Another week went by. Idina was feeling no different and Aaron was beginning to worry there was more than met the eye. It couldn't just be anxiety. If it was, Idina needed help. And she needed it yesterday. 

At least she wasn't getting any worse. He wondered if it could get any worse. She would still get up on occasion, do something. There were full days here and there when she was semi-functional, going through the steps like a zombie, lighting up when Walker wanted to play.

He hadn't meant to start all this. He'd just wanted to have a baby with the love of his life. If he'd known, he'd never have suggested it. Now she was bedridden and anxiety puking because she was terrified that she might be pregnant and terrified that she was being a horrible wife and mother and crushed that she couldn't allow herself to have another child nor let Aaron feel what it was like to hold a newborn in your arms for the first time and feel the unconditional love wash over for the stranger you were staring at. 

He soothed every tantrum Walker threw. And he was throwing more and more as the days progressed. Taye was not back and showed no interest in relieving him or his wife of Walker. When Aaron had called, all he said was that Idina had wanted main custody so it up to her to deal with it. Of course, if she was willing to reconsider, he might come over. Aaron had hung up on him.

Walker wanted his father or his mother and would not stand for Aaron. He would hide in Erika's room knowing Aaron would not go in there without her expressed permission and lay on her bed playing his tablet while she sat downstairs. She would have to coax him out with bribes and food that Aaron planned out.

He looked at the unopened box of pregnancy tests. He knew he shouldn't ask, not right now, but if it eased her mind...

Anything. He would do anything to help her get better.

He would try this, and if it didn't work he'd drag her kicking and screaming to the hospital and get her some help.

The only reason he had not done so already was because of Erika. If anyone knew about this, they might take her away. Even though Aaron had been added to all the paperwork, Idina was still the one they spoke to. She was the one who arranged everything. And even if it wasn't, the two of them had to be capable. This was a powder keg beside a lit flame and Aaron wasn't sure which one he was.

If Erika got taken away, it would crush Idina. And in her current state... He had no idea how she would react. She would blame herself, she always did, and she would fight tooth and nail to get her back. Blindly, possibly making it worse in the process. She was reckless sometimes. Especially when she was emotional. 

He had no idea how Idina had been a single mother to Walker before. He could barely be a single parent now, even with Idina helping out whenever she could and Erika trying her best not to get in the way.

She was so strong and he was so lucky to have her. He needed to be here for her, just as she had been for him. She was his world. She was the reason he had the children he did and the reason why he'd been able to pursue his dreams and his world would not exist without her. He had the strength to do this. He could do this. He could do anything for her.

He walked into the bedroom. It was late. Another night of soothing Walker and trying to keep him quiet so that Idina would not worry. He'd sent Erika up with some food, hoping that maybe if she asked Idina would eat. 

It worked, Idina was picking at the meal under Erika's watchful eye. She'd drunk all of the juice. Aaron was mixing vitamins into juice to make sure she was getting some nutrients. Luckily, most times she didn't seem to notice the taste, however, as he started to add more and more, he got more and more complaints that the juice tasted funny. So he told her that once she got better, it would stop tasting funny. Which would be true, because he wouldn't have to lace it with vitamins. He had tried some protein shakes, but Idina had freaked out because they seemed like they might have contained dairy. It was a mistake he was not going to repeat unless he absolutely had to. And he threatened her with it more than once.

"I'll take it from here," he told Erika who looked relieved to see him. She scurried out of the room.

Idina pouted and crossed her arms.

"Feeling better?" he asked. 

Today had been a good day. She'd come down for a few hours once the children had come home from school and he had not had to wake her up in the morning to drive Erika in. At least she was getting out of bed every morning for that. She had stopped picking her up and Aaron had put her on the bus. He had not told Idina this. He knew she would freak out and try to start picking her up again, but she was finding it difficult after spending all morning in the bathroom vomiting to find the energy to do anything.

She wanted too, but sometimes she would fall asleep in the middle of a conversation. It was because she was not eating enough. It was a vicious cycle. If she was active and not thinking, she could eat, but then she'd vomit her guts out at night. If she didn't, she wouldn't vomit as much. Either way, she was not getting what she needed. And then she could not get out of bed. And the next day she felt awful for being a horrible parent and wife and cried herself to sleep. And then she would try again and it would start all over.

At least she was trying.

There were so many at leasts. Because everything could be worse. So much worse.

"A bit," replied Idina. "The juice tastes funny," she informed him.

"There's nothing I can do about that."

"Buy new juice."

"That's not going to change anything. I've already tried that." He walked over and crawled into the bed beside her. 

She looked like the dead. He was genuinely surprised no paparazzi picture had started any rumours yet. 

She nuzzled his neck. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I really thought I could do something today and then..."

"You're trying," he said. 

"I'm so scared Aaron," she admitted. "Of everything and I think it's killing me. You have to promise you'll take care of Erika if I die. Taye will take care of Walker, I know it, but you have to promise me you'll take care of Erika."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop being a drama queen, Dee. You're not going to die. You're stuck in a vicious cycle. I'd have dragged you by the ankle to the doctors if I thought you were going to die."

