(Triggering towards the end.)

Collin's point of view

"Collin? Are you dressed? It's almost time for school." Someone said and I sniffled into my pillow. "Are you okay?"

Rather than denying it, I shook my head and then felt the bed dip down. He asked me what's wrong and I turned my head to look at Luke.

"Your fans literally h-hate me."

"What?" He asked and laughed a bit. "Collin, you just got introduced, they can't possibly hate you that quickly." He told me and I shook my head.

"They-They hate me Luke." I cried into my pillow and he rubbed my back. They called me pathetic for almost crying and stupid for being shy. They also kept making fun of how tiny I was and how I was an asshole for 'changing' Michael's sweet personality.

"You need to get dressed now Collin. I'm sorry but you can't miss any more school days." He told me and I nodded. "I'll see what I can go. Just go get dressed and then meet me downstairs."

I nodded and then got off of the bed. I went to my closet and then grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a white long sleeved t-shirt. I put them on and then pulled a red flannel on after I put socks on and then laced on some black converse.

I went to the bathroom. I quickly brushed my hair and then washed my face. I brushed my teeth and then I put my glasses on, along with my black earrings.

I grabbed my backpack and then I went downstairs to Luke. "Ready?" He asked and I simply nodded. "Come on, let's go."

And yet again, another nod.

-

"I knew he was with the band. The last name Hemmings isn't that common." Some girl whisperered as she saw me.

"Did you see him almost cry on live television? Fucking baby." Some boy said and I looked down a bit, unwilling to meet anyone and everyone's gaze.

"What did I tell you Collin?" Some girl hissed and I was pushed into the lockers. I gasped in pain and then squeezed my eyes shut as I held my arm. "You lied."

"I-I don't-"

"I thought I fucking made it clear that if you were lying to me that I'd kill you?" The girl asked and yanked me up. Either she was very strong, or I was smaller than I thought I was.

Probably both...

"I-I'm sorry b-"

"Ah ah ah," she said and I looked at her, afraid of what was going to happen. "I can't kill you, but what I can do is ruin your fucking life." She hissed and I felt a stinging pain on my cheek.

Laughs and gasps filled the room and tears filled my eyes. My glasses fell on to the floor and then I looked down, feeling ashamed and guilty.

"What are you doing?" I heard someone yell and the girl was pushed off of me. I immediately reached for my glasses and then put them on, blinking away my tears.

"Don't fucking touch him or I swear to god I'll rip out your hair." The person said and I looked up. I saw Kayla on top of the girl and I quickly walked over, grabbing her wrist softlt.

"H-Hey," I said and she looked at me. "It's o-okay." I told her quietly and the glare she had softened. I gave her a pleading look and then she sighed while nodding.

"If you go near him again, I will hunt you down. I know how to use a shotgun." Kayla hissed and got off of the girl. She fixed the skirt she had on and then she smiled brightly.

"What's up?" She asked as the bell rang. She wiped a few of my tears and then chuckled. "It's okay Collin." She said and gave me a hug. "I'll see you in art buddy, if someone fucks with you tell me."

I nodded and she walked away. I sighed and then looked down as some boy called me a wimp. I walked to my first class, ignoring the teasing, taunting, and threats shot at me.

You deserve it for being so fucking worthless. God, lying? Lying is bad you dipshit.

"Watch where you're fucking going kid. I don't want you touching me. I don't want some STD." Some boy said and I nodded quickly.

"As if! I bet he's never even kissed a girl!" Some girl called out, sending about half the class into fits of laughter and giggles.

I have kissed a girl though...

"He's probably gay! Ha!"

Nothing is wrong with that, even though I'm not...

-

By the time school ended, I was on the verge of just breaking down and having another anxiety attack. My head was hurting and I was just itching to get my hands on something sharp enough to cut skin.

But you promise

"Collin! Wait up!" Someone said and I just kept walking. I wasn't in the mood to talk. I couldn't talk. I didn't want to talk.

"Hey, Collin, come on dude, slow down!" She said and I did. She didn't deserve the cold shoulder just because I was feeling like complete and utter shit.

"H-Hi." I said and she looked at me as we walked out of the school. She smiled and pulled her black binder closer to her chest.

"How was school? Did anyone else give you a hard time?" She asked me and I lied. I shook my head and she smiled smally. "Good. You don't deserve that."

"Y-Yeah," I stuttered out and a bunch of girls came up to us. It was like a group of three or four. They were dressed similarly in skinny jeans, tank-tops, and converse.

"You know 5 Seconds of Summer?"

"Are Michael and Luke dating?"

