-Honestly, it's so cool that some people get so excited when I update or when I message/follow/reply to them. Honestly, I'm no one special and I don't understand why it happens, but it makes me so happy and so confident and I love you guys. Hope you like this xx ♡

Collin's point of view

I sat in my room with Luke and Calum. I was cuddled up to Luke and Calum was just beside us so he wasn't all alone. Def Leppard was playing and Calum was humming along.

"How's school buddy? Having fun? Meeting new people? Getting the highest grades?" Luke asked me and I shook my head. "No? Why? What's up?"

"It's hard." I mumbled and Calum snickered. "I-I'm bad at math and-and I hate gym." I said and Luke rubbed my back softly.

"Why do you hate gym?"

"Because I-I have to change in front of all the guys all and-and I'm bad at sports. Plus I look so... so pathetic compared to the o-other boys." I said and he sighed. "And then I don't understand math at all. It's a m-mess of letters and nu-numbers."

"I can help you with math buddy. My mum is a math teacher." He said and I nodded. "Oh! My mum is flying down next week with Ben and dad! Jack is busy working so he can't come which is strange because Ben is usually the busy one."

"You're the busy one." Calum said and Luke agreed. "If you need help at sports and stuff, I can help you with that a bit. I'm the most sporty and I can take you to the gym a bit to like bulk up and shit."

"Playing F-Fifa doesn't c-count."

"I mean real football buddy." Calum said and I nodded, my head hurting a bit. "Just me and you, Calum and Collin time."

"Anything else wrong with school that we can fix little man?" Luke asked me and I bit the inside if my lip.

"It's fine." I lied and he nodded as he played with my hair. "The rest is o-okay." I told him and Calum hummed to some song.

"Is there anything coming up? I remember there being these dances all the girls got excited for and the guys hated because they had to spend money on like a 'promposal' or something." Calum said and I nodded.

"Do you wanna go?"

"I-I asked Kayla, kind of, if she-if she would go with me..." I trailed off and Calum cheered. "She said she wo-would and yeah..."

"Fourteen years old and getting the girls, hell yeah." Calum said and I frowned a bit because it sounds like this is some competition. This isn't a competition of who can date a girl at the youngest age...

"You don't get a girl," I mumbled. "She's not a Pokémon. You can't just-just get one or something." I said and Luke chuckled.

"So wise and he's only fourteen."

"Urgh this is Ashton's fault." Calum groaned and I rolled my eyes. "When's this dance?" He asked me.

"A-A few weeks." I said and they just hummed. "It's uh at like five or something."

"Well, that gives us time to take you to that dinner with our boss." Luke said and I froze. "Our boss wants to meet you."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes." Calum said and I nodded. "It's okay, he's not that bad. He can have mood swings and such but he isn't as bad as he comes off as." He told me and I nodded again as Luke scoffed.

"O-Okay..." I said and Luke rubbed my arm comfortingly. "When is it?" I asked him and he hummed.

"This Friday." Luke answered and I just hummed quietly. "How's everything going on in here buddy?" He asked me after it went dead silent, his finger tapping on my temple a bit. "All good?"

"Yeah." I lied and and he told me that was good. "It's fine now." I told him and he threaded his fingers through my hair.

"I'm glad baby, you don't need those voices and thoughts in your head." He told me and I nodded. "You're a bright young man, you have so much ahead of you. You're gonna be alright."

"You're gonna go far kid," Calum sang and I chuckled. "With a thousand lies and a good disguise..."

I listened to him sing the song and Luke hummed along, singing with Calum. I kept quiet, wanting to just listen to them and possibly fall asleep. I was tired.

"Still clean buddy?" Luke asked after thet finushed singing, his thumb running over my wrists. I couldn't help the wince as he rubbed a bit too hard and then he stopped, his body tensing. "I'll take that as a no..."

"I'm sorry." I said quietly and he rubbed my side. "I'm so sorry." I told him and he shushed me as he kissed the top of my head.

"Do you think... Do you think we should take you to see a doctor or therapist? Maybe he can prescribe you anti-depressants or talk to you..." He said quietly and I pulled away from him.

"You-You think I need help? You think I need pills and-and therapy? Really?" I asked, hurt and slightly angered. "Do you think I'm-I'm crazy? I'm not crazy." I defended myself.

"Collin, I just want you to get better-"

"No, you-you don't care if I get better or not. It's if-It's if the paparazzi see. That's what you're scared of." I accused and he seemed offended that I'd say that. That I'd even think that.

"That is not true. I care because I'm a human being and I have feelings. I care about people. I care about you. Why would you think that? That's not true. I care because you mean a lot to me, despite you being around for around short period of time." He asked me and I got off of my bed.

"Because-Because you're famous and are nineteen years old. You wouldn't w-want a kid. You just want publicity." I said, telling him the reason I saw all over Tumblr and Twitter.

'He's so a publicity stunt. I mean, Luke adopts a kid out of nowhere after he gets caught smoking weed and shit? So believable.'

'Luke is nineteen, why would he want a kid? Wow management, we aren't dumb.'

"Bullshit! That is bullshit Collin." Luke said and I flinched at his loud voice. "Where the hell did you hear that? I can't just use someone like that. I adopted you because I wanted a kid, without the diapers and baby bottles and crying part... for now. Also because I want a little brother! You're not even a son to me, you're like my little brother!"

