Idina woke herself up from a troubled sleep only to find that Aaron was dead asleep beside her, his arms wrapped around her waist. He was mumbling in his slumber. She smiled, stroking his hair.

"Mm, yes," he mumbled again. "I love you," he said.

Leaning closer, she whispered in his ear: "Dreaming about me honey?" she asked, a grin growing on her face.

"Mmm," he muttered, followed by something about chocolate.

Idina smiled and kissed his temple.

Settling back in beside him, she pulled his arms up prompting him to pull her closer. There was always too much space between the two of them. Even if their hearts were melted together Idina feared they would not feel close enough. She figured they must be attached on some spirit level that could never be rivalled by a physical connection, no matter how hard they craved it so they settled for as much contact as they could get.

In truth, were they ever really touching? Technically, on an atomic level, they were not. they felt as touch was mealy the repulsion of their atoms pushing themselves away on the macro scale it left and looked like they were touching yet their atoms never truly touched. Maybe they could sense it deep down, the fact that they were constantly disconnected from everyone and everything and were desperately hoping that if they were strong enough, they could break it.

Shut up Idina, she told herself.

She got out of bed and decided to check on the triplets. She could never really touch them either. Looking over the cribs, they were all deep asleep on their back in their "things" onesies. Aaron loved those little pieces of clothing to death. The two boy ones with those The Cat in the Hat characters had been his first dad joke, or so he said. Because they would be just as useless and as cute and the things from there. Idina thought it was adorable too. And Lucinda's floral and made by her dad and embroidered by Erika was perfect too in a pastel pink with purple roses and black cursive lettering. The second picture they had shared with the public with their triplet's faces had been with them in these onesies, just so everyone knew who was who even though to anyone on the outside Soren and Zephyr looked like the same baby. Lucinda, when her eyes were closed, was a bit like their mini clone. They had not yet started growing into their features, though they had ideas of who would look more like whom based on baby pictures. Lucinda was going to be for the most part a mini version of her father, though when compared to Walker baby pictures all three did seem to have their mother's cheekbones. Either way, she had made the four most adorable children in the world. If she had anything that was it, the ability to push perfect little babies out of her womb. Or did she really? She had five miscarriages. She was on four out of nine children. Maybe Lester Friday had been right to some degree. She had five kids now, maybe they were all make-ups for the ones she lost.

Stop thinking that way, she told herself. It would not help. Her children were her children, her success. Her failures were hers too, and they had made her a stronger and better person. No one could argue she had not loved, not done amazing things in her lifetime.

"And you three are some of them," she whispered to the sleeping babies.

The nightlight made little blue dolphins circle around the room. She sat down on the white armchair and closed her eyes for a moment, just smiling. Bringing her knees up and sitting down cross-legged, she tried imagining life when she would be fifty. It was less than a year away, yet Erika would be eighteen by then and the outcome of this trial could not force her to do anything one way or another. It would affect their relationship though. The triplets would have their first birthday party and she her fiftieth. Aaron would be forty-five. God, she wished she were still forty-five. Maybe things would be a bit easier if she were not halfway to one hundred. And if she were still forty-five and had already lived the same life and spent as much time with Aaron, she would not have wasted so much time with Taye.

No, she had not waisted her time with him. She had come out, through the pain and the grief, a stronger and better person. If he learnt nothing from their time together, then he had waisted it. She gained the knowledge she wished she did not have, but that she used to shape her life going forwards. And nothing that resulted in Walker was a waste. Nothing at resulted in anything good was ever a waste. Nothing that resulted in growth was ever a waist. She had not waisted a second of her life, and she was turning a new chapter, ready to make more of it.

