Aaron was not the blackmailer. He had no idea about the miscarriages until she told him.

Idina needed to keep that in mind, even if she wanted to bury everything about them deep down. Especially now. She was being unreasonable.

Because she was about to have another one. Any day, that sensation would start, then blood would spill down her legs and before she knew it, she will have killed another child.

Aaron was going to be devastated when it happened, and it would tear apart her marriage for a second time.

She started feeling faint. She leaned over the sink and splashed cold water on her face and counted to three. She could still hear Walker counting in the background. Walker was her miracle. Everyone got one, and she had used hers up. This child was going to die. She had to prepare herself for that. She had to prepare Aaron for that.

What was she thinking, agreeing to try with him? How had he managed to convince her that everything will be alright?

She had to walk out. She would have to eventually. Waiting made everything worse. That is what this last month had been. Her waiting for something terrible to happen. Now it had.

Idina closed her green eyes and unlocked the door. Then she opened them again and stepped out. Aaron was waiting for her, just as he said he would be.

He knew exactly what happened by the expression on her face and he was holding her and caressing her and telling her it would be okay. She could faintly hear Walker counting in the distance.

"No," sobbed Idina. "No, it's not going to be alright Aaron. Please stop telling me that."

"Maybe it will be-"

"No," she said, cutting him off. "Aaron, I'm serious." She looked up into his eyes. "This is not the time for optimism. I do not want you to get hurt. You are never going to hold this kid in your arms. Never. I am so sorry I agreed to this in the first place. I was excited, I was not thinking. Maybe it was because I never thought it would happen. Either way, it has happened now, and we will not be parents. It could be in a few days or a few weeks, god forbid a few months, and then it will die." She held onto him for balance. "I can't do this again. I cannot hope. You cannot either. This will destroy us both. It destroyed Taye and I. We cannot, you hear me? We cannot."

Her eyes welled up with tears. They say goodbye now. That was the only way.

"Dee," he mumbled softly in her ear. "We-"

She cut him off. "There's no we!" she yelled. "Don't you see. It is me. I am the one stuck with this. I will have to feel it every day and night and I am the one that will kill it. You do not understand. You could never understand. You are too optimistic. This is not the time for optimism Aaron, this is the time to say goodbye."

He stared at her in silence and suddenly, the weight came crashing down on her. She had yelled at him. Physically yelled at him. It was the one thing they had never done. It was their promise to each other. They had been wantonly vile to each other. Scheming, snide comments, deliberately doing things to annoy each other when they were mad. But they had never once yelled. They talked firmly, raised voices. They had never once yelled.

Idina had just broken that. It had been her request. They never yell. Because she and Taye had yelled. She never wanted to do that in front of Walker again. She never wanted to be so lost and senseless that she could not think straight or have her head pounding from the noise. And here she was, pouring that abuse down on her love.

Her hands flew to her mouth. "Aaron..." She reached out for him, but he backed away. "Aaron!" she said desperately, following him. She crashed into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry, I-I-" she stuttered, peppering is neck with kisses before breaking out into a heaving sob. "Please forgive me," she whispered into his ear.

Slowly, his arms rose around her and he hugged her. "I do," he said. "I forgive you."

"Mom?" Walker asked from the door.

She turned to stare at her son, who was staring up at them wide-eyed, holding Mr. Rabbit, in his dinosaur onesie. He had heard everything.

"Are you and Aaron breaking up?"

The words cut her like a hot knife through butter. She wanted to say no, but could she? She had yelled at Aaron. She had done the unforgivable.

"No," Aaron answered for her. "We're sorry you had to hear that Walker. We are just dealing with some grown-up issues right now. We still love you and we still love each other. We have just made some mistakes."

"Is mommy alright?"

"I'm fine love," she said. "Come here." She opened an arm for him so that he could join in the hug. She hooked one arm under his and Aaron did the same on the other and they lifted him up so that he was face to face with them.

He wiped a tear from her face. "Are you okay mom?"

Idina nodded again.

"It's okay," he said, "I'm ten. You can tell me anything."

