It was one hundred percent a shack. It was all wooden. There were three rooms, a bedroom, bathroom, and living/kitchen room. It was exceptionally clean though. Just small.

"It'll be like camping," Aaron said.

"What about rats?" Walker asked.

"Grab a stick and hit them between the ears," Erika replied. "Knocks them out then you can take them outside." He stared up at her wide-eyed. "I highly doubt there're rats," she added, seeing his face.

"Okay," Walker said. He sounded unsure how to respond to it.

There was a lot of room tough. Not as much as they were used to, but it would do. The kitchen was full, and the officers let them know that they could tell them what to get and they would keep it fully stocked for them. They were briefed on how things would go from now on. There would be limited outside content. There was a landline for emergencies, no internet. Erika and Walker could get schoolwork sent to them from their teachers and their handler would bring it in.

Idina was not keen on the term handler, but she bit her tongue. These people were keeping her safe. Why were they getting on her nerves?

Hormones.

She suddenly missed her husband's hand on her abdomen.

They would be kept up to date on the investigation.

In private, Idina and Aaron asked them about their doctor's appointment. Arrangements could be made for them. Of course, it would pose a risk, but they could get them an escort. They were not as far away as they thought, the drive had sent them in circles to make sure that if someone was following them, they got lost. It would be just over an hour of they went straight to the specialist. If there was an emergency, they could press 1# on the phone and someone would come and get them immediately.

Once they seemed set up, they were left alone. It was two in the afternoon.

"I guess we should unpack," Aaron said, taking charge.

They went to the bedroom. It was slightly smaller than the living area with a closet and cabinet. There were three twin beds.

"I can sleep on the couch," Aaron offered quickly, whispering in Idina's ear.

"That's not fair to you," she argued.

"I don't think we can share a twin," he said. "It would be bad for your back."

"I don't want to be without you," she admitted. "My mind wanders too much."

Aaron looked at her and nodded. "Okay," he said, "we'll figure this out later. Let's unpack."

"Let's unpack," she agreed.

~

A while later, Idina was helping Aaron make supper. She had not puked since the car ride. Erika and Walker were in the living area, playing a game of battleships Aaron had found. The safehouse was pretty well stocked with food. They were making a stir-fry.

"You know," Aaron said quietly, "this is kind of like a vacation. A lot of people spend a lot of money to be stuck in a cabin without electronics."

Idina chuckled. "True," she said with a smile.

They had opened all the windows. It was chilly for California, but she and Erika were still used to New York weather and found it warm and were fine in thin long sleeves, though Idina had been cold recently and was still decked out in her fuzzy periwinkle sweater. Walker was wearing long sleeves and a vest. She could hear the birds chirping and the noise of the cicadas. It was calming in an unexpected way.

"I've got it from here," Aaron said as he added the last bit of seasoning.

Idina did not leave his side though. She did not want to be alone. There were things she wanted to talk about, but not with Waller and Erika so close and no walls in between them.

Supper passed in relative silence. The reality was hitting everyone.

Idina threw up after the super, brought on more from the unborn child and eating more then she was used to. She should have held back. She would remember for next time. This needed to be a gradual increase, not all at once.

A few hours later, Erika and Walker were reading in the bedroom and Aaron and Idina were sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Want to try something now?" Aaron asked, offering her some leftovers.

"Maybe a little," Idina replied. She took the plate from him and ate a few bites. She stopped once she had gotten through about half the plate. Her stomach protested, but she did not want to push it. She had to keep it down.

Aaron watched her intently and took the plate back to the kitchen when she was done, then sat back down on the couch.

'I can tell you want to talk," he said gently.

"Maybe a little," she admitted, suddenly unsure what to tell him.

"About what?" he asked, moving closer.

She looked down. "I, uhm..." she stammered, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Dee, you can tell me anything."

"I know," she admitted. And she did. She was just too scared too.

"Earlier, when you said your mind wanders too much, what did you mean?" He asked this gently, indirectly, completely implying he would be fine if she decided she did not want to tell him.

"Well," Idina started, still playing with the hem of her shirt, not looking him in eye, "everything, I guess. This, me you, us, Walker, Erika. Everything."

"Dee, I want you to be honest with me and tell me everything, but I know that's not always going to happen, so don't worry. You can tell me when you're ready."

"You're not mad about the texts?" she asked. She knew she had asked this before, but she still was not satisfied that he was not angry with her.

"Honestly?" he asked. "I'm more disappointed in myself for not being trustworthy enough for you."