"My knight in shining armour," she lamented. She landed against his chest and closed her eyes.

"How's your stomach?"

"I'm better now that you're here," she said. "Can't you just stay here all day? I might get better if you stayed with me all day." She was being silly because his Dee was silly when she was scared. He just wished he knew why.

"You promise you're telling me everything, right?'

She nodded. 

Idina was lying to her husband. That was part of what made everything worse. The messages kept coming. They said he'd know if she told Aaron and that he'd kill Aaron in front of her. And then he described how he'd do it and how he'd make her watch as the blood dripped from Aaron's live body as he cried in pain. 

The demands were getting more and more controlling. Stay here, do that, do this, say that. She followed them without question. One time she hadn't done as he'd asked. He told her not to get Walker a gift and she'd done so anyway, and somehow, the blackmailer had known. Then he'd sent her picture upon picture of Erika at school and told her in detail what he'd do to her if she ever disobeyed him again.

Then he reminded her that he was watching her. Always. 

The police were taking too long to catch this guy. It was ruining her life. They were always close, they always had some lead or another, but everything was always a dead end. So she resigned herself to her bed, where she could do the least amount of damage.

"Idina?" Aaron asked.

"Hmn?"

"I lost you for a moment," he said.

"Oh, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how much I love you right now," she replied. "If you ever left me, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

"I'm not going to leave you, Dee, we've been over this." He's been telling her that since the start. Since everything that happened in her previous marriage. There had been so much and Aaron only knew bits and pieces. But he never pried. He always said he would be there when she was ready to talk. He understood, as best he could. He knew she had to open up in her own time. He knew how Taye had completely destroyed her.

"It's not that simple."

"I know. What is it you always say to Erika: 'I'll say it till it sticks?'"

She chuckled. "Don't use my words against me unless I was drunk when I said them."

This was nice.

"I need to go to the mall tomorrow," she said. "I have to get something."

"I'll get it," he said quickly.

"No, I want to do it." She had to do it. The blackmailer had told her too. Maybe she should give him a name so that he was a name and not the Blackmailer. But she would not humanize him with a name.

"I'm not going to stop you from going out," he said. "May I come?"

"No."

"Come on Dee,"

"I need to do this alone. Like you said, getting out seems to help."

"'Don't use my words against me unless I was drunk when I said them,'" he mocked.

"Stop it!" Idina exclaimed, burning herself deeper in his shirt as her cheeks started to burn.

"You're right, you are feeling better. I haven't heard that many words from you all week." They both smiled.

Idina was feeling better because she hadn't had any texts since the morning asking her to go shopping tomorrow. She might hate shopping, but it was easy.

"Idina," he said, his tone changing. She sat up straighter. "I was thinking. What if you took a pregnancy test."

Her heart fluttered. "Why? I'm not..." her throat started to restrict. "I'm not..." she sobbed.

"Dee, I know. But when it comes back negative then you'll know for sure."

"It could be a false negative."

"So take two."

She sighed. He was right.

"I'll be next to you the whole time," he said. "If you want. If not, I'll be right outside the door, okay."

He was so calm. It made her calm. Taye had been all over the place, inconsistent. She can't believe she hadn't seen the warning signs sooner. That's why Aaron was her rock. She could trust him.

She took a moment to gather her courage. It was around here somewhere.

"Remember what you said, the chances are slim and we were barely trying for two weeks. We hadn't even bothered to try timing it."

"Because you're so hot," she muttered, making him chuckle.

"See, everything is fine Dee," he said, wrapping her up in a bear hug and kissing her cheek. "So, want me in the bathroom or not?"

She took a second the think about. She wanted him close but, but she needed to be alone. When she found out, she would need a moment to herself, either way. Then she would pick herself up like a big girl, tell Aaron, and get on with her life. It had been nearly a month. She was ready to put her big girl pants back on. Walker needed his mother. Erika needed her to be someone. Aaron was ready for her to be his Dee again. 

"Not," she said. "I think I need to be alone."

"Okay," he said. "I'll be right outside. If you lock the door, I might break it down though if I think you're in trouble."

"That's fair," she assessed, "I'd do the same for you and the kids."

He walked her to the door of the bathroom and the stood there holding each other. 

"If you really don't want to..." he backpedalled. 

"No, it's fine." She took a deep breath and turned to him. "I'll be fine. I want to. I think it will help, to know for certain."

She slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. Then she locked it. She could do this. 

She hadn't really been in here except to throw up in the past few weeks. It felt odd not rushing to the toilet. Idina took deep breaths. She was safe. There was no one in the room but her. Aaron, her big lovely Aaron, was outside. He would stop anyone from coming in.

She went over to the window and made sure it was closed then pulled the blinds down and closed the curtains. Then she pulled out the box.

Idina took a deep breath and unwrapped it, chanting 'not pregnant' as she did so. She wasn't. She knew what it felt like. She wasn't feeling it. Her breasts didn't hurt. The juice tasted funny, sure, and pregnancy messed up her taste buds, but she was pretty sure it wasn't making the juice taste funny. She knew Aaron had something to do with it. She'd snuck some juice when he'd been out. It had tasted fine then. She just could not figure out what on planet earth he did to it to make it taste so odd by the time he got it to her.

