N/A: sorry for this chapter. There is something I am still trying to set up. All of you who have been messaging me about there being more to the blackmailers are right. And an apology for the awful pacing, this has never been my strong suit but hopefully, I can work on it with later stories. And I hope all the clues I have been placing fit together by the end of this. It can be a bit hard to see when I know the full picture already and know what is implied and I hope that those planted in early chapters will not slip minds, so I have done my best to bring them back up inconspicuously. If this chapter took a while, it is because I wrote the full last few chapters all together save for the very last ones to make sure they all flow correctly. And my exam period has started so there won't be updates till it's over.

Idina's heart froze when she saw Zephyr in the crib. Her chest tightened and she could not breathe. Dark stops grew in her vision, trying to bring her away from this. She felt Aaron's arms around her but for once it was not all right. There was no way it could be all right. Something inside her broke when she saw his red and blue face and she knew she could never be okay again.

Aaron tried to hide her from it, he always did, but it was sitting there, every time she closed her eyes, seared into her brain. Her youngest boy was dying, and she could not do a single thing about it.

Her chest was claiming as Aaron left her to call for an ambulance. When he came back, she was feeling dizzy and hot, star dancing across her vision. Then she passed out.

Idina did not remember much after passing out. There were medics in the nursery, then there were lights and an ambulance. He was dead, she was sure of it. She was so numb she could not cry. She would not. She would not because she could not. To cry would be to admit to her emotions, and to do that would lead her down a dark path she could not pull herself from. Be numb, she commanded herself. Do not feel a thing.

But someone paced a swaddled baby in her arms and in disbelief she stared at it. Her little Zephyr, sleeping. Idina almost smiled. She kissed his brow, careful not to move him too much.

Aaron held her as they listened to the doctor. Let his ribs heal. Keep him on his back, immobile if you can. Do skin to skin, do not separate him from his siblings. Do your best to keep him entertained. Just not excited.

She rocked him back and forth, her husband's arms around hers as she stroked the boy's soft cheek. Her heart was still pounding in her chest and her head was pounding in tandem.

"Whoa," she muttered quietly as she felt herself grow faint. She inhaled sharply, jumping, muscles taught. Do not drop the baby! But with Aaron's arms atop her own and her back resting against him, their child was safe because of his father.

"I think you should sit down, Chickadee," he whispered in her ear. He kissed her cheek and rested his chin on her shoulder, pressing his cheek against hers and looking down at their boy. "He's okay," Aaron said softly. It sounded like he was just saying to get the words out there, make them real. He kissed her cheek again. "Sit down," he said softly, "have a bite to eat. All the tests are done, we just need to sign him out and call a cab." He guided Idina down to one of the chairs, then sat down beside her.

She leaned into him as he filled out some paperwork, checking on his son every few minutes. The baby eventually fell asleep, soothed by his mother. Idina was still, not saying much. Just staring at the child. She was still a bit flushed, and she looked tired. His wife yawned.

He handed in the paperwork and called a cab to drive them back. He sat in the middle seat to be closer to them both. They spent the whole ride in near silence, him whispering to her. The baby was asleep, that was good.

When they got back, they moved the cribs into their room until they could figure out what had gotten into the crib and how. Aaron had assembled the cribs himself with a bit of help from the kids. He knew the black rubber knob was not a part of them. Where had it come from? It did not ring any bells. How had it gotten into the crib? It seemingly appeared out of thin air. What if whatever it was followed the triplet into the master bedroom?

Everyone was upset, no one knew what to say. Zephyr's siblings were cranky but interested in whatever was happening with their brother.

Idina stood and held the boy while Aaron and Jane tried to get the other two to sleep. It took more convincing than Aaron had expected to get Idina to lay the sleeping infant down in the crib.

Then he released they were still in their pyjamas and had been this entire time. It was almost morning. His alarm clock would go off soon, waking the sleeping children. He turned it off.

