39.

Idina was Erika's 39th foster parent. 

Initially, she'd stopped counting around fifteen when she saw the amount of paper still left. Then she went back and counted every single one.

And those were just foster families. Erika had been in countless group homes and orphanages as well. Sometimes for a few weeks, other times a few days. Nowhere longer than the three years she'd spent with her first family as an infant. There was only one other place that went over a year. And the next longest stay was nine months.

And there were some runaway instances. Three, exactly. Two of them came up with confirmed physical abuse. The third was suspected, especially due to Erika's pattern. 

She thought back to her previous home. How bad did something have to be for Erika to run away if she saw them as the best place she'd been? Idina did not even want to think about it. Yet she had to. Erika was her responsibility now and she needed to know everything she could learn.

And she was the thirty-ninth person to be in this position. 

She'd been with Idina less than 72 hours and it still wasn't her shortest stay somewhere.

Had it really only been seventy-two hours?

It had been less than seventy-two hours. And Erika had broken down at least three times. The time in the car had been Idina's fault. The plate, should she count that? Last night had been awful. She'd felt so helpless.

Was this what their future looked like? 

Something would set Erika off and Idina would have to sit there, waiting it out. 

Idina was sitting in her car. She hadn't left the parking lot yet. This was too much. Way too much.

She texted her sister. She needed her to know that she loved her. Then she texted I love you five more times. Then once more for good measure.

She put her phone down. Then she picked it back up.

She needed to call Aaron.

"Hey," he said after one ring. "How'd it go, Dee?"

She told him everything, everything minus the stuff about Erika's first home. She did not want to worry him with that. When she finished, the other side of the line was silent. She could hear him breathing; thinking.

"That's... a lot," he said finally.

"Yeah," she breathed. Where do they go now? "Are you... still, okay with... with this?" she asked. She needed to have him beside her. If he wasn't this would not work.

He sighed long and hard. 

Erika's words came back to her. "You can just drop me off here" "Eventually, you'll bring me back to a home."

"It could have been worse," he said at last. 

Idina nodded even though he couldn't see her.

"She needs therapy," Aaron said. "Lots. Was there anything in the records about her having it before?"

"No," Idina replied.

"She's not going to get it anywhere else. And I wouldn't be shocked if there's more that's not on the files," he said, rationalizing it to himself. He was working to be a therapist himself, in hopes of helping people like Erika. "And we can afford it..."

"I'll pay for all of it," she said quickly. "You don't have to worry about it."

"We can afford it, Idina," he repeated.

"So you're still good?"

"I think we're too far in now," he replied. "And I'd be worried about her safety if she left, everything considering."

"Yeah." She should not have gotten drunk. And somehow they let her continue with this.

"How long until we can officially adopt her?"

"Florence said six months and we can start talking about it."

"Six months?"

"Yes."

"That's a long time. It's one-third of our time."

"I think that's the point."

"We're getting preferential treatment because you're famous," he said finally. 

"Probably. Publicity, inspiring people. I've read the news."

"But at least Florence's intentions are to making sure Erika is in a good place. Which could be us. And we're doing this."

"Yes," she said.

"Yes," he agreed.

They were silent for a minute.

"I do think we are doing the right thing," Aaron said. "And Walker likes her."

"Yep," agreed Idina with a slight smile. "We have to think of Erika like Walker," Idina said. "From now on. She ours just like he is. Sending her back isn't an option."

"Yes," he said. "She'd our child now. Even if it's not legally."

"I have to go now. Thank you so much," she said.

"Good luck," he said.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Idina hung up and turned the car on. She took a deep breath and drove to the high school.

When she walked in, Erika was still writing the exams. She was sitting in an empty classroom with the door open so that she could be monitored, looking back at a book while she scribbled an answer down. 

Idina hoped she was trying. 

She sat in the office for a half-hour until a receptionist brought Erika in. Idina stood up instantly.

"How did it go," she asked calmly, fighting every instinct in her body to smother the girl with a hug. She needed to keep a cool head.

"Well," the receptionist started, " the exams should be marked within the next two days and we'll have a placement for Erika here by the end of the week."

"Sounds wonderful," Idina said. She turned back to Erika. "Are you ready to go?"

Erika shrugged, not making eye contact. Erik knew Idina was going through her files. Idina would have had to have gone through them anyways. 