Quietly, Idina made her way back to her room, but not before going to the basement to check on Erika, Walker, and her mother. Using her phone as a flashlight, she journaled for a while. Just writing down all the good stuff. Then her musing about never truly touching. Then more good stuff. It was full of so many dark things she wanted there to be some good stuff. Then she flipped through the entries. Her twitches seemed consistent with her averages before, but she had fewer flashbacks and memory lapses which seemed to be linked to her decrease of stress and overall good mood. She flipped back to the page she had been writing on a drew a big heart, then printed the names of everyone she loved. Walker. Aaron. Erika. Lucinda. Soren. Zephyr. Louie. Mom. Dad. Cara. Old Taye (Walk's Dad Taye). Grandma. Grandpa. Kristen & Dax. Lincoln & Delta. She filled it in as much as she could, and when she was done, she put in into the drawer and snuggled up beside her husband. Instinctively he hugged her and pulled her close and mumbled something in her ear.

"What love?" she asked through a yawn.

"You taste like chocolate," he muttered, his lips brushing her skin.

"'Course I do," she said. She would give anything to be in whatever dream he was having right now. It seemed like heaven. Much better than her own dreams.

"'Dina-Weena chocolate queena."

"You're awake, aren't you?"

He chuckled and she turned over, hitting him with her pillow. "So? What if I am?" he asked, sitting up and pulling her into his lap. He started kissing her neck. "Still taste like chocolate," he said.

"What on earth were you dreaming about?" she asked.

"You," he replied.

"Okay, but what exactly about me? Come on, I know it was some kind of fetish or kink dream, you were talking in your sleep."

"Just you Dee," he replied. "You're my fetish and my kink."

"Ew, gross," she whined. She kissed his lips because they were the best thing in the world to kiss. "You never tell me what you dream about," she huffed.

"I told you, it's just you."

"I'm narcissistic," she informed him. "I must know of any dreams involving me. Come on, we both know my Disney career is the only that matters and all dreams about me must be fed to my ego lest it takes over the world. You are saving the world here, super dad. Keeping Idina's ego at bay. Now," she said, pivoting in her seat and looking into his eyes despite the lack of light. "Spill."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It's kind of embarrassing and um like it said you're in it."

"Tell me," she ordered. She pressed the back of her hand to his cheek. It was warm. He was embarrassed!

He took her hand in his and kissed it. She coked her head expectantly. Who cared about sleep now? They needed time to just talk and be silly anyway. And she wanted him to hold her for just a little while longer. She missed this. They both did; just the two of them, alone in the dark, talking about whatever they wanted to talk about. It was their partnership at its finest.

His lips brushed against her ear as he told her about his dream. She had been right; it was heaven. She wanted him to do everything he had done in the dream to her and more.

"Now I'm embarrassed," she said. "I never have such nice dreams about you," she said with a pout. "I want to. Mine suck."

"You'll get over the bad ones," he comforted. "It just takes time."

"Everything takes time," she huffed.

"That's why it's the most precious thing we have," he said. "And why we can't do anything to get any more of it. If we could, it would not matter. I want to spend as much time as I have with you and our family," he informed her. His hand went down to her abdomen even though there were no longer babies floating around inside. The gesture was now comforting and habit. "I love you," he said as he rubbed circles with his thumb. "Do you need a back massage? Are you cold? Are the triplets all right?"

"No, no, and yes. Everything is fine. Are you all right?" Idina pulled her husband into a hug.

"Yeah," he said, but she did not believe him. He hugged her tightly and she rubbed his back.

"You can talk to me Aaron, I'm here. I love you," she said, unsure what to do. This was his territory and now the roles were reversed she felt helpless. Maybe he felt this way too whenever she was like this. Was that it? "You don't have to worry about me right now babe. I promise, okay?"

"I know," he said, still clinging to her. He kissed her temple and sighed. "You sure you don't need anything?"

"Yes," she replied. "I'm sure, I promise. I'm high on life right now."

"What were you journaling about?"

"How much I love everyone," she replied. She freed an arm and reached over to her nightstand, turning on the light and pulling the journal out of the drawer. She showed him the long entry and the heart.

He read over it as she rubbed his back. His shoulders started to shake; he was crying. Idina wrapped her body around him and let him cry. She kissed him and held him, letting him know she was there.

"Sorry," he said when he was done.

"Don't be," Idina said even though she still had no idea what was going on.

"I love you," he said again.