"I'm not tired," Idina said before he could say anything, one of the only things she had said all night.

He could not argue with her, not now. He wanted to forget for a few hours, to approach this ready. She did not.

Aaron nodded. "I'm going to get some sleep," he said. He laid down on the bed and Idina sat down beside him, methodically petting him like she did Louie when she was in a daze and uncertain.

~

When he got up, he found that sue had fallen asleep sitting up, slumped against the headboard, her face still puffy and red. Walker was curled up in her lap, but he was awake.

"Hey buddy," Aaron whispered.

"Hi," he said. "Is Zephie okay?" the boy asked immediately.

"Yeah," Aaron replied. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking over to the cribs. Louie was sleeping at the base of them. If he was calm, everything should be fine. All three seemed to be asleep.

Idina grunted and moved, her head flopping to one side. Aaron laid her down and made sure she was comfortable. Walker snuggled back beside her.

"Zeph's rib is broken?" he asked.

"Yeah," Aaron said.

"Because of Jane?"

"It is not her fault," Aaron told him. "She made sure he didn't choke and that his heart didn't stop. That would have broken ribs on an adult."

He nodded and hugged his mom. "What got into the crib?"

"I don't know, but we're going to find out."

The boy hugged his mom and looked over at the cribs. He did not say anything, but his eyes looked glassy.

Aaron rubbed his back. "It's all going to be fine," he said.

"You really think so?" Walker asked.

"Of course," he lied. He ran a hand through Idina's hair. She looked like she had just fallen asleep after a long bout of crying. He should have stayed awake with her. "Do you know when Dee when to bed?" he asked.

"She was sleeping when I woke up, but that was like two minutes ago."

Aaron nodded.

"You guys got back late last night," she continued.

"Yeah," Aaron said. "They wanted to make sure there wasn't more than a broken rib."

"Like what?" the boy asked.

"Umm," Aaron was not sure. Was not sure what to say either. What did it matter? "I don't know, maybe internal bleeding, brain damage, oxygen dehydration, well, not that, but, um, not enough oxygen..." he mumbled.

"You're tired too," Walker said.

Aaron yawned involuntarily.

"Do I have to go to school today?" There it was. "I don't know if I want to or not."

"I don't know kid," Aaron said. "I'm not in the mood to force you but your mom might have other ideas if she wakes up in time."

"Mom's sleepy," Walker said, poking Idina's face to make a point.

"How many days have you missed?" Aaron asked.

"I dunno," he replied. "Not enough for Ms. Garland to get mad at me too I think it's okay."

"Well, that's a good measurement," he replied.

"I love you," Walker said.

"I love you too, kid," he said. "You're very brave," he added.

"I know," he replied. "I'm the bravest. Stop talking, you'll wake mom up," he added.

Aaron snickered to himself. He was so much like his mother sometimes.

"I want to go to school today," Walker said.

"Alright," Aaron said. "You have to get changed though. I'll drive you in."

"What if mom wakes up and no one's here?"

"Jane will be here, and as you said, she's asleep. It's less than a half-hour."

Walker poked his mom's face again. She did react. "Fine," he said. He got up and went to his room.

Aaron shook his head, unsure what to make of the boy. He changed quickly then looked for Erika. She was sitting downstairs with a plate of eggs.

"I didn't realize it was this late," he said. "Sorry, I would have made something."

"It's fine, I'm capable of making my own meals," she said quietly.

"I know, but," he wanted to argue.

"I'm seventeen I can make eggs without it being the end of the world," she replied. "I like it and appreciate it when you make breakfast, but you don't have to and so far, you've done it basically every day so it's fine." She went to the oven and pulled more out. "There's some for you too," she said.

"Thank you," Aaron said. He meant it. He sat down beside her, putting some aside for Walker. They were still warm, and they were good. "Are you going to school?" he asked.