No no no. This was not what she wanted to hear. She wanted him to tell her that she was in the wrong. Because he had done nothing wrong. "It's not you," she said even though that sounded awful like she was breaking up with him. Maybe she should. She was hurting him. "I was just, I just... It's not your fault, you're perfect."

He took her hands in his and her lips quivered up in a glimpse of a smile for a second.

"It's just me," Idina continued, "I'm... I don't know, I'm just..." She sighed, looking upwards at the ceiling. Why was this so hard?

"Idina, if it's okay with you, may I go therapist mode for a moment?" he asked earnestly. He was drawing circles on the back of her hands because he knew the feelings and motions kept her present.

She hated it when he turned on therapist mode. For an amplitude of reasons, one of which being that he was right. And more recently because it reminded her that he could manipulate her. Even asking this could be a manipulation. But she gave her approval anyways.

"I think that you're mad at yourself and you want me to blow up at you." He trod carefully, seeing how much he should say. "You want me to confirm what you already believe to be the truth and confirm your feelings." He paused for a moment, wondering if he should continue. Maybe Idina needed to hear this. "And I think that the reason why it looks like me being mad is because of Taye. Because that's what he did when something went wrong." He had read the texts. They had prayed on all her insecurities and a lot of them were linked to what she had gone through with Taye. She believed them and believed she deserved to be treated like she was worthless. "You want me to get mad so this will be over, right? Then you can shut down and beat yourself up about it and move on?"

"But it is all my fault," she argued.

"I won't deny that," he said. "You should have told me. I am not mad because everyone makes mistakes and you know you messed up. You do not have to do this to yourself though. Just like you explained last night, no one deserves to be yelled at. That includes you." He ran his finger un her chin and coaxed her to look him in the eye. "Okay?" She nodded. "What's happening is not your fault. You reacted to a crazy situation the only way you knew how to: taking control and diving in headfirst. I wish you trusted me more, but I also know that I have to earn that trust from you and I understand that it will take time and I will do everything I can to help you trust me, but I do not blame you for not, okay?"

"Okay," she breathed.

"Want to know what's been on my mind?"

"Sure," she replied.

"I've been worried about Erika," he confessed. "These past few weeks, though I swore I would not, I've been profiling her. It is so easy to take a remark or mannerism and see it in someone that I work with and I think about her files. I went through them, and I just can't help but feel like it's wrong sometimes, Like I'm invading her privacy and creating a profile I can use to figure her out."

"I don't think that's wrong," Idina said. "We want to help her in every way we can and she's not telling us how, so we are grasping at straws."

"It feels like cheating somehow."

"You just have a skill set no one else has," his wife replied. "And you have the tools to put them to use."

"I'm also worried if I start using them, she'll notice and go nuclear. I have seen kids do it. They've had so many people try tactics on them; they can recognize it and they lash out."

"What were you thinking?'

"Honestly, I'm not sure yet. I have been watching her though, and she defiantly has attachment issues. But we knew that. What concerns me was her first home. That time is when people normally form close bonds that indicate how they will socialize for the rest of their lives and that got severed so abruptly. Then as went through the others, there was a clear pattern. She was afraid of connecting and was not connecting with the parents, so they sent her away and after a while, she stopped trying to make a connection and tried to get thrown out as quickly as possible. She also shows a lot of signs of serious neglect. Cooking, for example. I would not be surprised if she is used to not eating unless she cooked it herself. And she is good with Walker, probably because being older she would have had younger children dumped on her. And it is obvious that is responsible to some degree, so she would not have let them run amok. And she does chores without even telling anyone or being asked and has no individuality like Snow pointed out. It points to some self-esteem issues. And then I think back to the papers how there are at least two documented cases of physical abuse. She is probably terrified of us, if not us then me. Maybe terrified is a strong word, but I would not rule out the possibility that she has been hit for not doing something before. I don't know if you've noticed it, but she always tenses up when someone hugs her or jumps a bit if you enter a room without her noticing, or even when it's been quiet and then there's a sudden disturbance. I think she has so many walls up she had no idea what to do with herself. And it scares me because I have no idea how to deal with it. And I feel like I should know exactly what to do and where to go. And then I fear the things I do not know. What if there were other types of abuse besides the obvious? It makes me worried that I could be freaking her out just by being in the same room as she and she would never tell me for fear that I would get mad. This frustrates me because, in my head, I should be able to do this. I should know exactly what to do. But I have no clue and I don't want to make anything worse."

