Erika's birthday fell on a Friday. She was woken up that morning not by her alarm clock, but by Louie licking her face. She smiled and rubbed him behind the ear. He ran a few circles, yipping, before jumping off her bed and scampering off somewhere.

Her head was pounding. She had gone to sleep early last night, feeling a bit under the weather. Her sinuses were stuffed and there had been a bug going around.

She reached over her bedside table and picked up her phone. Arwen had texted her happy birthday wishes a few hours ago. Different time zones. She said thanks, then turned it off. It was not like they were close friends, but she was the only person who knew her sister and she was not willing to let that go yet.

She got up and felt chilly, so she grabbed the fuzzy blue housecoat from the hangers on the back of her door and went downstairs.

"Good morning!" Idina said excitedly when she came into the kitchen. "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks," Erika mumbled, looking for cereal in the cupboard. It was not like being born was something she had had a say in or part of. It was stupid to celebrate it.

"I'm giving you a hug," Idina said, wrapping her arms around Erika. She pressed their cheeks together. "You're warm," she said, concerned, turning Erika to look at her.

Erika found it hard to look at her face. It made her think that Idina had no chance of keeping her if her biological parents decided they wanted her. No one could claim she was in a stable environment with all of this going on. Not to mention she had seen many faces like that before, seen people make other faces look worse than Idina's. She could not imagine what it had been like for Walker to watch his dad do that.

Idina pressed the back of her hand against Erika's forehead. "I think you've got a fever," Idina said.

There was a weird pause like she wanted to add 'sweety' or something like that but was biting her tongue. She had slipped once, and Erika had asked her not too. It was just too much, and she was not sure how to explain it. She tried talking to Dr. Snow too, but she had the same incapability to express herself. Snow told her to take it slowly. She would figure it out sometime, hopefully. Or they would finally realize she was going to be a serial killer or something and lock her up. That is what they with people without emotions and violent history.

Erika shrugged and blinked, unsure what Idina wanted her to say.

"Stay here," Idina said, going over to the main floor bathroom and coming back with a thermometer. She directed Erika to a chair then stuck the thermometer in her ear. "You have a pretty high fever," she muttered. She pressed the back of her hand against Erika's forehead again. "I don't think you're going in today."

"I have a presentation," Erika said but she could hear how nasally she sounded.

"What time?"

"Nine."

"How much?"

"I think it's ten percent," she said. They do not give an official grade breakdown in high school.

Idina thought for a moment. "Go in for the presentation, then go to the nurse's office," Idina suggested.

"I think I've missed too much," Erika said quietly. She did not want to stay home. She knew she had missed a lot of schools and did not want to repeat this year. She just wanted to get everything over with. Not to mention, the school had always been her safe place where people cared or where she could just disappear. She missed it when she did not go. If she was sick, she wanted to go. She liked Idina, but the celebrity was too much sometimes.

Idina pouted and stroked her flushed cheeks. "I know you're concerned," she said. "But you can't put your health on the line either."

"It's probably just a cold," she said. There was one going around anyway.

"Yeah," Idina sighed. "You can go in, but if you start to feel worse, I want you to call, okay?"

Erika nodded.

Aaron came down as Erika broke free and made herself cereal. Idina relayed everything to him and he backed her up, then wished her happy birthday. She gave him the same 'thanks' she'd given Idina.

~

When everyone was out of the house, Idina went through the mail. There was a thick letter from the California Justice System, form the foster agency branch. There were letters from Taye. One to her and one to Walker and even for Aaron and Erika. She started opening and reading them.

Dear Walk,

Hey, bud. I am so sorry for everything. I understand if you hate me and never want to see me again. I don't think they let me read all the letters you sent since the few I did get had parts blacked out, but I'm assuming you're mad and I don't blame you.