"When does the album come out? Is it any good?"

"When will Ashton bring back the ripped shirts and bandanas?"

"What color is Michael dying his hair next?"

"Does Calum really smoke?"

"Does Luke let you borrow his clothes and does he give you lots of hugs and stuff?"

I froze as they asked question after question, making me wonder if the girls were actually breathing. It was so strange and weird and I didn't like how everyone who passed by were staring at me.

"Hey guys, we have to get home-"

"Oh my god where do you live?"

"Are they picking you up?"

"We seriously need to get home. We have more important things to do than to stand here and listen to a bunch of questions we ourselves, cannot answer due to the confidentiality of the answers. So please, step the fuck aside and let us get home before Collin has an anxiety attack because of all this attention." Kayla said, grabbing my hand and walking away from them.

My heart beated faster as she grabbed my hand, her fingers lacing between mine. We walked slowly to the black car that was at the end of the sidewalk.

Her car was right in front of ours and I looked at her as she opened the door to the red vehicle. "Th-Thanks," I said sheepishly, a bit embarrassed that she had to do the talking when all the questions were pointed towards me. "It um me-means a lot."

"You're welcome." She said and then smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow and I'll text you later yeah?"

"Y-Yeah." I said as I opened the door to Luke's car. I waited for her to get into her car, and then I got into Luke's. I closed the door and then buckled up.

"How was school?"

Terrible. I was called every name in the insult book and then I was pushed around a few times. Some girl slapped me and then some guy took my homework, giving me lunch detention. Oh, and I had a small anxiety attack at school during lunch, no biggie.

"It was uh f-fine." I said and he nodded because I normally stuttered a bit. He couldn't tell when I was lying, only Michael could and Kayla could... sometimes. "Work?"

"We just told the fans about our new album via Twitter and then helped Calum unpack all of the clothes he had shipped off the internet. Michael said he put all your clothes away while I helped Calum." He said and I nodded, glad it was Michael who was opening my drawers and closets.

"Me and the guys have a few interviews later on and a concert, do you think you'll be able to be by yourself until it's time for the concert? It's just a few hours..." Luke said and I nodded.

"Y-Yeah um, I'll be fine by myself."

Lies.

-

I sat on my bed, my fingers tracing the hem of the black dress I had on and my legs crossed. Nickelback played from my Ipod loudly and I just hummed along quietly, the very familiar song almost calming to me.

Memories filled my head and I looked at my fingers as they replayed over and over. I remebered them so clearly and so vividly, it was almost frightening.

-

"Collin, come on buddy, come up to big brother's room." Dustin said, his hand on my shoulder as mum and dad yelled at each other.

I went up to his room and then he closed the door, locking it behind him. I followed him to the balcony and he pulled out his phone and some earbuds.

"Why-Why do they throw things Dusty?" I asked and he looked at me. "Do they have to throw things?" I asked as he handed me the left earbud and sat down in a chair.

"It's how they let their anger out Collin. Everyone does different things to express their emotions, whether it is dangerous or not." He told me and I sat down on his lap Luke always.

"You fucking dick! I don't do anything? I'm the one bringing the fucking money in because your broke ass can't get a job!" Mum screamed and Dustin pulled me closer to him.

Soon, a song played and I looked at Dustin. "This is big brother's favorite song. You like it." He teased and I laughed while nodding.

"It's time to say it goodbye," he sang along, rocking us side to side as he played with my blonde hair. "Goodbye..."

"Dusty, will mum and dad ever stop fighting like this? Will they be happy again?"

"I... I don't know little man... I hope so." He told me sadly and I nodded. "Don't think about that right now buddy, just focus on the music yeah? It's good..." He said and I nodded.

"Stay strong little man, okay?" He mumbled ad he kissed my head. "God, you're too young to be dealing with this shit."

"What so you mean Dusty?"

"In time you'll know Collin... In time you'll know."

-

Tears fell from my eyes and I covered my mouth as a sob escaped my lips. I know what he meant, I did when I was first taken to the orphanage, but I failed to complete the request. I failed to stay strong. I failed him.

I looked at the pack of sharpeners in my pencil pouch and I just itched to get my fingers on them. To break them and rip the blades out. To run them across my wrists and thighs until I couldn't feel them... until I couldn't feel a thing.

I stared at the pack longer, weighing out my consequences if I end up self-harming yet again.

After I finished, I reached for the pack and then ripped it open, allowing the sharpener to pop out. I took the sharpener and tossed it on the ground before slamming my converse clad foot down on it.

I'm sorry guys.... I'm sorry Kayla.... I'm sorry Dustin....