"I know," she replied, taking his face in her hands, and pressing her forehead against his. She wiped away some of his tears. "I know, babe, okay? Everything okay, right?"

She felt him nod. Then, suddenly, her hand seized, and she inhaled sharply as her elbow ground into his rib.

"Dee?" he asked, completely ignoring his side. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she grunted, "my' arm's just, well..." she sighed, trying to relax and let it pass.

"I'm on it, babe," he told her, giving her arm the space it needed.

She swore as a splintering pain rushed through her veins and her fingers twitched uncontrollably. He took her arm and slowly started to massage it as the spasm subsided, but she was quickly hit with a second one.

"Lay down," he said. "Maybe it will help," he offered as he tried to help her lay down.

"I'm sorry," she said. "This was supposed to about you and now I'm making it all about me again."

"It's not your fault," he said.

"But it feels like it's my fault," she replied. It did. She was dumb to have gone to Taye's. To not have done something. This could have been prevented if she had just waited or him to call her back when he had sobered up a bit.

He laid down beside her. "Better?" he asked after a minute.

"Yeah," she breathed, sitting up again. "Thanks, you're amazing, you know that, right?"

"I am," he replied.

"Are you all right?" she asked him again, sensing the change in his tone. She prompted him to sit up with her and let his rest his head in the crook of her neck while she rubbed his back.

"Well, I mean I am and I'm not," he explained.

"I get it," she said. "Is this still about the hospital?" she asked as he hugged her again.

"Mhmm," he admitted. "I don't think I got any time to breathe and sometimes it just comes back."

Idina hugged him. "It's okay," she said. "I get it. It is okay, I promise. I am here, I promise. Let's take some us time," she decided. "We can go downstairs, watch a movie. Work out. Something together. I've got a bunch of postpartum workout books if you're back and groin are bugging you or if you're having cramps and stuck in a perpetual period until your body finally sorts itself out," she said with a chuckle. "We can run on coffee for a while, it won't kill us. And when the triplets wake up, we will play with them for a while and when they fall back asleep, we can bring them here instead. It helps. Why do you think I crawl into bed with Walker sometimes? People say you'll make the babies reliant on you to sleep, but I think what happens is you become reliant on them." She kissed his temple. "I guess we could see if Walker wants cuddles, but he probably doesn't. You could see if Erika wants cuddles, but I don't think it'll go over well."

They both chuckled and he agreed. They went downstairs. Idina turned on the TV and turned the volume down as low as it would go. Sitting her husband down on the couch and wrapping him in a blanket, she kissed his brow, then went to make them both a cup of coffee. Better to start early since the triplets would wake up eventually, and then they would have to be soothed and played with and otherwise cared for until they tired out. By then they would get an hour or two of sleep before they would have to get up again and do their daily duties as mother and father. Helen always told them to sleep in since they were doing most of the overnight, but neither of them wanted Walker or Erika to feel like the triplets were the priority, especially now.

Aaron rested his head on Idina's shoulder as he flipped through the channels looking for something interesting. Eventually settling for the aquarium channel, he turned to his wife and asked if they could just talk or something for the next few hours. Of course, she agreed with a smile.

"But not about the trial, or anything like that," he said. "I'm not sure what else there is to talk bout, but let's make something up."

"Okay," Idina replied with a small smile. She kissed his brow again, thinking. "Um, did you know that bees don't sting hive invaders, instead they surround the invader and vibrate until they raise the body temperature of the threat and it dies. Also, um, female peacocks exist and are called peahens."

Aaron chuckled, kissing her temple. "Thank you," he said. "Yes to the first one and no, kind of, to the second. Knew they existed; did not know they were called peahens."

"You need to read that animal facts book we have for the triplets then," she replied.

They sat and talked until they heard crying from upstairs.

"Go time, daddy," Idina whispered to her husband, making him chuckle.

Aaron was smiling again and seemed in better spirits as they went to the nursery. The babies were wide away and ready for the next few hours. Idina yawned as she picked Soren up and rubbed noses with him, calming him down.