"Yeah,": she said. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just wondering," he replied. "I think Walker's on the fence."

"Do you need me to stay? I don't mind," she asked quickly.

"No, I just have a feeling I should know what happening around here."

She chuckled a bit, making him smile. "How's Idina?" she asked.

"Tired," Aaron replied with a shrug.

"How are you?"

"Tired as well," he added.

There was more Smalltalk. All of it meaningless. Walker came down, Erika got the bus. When he got back it was him and the triplets and the nanny, his wife still asleep.

~

Idina was finding it hard to care for her babies. She did not trust herself with Zephyr. She was not certain she could stop her arm from twitching or keep her form from shaking when she saw him and remembered that night. And she could not care for the other ones. Even when she tried, she saw Aaron with his son out of the corner of her eye and forgot everything. She just stared at them. As she was doing now.

Aaron hands his feet on the couch, knees up, balancing the baby foo on one and using to other to brace his arm as he held Zephyr the way the doctor had shown them. It was the safest way for him to eat without hurting himself. It was not going very well. Aaron was trying to spoon-feed the baby milk, dribbling little bits into his mouth so that he would not choke on it. The baby kept trying to suckle and crying when it did not work.

Aaron hummed, trying to coax Zephyr into eating.

Idina was supposed to be doing something, probably feeding another baby, but all she could do was stare at the one across from her. Was he eating? No, he was not, she could see that. Was he eating enough? Was he in pain? Of course, idiot, he is. You know how much that hurts.

The dog was around the triplets all the time now. Idina was not at ease with it. Dogs could still turn and bite a child if the child did understand queues the dog was giving off, telling them to stop. He was up on the couch, staring at Zephyr, licking the boy's head whenever he started to cry. If it lasted too long, he nudged Aaron as if he did not already know the baby was upset.

"Um, Idina," Jane said, bringing her back.

Idina was about to ask what, then she looked down. Lucinda was not eating from the bottle she was holding, and its contents had dripped all over the child. Idina inhaled sharply. Who entrusted her to feed the baby anyway? Why on earth did anyone think she could do this?

Her heartbeat quickened. She could feel tense as the reality sunk in.

"Dee," Aaron said sharply. "Dee, you're pale."

She did not look at him, but she hard shuffling, followed by some wailing from Zephyr. He came to her, lightly shaking her shoulder. Idina stared at the floor, waiting for something to happen.

"Dee," Aaron said her name again.

Idina blinked, then shook her head. There was a steadying hand against her lower back, rubbing small, calm circles. Right, she was supposed to breathe. Wasn't that what everyone always told her? A few breaths and things will not seem so bad as they had seemed initially. Because they are not Because you are overreacting.

Lucinda was covered, wet. Covered in milk. That was the issue. The fix would be to wash it off, and, if the child were still hungry, get her another bottle.

Idina stood.

"Dee?" Aaron asked again.

"She needs a bath," Idina said. "I am going to give her a bath."

"Just remember you've got some appointments this afternoon," he replied.

~

Idina then lost herself in the appointments. The made lists. Life was just a task. Do this, do that, say this. That was all she had to do. Drive the boy to school, talk to her husband. Clean, clothe and feed the babies. Then appointments. Talk to the lawyer, talk to the therapist. Talk to the ex-in-laws about a holiday vacation she could break down into another list of tasks. Get on the airplane, see sub-tasks, check into a hotel, see subtasks, meet with the Diggs' family. Then go to Florida. See the subtasks. Repeat. At the end of the day, write something in the notebook while Husband watched. Maybe kiss on the cheek if he looked bothered. Cuddle if he was bothered.

Cuddling was the closest she came to things that were not on her task list. Mostly, thinking about things, not on her task list. Things like feelings, hers, and other people. Things like the fact that their last chance to adopt Erika was hurling towards them at lightspeed. And Aaron encouraged it but ran his fingers through her hair and breathed steadily; calmly. In the calmness, unwanted things came.