"If it makes you feel any better, I have no idea what I'm doing either," Idina offered. "And I think I should, because I'm a mother and I've raised Walker, so I've done this before. And then I just stayed in bed for a month instead. I am sure I have messed her up more now. And you do not need to know exactly what to do Aaron. Parents never know what they are doing. Ever. I still do not know if I have made the right decisions by Walker yet or if I am setting him up to be a spoiled brat who cannot adjust to regular life. I just want to give him everything and that's going to backfire one day."

"I want to give Walker everything too," he added. "If he asked for the moon I'd definitely have a second where I'd consider building that shrink ray from Despicable Me," he chuckled, "then I'd tell him to get back to reality."

Idina chuckled too. "Me too," she said. "Although I might find a way to give it to him if he really wanted it. I'd consider buying it for him at least." She snorted. "Thank our lucky stars he hasn't asked us for the moon yet."

"Only a live dinosaur and power ranger vehicle," Aaron said.

"Only one dinosaur?" Idina asked.

"Yup, a T-Rex."

"He wanted a dinosaur petting zoo when we first met. Well, reconnected. Whatever."

"I remember that. Had it all planned out." Aaron reminisced. "With drawings and everything. I think we might have those stored somewhere; I'd love to pull them out at his wedding someday."

"And tell the guests about he thought he'd breed little ones to feed to the raptors," Idina continued. "And make a life show out of it."

"And the first time he saw Jurassic Park and his takeaway was 'it might be possible' not 'maybe I shouldn't do this'?"

"We never should have shown him that movie," Idina said. "It was a bad idea wrapped it caution tape."

"Tell me about it. I caved and let him re-watch it and watch the other two and the two Jurassic World movies. Tomorrow he's probably going to want to go Dino hunting."

"You let him watch five movies in four weeks?" she questioned.

"Probably closer to ten," Aaron admitted. "He missed you and I wasn't sure what to do."

"I'm an awful mother."

"Don't say that Dee."

"But it's true! I sat in bed upset while I left you to deal with all this alone. I am a horrible wife too. I was being so selfish. I don't know why you even want to be with me anymore, I'm a mess who can't get her act together enough to take care of her own problems. You would be so much happier with someone else who could give you what you want. Someone younger and prettier and smarter so then you talk to her about all that stuff I never understand. I don't know what you see in me Aaron, and I don't want you to make a mistake staying with me." She had finally said it. She pulled her hands out of his. She did not deserve his affection. "Don't worry about me," she continued, "I don't want you to resent me later because you stayed with me to make me happy."

"Oh no," he breathed, bridging the gap between them, pulling her into his lap. "Oh Dee, oh Dee," he repeated, stroking her hair, kissing her as she broke down in his arms. Everything was worse than he thought it would be. He had no idea how to respond. It had never even crossed his mind that she felt this way. "You are my world Dee, you and the kids. My entire world. You three are all that matter to me. I would give everything up and then some. I'm not making a mistake."

"You don't know that." She was barely understandable through the tears.

"I do," he said firmly. He loved her too much to even contemplate not giving her his all. If she were not crying, he would have wished for them to stay wrapped in each other's arms forever. "I love you," he whispered in her ear, repeatedly until they stopped sounding like words. He kissed her and held because he had no idea what to do.

"How do I know you're not in it for the money?" she whispered when all her tears had dried up.

"What?"

"I think bout that all the time, Aaron. I'm a horrible wife; I don't even trust you."

"Dee..." he started.

"I know," she interjected, barely audible. "But when I am not thinking about how you deserve so much better than me, I think about why you're staying. And since I am awful, I know it is not me and then I start to think that is it is for the money. And deep down I know it is not true but that does not stop the thoughts from coming. You wanted to know where my mind wandered," she said finally, "this is where my mind had been wandering." She yawned.

Aaron swore internally. He took a deep breath. He needed to tread carefully. He felt like he was about to break down. Maybe he could not do this, not be her rock anymore. But she had pulled through when he needed it, and he would do the same for her. And he knew deep down she did not believe this.

"You are the most amazing woman I've ever met. I don't know if I can do anything to convince you of that, but I will do anything you tell me to do even just to try," he said because it was the truth. He would singlehandedly fight a war for her. He told her as much. That included fighting for Walker and Erika and everything in between.

"But you shouldn't have too," Idina said.

"There," Aaron replied. "Right there. You love me Dee and I love you. You do not want me to get hurt or be in pain. You are doing the same thing I am. You are fighting this battle against yourself because you are mad for making me do this. I am doing this gladly. It is all I ever wanted in life; I swear. Remember what it was like when Walker was younger, remember when you told me how it was for you but how much it was worth it in the end?"

"Mnhmn," she nodded.

"One day when we're old and retired and surrounded by grandchildren, this will all be worth it. You and me together."