"Whan are you going to start sleeping nights little man?" she asked the clueless child. He stared up at her with her wide green eyes and show wondered where the genes were on Aaron's side that let them come out so emerald. Maybe it was all the times Walker had painted her face green. "I love you so much," she continued, bouncing him up and down.

Aaron was sitting in the chair with his two younger siblings, one on each knee. "Neither of them seems to need a diaper change," Aaron said. "But maybe we should do it anyway."

Idina nodded and smelt Soren diaper. "This one does," she replied.

Together, they managed to get the three babies downstairs to the laundry room without dropping anyone. It was achieved by Idina cradling Soren and not watching as Aaron stood up with a baby in each hand pressed against his collarbone securely.

Idina yawned as she changed Soren's diaper. "this wasn't how I imaged my life at forty-nine," she muttered.

"To be fair, I thought I would be done with diapers too, not starting. I guess it's not too late for anything yet."

"Yet," Idina echoes. She yawned again.

"If you're tired, you should get some sleep."

"I'll have some more coffee," she said.

"You can't have more, you are breastfeeding," he reminded her.

She pouted and sighed. "Yeah," she said.

Soren yawned, but she was not sure if it was because he was tired or because he'd seen her yawn. Either way, they needed to get them sleeping through the night. It was still early, but three hours here and there would not work for much longer. Idina could already feel it in her bones and she knew Aaron was not far off. They were too old for three newborns. Already they were trying to keep the triplets up long enough that they would sleep soundly They'd made it to five hours once, but it had been hell and a half beforehand and they'd given up for now. But the kids were calm, maybe still a bit groggy. Idina figured if she fed them, they might pass out, so they brought the triplets back to their bedroom like they had said they would.

Taking off her shirt as Aaron adjust the pillows Idina sat down cross-legged on the bed. Luckily, it seemed the triplets were hungry and only hungry. She fed all of them with Aaron sitting on her side holding the other two and kissing her bare shoulder.

"I love you and them so much," he said. "And you gave me them. I know it was your birthday but honestly, I think I got the best gift in the world that day."

"Me too," she replied. "I guess technically you gave me your sperm before my birthday but holding them for the first time was the best gift as well. Thank you," she said with a small chuckle. She looked back down at the baby, suckling away.

Soren was already drowsy in his father's arms while Lucinda was looking around the room with wide brown eyes. The babies were not in here often, so this was new territory for them. In the morning, they would want to explore.

Aaron deposited the blanket on the ground so that there was no danger of any of the, suffocating on it while Idina laid their sleepy triplets down in the middle of their bed, then laid down balancing on the far side. Aaron did the same on his side. They smiled across the bed from each other as Idina kissed the back of Lucinda's hand and Aaron gave Zephyr a belly rub. Soren was already asleep, his pudgy little cheeks placid and adorable. Idina leaned over Lucinda to kiss him as well. He gurgled, his clenched fist moving the slightest bit.

"I told you this would help," she whispered, and Lucinda grunted and reached up for her. "Yeah Cindy, mommy's talking," she cooed to the baby, kissing her brow.

"Ah," Lucinda said. "Ah, ah," she repeated, a small hand reaching out.

"I don't know what that means silly bean," she said, "but you have to sleep now. Daddy's having a bad day, so you guys get to sleep with mommy and daddy right now 'cause Erika and Walker are too old for cuddles." She started humming a tune and soothingly stroking her baby girl. Aaron soon joined in; calming Zephyr who was starting to feel excluded. Slowly, everyone drifted off to sleep.

~

"Idina!'

"Hmm," Idina muttered. The baby beside her started bawling with an ear-piercing shriek.

"Idina Kim Menztel you scared the living daylight out of me!" her mother said.

"What?" she asked again, her head pounding. More babies started wailing.

"I thought something happened to the triplets and here they are in your bed," Helen scolded.

"They're our babies, mom," Idina huffed with an eye-roll. "I pushed them out, I can sleep with them if I want too. Or if Aaron wants too." She picked Lucinda up. "Don't cry Cindy-Lou," she said, "Grandma is just mad at mommy, but mommy's fine. Aw baby, please don't cry," she soothed, bouncing the girl up and down.