Maybe it was because he made her feel safe. Safe enough that she might be able to deal with whatever would happen if she lost her task-list.

She shivered as he brushed some hair out of her face, her first involuntary reaction to anything all day. There was so many lingering just under the surface, making her feel like if she let one out the dam would break, and they would all come out. What was that stupid thing her animated counterpart had been told? Conceal, do not feel. That was the new motto.

She closed her eyes, trying to bury everything. Reaching for a glass of water, Idina also used it as an excuse to distance them.

"Dee, no one can live like this," he told her. "Walker misses you," he said.

"I see him every morning." It was on her list. Talk to Walker.

"He misses his mother," Aaron clarified.

"I am his mother." That was another fact. She has given birth to him, she was, in fact, his mother.

"well, he misses the woman who cared about him and annoyed him and wasn't acting like some robot all the time," he snapped, making her freeze.

That was not on her task list. That was not a normal reaction she could expect from Aaron. But Aaron was not following a task list or a script, so, she figured, it was predictable that he would be unpredictable.

"Idina," he begged, "just, whatever you need, everyone's here for you."

She did not need anything. Her mental list was completed. It was time to sleep and reset and so everything again, exactly as it had been done yesterday.

"My son almost died," she told him, her tone brash and abrasive. How could he get it? They were different. Too different.

There was silence in the room whole they stared at each other.

"He's my son too," Aaron whispered, sending shivers up Idina's spine.

Unexpected. The babies were always hers. Hers when she carried them, hers when they came. Her responsibility.

But that was a lie, and she knew it. Aaron let her be in control because that was their dynamic. Just get out of Idina's way and let her do her thing. That did not apply here.

My son too, he said. She frowned, trying to figure it out. Of course, she knew he was Zephyr's father. Zephyr was Aaron's son.

"Oh."

That was all she needed. Unlike she had been with Walker, those first few years of his life, she was not in this alone. She was still operating similarly to how she had with Taye. Do not trust the man to do it or do it right. It had slipped her mind that Aaron was doing it and doing right. It slipped her mind that he cared, that if she tapped out, which she arguably had, he would tap in.

Her body began to shake. Unable to stop it, Idina reached for him, praying he would help. Praying he was not mad at her.

At first, she thought he was pulling away from her, but it had just been her miscalculation in the distance between them, or maybe the speed at which the world was moving. Then they met.

"He almost died," she whimpered, chest heaving as her vision blurred.

Aaron held her with strong arms, not letting go of her until the sobbing ceased and she stared blankly ahead of her. Then she looked up at him. His eyes were glassy too. Idina was expecting some look of engrossment or disgust or revolution. Taye had always told her she was too dramatic. Too reactive. Too stupid. And she knew what her therapist would have told her at that moment: she had retreated to her old state of being to deal with the situation, one guarded and seemingly more equipped to deal with the trauma.

This man was staring at her as he loved her, despite everything.

It made her chest swell with a different sort of sadness. One that ached and longed and could never truly go away because it was so deeply engraved in her existence it might as well be written into her DNA. One that would haunt her until she died.

Aaron was doing his best to pull it out. He started by getting her his glass of water, the one with ice cubes that were fuller than hers and letting her drink all of it until her heart rate dropped. His arm was around her the entire time. It was so tender, so endearing it almost made Idina scared of herself again, the feelings she might feel if she gave into him and he turned out to be false. Then again, they were going at this strong for years and he had not shown himself false yet.

Then he kissed her hair and rubbed her arms.

"Our little boy is alive," he told her. "And he's rather cranky but I feel he should grow out of it. He gets it from his mom." He continued to talk. More words she knew, but they were growing less and less sensical. She was not listening to what he was saying, rather, his voice. He could have been speaking Mandarin or jabbering, as long as he was speaking.