If only that were true. "I think I still owe you a bedtime story," Idina said, trying to smile. But she was snotty and wet-eyed and probably looked like a mess.

"I can read you one," he said. "I'm sorry for getting mad earlier. I don't want you two to break up," he said, melting her heart.

"We're not," Idina said hopefully.

"We're not," Aaron confirmed.

"Can I have my mommy back?" he finally asked.

"Yes baby," she breathed, kissing him. "Yes, you can, I promise. I will do my best okay. But mommy isn't perfect."

"Like when you forget to pay the tooth fairy?" he asked.

"Yeah, like that," she said.

She put Walker down and herded him back to his room. True to his word, like a real gentleman, he read her a short story. It was a Star Wars one he had written for school. It was now Idina's favourite book in the world; she told him such as she kissed him goodnight and promised him that she and Aaron were not breaking up. Idina was pulling up her big girl pants now.

Aaron greeted her at the door of her son's room. "There are still things we need to talk bout."

She nodded. There were. There was no point denying it.

He took her hand and lead her back to their bedroom and they sat down on the lounge instead of on the bed. She apologized again because there was no excuse for what she had done. Idina swore never to do it again. It was out of line and uncalled for and-

"Idina, I forgive you," Aaron breathed. "Wholeheartedly. You were-"

"There is no excuse for yelling Aaron," she said. "It doesn't matter what I was feeling I should not have yelled. You should not have seen me like that. It's not fair to you." She was working herself up again. "I know what it's like to be on the receiving end. I swore I'd never put you there and now I have."

"Did Taye yell at you a lot?" he asked. He rarely asked her about it unless she was prompting him too. He never bridged the topic unless she brought it up first. In a way, Idina figured, she had.

"Yes," she admitted. "And I did the same thing. We were awful for and to each other in the end. I just wish I'd seen it sooner."

"You were with him for eleven years," Aaron rationalized.

"Longer, we were just married for eleven. And we spent seven of them in a perpetual fight. Maybe more. It all blends together now. Maybe it started even earlier. Sometimes I think back to something he did and at the time all I could think about was how amazing he was, and I'm sorry I doubt you want to hear me drone on about my ex, but when I look back, there are all these little things. The way he hated me hanging out with Kristin and Norbert after shows. Sometimes I wonder if we would be closer today if we had actually had time to hang out, you know? How jealous he was of the Tony. He made me hide it so that he did not have to look at it. He said when we both had Tonys we could display them. He made it sound like a dream, that we would both be acclaimed, matching each other nomination for nomination and win for win. I was so naïve."

Aaron let her talk. He held her hand and let her talk. He did not make her look at him, or discuss what else was hanging between them. He just listened as she poured her heart out. All her regrets. All her missteps. And when she was bare and raw in front of him with no barriers left to protect herself, he gave her his shield and said everything she needed to hear, stripping himself bare in the process.

And there they were at their most venerable, completely safe in the knowledge that their partner had them covered.

Aaron rubbed circled on the back of her hands. "You know," he started after a long silence. "There've been a lot of medical advances this past decade. We should see some specialists; they might be able to do something."

"I don't want you to get your hopes up," she explained again. "And mine." Especially hers. To Idina, the child was dead. It had to be, that way once the inevitable happened she could get through it.

"I still think we should see someone," he said. "At the very least to make sure there's no danger to you."

"We can't tell anyone," she said. "I don't want anyone to know."

He nodded. "I know," he sighed. He did. He was still trying to imagine it. He already felt connected to the thing growing in his wife's stomach and he had only known about its existence for less than a half-hour. He was trying to imagine not knowing what would happen. How happy he would have been a month ago. He could not wrap his mind around it.

Aaron squeezed Idina's hands. It had to worse for her. He would do everything he could to support her.

Her breathing had calmed a bit and she was staring at him wide-eyed.

"When we go to the doctors," she said, picking her words carefully. "I don't think the results will be good. I've barely been eating."

"I've been grinding up vitamins and sticking them in the juice," he admitted.

"That's why it tased to weird!" she exclaimed. "I knew you were doing something; I just couldn't figure out what. And you were putting Gravol in the gravy, that I could taste."

