Collin's point of view

My back was aching and my body felt numb. No, not even numb actually. I felt like there was a pressure set on my body and I felt like it was going to just collapse. I felt like I was thrown down a flight of stairs and then forced to be the target at dodgeball.

It was a mix between numbness and pain and it was excruciating. Why can't it be just one? I'd rather be numb or in pain, not both. It was making me weak and I'm not even doing anything.

I tried moving, but I couldn't. I tried opening my eyes, but they were like super glued and sewed shut. I tried moving my finger, my finger, but it couldn't.

Why couldn't I move?

Am I dead? God, please. Is this what being dead feels like? I thought it'd be nothing. I thought it'd free me from pain.

Even death let me down...

"Collin,"

The voice was tired, weak, broken, and it made my heart clench and my throat dry even more. I never wanted her to be sad and yet it's my fault she's sad, I think. It emotionally and physically hurt me to hear her in pain or to know she was in pain.

"Collin, please wake up. It's been almost a month. I've spent about a month needing you and wishing you'd wake up. Please Collin, you need to wake up. For me Collin, for the band, for yourself, please. The band is tearing at the seams and-and Michael is going insane. Please, you need to wake up. We need you." She begged and I tried moving again but no fucking avail.

She set her hand on mine and I could feel my heart speed up. She just has that effect on me, ever since the day we met she's made my heard race, sometimes it was bad, other times it was in the most amazing way.

"What-" She cut herself up and then she took her hand off of me. "Collin?"

No no no please.

Her hand lightly touched my skin again and this time it was on my hipbone. Her touch was light, almost as if she was scared I'd break to pieces under her fingers.

My heart sped up again at the small action and all I heard was this consistent beeping sound that made me want to chop my head off.

"Oh my god Collin, wake up. I-I know you're awake." She said hopefully and I tried moving but I couldn't and it was so frustrating.

"Please, I'm begging you Collin." She cried and grabbed my hand, her fingers lacing with mine. I tried moving my hand, and after about a hundred times, I finally got my fingers to curl around hers.

"Oh my god," she sobbed and held my hand tighter. "Michael! Mummy! Get the doctor!" Kayla cried loudly and I squeezed her hand.

"Kayla? Why? What happened?" I heard her mum ask. "Darling, you told us yesterday that he was awake."

"He is awake now!" Kayla said and I put all my strength to squeeze her hand harder. "See! He's awake. Collin, you're awake aren't you?"

Yes.

YES.

YES.

"Kayla, darling-"

"He is awake." Kayla said and I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to open my eyes but the light burning behind them was so bright that I made myself keep them close.

A small, I audible groan escaped my lips and I heard a gasp. "He actually is awake! Go get the doctor! I'll go get the doctor! Oh my god!" A woman said quickly and I heard footsteps against tiles.

"Collin, come on, please, get up. Try baby, please." She begged me and the pet name made my cheeks go hot and my heart quicken.

I groaned lowly and then opened my eyes, using all my strength to do the simple task. I squinted my eyes and then looked at her, giving her a weak smile.

"H-Hi." I croaked out and the smile on her lips was so big that the Joker would be jealous. She didn't even return the greeting, but I didn't mind.

She pressed a kiss to my lips and I closed my eyes. I kissed her back now that I could actually move my body and she let out a sob against my lips.

"I thought I'd never be able to see your pretty eyes again... or kiss you." She told me and I opened my eyes to look at her.

"I missed you." She said quietly, cupping my face in her hand. "A month without you is too long."

"A-A month?" I questioned and she nodded. The doctor walked in and it wasn't until we heard a throat clear that she pulled away from me.

"I'm glad to see you're awake Collin," he said and I nodded. "Do you know where you are?"

"A-A hospital bed?" I asked and he nodded. He handed me a bottle of water and I took it carefully, using all my might and strength to keep it up.

It was so heavy.

"Where's Michael?" Kyle asked and her mum said that he was in the restroom. She nodded and I looked at the doctor.

"Do you know who Michael is?"

"Y-Yeah," I said after I took a small drink of water. "He's in a band and-and... he's my hero." I said and the doctor scribbled something on his clipboard.

"Do you know who Luke, Ashton, and Calum are?" He asked and I nodded, telling him they were apart of a band and I lived with them.

"I assume you know who this young lady is?" He asked, a small smirk on his lips. I blushed and nodded again.

"How-How could I ever forget?" I asked and she blushed. The doctor asked how I was feeling and I just sat and thought about it. "Weak." I answered honestly.

"Physically? Mentally? Emotionally?"

"Is um a-all of the a-above an answer?" I asked and he wrote it down on the clipboard. He nodded and then I saw a familiar boy in the doorway.

"Collin," he breathed out, almost as if he didn't believe it. As if he was imagining it. "You're-You're awake." He said and I nodded.

"Yeah, I-I am." I said and looked down. I didn't want to be honestly. I wouldn't mind being dead...

"Do you remember how you got here?" The doctor asked me and I shook my head. "It's seems you had lost too much blood from cutting yourself." He said and I gulped.