Maybe that is when he meant when he said he liked her rambles. It was not the empty-headed comments she made that irritated her ex, it was just the fact that she was talking nonstop, another thing that had begun to irritate her ex after a while.

"Does anything irritate you?" she asked without meaning to.

"Hmm?" he questioned.

"Never mind, I was thinking aloud." She did not want to know the answer. "I'm sorry," she added. "I wasn't thinking."

"You weren't." It was firm, but not filled with malice. Come to think of it, Aaron had never said anything in malice. Had he ever yelled at her? He had raised his voice, certainly, especially when she had pushed him too far while pregnant, but she had no recollections of him ever yelling at her in anger.

She hugged him, tightly. "I'm sorry," she said again. There was no point in making an excuse. She did not have one. At least not one that sounded convincing, or fair. "I'm, uhh," the feelings were coming back, followed by her intact to suppress them. They were not as strong anymore, but they were still there, threatening to tear her apart. Her lower lip quivered.

"Get it all out," he said.

"I'm scared."

"I'm right here. There's no need to be scared."

She shook her head. There was all the need. And she was. So scared. So frightful of her fear she feared being scared.

"Chickadee," he mumbled, pressing his lips against her temple, "it's just me. We have Erika's court date in a few days," she reminded her," getting this out now would be so much better."

"I don't think it will all come out, not at once."

"This is already better than you were ten minutes ago, you're doing a good job."

They spoke in quiet whispers despite the fact that there was no one around to hear them. It was more intimate.

"I'll try," she promised. Erika needed her too. The... the triplets needed her too. Zephyr did. Walker did too. She took deep breaths. "I... I think I'm good for tonight," she said.

Aaron squeezed her in support.

Support. That was something on which she should focus. Idina hugged her husband.

"Maybe I should look into medication again," she mused.

"Do you want to?" Aaron asked.

"It helped last time," she said. "Kind of. It made the anxiety worse, but there could be one that doesn't." She sighed. "I just want something that makes me feel better. And I know it will not be so hard for you if I am not like this all the time. It is all getting worse, you can't deny that."

"That's true," he said. "Dee, I told you, when it comes to your health, I'm in full support no matter what you choose. Meditation or not."

She nodded, growing tired. "After the courts, I want to call a doctor again, see if there's anything. Or if I can get that other drug back. Maybe they fixed the anxiety issue."

He kissed her temple. "I'll help you figure it out," he said.

She smiled. "What are you planning on doing tomorrow?" she asked.

"Well, I was thinking we needed to go shopping and get gifts for the kids. Then spend a lot of time with Erika when she gets home from school. Tomorrow's going to be tough for her."

~

The next morning Idina was not as well as she had been the night before. Her walls had slipped back up easily. She had tried her best to rank to Walker, actually talk to him. It seemed to have worked, for his smile was genuine when he bear-hugged her before school.

Erika had been quiet that morning, asking them for some space, which they gave her without complaint or push-back.

Then they went shopping. Walker was easy. Toys, upgrades for his drums, expensive shoes.

For Erika, Aaron drove them to a family-owned sewing store, with fabrics lining the walls. It was hard not to go overboard. Get her an embroidery sewing machine and a regular one. No, get the combo version, not overly expensive. Similar to the one Aaron had saved on his phone.

Idina felt the soft fabrics while Aaron talked to the elderly woman about making a hand embroidery kit for Erika. Idina permed up, trying g to listen in and have an opinion. They chose all the basic stuff. Bobbins, a case, needles and expensive aida cloth and special fabrics. A dozen or so hoops in varying sizes and shapes.

Then it came down to thread colours. What would she want? They were not certain. One of every colour seemed obsessive, and one would certainly use more colours than others. The workers helped them put together some shades of every colour after Idina suggested they get her a gift card so she could choose some herself. They wanted her to be able to use the kit right away if she wanted to.

