Vanessa's point of view

"Hey squirt, are you okay?" Jack asked and I shook my head. "What's up?" He asked as he let me in.

"Hey, shouldn't you be in the tour bus with the band?" Ben asked and I nodded. "What are you doing over here, especially in a shirt that short? Do you know how many creeps walk the streets this late out? Do you need a sweater?"

"Please?" I asked and he nodded as he got up from the bed. I sat down and Jack sat beside me. "I don't know what to do." I said and he hummed.

"What happened? Was it Luke?"

"Calum." I said and he nodded. "I didn't know who to talk to. Luke is out of the picture, Ashton will convince me not to, Michael will convince me to, and I can't talk to Andy because she's busy." I told him and he said that I could always talk to them.

Ben came back with a hoodie and I thanked him. "What's up little lady?" He asked and I laughed a little bit as I pulled his sweater over my head.

"It's Calum." I said and he nodded. "He cheated on me but that's not why I'm over here."

"Damn." Jack said as he looked at Ben. "I'll kill him for you?"

"I'll help."

"No guys, it's fine. I mean, it's not fine but I understand so I guess it's like forgiven kind of. I don't know, but he said he loved me and he told me it won't happen again but I feel like it will and I don't know what to do." I said and Ben choked a bit.

"He told you that he loved you-"

"And you ran away from him?"

"I didn't know what to do! I'm scared. I've never dated anyone before." I said and Jack rubbed my back softly. "His mom and sister hate me, so I can't do much about that. Then his fans hate me too now for some reason, maybe because of the pictures of him cheating. It's all messed up."

"Follow your heart."

"Jack, you're not good with advice. Leave." Ben said and I laughed a bit. "If you trust him enough to not hurt you again like that, then I'll drive you back."

"But you're not acknowledging the fact he said the three words!" Jack said and Ben face palmed.

"Jack, I was getting there." He said and I chuckled. "So, do you trust him?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"Um... I don't know... maybe? Kind of? Probably not actually... fuck, I don't know!" I said and curled into a ball. "Should I?"

"Has he ever lied to you before this?" Ben asked and I shook my head. "Do you think he'd do this again?" He asked and I nodded. "You don't trust him then."

"Let's talk about the three little words now." He said and Jack looked at me. "How long have you been dating?"

"Three and a half months, almost four." I said and he nodded. "We started dating maybe a week or two after my best friend's quinceañera." I told him.

"Time doesn't matter Ben, do you love him?" Jack asked and I looked at him. "I'm talking to a fifteen year old about love, this is deja vu. I used to do this with Luke."

"Luke isn't relevant right now Jack, Jesus Christ. This is about Calum and Vanessa." Ben said and Jack nodded.

"I don't know. What even is love? How do I know if I'm in love?" I asked and closed my eyes. "Relationships are hard."

"They shouldn't be."

"Well-"

"Shut up Jack."

"How do I explain it?" Ben hummed and he looked at me. "It's... It's hearing the person's voice in the morning, and smiling because even though you're awake at six am on a Saturday, you get to spend more time with them." He said and I nodded.

"Or the famous, you feel butterflies in your stomach when you look at them. But I feel butterflies when I look at Calum too, only because he's fugly." Jack said and I rolled my eyes as I laughed. "Luke's prettier."

"Luke's my dad so..."

"It's not incest if you're not related by blood." Jack joked and Ben face palmed.

"But is it still murder if you accidentally fall on to the knife and stab yourself seven times?" Ben asked and Jack shrugged. "You're getting off topic."

"Right." I said and looked at my sweats. "Is it even possible to really love someone at my age though? Isn't it like, puppy love I guess?" I asked and Ben nodded.

"Well yeah, but that doesn't mean it's any less valid. Love is love-"

"And love wins-"

"Oh my god Jack!"

"I'll stop now." He promised and I laughed lightly. "Your love is just as valid as Bryana's, as Arzaylea's, as Celeste's, as anyone's really." He told me and I nodded.

"I don't know. How do I know it's just not my inner fangirl talking?" I asked and Ben laughed.

"Normally, fangirls love their idols with like every inch of their soul so..." He said and I nodded. "Either way, that's love."

I leaned my back against the heard board and groaned loudly. "I don't know!" I said and buried my face into the hotel pillows.

"Does he make your heart stop and speed up? Does he make your a morning person? Would you give him the last slice of pizza?"

"If my dad came back from the dead and asked for the last slice of pizza, I wouldn't even give it to him." I told Jack and he laughed. "Ya'll can get your own pizza, bye."