Helen took Soren while Aaron tried to calm Zephyr.

Walker came into the room, hands over his ears and crawled into bed beside his mother and cozied up beside her. Idina put her free arm around his eldest son.

"Why do they get to sleep with you?" he asked.

"Because we want them too," Idina replied.

"I want too," he whined.

"Then come in and cuddle next time," Aaron told him.

Walker crossed his arms and put on a sour face. "Maybe I will," he retorted with as much sass as he could muster.

Aaron tried to mimic him with a baby in arm. "Maybe you should," he said, wobbling his head and everything.

Idina snorted, shocking Lucinda so much she stopped bawling and started laughing. The laughter grew contagious and soon all thee babies were giggling. Idina tickled Walker's belly to get him laughing as well. Rosie-cheeked, everyone went downstairs to start the morning.

~

The second day of the trial was more testimonies. Idina and Aaron listened quietly, squeezing each other's hands. There was not much they could do for the next few days. It was all in Carlyle's hands. He was blunt and abrupt.

"Do you understand that Erika needing therapy is a direct result of your actions?" he asked Elvira.

"We don't know that," she replied.

"So you are saying she may very well be in therapy if you had parented her," he clarified.

"It's just her disposition," Elvira said, "and she was not in therapy until Mr. Lohr pushed it on her. Do we even know if she needs it or if they are just making it up?"

"I would like to remind you, Mrs. Rivera, that innocent until proven guilty applies. Unless you can prove that there was malicious intent in signing Erika up for therapy, please answer the question."

"She only needed it once she met them," Elvira argued.

Aaron squeezed Idina's hand, hard. It was a good thing Erika was not here, but she would have to come later in the week.

"Your honour," Carlyle said, "the plaintiff has no understanding of the emotional trauma she caused Erika Rivera by abandoning her, whereas the defendants have been working for almost a year to help her learn how to cope and function and we have proof that it is working."

"It's not my fault some twat decided not to adopt her," Elvira retorted. "She just needs to get over it, everyone gets rejected."

Carlyle was not there to lecture her about morals. He was here to prove a point. "Mrs. Rivera," he said sternly, "you abandoned a one-month-old baby and four-year-old girl. If it were not past the statute of limitations, this would be a very different trial. Do you take responsibility for that and the consequences?"

Elvira was silent. She had not yet admitted to it; she was still playing the pity me, the mother who only wishes to reconnect with her child. Admitting she abandoned both her children would ruin it.

"This is about who is the fit parent now," Elvira said. "I made mistakes, now I wish to atone for them. I am a fit mother now and that young girl needs to be with her parents. Not a bunch of strangers who see her as some sort of charity case or free labour." She went off on a rant. The judge stopped her.

Carlyle was dismissed. The cross-examination was over, and the Rivera's lawyer came back up to the stand to give Elvira the chance to clean herself and her case up. Her lawyer was still playing into the pity me, have emotions case. It was compelling. Idina knew she would have done the same thing if she and Taye had started a custody battle over Walker. By the time it was over it felt like everyone had just forgotten what had happened. They were silver-tongued manipulators who did not stand up well to factual scrutiny.

The next few people to speak where character witnesses for Elvira and Elija, including the CPS officer who inspected their house and their situation with their five-year-old son and determined that they were capable parents. The best, who the best was, would be determined by the judge still. But now they had some equal footing. Neither Idina nor Aaron liked that one bit.

They when home emotionally exhausted. The sitter was over and helping Helen with the triplets, Walker was playing videogames, and Erika was at work Both of them wanted to hug their daughter the second they walked through the door, but they had to wait for her to get back.

A few hours later, Helen had started supper and Idina and Aaron had sought emotional comfort with their triplets, they heard the keys rattle in the door and Erika walked in. She never asked how it went because she did not want to know. But she knew it was not going perfect when Aaron hugged her and said he loved her. She hugged him back and thanked him for everything. He never had to do anything for her, yet he was doing everything.