Aaron found his daughter laying on her bed in her room. He paused at the door. Erika was not a words person, yet that was all he could offer her. Idina and Walker often wanted words. All he knew was Erika did not need those the way they did.

So, what does she need?

At the very least, she needed him to be there for her.

He knocked on the doorframe. Erika's eyes drifted upward, and she went back to staring at nothing.

"I'm going to come in," Aaron said gently, giving her time to tell him to go away.

She did not say anything, so he slowly entered her room and sat down by the foot of the bed. Erika sat up, pulling her knees against her chest, and looking up at him, waiting. Her eyes were red, but there were no tears. He went to put his arm around her, but he must have raised his arm too fast too quickly because she flinched, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Aaron froze. Bile rose in the back of his throat when he saw how scared she was.

After a few seconds, her face turned red, and she hid in her knees.

He put his arm around her, slowly. "I'd never do that," he said quietly, heart pounding.

Erika did not lean into him, but she did not push him away either. "I deserve it," she mumbled.

"No," Aaron said.

"I was being ungrateful."

Aaron frowned, but he moved closer to hold her tighter. Idina was a bit better at this than he was, she had the practice. She had figured it all out by herself, at least he had his wife.

"You don't deserve it," he assured her.

She grunted but did not argue.

"I'm not mad," he said to no reply.

If would tell him, he could help. Erika was smart, she knew that she needed to tell him. Aaron tried to stay calm. Erika knew all this, that was what Dr. Snow was for. Helping her and giving her these tools. She was refusing to use them. And Aaron was here. If she were struggling, all she had to do was ask for help and then he could help her. But he cannot help her if he does not know what is wrong.

Think, he told himself. He should be able to do this. Without being frustrated. It was his motto.

Downstairs, she said sometimes she does not feel like they are her family. That was expected, there was nothing wrong with it. So, was it the tip of the iceberg? Given what had just transpired, he figured there was more to it.

Aaron, hugged her again, rubbing her back. She always said she liked sitting next to him on the couch. Erika was not always a talker, but he knew she was happy when she sat next to him, doing her own thing. She wanted a physical connection, so that was what he would do until he knew otherwise.

Ungrateful, that word bounced around. Did she mean that the outburst was ungrateful? That was Aaron's fault, he had noticed that she was a bit overwhelmed, and he could have helped her produce an excuse to leave. That seemed to be her go-to, leaving the room when there was too much happening. It was most likely saying she still felt like an orphan sometimes, but Aaron had nothing but sympathy. He kissed her cheek. This was it. It did not matter how hard she worked; this was something only time would heal if it could at all.

The silence felt like defeat. He was not doing anything at all.

Except for being there.

She needs me here.

Aaron blinked back tears. He needed something, some sort of assurance instead of this wall. What would he tell himself? He hated being on the other side.

He wove his fingers through hers and rested his head on her shoulder.

As long as you need, he thought. Aaron could stay here and that was all she was asking right now.

~

A light drumming on his arm brought him back. Aaron blinked as the blurred colours became his daughter. She was staring at the wall, her fingers absentmindedly drumming against his forearm.

"Hey," he said quietly, startling her, and brushing some hair out of her face. The colour was coming back.

She looked at him, face neutral, blinking. Her fingers stopped their drumming, hand resting heavy against him. One hand was still intertwined with his.

"You're still here," she said quietly.

"I'll stay as long as you want."

Conflicted, her eyes bounced around the room, not looking at him. She shrugged and rested her head on his chest. Aaron sighed, pulling her closer. Her raised knees pressed against his chest, and she fell on his shoulder, sitting beside him with her legs draped over his. She wrapped an arm around his neck.

Aaron kissed her forehead. "I love you, so much," he said, rubbing her back. "Feeling better?"

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I appreciate everything so much, I promise." It had been eating her up, he needed to know. "I wasn't trying to be bad."

"You weren't being bad," Aaron replied.

She shook her head. "I made Walker upset, and I was not acting right for having a guest over. And I did not do skin-to-skin yesterday either," she continued quickly, barely pausing to breathe or give Aaron a chance to catch up. "I don't want to be bad, and I try hard to be good, but then I was tired and he kept bugging me and I didn't mean to say anything ungrateful. It's just how I feel sometimes, not that it's your fault it's just all me. I know I need to work more on that to be a better kid but I'm always working on stuff all the time that should be normal and easy for everyone else but it's harder for me."

"Okay," Aaron replied, stalling for time to think it through. He kissed her temple. "You weren't bad." She looked at him, perplexed. "Bad and good are opposites on a spectrum. The absence of good is not bad, it is neutral. You were not being bad," he reiterated. "You are right, it wasn't kind, but you were not bad. And it was true, which is better than kind or good."

She frowned. "I made Walker upset."

He nodded. "Did you want to?"

