More texts came in throughout the week. It was always little things. Get this, do that, prove it. Nothing too bothering, other than the fact that she was being blackmailed. The police were on to this person, and whomever they were, they would be stopped. He (Idina was just assuming it was a he because aren't they always?) would get caught and arrested and sent to jail.

What bothered Idina was the fact that this person always seemed to know what she was doing. What her whole family was doing. 

Paparazzi were everywhere in this city, but it couldn't be just that. She was certain she was being followed or something. It didn't make any sense otherwise. How else would he know what to ask her to do and when to do it? 

The alternative was that is was someone she one intimately. Someone who knew her every move because she told it to them because they were doing it with her.

She tried not to think like that. The last thing she needed was to start suspecting those around her. But when she was alone, reading over the daily barrage of "murderer," she had to wonder. Not many people knew about her miscarriages. It certainly wasn't public knowledge. Someone had either taken a long shot or someone knew her. Which meant it was someone that she knew. Which meant she could trust no one. If someone she loved was doing this? Why on earth would they be doing this? They could just ask her for money. How could someone hate her so much, what had she ever done to deserve this?

She started feeling sick. Every day when she woke up she puked. Her mind would wander when she was all alone, coming up with crazy ideas and vendettas. Maybe it was the ex she'd dumped for Taye. He'd tried for half a decade to get her back. Maybe he saw this as his chance to get back at her. 

Everyone knew something was off. Even sweet little Walker. He'd crawl into her bed on the weekends when she went back to sleep after puking her guts outs and tell her that she'll get better once the bugs go away. She didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't the flu. She was doing this to herself.

And she was starting to gain weight. It only took two weeks and her abs weren't as toned. She'd stopped working out every morning and exchanged it for sleeping in. And she was barely eating, living off of coffee and water. 

And then Aaron would get up to look after the kids and she was alone with her thoughts. What did Erika think of her? How was Erika? 

Walker had seen her like this before. Not that he should have too, but he had. He understood, even if he believed her when she said she was sick, and not to stay too long or he might catch it.

Erika would notice that no one else was sick. She would see how long it was going on and how the dark circles under Idina's eye grew. She saw it every day as Idina still insisted on driving her to school, even if she had to keep a puke bucket in the car. 

The house grew quieter as people shuffled around her. Aaron thought he knew what was wrong and kept the household in order. It was his duty to take care of just as she did when he was down. Just as she'd done when he'd been starting out this new career path, so worried and overworked he could barely function. She'd kept Walker quiet and planed stressless weekends and suppers and done more chores in those two months than she'd done in her lifetime because she loved Aaron and he needed her.

Now she needed him and he was doing the same. He was holding down the castle until the queen got back from war.

Her mother had flown over from New York once or twice. She couldn't be quite sure if it had been once and she'd fallen asleep or twice and she'd not realized the time passing. Mom approved of Erika too. In fact, everyone came to check in on her. Kristen and Dax, her dad, her work friends. Some were clearly using this as an excuse to see Erika, while others let her hide form them and spent all day with Idina. Cara had stayed a week before going home.

But in the end, they would all leave, and, much to her relief, she would be alone with Aaron again. The one person who was shielding her from the storm. Her rock, her world. The one person she knew could not be behind this.

"Idina, baby," Aaron said, pulling the covers off her head. "It's check-in day with Erika's therapist. I know you said you did not want to go last night, but I was wondering if you changed your mind."

He knew her too well. He knew she was making rash decisions she would hate herself for later on.

"I have," she said solemnly. 

"Okay, let's get you out of bed." He picked her up bridal style and carried her into the ensuite bathroom. He gently put her on her feet and held her till she had her balance.

Together, they made her presentable. Erika's therapist would have a say in their adoption hearing when it came to it. She wanted to make a good impression, show a united front. Whatever she was feeling could wait until tomorrow.

She did her makeup so that she looked healthy and normal and Aaron helped her dressed even though she was capable. He was doing it just to spend time with her. They'd hired a babysitter for Walker, one he knew and had given her money for snacks and treats and told her to make a day of it.

Walker deserved a fun day. Idina had not been around, Aaron was getting more and more stressed, Erika was studying, his dad was across the country. He needed a day off. They all did.

Idina had to admit she looked like a competent adult. She doped herself up on some painkillers and medicine before they left. It would kick in by the time they made it to the office. She tried not to take them too often, as they weren't really working anyway and she didn't want to accidentally overdose or create a dependency or something. She was already pushing the limits of what was a safe dosage. And it wasn't like she was really sick. She was just anxious. She just felt sick. And feeling sick made her sick. 

Aaron drove, even though she loved driving, so that she could sleep until the medicine started to kick in. Then, if she wasn't loopy, he'd let her drive back.

The medicine wasn't doing much. Other than quelling the headache. But she was pretty sure the Gravol was working since she hadn't thrown up and Aaron had managed to get some lunch in her before they left. Erika sat in the back and Iidna dozed off until they reached the office.

She awoke to the feeling of the car coming to halt. Her headache was gone and the uneasiness in her gut had subsided. She could function now. She still queasy, but was manageable. 

