It was quiet in the house save for the babies when they were crying. Supper was ready and Idina went upstairs to get the kids. Walker was trying to teach Louie a new trick from a book he'd gotten a few weeks ago although the dog seemed too excited to pay attention and just kept licking his face and stealing the treats.

"Don't forget to feed Louie," she told Walker and he leapt down the stair, the dog chasing after him.

She went down the hallway to Erika's room. The door was slightly ajar, and she could see Erika sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring at something with her chin in her palms. Idina knocked, opening the door a bit more to see that she was staring at a box.

"Frogs going to jump out of that?" she asked.

"Oh!" Erika exclaimed in shock, jumping up.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine."

"Supper's ready," Idina said, leaning on the door frame.

"Okay, thanks," she said with a smile.

Idina stepped into the room and closed the door. "So what's so interesting about this box?" she said as she came and sat beside her daughter on the bed. Looking at it, it was familiar. She noted the postal markings. It was from New York. It was the package from New York. Erika's old stuff. It was still sealed shut.

She had no idea what to say, so she just sat there while Erika looked at it.

"I'm wondering if maybe there are papers in there or something. I have no idea what they managed to scrounge up."

Idina rubbed her back. "Don't feel like you have to solve this. And even if there is, it's not your fault for not opening the box sooner. You have to do it in your own time."

"I just want to forget that all of it ever happened but I'm starting to think that's impossible."

"It is," Idina told her, receiving a confused scowl.

"Aren't you supposed to be all rainbow and encouraging?"

"It's just the truth," she said bluntly. "All the bad stuff happened and no amount of good is ever going to make it go away. You can either act like it never happened, act like it's the only thing that ever happened, or accepts it and move on. There's nothing else."

Erika laid back on her bed and huffed. "You're sounding like Gerda when I don't like what's she's saying."

"Maybe you need to hear something you don't want to hear," Idina said, laying down beside her. Erika had her hand behind her head so Idina snuggled up close.

Erika giggled. "You're tickling me with your breath," she muttered in amusement.

"Am I now?" Idina challenged.

"Yes," Erika said.

"Oh, is there an insult that follows?" Idina asked, suddenly engaged, and jumping into an all four position so that she was looking down at Erika. She'd never wanted someone to insult her more in her life and she was grinning like a madwoman.

"Weirdo," Erika breathed after a moment, a smirk on her face.

"Yes!" Idina exclaimed. She won. She got the first insult not bred out of the "I hate you because this isn't going to work out and am trying to make you hate me" mentality. If the triplets weren't asleep, she'd holler for Aaron to rub it in his face. "Say it again," she teased.

"What is wrong with you?"

Idina threw herself down beside Erika dramatically. "Well, doctor, you see when I was fifteen my parents called me down on Thanksgiving mourning to tell me they were getting a divorce. Then they took us to a restaurant. They ruined thanksgiving for the rest of my life. My mom's a therapist and my husband's therapist and I have a therapist and my children have a therapist and sometimes I sound like a therapist. I have a lot of problems."

"Oh boohoo," she said. "Nothing ruins holidays like a school run by nuns. Christmas makes me want to puke."

"So you're converting?" she teased.

"Organized religion makes me want to puke," she corrected herself. "Seriously though I don't like Christmas."

"I know, you said that," Idina reminded her. She cuddled up to Erika again and put her arm across the girl's stomach. "You're not alone. We can hate the holidays together. You can rub thanksgiving in my face, and I'll laugh as Walker makes you celebrate Christmas. Deal?"

"Fine," she said, "deal."

"So," Idina said, kicking at the box with her feet, "do you want me to stick around when you open it? Or should we just toss it in the trash bin?"

"I don't know."

"Girls," they heard Aaron calling. "Food's on the table. It's not getting any colder," he reminded them. Hot meals weren't much of a thing anymore.

"Give us a minute," Idina called back. She heard Aaron's footsteps go back to the kitchen. Then she turned back to Erika. "Honestly, I wanted you to open it but that was naïve. If you want to throw it out, you can."

For a while, they just laid there in silence. After a bit, she could hear water running on the main floor. Aaron was probably doing the dishes. Her stomach was growling, but she didn't say anything. She knew how important it could be just to be there sometimes. There were so many times her and Aaron had just held each other when they needed it.

Erika was playing with her dragonfly necklace. It had held up well, surprisingly. It was certainly the type of thing Idina would have broken in a week when she was a kid.

Erika's stomach grumbled loudly and they both chuckled.

"Hungry?" Idina asked.

"Yeah," the girl replied.

"So," she said, trying to figure out what to say, "do you want to go eat or stay here?"

"I don't really feel hungry, but I do," she said.