"No!" she said passionately. "I want to be a good sister," she replied. "Promise, I don't want anything bad happening to the triplets or Walker or anything."

Aaron could feel him growing tense again as her tone grew desperate. Her grip tightened, and he could feel her trembling as she clung to him.

"I promise," she said again, desperately. He had not replied quickly enough.

Aaron needed time to think. The last thing he needed was to say the wrong thing to her. His daughter needed him, now, here.

"I know," he replied. When it came to sibling arguments, her crimes were not even punishable. He remembered the pranks he would pull on his sisters, and the wild revenge they would take on him. Cara told him about the time Idina had made her eat dirt. On a scale from Walker's sad to eating dirt, Erika was a zero on the bad-intentioned sibling.

"I'm trying, I promise, it's hard but I am." She continued. "It feels a bit harder now, especially after the holiday. I enjoyed it so much but there were so many people and now I feel tired and then there's school and everything..." she trailed off.

The idea struck him. "Sounds a bit like burnout."

"Burnout?"

"Yeah," he said softly, running a hand through her hair. She looked at him, brown eyes glassy. "You are working so hard every day. Dina and I see it. But you cannot do that forever. You need a break. It is okay to take a break."

"I don't want to take a break from being in your family," she said quietly, pulling away from him.

"No, not from being in our family," he replied. "But trying so hard to be good. You can be neutral sometimes."

"I want to be a good kid."

"I know, Erika. No one is perfect. We all struggle with things. Walker has his meltdowns when he gets overwhelmed."

"I'm older than Walker," she reasoned. "People my age don't have tantrums like they're Walker's age."

He nodded. "That is because as you grow up, your parents, so Dina and me, we are supposed to give you tools to recognize how you feel and find ways to manage them. It never goes away, we all have days when we're stressed, and sometimes we act out. Walker is not being bad when he has a meltdown; he's reacting to a situation in the only way he knows how. We do not love him any less. We do not love the triplets less because they scream and cry every time they need something. I don't love you any less for this."

She was quiet for a minute, then said: "That makes a bit of sense, thanks for explaining it like that."

Aaron smiled. "It's the same rules for all five of you," he promised. "And I appreciate how hard you work, and I also understand that you need breaks sometimes." They had gotten a bit carried away with the upward projections, ready for it to keep moving. Erika needed to plateau for a bit to get comfortable where she was.

"What if you don't like me?" she asked.

"How could I ever not like you?"

"You like me because I've been trying to be good all the time, what if you don't like when I'm not?"

"Love doesn't work that way," he replied. "Mine doesn't."

"I don't believe that," she said quietly.

Aaron hugged her tightly. "You don't have to believe it," he replied. "I will prove it to you." He kissed her cheek. "I know that other people's love might have been conditional, but mine is not. I do not think there is anything you could do to make me love you less."

"Are you challenging me?" she asked, a slight coldness to her voice that made him think that was the wrong thing to say.

Aaron had always known that if this went well there would be a day that they would fight and that Erika would push their promise to love. He was not ready for that, he wanted his sweet little girl. His daughter. And with everything going on with Idina, they did not need Erika pushing the limits of their love. It would come sometimes. It would be gradual. This was the first instance. Accidentally making Walker sad. But then, he reminded himself, she felt comfortable enough to let herself get that upset and express that feeling in the first place. He had been warning Idina since she first called him. There would be ugly fights like none she had ever had with Walker. Walker would get in the middle of them. He would end up in the middle of them. Erika had said the same things when she would quarrel with Idina. His heart went to his wife, who had borne the brunt of her objectiveness. Idina, who had the practice and knew how to navigate this in a way Aaron did not.

"No," he said with practiced calm, "it's not a challenge, it's a fact of life."

"I think I could," she muttered. "I don't want to though, not on purpose, but I could." She looked away from him, her tight grip loosening.

"Well, I'm intent on proving you wrong." What else could he say?

"I don't want to be bad," she said again. "I never want to, but sometimes I am by accident, and then I don't think you'd like me very much."

Aaron took a few seconds to reply: "Liking someone and loving someone is different. Loving is a constant thing. Either you do, or you do not. Liking is subjective, it can change. You can try seeing it that way."

"Oh," she said, but it was gloomy. "I'm not sure that works for me." She pulled away from him.

Shit, Aaron realized. She always said 'I like you' and 'I like this'. She was not one to verbalize love often, nor was she sure she fully understood what it meant to her.

He started stuttering trying, to save it. It had seemed so right, like explaining the burnout. "Erika, I..." but she pulled away from him, turning over onto the bed, back to him.

"I meant that you can not like someone's actions at the moment, but you can still love them no matter what they do," he explained.

"That doesn't make much sense," she said. She hugged her pillow.