"Oh-Oh yeah," I muttered and played with my fingers as I set the water bottle down."Am I getting sent to-to therapy? Like-Like for sure?"

"No."

Thank god.

"However, Mr. Hemmings did request several panflicts for a couple rehab centers." The doctor said and my eyes went wide as I sucked in a breath.

"R-Rehab?" I asked and Kayla gasped. "I don't need rehab." I said and looked down. "I-I don't need rehab." I told them.

"That's not for me to discuss Collin, that is for you and Luke to speak about, however I believe it is the best option." The doctor said and I nodded. "So it seems you're okay, but you'll need to stay in a few more days for some check-ups and such, understand?"

"Yeah." I mumbled and nodded. He left the room and suddenly I was encased in a bone crushing, lung squeezing, bruise worthy hug.

"I though we lost you." Michael said into my neck. "I thought I lost you. I can't live without you Collin. I was-I was going crazy without you. We need you so much, please please please don't ever do that again." He said, a sob escaping his lips.

Did it really hurt him this much? Did it really hurt Kayla this much? What would have happened if I actually died? How would they feel?

And then a wave of guilt fell over me.

"I'm s-sorry." I choked out and he squeezed me harder. "I'm so sorry." I said and I could feel his tears on my neck and shoulder.

"I thought you knew how much we needed you. You're our world and so much more buddy. You're then reason this band hasn't fell apart, since last month." He said and I nodded.

"The others are at an interview without me because I wasn't mentally well enough for it." Michael whispered. "You keep me sane Collin, please promise me that you won't ever do this to us again."

"I won't." I said and looked at Kayla and her mum. They gave me soft smiles and they both had tears in their eyes.

"You didn't promise me Collin, please." Michael begged as he held my face in his hands. "I-I need you to."

"Why? So I can break yet another promise?" I asked and looked into his broken, bloodshot eyes. "I'm sorry." I said quietly, my heart literally breaking because he looked so distraught and so hurt and so... so broken.

And it was my fault.

"O-Okay." He said and sniffled. "I'm just glad you're awake buddy." He said, a small, forced laugh escaping his lips. "I'm glad to finally see your eyes again." He told me and I smiled.

"Is that your phone Michael?" Kayla's mum asked and Michael nodded. "Answer it. What if something important came up?"

"What's more important than Collin waking up from his coma?"

"Maybe one of the guys got hurt or maybe something bad happened. Just go answer your phone." Her mum said and then laughed. "And tell them that Collin is awake."

Michael nodded and pulled away from me. He stood up and then answered his phone before walking out of the room.

"How you feeling hun?"

"Like... Like shit." I answered and looked at the closed door. "Yeah, like shit." I told them and looked at then.

"What's wrong?" Kayla asked me, holding my hand. I looked at our hands and instead of holding hers, I just pulled mine away.

"Because I-I ruined everything." I said, my voice cracking. "Everything was fine until I came along."

"It may have been fine but Collin, we've all been better than fine since you came here." Kayla said. "You make us happy and you hold everyone together."

"I don't want that!" I cried. "I-If I make you happy then-then what happens when I leave? Everyone's broken. I don't want that Kayla. I don't want to be guilty. I don't want it feel bad. I-I know I make you happy but-but I'm not happy! Why-Why would I stay if I'm not happy?"

"I thought I made you happy?" Kayla asked me quietly. "You said that I make you happy, that I make you feel normal, like there's nothing wrong with you." She said.

"You do." I said and looked at her. "You honestly do but-but I don't know. I'm so torn. I'm confused and I'm just saying a bunch of meaningful nonsense." I said and rubbed my face with my palms. "That didn't even make sense."

"It's not that healthy to be so stressed at such a young age, especially after being unconscious for like a month." Her mum told me and I looked at her. "How about I drop by your house and pick up a few of your notebooks and stuff. We don't need you stressing out buddy."

"P-Please?" I asked and she smiled. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that she'll be back soon. "Thank you." I said.

She just nodded and then left the room, which showed me Michael was still on his phone. The door closed and I looked at Kayla.

"Hey."

"Hi." She said, a smile on her lips. "I missed you." She told me and I sighed. "There wasn't a second that I spent without thinking of when you'd wake up." She told me as she ran a hand through her hair.

"You dyed your hair black." I pointed out and she nodded, letting a few strands fall into her face. "You... You still look beautiful." I said and she blushed.

"Thank you." She told me and ran her tongue over her bottom lip. "I missed school today and yesterday for you because they said you'd be awake yesterday." She yold me.

"What's today?"

"Wednesday." She answered and smiled. "I had a few tests and quizzes today but you're more important than my grades." She told me and my heart fluttered.

"I-I was asleep through the school dance, wasn't I?" I asked and she nodded, a small smile on her lips. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She said and chuckled. "I heard it was a bust anyways." She said and laughed, causing me to crack and smile.

"I'll make it up to you?"

"You don't have to, just having you awake and talking to me is enough."