"Stay here?" Idina guessed. Erika nodded so Idina pulled her closer and Erika curled up close to her.

She held Erika for a while until Aaron came up to check on them. Then she noticed that the girl had fallen asleep and her cheek was damp.

"I'll stay here," Idina said, "until she wakes up."

Aaron kissed them both on the forehead and told Idina he'd bring her up a smoothie. He came back a few minutes later with on and sat on the edge of the bed and held it up for her.

"I'm good," she said after finishing half of it. "Could you go play with Walker? I don't want him to feel left out and he needs a male figure in his life."

"Of course," he said with a smile, kissing her forehead again and leaving the smoothie on the coaster on Erika's bedside table.

As he left, Louie came in through the open door and jumped up on the bed, curling up beside the two of them, his tail wagging. That thing needed to be registered as a legal weapon. Idina swore they all had tail-high bruises on their lower legs form it.

Looking at the dog, Idina brushed her daughter's hair and really studied her face. They did not look similar whatsoever. She wondered what Erika thought of herself. What she liked and did not like. To Idina, she was beautiful, though she had to admit she was biased. She always tried her best to compliment Erika. And she always made it about something Erika could control. That colour looks good on you, I like what you did your hair. She thought it was working, but she had no idea.

She kissed Erika's forehead and pulled her a bit closer. The girl wrapped and arm around her and Idina smiled, adjusting the pillow to make sure she was comfortable.

"I love you," she whispered since it had been a while since she'd said it.

~

Erika slept for a few hours and Idina stayed there the whole time. Louie had long since left to find humans more entertaining than them.

"Hey there sleepyhead," she said as the girl woke up.

Erika grunted, rubbed her eyes, and looked around while she yawned.

"You fell asleep," Idina told her. She checked her phone. "It's nine-thirty."

"Oh, sorry, you didn't have to stay," She mumbled, yawning again. She sat up. "Is there supper leftover?"

"I'm sure there is," she said. She reached over to the table and handed Erika the smoothie. "To tide you over. It's all melted, but it's very good. Mango, orange, and blueberry. And I had a bit, but feel free to have the rest."

Erika took a sip. "It's good," she said. "Take all of it, I don't mind," she said as her stomach betrayed here.

"It's yours and—" Erika started, handing it back to Idina, speaking quickly like she was trying to make up for a mistake before she got in trouble. Idina hated it the most when Erika automatically assumed whatever she was doing was wrong. It was years of brainwashing eleven months would not undo.

"No, take it, I'll be fine. We can grab something from the kitchen."

Erika nodded and cautiously took another sip. With Idina's encouragement, she drank the entire thing. Then they went downstairs. The radio was on low and Aaron, Helen, and Walker were sprawled out on the couch with sleeping babies on them.

"Any news?" Idina asked as she pulled a watermelon salad out from the fridge and put half on a plate for herself, then just handed the bowl to Erika. Why make more dishes than need be?

"No," Aaron replied, transfixed with sleeping baby, most likely Lucinda form the bright pink onesie the child was in.

She then got out the rest of the smoothie and poured them both glasses as it was still in the hand blender. They sat down on the island and ate quietly while they listened to the news. If the rioting did not stop, martial law would be declared tomorrow night. The officials were already enacting a plan to get power running for a few hours a day for in-need neighbourhoods. Of course, who needed it most was up for debate. Was it the people who did not have much electricity, to begin with, or those who had generators because they relied on it for life-saving treatment, or even those who just had expenses tied up in their house and needed it turned on asap.

Idina figured they could use a generator for a few hours a day, but they weren't going to die without it. It would be nice not to worry about the medication and the food in the fridge and freezer spoiling in the killing California heat. Theoretically, they could still go down to a coffee shop and charge their electronics there. And they did have a battery store they had stocked up on for baby toys that were powering the radio, flashlights, and anything else they'd found useful.

The room was lit with a few candles, most of them scented creating an odd aroma and soft lighting. Most of them she and Aaron had bought for their honeymoon and had promptly forgotten to pack. It seemed there was a silver lining to everything. When they were done, she rinsed the dishes off but just left then in the sink before going to the couch. She picked up Lucinda and curled up with Aaron, placing the sleeping baby on her chest. Aaron affectionally held onto her foot while Idina rubbed the child's back. Sleeping babies were second best. Awake, calm, and happy babies were best.

Walker cozied up to both of them. He was holding Soren. Soren was getting so big, Idina noticed. They'd be a month old in a few days. It was scary to think. She tickled Lucinda under the chin and the baby gurgled, moving a bit. She was so adorable. Idina kissed her temple and looked up to Aaron who was smiling down at the two of them. He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and the announcer on the radio droned on about statistics and new bylaws.