And floss was incredibly cheap, less than a dollar for eight yards. It did not look like much though, but it was surprisingly soft, and the colours were lovely. Erika would love the thought even if she were not keen on their colour choices. They got her a gift card. Erika would be so excited; they both could feel it.

When they got home, Idina felt the tension in her shoulder reappear. She was tense as she cared for the triplets, tense when Walker and Erika came home form from school. It was not as bad as before, but it was still there.

~

For a moment, when Erika wandered into their room asking if they had something to help her sleep, Idina sobered up. She felt genuine surprise when the girl crawled in beside them, back to Idina. She smiled before she started drifting off.

Aaron was not sleeping, and he had a feeling Erika was not either.

"You up?" he asked.

"Mhm," she replied. "I still can't sleep."

"Worried?"

"Mhm," she replied again. "And nervous." Idina's arm was around her waist and she was playing with her hand. Idina was very much asleep.

"Want to talk?" Aaron asked.

"Maybe?" She was not sure. Erika was not ever sure. There were things she wanted to say, but most things were things that should not be said. She stared at the darkness. She could make out Aaron's outline.

Aaron filled the empty air in between them: "I don't actually think tomorrow is going to go wrong," he said.

"The building literally caught on fire last time," she replied. "Do they know why?"

"Arsonist," Aaron said. "it was just bad timing. Also, fire doesn't catch as easily in the winter."

"I don't think there's going to be a fire again," she replied. She did not say anything after that.

"Mind if I talk?" Aaron asked, trying to fill the silence.

"Sure," she mumbled through a yawn.

"I just want to say," he started, thinking of all the things he wanted to say, all threatening to spill out at the same time. He tried to order them without making a long, awkward pause sure to make the girl panic. The beginning was a very good place to start. "I just wanted to say, if when we first met, and I didn't seem overly enthusiastic I just want you to know that was stupid and doesn't reflect how I feel now." That was a mess but better than nothing. He continued: "I know I wasn't as enthusiastic as Idina was and I'm sure you could tell. Now I do not know what my life would look like without you in it. And tomorrow, if it comes down to it, I'm going to do anything," he said. "I don't think it will come down to that, but I want you to have full confidence that I am willing to do anything," he said. "I have a very heroic idea in my head where I fall on my knees like Mary at the cross and beg," he added.

She chuckled, making him smile. "I know," she told him. "And to be fair, I wasn't very keen on the idea either. We were strangers and it was weird." She paused. "Honestly, I think you ended giving me the right amount of space. You still did stuff for me that wasn't the bare minimum, but I didn't feel like you were trying to smother me or had some ulterior motives."

"Glad to hear it," Aaron replied. He still had questions he was dying to ask.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," she replied.

"No, that's my line," he teased.

"I'm stealing your dad jokes," she said.

Don't make 'dad jokes' a big deal, he reminded himself. When she says it casually, do not make it a big deal, or she will be more observant of it and not do it in the future. Let her ease into it. "May I ask you a question in addition to this one," he asked.

"Sure, do I have to answer it?"

"Only if you want to," he replied. "From what you said earlier tonight about your first placement," he was not sure what to say, but he did not want to call them her family since they weren't, "how you saw that and what you felt."

"That's not a question."

"What do you know and how do you feel about the first placement you were with?"

She was quiet for so long he thought he was not getting an answer.

"I didn't know they weren't my real parents," she said. "Not until I met Elsa, so until I was twelve, I thought my parents just left me one day because they decided they did not like me. And I still do not know why. I have some ideas, but I just wish I knew why."

"Oh, god," he muttered. He wanted to hug her until all the bad memories when away. "Sorry for bringing it up," he said.

"You didn't know," she said. "And aren't I supposed to be talking about this stuff anyway?"

"Not if you don't want to, and not if you're not ready too," he reminded her. "It's on your timeline."

"I'm talking about it now," she said quietly.

Aaron moved closer and took one of her hands. She squeezed it.