Aaron opened all the doors for her and Erika as they climbed u the building to the therapist's office. Her name was Gerda Snow and Erika was not her biggest fan. But she was acclaimed in her field and good at what she did and having her on their side when it came time to fight for Erika was like having a nuclear bomb in your back pocket you could pull out at any time and win with.

So she had to like them and she had to be convinced that Aaron and Idina were right for Erika, even more so than the social worker Florence. Snow's opinion weighed more in the end. Florence just had to make the right recommendations, she wouldn't be consulted. Even having Erika in therapy was a good mark in their book.

Erika was asked if she wanted to wait outside, and she opted to do so, knowing full well that she would probably be called in eventually. She was a messed up foster kid who'd nearly killed someone, after all. What sane therapist would leave her alone in a room with things she would pick up and use a weapon unless she was highly sedated?

She hated Snow with every fibre of her being. There was nothing 'wrong' with her. Just like there was nothing wrong with an animal fighting for its life. But she played nice because Idina asked her to and it was safe to play nice. She was safe with Idina and that was all that mattered right now. She would put up with the minor inconveniences.

She hoped Idina was functioning well enough to make sure Snow didn't send her away. Erika, though she'd deny it if you asked, hoped Idina was alright. She knew she was suffering. Erika knew suffering all to well not to recognize it. And she'd been told countless times that her stupid heart was big and she cared too much, meaning the had empathy, meaning she felt like she had a pretty good idea how Idina was feeling right now and was sorry for her. Erika Rivera did not like having empathy. But like many of the things Erika Rivera did not like, she was stuck with it. 

~~~~~

When Idina sat down, she felt so much better she was worried the relief might show on her face. The room was calming and the woman standing before her was stern-looking yet somehow not intimidating. 

Aaron was beside her holding her hand. In his other, he had the list of things they wanted to know and cover. Mainly how could they help Erika and what could they do to secure her place with them?

Dr. Snow was quick to calm their fears, saying as of right now she would recommend Erika stay with them. She saw no reason why not. Not to mention, they'd had the foresight to bring the girl to her office instead of trying to fix there themselves, like so many people have tried to do. She knew teens in Erika's position and she knew what they needed and while she wasn't sure Idina and Aaron were exactly what Erika needed, they were pretty damn close. And that was much closer than anyone had gotten in a long time.

They discussed at length her behaviours and her actions at home. Erika was not the most vocal in her sessions. She'd sometimes lie down, close her eyes and pretend to sleep. But she was making progress at home, so something was working. Probably the homelife. 

Dr. Snow gave them her assessment. She wasn't entirely sure Erika was exhibiting choice. In fact, in her exact words, Erika had absolutely no sense of self.

"What does that mean?" asked Idina.

"You and I," Dr. Snow explained, "we have these ideas that we like something or we hate or we enjoy something. Erika doesn't have this. In her mind it's they enjoy me doing this, or they are pleased when I say that, or I will get yelled at if I order this. I don't think she's ever developed that much taste for anything. She reads, yes, but does she like reading? Or is that what she says to please you? You put the books in her room and therefore made reading an acceptable pastime. The fact that she prefers certain books over others is progress, but she still has a long way to go."

"She orders her own food at the restaurant," Aaron pointed out.

"Yes, but I have a feeling it's only what she deems you allow her to order. I don't think she's ever put any thought into whether or not she likes what she eats. You've said she has a distaste for fish, but fish is often expensive and probably something she associated with negative reactions from her other foster parents to the point where she'd convinced herself she doesn't like it."

"Or she could just not like it," Aaron added.

"That is true," replied Snow. "I would like to see her more often," she continued. "I don't think seeing her once a week is going to bring about the change you are looking for. We've barely scratched the surface. I've read all her files, but there is only so much I can do when she's in a bad mood. I'm hoping if we spent more time together she would start to trust me more."

"We can arrange that," Idina said. "Thank you for everything."

"And I still think you should try to get into an extracurricular or two, even if its outside of school. While it would preferable to be with her classmates or with people around her own age, having her do anything at this point is better than nothing. Even if it just working out with you two at home or at the gym."

Idina and Aaron both nodded in tandem. "We'll do our best to find something," Aaron said and Idina agreed.

They left and shook hands, then collected Erika who was secretly thrilled she'd made it the whole time without being called in. 

Idina was feeling well enough to drive back so she did. The drive made her feel even better. There was little traffic and she sped the tiniest bit on the freeway, making her gut soar in ways it hadn't been in a while, the adrenaline warding off all symptoms for a while.

She got home and Walker was there, his face covered in icecream and his sitter was trying to clean it up. Idina smiled and told her she'd finish up and she tipped her well. 

Then she spent some time with her son. She was in a much better mood just from doing things that took her mind of the issue. There was still a weight in her gut, but she could push through it.

But the next morning there was another wall of texts and she rushed to the bathroom to throw up, waking Aaron. She fumbled with her phone to delete them before he got to the bathroom to hold her hair and rub her back and tell her that everything would be alright.