They were silent for a minute, Aaron rocking her back and forth and kissing her. He held her tightly, but not too tight as he feared she might shatter under his grasp.

"Aaron?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I'm pretty sure you can," he joked. "You just did."

"Are you sure you can do the whole stay-at-home parent thing?"

"Yes," he replied.

"But if you're struggling with this," she continued. "Like you're going to get puked all over and no sleep and there's no break and-"

"Dee, right now I have a full-time job. Because one of us needs to work even if I barely make a dent compared to you. If I am the stay at home parent, you will be out there, living it up and I'll be at home taking home of the kids."

"But you might grow to resent me or something. Or the kids. I know you love your job..."

"I love you three more," he argued.

"I thought that too with Walker and Taye, but..." she trailed off, "if I had not been able to work afterwards, I don't know how I'd feel. If I had been stuck at home, doing things I hate all day long and watching Taye out there, doing what he loved while he left me at home."

"That's not going to be us. You are not him. You are not Taye," he repeated for good measure.

"I know but I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into if the specialist had some miracle and we have a baby. I'm not kidding you're going to get puked on and your going to have to store and feed the kid my breast milk while I'm out and definitely you'll get peed on."

"I think I've got the puking covered," he said. "All things considered."

Idina was mortified. "Oh, I haven't, I haven't hurled all over you, have I?"

He did not respond.

"I have, haven't I?"

"Maybe once," he admitted.

"I'm so sorry, that must have been awful. I never meant too."

"I know Dee, calm down. It is fine. I know you never meant too. And to be fair, it was my fault."

"Alright," she conceded. "I'm sorry though."

"Apology accepted, Dee." He kissed her temple.

Her stomach growled, probably from all the effort that she had just spent crying.

"Want me to get you something?"

"I'm starting to think this is you subtly telling me you have a feeding fetish," she muttered as he made his way to the kitchen.

"It's not," he said, coming back with a plate of fruit. "It's the fact that I love caring for people and you've never let me care for you until now." He wiped some hair from her puffy red face. "You do not have to be strong with me. I'm here to catch you when you fall."

She took a grape from the plate and ate it. "I just hate being weak in front of people."

"I know. And you are not weak. You are so strong and brave for letting yourself be this venerable. Honestly, I'm honoured you trust me this much." He drew a line down her cheek. "I promise, 'kay? I will love you forever. I will be yours forever. And I'll stay because I want to and it's my choice too."

She nodded and ate a few more grapes and some apple slices. "I don't want to have too much," she said. "I want it to stay down."

"Wanting to get better is the first step," he told her with a smile as she yawned again. "I'll help you get to bed."

"I need to take a shower," she argued.

"Okay." He walked her to the small bathroom.

"Idina?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"I have one more question," he said slowly.

"Yes?" Idina asked, sensing a change in atmosphere.

He looked her in the eyes. "You haven't been having thoughts about hurting yourself, have you?" She could see the worry in his eyes, hear it in his voice, and feel it in the air.

"No," she said firmly. "If you can trust me at all after all of this, please trust when I say I haven't been."

"If you do, tell me right away. This is not a request. I want to know the second it crosses your mind."

"I know."

"I'm serious."

"I know." She hugged him. "I know."

"Because I love you Dee and I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I know."

"Good."

"Aaron, if it happens though, I can't go on medication if I'm pregnant. Even if there are no mentioned side effects, I am sure the OBGYN will back me up. It is bad for the baby either way, especially in my case. And do not tell me you know these meds. I have been to more fertility doctors, gynecologists, and even a few crystal healers than you could ever count. It would ruin any chance of this working and the child being healthy,"

"We'll cross that bridge if, and only if we come to it," he assured her.

"I want to tell you right now I'll do whatever it takes to put the child first. I am not kidding when I say I cannot lose another without trying everything. I know you want to put me first, but I will be putting this kid first if the OBGYN says there's hope. If there is none, then there is none. If there is, I am going everything to keep it, even it's detrimental to me."

"I hear you," Aaron said, though it was killing him. He knew hos Dee and she knew how fiercely she loved. She would put him and kids before her any day, and if there was hope she would do the same for the baby. Their baby.

He helped her stand upright as she showered, and he washed her hair for her and towel-dried it. When they were done, they crept into the bedroom where their kids were asleep and crammed themselves into the twin bed. It took some figuring out, but they soon found a way where Idina was comfortable on top of Aaron. She was so light he could barely feel her. He wrapped his arms around her and whispered to her until he was sure that she was asleep. Then he let himself fall asleep.