"Okay but-"

"My pizza. You can leave." I said and Jack told me I was off topic. "Right. I uh, I don't know. I can't just think back on the last three months and snap my fingers for an answer. This is my first relationship."

"It lasted longer than most." Ben said and I shrugged, telling him that I wouldn't know. "Are you going to tell him that you don't know?"

"Maybe." I said and he nodded. "He can't expect me to know if I love him or not, right? I'm not the bad guy in this for not knowing?"

"You were never the bad guy." Jack promised and Ben nodded.

"So, let's get you back to the bus so you can go and tell him how you feel about this all." Ben said and Jack shook his head.

"I still can't believe that you ran away from him." He told me and I shrugged, telling him I was overwhelmed. "I'm sorry but that wasn't a smart move."

"I know, I didn't know what to do. It's overwhelming because I don't know what's right or wrong when it comes to relationships." I said and he stood up. "Where are you going?" I asked and he said that they're going to take me back to the tour bus. "Right..."

-

"I swear to god Calum, I'm going to cut your dick off and staple it to your forehead." Luke said and Ashton yelled at him.

"Calm down, it wasn't his fault-"

"She won't answer her phone and she's in a town she doesn't know! It's late and there are creeps out on the street! How could you let her run off like that!?"

"How come you didn't stop her!?"

"I wouldn't have had to if you didn't make her run off!"

"Woah there Luke, calm down." Ben said as I ran to Michael, giving him a hug. He hugged me back and I buried my face into his chest.

"We brought back Nessa, she ran to the hotel a few blocks down." Jack told them and Michael thanked them as he ran a hand through my hair.

"Is everything alright? If it isn't... we can take her back and she can stay with us." I heard Jack said and Luke promised that it's fine.

"Well... okay then. Goodnight guys, night Vanessa." He said and and I waved as the two left the bus. All attention was on me and I pulled the hoodie on Ben's sweater up, hiding in it.

"Can I talk to you Calum?" I asked quietly and he looked at me.

"Why? So you can run away again?" He asked and rolled his eyes. "Save it. I don't want to hear it." He said and I let go of Mikey.

"Hear her out Cal. Maybe it's what you want to hear." Ashton said and Luke mumbled that he hopes it isn't.

I looked at Calum and went up to him after he agreed. I grabbed his hand and led him to the back of the bus, closing the door behind us.

"Use pro-"

"I'll fucking kill you both and replace you with a snap of the fingers."

"Don't do anything Luke will kill you for!"

Calum looked at me and crossed his arms. "What do you want to talk about?" He asked me and I took the hood off to look at him.

"I um, talked with Ben and Jack. They made me realize some things." I said and he nodded.

"That is..."

"One, I don't trust you. Two, I don't know if I feel the same yet, and three, it is still murder if the person falls on the knife and stabs themselves seven times." I told him and he blinked.

I wanted to lighten the mood with the last one, I guess it didn't work.

"After everything I said, you still don't trust me and you still don't know if you love me?" He asked and I put my hands in the pockets of Ben's hoodie. "Wow."

"Wow what?"

"How can you not trust me?"

"How can you expect me to trust you?" I asked and he ran his hands over his face. "I'm fifteen but I'm not a dumbass Calum, I know that it's gonna happen again whether you'd admit it or not."

"It won't! I thought I made that clear!" He said and I flinched away from his loud voice. "I promised that I wouldn't!"

"And you promised that you wouldn't hurt me but here we are. I'm lost and confused and hurt and your mad because you made me feel like this and don't want to accept it." I told him.

"There's no need to be lost and confused! All you have to do is say 'I love you' and then just trust that I'm not gonna fuck up." He told me and I shook my head.

"I can't because I don't know Calum. I don't want to say it because I don't know. I'm not going to lie to you." I said and he leaned his forehead against the wall. "I'm sorry but I don't know."

"Until you know for sure, we're done because I can't sit around like a lost puppy waiting for you." He said and I felt guilty, and slightly angered.

"We've been done." I said and he rolled his eyes. "The moment you decided that you couldn't keep it in your pants we were done."

"If you weren't so prude-"

"I'm fifteen, it's like you want to go to jail. Age may be just a number Calum, but jail isn't just a place when you're in the position you're in." I told him and he rolled his eyes again and he he opened the sliding door.

"I don't want to hear-"

"Just because you don't want to hear it, doesn't make it any less true." I said and he stormed out of the bus like I did previously.

The band looked at me and I shook my head. "Dead." I said and then closed the sliding door, sitting against it as I buried my face into my knees.

"Nessa, are you alright?"

"No."

"Ice cream is cheaper than therapy, come on."