Idina wished she knew what Erika was thinking, then she might have a clue of what to say as they walked to the car. Idina opened the door for Erika, letting into the passenger seat. She walked around to the driver's side and heard the telltale click of a camera shutter.

Seriously?

She looked around. There was a guy crouched not far away, large camera perched in this lap, aimed straight at them. He was the only one.

Idina got into the driver's seat and drove away. She looked in the rearview mirror to see if anyone was following her. The coast was clear for now.

When she pulled into the driveway, she didn't get out of the car immediately.

"How do you think the exams when?"

"I took them seriously if that's what your asking," Erika replied.

"Thank you," said Idina. "And how are you?" she asked,d even though she already knew the answer.

"Well," Erika replied to her surprise. It wasn't much different than 'fine' in sense, but being well and being fine were two very different things.

She just wanted a connection. It had barely been 72h. This was a delicate matter than needed time. 

"Do you want books to read, or something?" Idina asked. "Games, stuff to pass the time?"

"I'm fine staring at the ceiling," she said.

"I've been talking to the officers in New York about getting some of your stuff shipped here. Is there anything they should  pay special attention too?"

"No."

"Aaron and I are trying for a child," she stated bluntly. She didn't want this to get messy later on down the line. She wanted all the cards on the table.

"Is this an attempt to make sure I don't steal your jewelry?"

"No," replied Idina, perplexed.

"Then I don't need to know that you're fornicating like rabbits." How Erika said that with a straight face a deadpan delivery Idna would never know. It took all her self control not to chuckle a little bit.

"You know," Erika continued, "I'm pretty sure telling me about your private life violates some sort of appropriate topic guidelines somewhere."

She wasn't going there, was she?

"I just wanted you to know in case I get pregnant," she said.

"And why would I care?"

"Because you are a part fo this family and you should know what's going on."

"Have you told Walker you're sleeping with this step-dad?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "He's ten."

"He's your real family," she argued. 

She had yet to look up and meet Idina in the eyes. It was a simple rejection, but one that bugged her previously. If Erika would just look at her, she would see... No, she wouldn't. She was doing this deliberately. Not because she was afraid of what she might see. She knew exactly what would get under Idina's skin. 

"You're going to be a part of this family too," Idina said. "I know you don't believe it and I know you're sick of hearing, but that's not going to stop me from saying it."

"Did the social worker tell you I nearly killed someone when I was fourteen?"

"It was in self-defence!" Idina exclaimed.

"Are you sure?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Maybe, do you want to keep me around and find out?" This time she looked right into Idina eyes with an ice-cold expression that sent chills down her spine.

She's just trying to protect herself, Idina reminded herself. "You're not going to do anything," she said.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you jumped in front of that bus when you didn't have too. You have a kind soul. You don't deserve any of this."

"Maybe I wanted to get hit by the bus and tripped. Saw your kid as an excuse to die a hero and not a failure."

"I watched the whole thing," Idina said, forcing herself to go back to that day, the absolute horror as she saw Walker freeze-up, then the fear and relief that washed over her as she saw an orange figure pull him out of the way and go crashing onto the sidewalk. There was no accidental tripping happening there. That had been a leap to get them both out of the danger zone, calculated as Erika had spun so that she landed on her back with Walker safely on top of her. "That was way too deliberate."

"I think you're just seeing what you want to see."

Idina sighed. "I'm going to be a broken record until it sticks. I'm here for you. I want you to be a part of this family. Aaron does too. Walker loves the idea of a big sister. And he likes you. That's enough for me."

"I've known druggies who gave a more convincing speech than you," she spat. "'We'll love you as long as the money buys us drugs' means a whole lot more than 'as long as my ten year old thinks your cool'. Kids are volatile. You have an amazing, class-A argument there."

"I'm not saying that."

"You did."

Idina could feel her blood pressure rising. Thirty-ninth, the reminded herself. She wondered if Erika had ever stopped counting like she had the first time. If Erika even knew how many places she'd been too. Or if there were places not mentioned. There would not a fortieth home on that record, and Erika could fight her for the next two years then never speak to her again if that's what it took.

"What are you afraid of?" Idina finally asked. It was a long shot, but if Erika gave her anything she could use, she would sue it.

"Nothing," the girl lied. Then without warning, Erika unlocked the door and stepped out the car, making her way towards the house.