't my favorite, in fact, I despised it because I just didn't understand it.

My heart beated quickly as more and more people filled the hallways and I kept my gaze down a bit because I didn't want to make eye contact. I hated eye contact.

I could feel some people looking at me and it made me sweat a bit. What if they're judging me? I'm not the most attractive or muscular guy here. What if they think I'm weird for being dressed in all black?

In the midst of my thinking, I had bumped into the door of the classroom. I blushed heavily and then a few kids snickered at me. I opened the door and then walked in quickly, my veins flooding with embarrassment and a lump forming in my throat.

You're such a fucking idiot. You can't even pay attention to where you're going. Learn how to stop thinking so much.

I ran a hand through my hair and then more students flooded into the room. I kept myself from crying because God dammit I can't cry on my first day here.

The teacher took attendance after the bell rang and then she looked at me. No. No no no no. Please no. "Mr. Hemmings, please stand up and introduce yourself to the class."

Oh my god. No.

"Hemmings? Like Luke Hemmings? The blonde one from that band?"

"He's so skinny."

"Oh my god he was with Luke and Ashton before, who is he?"

"He's ugly, how is he related to Luke Hemmings?"

I stood up shakily and looked around nervously. "Um uh h-hi," I stuttered out and kept my gaze down a bit, but the teacher told me to look up and stand straight.

My heart thumped against my ribcage and I slowly straightened my posture. I tugged on my sleeves and then the teacher told me to introduce myself and tell the class about myself.

"I um I'm C-Collin Hemmings," I said and all the girls were staring at me while the guys just seemed amused. "Uh I like music and art." I said quickly and then sat down.

The teacher carried on with some lesson on how to multiple and divide polynomials and binomials. I didn't understand one bit of it but I didn't ask her any questions. I couldn't ask her any questions.

I couldn't make a fool of myself again. Everyone will think I'm an even bigger freak. I mean, everyone seemed to know what to do and how to solve them.

-

I sat down in my art class and the teacher looked at me. "Mr. Hemmings, we are in the middle of a paper mache project and I don't believe you will have enough time to catch up." He said and I just nodded.

"So, instead, I want you to draw me a picture that explains you. Something that symbolizes who you are, how you feel, and/or what you like to do. Does that sound good?" He asked and I nodded.

"Go sit down by Kay-Kyle." He told me and motioned to a girl who sat alone. He handed me a large paper and a ruler before shoo'ing me off to go sit down.

I quickly took a seat, not liking standing up in the middle of the classroom, and the girl looked up. "What are you doing here?" She asked, sounding more confused than upset.

"The teacher-Mr. Kalabury told me to si-sit here. I'm sorry." I said and she just nodded. She went back to her project and I looked at the paper.

Something that explains who you are, how you feel, and/or what you like.

I took my sharpened pencil and then set my hand on my paper as I began to lightly draw. "What did he assign you?" She asked me and I looked at her.

"He told me to draw something that represents me or symbolizes me." I said quietly and she nodded. I looked at her paper mache mask and then she dipped her paint brush in to the black paint.

I looked back down at my paper and then I continued sketching out the large brain shape. I was going to wreck it. I was going to use this project as some kind of therapeutic method. I was going to express myself in the most subtle and creative ways without giving myself away completely.

I was going to take multiple bright color pencils and run squiggly lines through it, all intersecting. Then I was going to take slightly darker colors and run zig zags through them, making sure to intersect those as well. And finally, I was going to take a marker and draw in a few of my favorite things, making sure they were kind of hard to see, making sure there were all within the outlines of the brain.

"What's with the organ?" She asked me and looked at my paper. "You trying to say you're smart?" She asked and rose one of her eyebrows at me.

"N-No." I said and erased a mistake that I made. "Not at all." I told her and then continued to sketch it. "It's an actual brain, it's not-it's not symbolic."

"Yeah, I know, why?"

"I um... you'll see so-soon enough." I said and she nodded, watching as I carefully did the details and the outline.

"Why do you stutter? I don't understand. Am I scary?" She asked as she fixed her snapback. "Do I intimidate you?"

Yes.

"N-No it's just h-how I am." I said and looked at her. She nodded and then I played with my pencil, tapping the eraser on the desk. "I'm so-sorry."

"Don't worry, it's fine." She said and I nodded. "What is your next class?"

"Creative w-writing." I said, a little shocked at how much I was talking. Well, I wasn't talking, just answering. I couldn't start a conversation, I was too shy and awkward. I didn't have it in me.

"Really? Me too." She said and smiled. "I can take you there after this if it's alright." She said as she painted half of that mask black.

"Um," I said and looked down at my paper. "Sure." I told her and she nodded. That was it. We didn't talk after that. We just kept doing out projects and sitting with an awkward silence between us as the rest of the class chattered away.

When the bell rang, I stay seated and waited for everyone else to leave the room. Once it was just me, I went up to he teacher and handed him my paper to keep until tomorrow.

"That is now your assigned seat Collin. However, you need to know Kyle is sometimes a Kayla and that's how he likes it. He likes switching between the two personas and I want you to be respectful to him. I do not tolerate teasing and bullying in my classroom." He told me and I nodded. "Now, go get to your next class Mr. Hemmings."

I nodded and then left the classroom, seeing the short haired brunette waiting. I forced myself to walk over towards her and she looked and me. "What took you so long?"

"I um the teacher-"

"Okay." She said and then tightened her backpack on her shoulder. "Come on, let's go." She told me and I nodded.

We walked to our class and lots of kids were staring. Why are they staring? Is there something on my face? Am I doing something wrong?

They're probably judging me because a lot of them were in my first few periods and I made a huge fool of myself. I was an idiot and I may or may not have let let a tear or two fall.

"What are you fucking staring at?" I looked up and then saw that Kyle was scowling. "Find something else too look at." She, or he, said.

"Just two queers hanging out."

"Shut the fuck up or I personally will make you." Kyle snapped at a girl with black hair. She backed away and I kept my gaze down.

"Now you made us late for class, thanks a fucking lot." Kyle muttered and she walked faster. I sped my pace up as well and then looked at Kyle.

"God, I hate people." She said and I just stated quiet. "They don't know how to mind their own damn business."

I just nodded and then walked into class with her, glad the teacher didn't mark us late because I was new and she assumed Kyle was showing me around.

I took a seat at an empty desk the teacher pointed too and then some girl kept looking at me, making me uncomfortable. I shuffled in my seat and then the teacher spoke up about some project regarding an essay that I didn't have to do but was interested in.

"I want you to write about the person you aspire to be. It can involve who you look up to and who motivated you to want to become that person."