"Erika," he said, "I don't want you to feel forced to tell me anything or to think of me as anyone. All I, we, want is for you to be happy and live a fulfilling life, whatever you decide that to be."

"That sounds scripted," she told him.

"It is," he admitted, "but it's true."

"Are you going to ask me another question?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Is that that the question?"

"No," he decided, thinking for a moment. "Do you want to know what is on the file?" he asked. "At least they reason they wrote down on the file?"

"Um, yeah," she replied, a bit too quickly.

"It said they had a disabled child and did not think they could adequately care for both of you."

Erika was quiet for a while. Aaron counted the minutes, wondering if they would just fall asleep.

"Do you think they would have sent me away if I were their biological child? If what they said is real, that is."

"I can't answer that," he said.

"Because I can see that no one would adopt a disabled child, so I'd have the better chance, but I wonder if it's true or they just saw an easy out and took it."

"I don't think we'll ever know," he said.

"yeah, I know," she sighed. "it's just," she sniffled. "I really thought they loved me, or something like that. I thought we were supposed to be family, and al that stuff everyone says then they just did not want me anymore. And so far, no one else has."

"I want you," he said. It was firm, it felt like it slapped him. It was always "we". But the second he thought she thought that way about him, he felt like he could not stand for it. Like he had failed at his most basic job of parenting. "I want you," he said, softer. His heart was pounding. That definitely deviated from the 'we' script he and Idina had been using to make sure they included each other.

"You do?" she asked.

"Erika, we, I, wouldn't be doing this tomorrow if I did not."

"What if Idina wanted you too?" she asked.

"I don't know," he admitted, "but it doesn't matter. Because I want you here, with us, as much as she does. As much as Walker does. Everyone else, they are idiots. And I'm glad they're idiots because it means I got to meet you."

"if they weren't idiots my life wouldn't have been so awful," she pointed out.

"And mine never would have been made better," he said. "Erika, you make our life better. It is selfish, yes, but framed purely on my own interests I am glad they are all idiots. And as the person who is grown to love and care for you, I wish as much as you do that we had met earlier or they had not been," he said.

"I am glad we met too," she replied. "And, as I said earlier, I'm sorry I can't be a normal kid."

"Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault."

"It feels like it is," she explained. "it feels like it should just be easy to say words and do actions because everyone can do them, but it seems physically impossible for me, like I couldn't say them even if I wanted too. So, you're missing out because I'm broken."

"That's not what's important to me. What is important is that you are healthy and happy. Whether you view me as your father or just as guardian is up to you. You don't necessarily have to like me, though I would prefer it if you did."

"I like you," she assured him. "Do you have another question?" she promoted.

"I do," he replied. He had many. Trying to sort them out, he landed on: "how did you feel about your first placement?"

"I thought they were my parents. How do you want Lucinda to think of you when she's three?"

He thought for a moment. "I want her to feel safe with me," he said. "And maybe see me a bit as her hero. I want her to come running to me in the mornings and light up when I am around. I want to be her whole world."

"that's how I felt. Then my whole world left me at a group home and I'm still waiting for it to come back."

She choked on the last few words.

"Oh, honey," Aaron said, rubbing her back. "I..." what could he do? "I could help you build a new world, if you wanted," he rambled, suddenly feeling ill-equipped.

"There's always going to be cracks," she told him. "Even if you paint over them."

"There will be," he said. He bought himself closer and hugged her. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'll do my best to fill them. Sometimes repairs are stronger than the original."

"I hate that they still make me this sad. It is like they've won. They can forget about me and I never will. I wish there were something I could do that's like the inverse of that."

"You could replace them with someone else," he offered.

"Like you?" she asked.

"Well, not exactly, but, yeah," he muttered. "I want to replace them," he told her. "I want to be your dad," he said in all honesty, "but I do understand if that is not what you want or what you need."

"If tomorrow pans out you're legally going to be," she said. She hugged him back.