"I'm bored," Walker said.

"I know, Pumpkin," she said, "but there's nothing I can do about it. Why don't you hand me Soren and go play a card game with Erika?"

"No," he said, holding the baby protectively.

Idina chuckled. "Soren's going to be fine with mommy," she said.

"I like him," Walker argued. "And he's sleeping."

"Well, you're going to be bored then," she informed him. He scowled but stayed seated on the couch. Idina kissed his head but he looked at her in disgust a whipped it off. She rolled her eyes.

~

The next morning, Aaron slept in after doing most of the overnight. Idina was already downstairs when he got up. Erika and Walker were playing a card game in her room as the sun was streaming through and Walker's was still in shade.

The triplets weren't in their room, so they were most likely downstairs with their mother and grandmother. He checked the time. They were probably down of their first nap of the day. That was good. He wanted some alone time with Idina.

Stomach growling, Aaron went downstairs, wondering if Idina has risked the camping stove or if Helen had cooked something up. Idina would have already taken the medication by now, so he could rest easy knowing Helen would have gotten him if she reacted to it. Though he did like to cuddle her and monitor her himself after she did.

The soft noise of the radio could be heard as he made his way down the stairs. Louie boded up to him, nudged his legs, yipped a bit, then bounded back down the stairs, stopping on the main floor to look back up at him. His gut sank and he rushed down the stairs.

At first, he wasn't sure what was wrong, but Louie soon bounded up to the couch where Idina had her knees drawn up against her chest, her face buried, and was shaking. Heart caught in his throat, he was over and by her side in seconds.

"Chickadee," he cooed, trying to get her attention. "What's wrong?" He reached over and turned off the radio. The triplets were in their cots. He left her for a second just to make sure they were alright. All three were asleep and breathing.

"Dee?" he whispered in her ear. He hugged her and tries to pull her into his lap, but she was brick stuck in place.

He nuzzled her, trying to get her to look at him as he wrapped her in the blanket they kept over the back of the couch. Louie licked her bare lower legs and she pushed him away with her foot. He hugged her tightly, feeling hot tears leak down his face as he kissed her cheek. The babies were okay, but that did not mean that something had not happened. This could also be her brain, or the meds, or both.

He tried everything she knew that soothed her. He ran his finger through her hair, massaged her shoulders, kissed her temple. She was still shaking, rigid and unresponsive. Aaron sighed and hugged her tightly, hoping she would tire out. After a while, she stopped shaking as much.

"Chickadee," he said again, trying to get her attention. He hummed to her as he rubbed her back.

Slowly, she uncurled from her tight ball. He quickly slipped his hand between her torso and legs, hugging her tightly and pulling her out and into his lap. She was white-faced and sobbing. Her skin was ice-cold.

"What's wrong honey?" he asked softly, his lips brushing her ear.

She was still nonverbal, but she soon moved, turning, and pressing her body against him. Then she hooked an arm over his shoulder and held him tightly. He rubbed her back and tried his best to soothe her.

When she stopped shaking and the colour started to return to her face, he asked her what was wrong.

Burying her face in his chest, she mumbled something. "News" and "baby" was all he could make out.

He asked her to repeat it. Through gasping breaths, she told him: "The news... babies... died... dehydration and heatstroke. The triplets, what if something happens?"

She was calming down a bit but still crying. "What if their food spoils and they starve? I can't feed them anymore Aaron!" she sobbed, weakly hitting his chest with clenched fists. "There were a few last nights what if ours are next? A heatwave is coming, and we don't have any A/C. Ours are younger, more venerable."

He felt like he'd been slapped. She wasn't being irrational. Idina sensed his reaction and started crying harder.

"We did everything and now we're going to lose them," she sobbed. "And we still could. SIDS is a thing, and they're no warning. That why they call it sudden. But they could starve and there's nothing we can do about without making them severely disabled because of the meds."

Her hand went to her upper arm and Aaron noticed that she had pinched and scratched it raw. It was lumpy, scabbing, and a few blood trails were dripping down her arm.

He took her hand in his. "Dee, look at me," he said. She couldn't. He carefully dripped his finger under her chin and raised her head so that they were on eye level. She looked away after a few seconds. "Dee, our children will be alright. We have money, you do. We'll buy more ice. We can try cooling the studio. It's soundproofed and pretty insulted. As long as we plan, nothing will happen to the babies."

"But SIDS," she mumbled. He could feel her hand curling and slightly tugging to get free, knowing what she wanted to do he held firm.

"No buts Idina," he said. "That has nothing to do with the heat. We have three perfectly healthy babies."

"But it happens to perfectly healthy babies," she argued.