"Liar!" I yelled and pulled my hair in distress. "Why else would you adopt a mentally and emotionally fucked up boy? Huh? Because it will make you look like s-saints to the public! I'm a-a charity case!" I said, my voice cracking.

I flinched as he raised his hand and then he froze it as I spoke. "Pl-Please don't h-hit me. I'm sorry. I didn't m-mean it." I whimpered quietly, backing away from him.

Slowly, very slowly, he put his hand down and then he looked at me, sadness and guilt in his eyes. "Collin, I wasn't going to hit you." He said and I blinked as tears filled my eyes.

"You-You weren't?"

"No, of course not buddy. Why-Why would you think that?" Luke asked me and I kept quiet. Calum asked me the same question and I didn't speak up.

Instead of answering them, I turned around and then ran out of the room. I went into Michael's room and then I closed the door, locking it as soon as I could.

"Collin, I'm not going to hurt you." Luke said softly as he stood by the door and I just curled into a ball. "I promise you Collin. I could never hurt you. I love you buddy, I can't hurt the ones I love."

"You don't kn-know me... you can't love me."

"We've been living in the same house for awhile now Collin. I know so much about you that it's almost creepy and weird. I know you buddy, and I could never hit you." Luke said and I looked at the white door.

"You-You love drawing scenery and people and you love classic rock and pure pop-punk music. Your favorite colors are blue and black and your idol is.... Michael. It's Michael. You look up to him and you're the most comfortable around him or Kayla" He said and not one word was incorrect.

"Your older brother died in war and-and your parents were both shot, both of the times your father's fault. You play guitar and keyboard and you want to travel the world." He told me and I looked at my knees, my vision blurred from how much he paid attention to what I said or what he heard about me.

"When you laugh you cover your mouth because someone to you that you looked ugly when you laughed. You don't eat much because you're used to not being fed much and you sleep a lot because you said nothing happens to you while you were sleeping. No voices and no pain and no world problem a matter." He said and I sniffled.

"I know so much about you Collin. Even if I didn't, even if I ignored everything you told me, I would still love you because you're like my little brother now, my little buddy. You're so important to me." He said and it was quiet.

"We're home!" Someone screamed and I jumped into Michael's bed quietly. I got under the covers and then closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

"What are you doing by my door you shithead? I don't-Oh shit you're crying, who did it? Who hurt you? I'll kill them." I heard Michael said and I smiled smally because I wanted a relationship like that. I wanted someone who acted that way towards me in my life.

"You're not killing anyone." Luke said and I heard the doorknob jiggle. "Collin is in there. I-I scared him and he thinks I adopted him for publicity. Oh, and he thinks that I think he's crazy."

"What the fuck did you do this time Hemmings?" Michael asked and I assumed it was just them two outside of the door.

"He-He relapsed and I asked if he thought that professional help would work and he kind of blew up. I understood that but when the whole stunt thing came up, I got mad because that's not true." Luke said and I buried my face into Michael's pillow.

"Of course it isn't. You're a little bitch. You can't use someone, you'd like die with guilt." Michael said, snorting a bit.

"And I raised my hand to run it through my hair and he flinched because he thought I was going to-going to h-hit him. I could never hit him Michael. He thought I was going to hurt him." Luke cried and I sniffled lightly.

"Go uh wipe your nose and shit and then we'll talk. I'll get the door open and when you get back us two can talk." Michael said and the doorknob jiggled some more.

"I forgot about the key..."

The door opened and I heard his footsteps. "I kow you're not sleeping buddy, you have glasses on." Michael said and the bed dipped down. I looked at him and he smiled smally.

"You know that none of that is true, right? You heard what he said." He said and I nodded softly and slowly. "He loves you and could never hurt you intentionally. Even if he didn't like you, he still couldn't live with the guilt of using a person. He's Luke."

I just nodded and he rubbed my sides. "Now, what did he mean by relapse buddy? You promised us, you promised me." He said and I buried my face into his pillow.

"Collin-"

"I don't need pro-professional help."

"I wasn't going to say that." He said and I rolled my eyes. "From now on, I'm going to be checking and when you're not using them, your pencil sharpeners and shaving razors come in my room." He told me.

"What? No!"

"Yes Collin." He said firmly. "This needs to stop. You need to stop hurting yourself." He told me and I moved away from him.

"You don't understand! I need to! If I don't, the voices, they-they stay there and get so loud and it's hard Michael. You don't understand... you don't understand." I cried into his pillow.

"Not in your scenario, no, but I do understand Collin. Plus, no girl really wants a boy with self-harm scars." He said quietly to me, giving me me a sympathetic smile.

"I don't care what g-girls want..."

"What about Kayla? She'd want you to stop aswell, I know she would. You're both so close and I doubt she'd want you hurting yourself." He told me and I looked down.

"See? You care about what Kayla thinks, and she's a part-time girl. Do it for her." He told me and I nodded slowly.

"O-Okay... just for her and-and you."

"And yourself. This isn't for us, this is for you; your own safety and health." He told me and I nodded, lying straight to his face.

"Y-Yeah, and my-myself..."