I have no words to explain or rationalize what I did, only that I am sorry I hurt Dee and I am sorry you had to see it. I never should have gotten drunk and I never should have shut you out. Do not drink Walk, it will destroy your life. Every bad decision I have ever made I made when I was drunk. Cheating on your mom, losing you, hurting Dee. All because I could not cope like a healthy or normal person.

I love you and I do not want you to make any of the mistakes I have ever made. If anyone looks at you the way Dee used to look at me, hold onto them and do everything in your power to make them happy. I lost your mom a long time ago because I forgot just how lucky I was to have her, and I deserve it. Do not make the same mistakes I did.

I am getting help now. I need it. Do not be afraid to ask for help. The strongest men are the ones who are brave enough to ask for help. Being emotional does not make you weak; hurting those you love does. If you are scared, that is all right too. I was scared once that I would lose someone and then I lost everyone. I thought your mom was a lot of nasty things I will not write down for seeking help when she needed it. Now I get that she was right. I should have listened. Aaron's job is saving people's lives. Do not be afraid to talk to him or your mom or anyone else if you ever need too.

I love you so much I have no words. I just want you to know that. I won't write another letter unless you do; I just want you to know I'm sorry, I love you, and to tell you that I never want you to make the mistakes I did. I want you to be the better man.

I hope one day you can forgive me, not for me but for yourself. It is not good to carry around anger or resentment. Forgive me and forget, move on. Live an amazing life with someone of your choosing and have all the kids you want, or none at all. Be a pro basketball player or pilot or crack and go on Broadway. Just be the better person. Always ask "is this kind" or "what are they feeling right now". You have so much empathy and love form your mom. So much good from her. Do not lose that because of me.

I love you and I always will,

Dad.

Dear Idina,

I am sorry. That is all I can say. I have hurt you beyond reason and beyond words and I know there is no going back. Take care of our boy. I will not ask you to let me see him when I get out. Just take good care of him. I am going to sell my house and buy a small one somewhere and retire. I will not send you the address unless you ask. I am putting the money from selling the house in a fund for Walker. I will also be splitting some of it for this other kid, Benjamin. His mother died. I know Walk does not need it and you are giving him everything, but I cannot in good conscious leave his life without anything. I am not asking you to speak of me kindly or speak of me at all. Just raise him right.

I am just so sorry about everything. The miscarriages, how I acted. You were right; I was hurting too. And I was taking it out on you because you were easy. I should have gone to therapy with you when it all started, not as a last-ditch effort after I had gone too far. I am realizing a lot here and most of it is that I spent the last seven years of out mirage not thinking about you. We were in love once and it is over, I know that. It is my fault and again I am sorry. You deserve so much more, and I hope Aaron is giving it to you.

I just want you to be happy now. Sue me for the medical bills if you need retribution. I will not fight it. I will give you everything I have. I know it is not enough to make up for what I did to you and Walker. I know nothing will ever be. I just want you to know I am getting help. You do not have to worry about me. Sever our connection and be free. Give Walker the life he deserves, that is all I ask of you.

Taye.

Dear Aaron,

Love Idina and cherish her. She deserves so much more than what I gave her, and if you do not already know that, you are making the same mistakes I did.

I am not going to be in your life anymore. Do not feel guilty about being a dad to Walker. He needs one now. All I ask is that you love him unconditionally.

Taye.

Dear Erika,

I know we have met once, but I would like to say I am sorry for any harm I indirectly caused you through my actions. I know you mean no harm to Walk and Idina told me about how you saved him from that bus. Thank you. I know Idina is fighting for you and if I have jeopardized that I cannot begin to apologize enough. She is an amazing mother and I know she loves you.

Taye.

The last envelope, form the justice system, held a long, detailed letter informing them that Erika's parents were suing for full custody of their daughter. It contained a detailed list of their claims against Idina and Aaron, as well as the option to settle out of court, in which they would still get to visit Erika if they chose too, and paid a lot of money. Or they could take this to court, and they would be suing for full custody.