She smiled and looked at herself in the mirror and for the first time in a long time she just saw herself, not the sad creature she had become. 

Not pregnant.

And she was getting better. She was learning to manage the nerves when she wasn't retching. She could dope herself on Gravol to stop that. Then she'd start eating again, before Aaron shoved a milk-based protein drink down her throat and knowing him and her luck, somehow mess up her pipes for good. Then she'd do the responsible thing and call the cops. And they'd come and spirit everyone away to a hiding place.

The thought made her gut lurched and she jumped for the sink, knocking the toothbrush stand over. 

"Idina," Aaron called out.

"False puke alarm," she called back.

Or maybe not. She braced herself but nothing came.

The gravy had an odd taste to it too. It reminded her a bit of Child's Gravol. They'd run out of the adult stuff. Was Aaron drugging her with children's medication?

Well, if he was it was working. She would bite his head off for it later, that was for sure. She could appreciate it for now. 

Not pregnant. Two months ago she would have been giddy to be expecting. And terrified, but giddy. With Aaron to help her through it and her two children to love. It would have worked out.

Maybe.

Stop thinking about it, about them. That's what the blackmailer wants. To get in your head, Idina, to break you down and make to tear yourself apart. You're already doing it. Woman up. You can do this.

Just pee on the stick already. It's not rocket science. Nothing will happen and everything will be alright and you'll call the police and get a new phone number. 

She'd decided on that a few weeks ago, but the fear started eating up inside her the moment the blackmailer had crossed the line and she'd frozen herself in time and sealed herself away. Now she was breaking free and her heart was pounding. Her face was red, her breath uneven, her palms clammy as she gripped the sides of the vanity. She was alive. And she was Idina Menzel. 

"Hey you there, that face in the mirror," she sang quietly, the lyrics coming back to her.

Stop stalling.

It was making her smile though.

She was feeling better.

And she was not pregnant.

"What the hell are you looking at?" she cooed to herself. Then she chuckled. 

She gripped the box and opened it. She pulled out the tests. She held them as if they might break. They would confirm what she already knew.

She could do this. She was Idina Menzel. Adele Dazeem. It did not matter. She was a Disney Queen and the Wicked Witch. But most importantly she was a mother and wife and she would do anything, even if it scared her.

And she was afraid. 

But she sat down, and took the tests, then she placed then on the counter and crawled onto the floor. She sat there, her back against the vanity, counting out the seconds.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Probably her mom or Cara. Those were the only people she would reply to right now.

It wasn't.

It was the blackmailer.

She was going to be sick again.

No. Aaron was drugging her food now because she was being stubborn and moody. She would not be sick. So she pouted and kept her butt firmly on the cold floor. 

What are you doing? Send a picture.

She replied that she was in the bathroom and told him, using many choice words, to leave her alone.

Picture, now.

She complied. She always did. A shot of just her red puffy face and sunken eyes cropped so they no one would know where she was.

Sitting on the master bathroom floor, heh?

She froze. How could anyone know that? Not without having been in the ensuite bathroom. Only her and Aaron used it, sometimes Walker or a guest... but no one would guess it from one visit. 

The fear that it was Aaron began to swell up inside her and she tried to push it down but this one was all too real. It was the only thing that made sense.

Even though it didn't. How did he text her when she was right there? There were so many unanswerable questions. Why? Why would he do it? He had no reason too. He loved her.

Taye had loved her.

SHUT UP! she yelled at the voiced, smashing her hand over her ears. She did not want to hear this right now.

Aaron was a psychologist. He knew how to mess with your brain.

SHUT UP!

"Idina?" he called out concerned, "why are you yelling, what's going on in there."

"I'm fine," she called back.

She heard him fiddle with the door. 

"Idina, let me in," he pleaded.

"Aaron, please I'm fine. Please. All I'm asking it that you stay there. Please."

He stopped filling with the door.

"How's it going? Keep talking to me Dee, you're scaring me."

"I'm sitting on the floor waiting for the results," she replied. "We need heated tiles. It's cold."

"I'm pretty sure there's a thermostat somewhere."

"No, we need heated tiles." And just like that, she was brought back to reality because Aaron could do that just by existing. 

"Let's talk about it when you get out," he said. He sounded relieved. He probably heard the change in her voice.

"Mommy!" She could hear Walker from the other side of the door. "I want a bedtime story."

"Just a minute pumpkin," she said. "Can you go wait in bed for Mommy?"

"NO!" he shrieked.

"Walker, please," said Aaron.

"NO!" he shrieked again. "I WANT MOM!" He pounded on the door. "MOMMY!" he wailed like he was dying. Aaron was probably picking him up and moving him to his room. 

Walker was spoiled sometimes. She heard the banging on the door again.

"Look, Walker, baby," she said. "Just give me one minute in peace, you can count it out, but only if you go to your room."

He seemed content with that. She heard his feet dash off to his room.

"One Mississippi," he started, talking as fast as he could.

It was now or never. She stood up and looked at the results.

Every single one had two blue lines. She was with child.

She threw up in the sink.