"Is there something we can do about it?" he asked.

She shook her head, closing her eyes tightly.

"Then let's not worry about it, okay?"

Idina shook her head again.

"Dee, we can worry about food and the temperature, and we should be because can do our best. But what we can't do is ignore it to worry about something there's nothing we can do about."

"Do you even love them? How are not freaking out? They could die, Aaron! Would you even care?"

"I care, Idina," he reassured her.

"No, you don't! If you did you wouldn't be so calm about this. And don't you dare start going on that this might be meds," she threatened.

"I'm not," he replied. "Being worried is valid, but freaking out to the point of not being able to function is not. Dee, we can work on this, okay? We can make it safe for the triplets, but you've got to be thinking clearly."

She clammed up, closing her eyes, and holding her breath, trying to stop sobbing and shaking. It wasn't working and she looked up panicked to Aaron, who started coaching her. He wrapped the blanket around her.

"It's okay Chickadee," he said. "Take your time. I love you; I love our babies. I love everyone in this house, even our annoying little furball."

It took her a few minutes for her to ger calmer. Aaron made the mistake of letting her hand go and she started scratching at her arm again, without realizing it. She pulled it back and saw the blood, then began to panic again. Aaron took her hand and began to massage her palm, telling her to remain calm.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she wound down. "I'm not sure what's—I think there's something wrong with my head, I can't see straight," she muttered after collapsing against his chest. "I feel awful, I'm so sorry, I just can't—" she was cut off by snivelling. "I can't stop," she sobbed.

"Do you want me to call Angelika?"

Idina nodded timidly and Aaron reached for the nearest phone with power left. He called his wife's therapist and sigh with relief when she answered. He handed the phone to Idina, who was still a sobbing mess and massaged her while she tried to calm down enough to talk, then he did his best not to pay attention to the one-sided conversation. Idina talked for a while and listened for longer, but he could tell his wife was calming down. She got up and walked over to the children and studied them, the phone still to her ear. Then she came back and sat down on his lap, curling up and leaning on his chest. He held her while she finished up the call and turned the phone off.

She sat there for a while and didn't say a thing and Aaron did not make her.

"She wants me to come in," Idina mumbled after a while.

Aaron's stomach growled in response.

"Oh, right you haven't—"

"Dee, stop, deep breaths," he reminded her.

"Sorry," she said again. "She wants me to come in," Idina reiterated.

"What does she think's going on?" Aaron asked, his mind swimming with ideas of his own. The meds, the brain injury. The meds and brain injury. Something worse. Just Idina. Something Idina wasn't telling him about.

"Stress," Idina said. Aaron wasn't entirely sure that was it. "She did want to tell me," Idina replied. "I'm an awful mother."

"No you're not," he said. "We've got five beautiful children. Look at Walker, he's good."

"No, he's not," she said. "I messed him up and he's just pretending," she mumbled. "Just shut up," she told him, burying her face in his shirt, still taking deep breaths.

Aaron hugged her and rubbed her back, his stomach still growling. Idina grew still; she had cried herself to sleep. Walker came down a few minutes later, asking for more breakfast.

"What's wrong with mom?" he asked when he saw him, mom, asleep on Aaron's chest. He walked over and gently stroked her cheek. "Was she crying?"

"Yeah," Aaron admitted, "but I think she'd okay."

Walker's hand went to the blood on her arm. "What happened?"

"You how some people get stressed and they bite their lips or scratch a lot?"

"Yeah?"

"Your mom was kind of doing that," Aaron lied. "She was just a bit stressed and taking it out the wrong way." He wasn't sure if it was entirely a lie, but considering the situations the last time she did it, it probably was.

"Why is mom stressed?" Walker asked, looking up at his stepdad with huge brown eyes.

"She heard some bad news over the radio and got worried about the triplets."

"What news?" Walker pressed.

"People have started dying because of the heat," Aaron told him, "And some of them were babies. Your mom is worried about the triplets if it gets too hot in the house."

"But they'll be okay, right?" he said in a panic, looking over to the cots. "If they're not... mommy will be..." his lower lip was trembling. He hugged his mom.

"They'll be fine, Walker, I promise. When your mom wakes up, we're going to make a plan to make sure they're fine, alright?"

He nodded, but he did not look sure. He kissed his mother's brow and took her hand.

"Want to curl up with Dee?" Aaron asked, knowing the look on the boy's face.

Walker nodded enthusiastically. Aaron carefully moved Idina to make room for Walker. The boy crawled onto the couch and wrapped his mother's arms around him.

"You're comfortable," he told Aaron as he settled in.

Aaron chuckled, wrapping his arms around both of them. He could go without food for a bit.