Idina wondered if it was possible to hate someone she had never met this much before. And she had never felt so confused about Taye before. She would talk to Aaron tomorrow. She could not think straight when it came to Taye, or that much at all recently because he had beat her and her head was all messed up. She needed Aaron to come home soon.

But she put that all away for today because today was Erika's day. Louie jumped into her lap and started licking at her bump. She smiled and took him out for a walk.

~

Erika stuck it out the entire day, but halfway through the bus right back she realized it may have been a bad idea. She walked through the door in a bit of a daze. She had felt like this before, but she had never thought going in would have been a bad idea. What was wrong with her?

No, she was not supposed to be thinking like that. She was supposed to be thinking that this was a safe place and that is why she felt like she should have stayed home. It was hard. It was not her go-to. And she knew it hurt Aaron and Idina, but there was nothing she could do about it. She was trying, but there was only so far one could go with trying.

In truth, Erika felt blocked. Like there was something physically stopping her from going all the way. She could almost feel like there was an all-consuming love that everyone else felt for each other, but Erika had never felt that. Snow said she was probably blocking something out and by extension protecting herself, but she was also making herself incapable of other things. Either way, it was out of her control. She could not turn it off or on.

Erika unlocked the door (because she was given a house key; it was still kind of mind-boggling that anyone would give her a house key) and stepped inside.

"Surprise!" a bunch of people yelled.

Nope.

The word practically flashed across her vision in bright red letters as she turned on her heel and walked back out the opened door, closing it behind her.

Her head was spinning, and she had no idea what to do. They were probably mad at her now. She sighed and sat down on the step, trying to figure everything out. They had gone through all effort and shed just walked out on them. Of course, they would be mad at her Would they? Had they ever been mad at her?

She heard the door open again and Idina and Aaron were soon sitting on either side.

"Are you okay?" Idina asked.

"Yeah," she said, "Just kind of... surprised," she admitted. She still was not sure how she felt.

"We can tell everyone to go home if you want," Aaron said. "We know you said not to do anything, but it wasn't sitting well with us. You should celebrate your birthday."

"Why?" she asked.

"To celebrate you," Idina said.

"I never asked to be born," she said. "No one did. I had nothing to do with it."

"I know," Idina said. "So if you had nothing to do with it, you have nothing to do with your birthday, therefore we are saying that we are celebrating you today," Idina argues, making it up as she went along. "And if you decide you're done at some point we can just end it early. It is nothing elaborate. No gifts, a small cake, some games in the backyard. That's it."

Erika chuckled a bit. "Alright, fine," she said with an eye-roll. She sneezed.

"Still sick?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah. A bit."

"You sound sick," he said. "As Dee said, if you start feeling like it is too much, you can call it quits, no one will be mad. It is just us, Amanda and her family, and a few kids from your class. Hudson, Delaney, and Nakita."

She nodded. "Okay," she said. "Sorry for freaking out."

"Don't be sorry," Idina said. "We should have thought about you too. Let's just all agree not to be sorry," she said.

"Okay," Erika said again.

She made it for three hours. They had cake, played bean bag toss and fetch with Louie along with other yard games. She had some fun. It felt less like a birthday party since no one was obsessing over her and it helped her feel more comfortable, but then the medicine wore off and she figured it had gone on long enough. It was the best birthday she had ever had. Not that there was much competition.

Erika went to bed early, but not before thanking Aaron and Idina for talking her into it. She did have fun, a bit of fun. They smiled and said it was no issue. They had no idea she knew a bit of sign language. It had never come up. They were so glad she had some friends. They told her she should spend time together with them more. They were just so proud of her, period. They knew she had a long way to go, but they were glad about the baby steps that she was taking. They loved her.

That night, after Louie had his last run around in the yard for the night, the four of them cuddled up on the couch and watched the second Lord of the Rings movie. Walker sat beside his mother, still infatuated with the twins while Louie sat in Erika's lap who was sitting between Walker and Aaron. Without realizing it, Erika fell asleep against Aaron halfway through the movie.