He shook his head. "We've been out of Gravol for two days. I made a fruit-based gravy, that might have been it."

"Well either way it was disgusting," she said. "You are a wizard at making food I actually want to eat," she deadpanned. Her tone shifted, "but yeah, we should see someone. We just need to keep it quiet."

"No medical professional is going to go talking to the press," he reasoned. "We can always go to one where there are multiple specialists so no knows who were seeing unless they're following us inside. Or maybe someone does house calls?"

"I highly doubt there's one who does house calls. They'd have to convert half the living room every time they showed up."

"I'd let them turn the whole house into a maternity ward if it made you feel any better," he replied. "I guess this explains some of the vomiting," he said.

"Yeah, I guess so. 'Cause there were times that I was throwing up even when I wasn't feeling that anxious. Which just made me more anxious because I thought I was anxious. And was always worse in the morning which was generally when I was feeling better, especially after getting outside and taking Erika to school."

"Well, at least we know now." He was not sure what else to say. Aaron also was not positive this was going to go away, but he was hoping she could push through. This was the clearest she had been in weeks, but there was no promise that it would last. Sometimes Idina just needed a good push.

"I'm scared," Idina admitted for the second time that night.

"Yeah," Aaron agreed. "Me too. Let's be scaredy-cats together."

"I hate your mantra right now," she said playfully. "But you're right. Just as you always are," she sighed. "This is gonna suck," she told him, looking him in the eye. "Like really really suck. And I cannot promise how I will be by the end. If you thought this was bad..." she trailed off, "it's nothing compared to the world of 'I don't care' that's gonna happen next. Talk to Taye if you don't believe me, I'm sure he'd love to tell you all about how terrible I'll be and how awful I am when I'm on anti-depressants."

"I'm here for you Idina when you need me. Just like I know you have been there for me. That is what a normal relationship is. Its both of us giving everything until one of us cannot then the other one stepping up for a bit. It is taking care of each other in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. You have been having a bad spell. I am waiting on the other end, doing everything I can to pull you through it. And not because you have done that for me. I do it because I love you and I chose to marry you and chose to be beside you always. This was my choice as much as it was yours." In a perfect world, he would not have to remind her what a normal, stable relationship was. But the world was not perfect, nor was it normal or even kind. It had, however, brought them together, even if it was late and Aaron was not going to waste a second of it. He'd known she was special back when they were filming Rent and he knew Taye was a lucky man, though he never could have guessed how lucky Taye had truly been to have someone as amazing as Idina by his side. Taye had been such a fool not to see it. Aaron had no idea what was going on behind closed doors. He had practically waited all his life for Idina and though he wished her to be perfect, it was only because he never wanted her to go through anything terrible in life. He was here for her whether she believed it or not. Just like Idina was there for Erika, and Aaron was there for Walker. And Idina was there for him. They were all supporting each other whether they liked it or not.

That night he watched Idina as she fell asleep. They had done so much, chosen an OBGYN to visit, made the appointment and so on. They had to keep pressing forward.

Idina was so beautiful when she slept, curled against the pillow. It was the only time these past few weeks that she had looked truly at peace. Walker came in to snuggle just she was dozing off. He understood now why Idina whished the boy would never grow up. He was already missing the time when Walker would curl up with them every night and make them promise that they loved each other and would not yell at each other. Or the times when Aaron and Idina had still been dating and walker would corner Aaron and quiz him.

If mommy is not getting out of bed, what would you do?

If mommy is sick, what would you do?

If mommy is mad at me, what would you do?

Would you ever yell at mom?

He would never put so much weight on the last one before. It had just been another question; it was just Walker being protective. Now he realized that Walker should not have had to be protective. Now he saw that Walker was making sure Aaron would not yell at Idina. It had probably been Taye's answer to all the above.

Poor kid. He loved his parents and at the same time knew how awful they had been to each other. But things were better now.

His wife was slightly woken by her son, and she pulled him close and was soon back asleep. Things would not just go back to normal in the morning, but Aaron hoped they could start working towards it now that all the cards were on the table.