Aaron laid down beside her and wrapped an arm around her. "Like with the triplets, I don't like their crying, I don't think any of us do, but we still love them, we're still so happy to have them. Two things can be true at the same time."

"That's too complicated for me," she mumbled. "I'm still working on one thing at a time, I can't do two." Her voice started to crack.

"It's not like that for me," he said. "I want you to know how I feel. I know you are working hard, and I am so proud of how much you have done."

"Okay..." she mumbled. She took his hand, weaving and unweaving their fingers.

"I love you so much," he repeated firmly.

"Mhm," she mumbled, sounding disengaged.

Burnout, right? Aaron wanted to make sure he had not made her feel worse. Erika was not trying to push him away right now, so he figured he might be in the clear.

No one is a perfect parent. He had watched Idina struggle with that for years, thinking he understood. He had not. Now, he was starting to. Despite his best efforts, he would never be everything the children would need, and there would be times his attempts to make things better would only make things worse.

Erika pulled her arm around her tighter, pressing herself closer to him. Aaron sighed in relief.

Footsteps sounded up the stairs, and down the hallway until Walker came into the room.

"You need to knock," Aaron reminded him, sitting up a bit. His son could walk over to Erika sometimes. He was earnest, but sometimes too eager.

"I-" walker stopped, looking from him back to the door. "Right, sorry," he said, going back outside, then knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

Erika looked between Walker and Aaron.

"It's your room," Aaron reminded her.

"Right," she said. "Yeah, you can come in."

A smile grew on Walker's face, and he sat down beside them.

"I'm sorry," Erika said, "I didn't mean to insinuate that you're not my brother."

"I know that's not what you meant," he replied, hugging her.

Erika relaxed, seeing that Walker no longer seemed to be upset with her.

"I made a square!" he announced, showing her the knitting.

"It's a very square," she said with a small chuckle. "Neat edges."

Walker's smile grew, and he handed it to Aaron to look at.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked Erika.

"A little bit," she replied, squeezing Aaron's hand.

Walker hugged her again. "I'm not mad at you," he replied. "So, you know." He paused. "Can I lay here with you two for a bit?" he asked.

"Yeah," Erika said.

"Jane said she's feeling a bit better so she's looking after Mom," Walker told Aaron. "And the guy from Erika's school's reading a book. The babies went back to sleep."

"Good to know, thank you," he replied.

"I think Mom's arm hurts more than it usually does because she kept rubbing it more than normal," he continued. Aaron put an arm around him too, pulling both kids close. This was so much for them both. It was a testament to their characters that they were still so gentle and loving. "What were you guys doing?"

"We are sitting quietly," Aaron said. "Talked for a bit, then sat quietly."

"I want to do that," Walker said almost instantly. He crawled over to Aaron's other side and paid his head on his father's shoulder, then passed his hand across Aaron's stomach to take Erika's.

Aaron reclined, pulling his children close. They needed calm and quiet. His mind started going back to Idina, but he knew she was all right. The need for him was here, with his children.

~

Idina knocked on the door, startling them. She smiled.

"Thirty-minute warning for dinner," she said.

"Oh," Aaron muttered, face going red. "I didn't realize it had been that long." He would have helped with the triplets.

"You're good," Idina said with a smile. "See you downstairs soon," she said, blowing him a kiss.

"Mom?" Walker asked.

"Yeah Pumpkin?"

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yes," she replied.

"We are too," he replied looking at Aaron.

Erika smiled at that. Her face was puffy from sleep, but she did not look as tired as she had been when she had come home from work. She rubbered her eyes, sitting up.

"Jane's fever seems to be down, but she's still being cautious with the triplets," Idina continued. "Sacha's still here, we tried phoning his parents but no one's picking up and his sisters are out of state with the soccer team. Also, the mushroom chicken smells amazing," she continued, filling them all in. "He's a good kid," she told Erika, "Though maybe a bit spoilt."

"Yeah," she said. "I do not think he realized. I was just out of character to him compared to everyone else."

"Okay, well..." Idina muttered.

"Hug?" Walker asked, sticking his arms straight out expectantly.

Idina smiled, obliging her son. Aaron pulled her down, and she giggled as she fell against him. Spending the afternoon together was a bust, but if he got quality time in with the kids, it was not so bad. Laying across them, Idina bemoaned that she could not hug them all, her arms outstretched at her sides. The elbows would not bend. She flopped her wrists around, making Walker laugh.

"I've got you, Mom," he said, his arm going around her waist.

Erika did the same thing, and Idina felt Walker grab for his sister's hand, making his mom smile. She kissed her husband on his nose, feeling the stress release that came with his calmness.

"Is your arm better?" Walker asked.

"Yes," she assured him.

"I'm going to set the table," she said. Her son pouted. "Unless you want to do it?"

He frowned and shook his hand, hugging Aaron tightly. "No thanks," Walker said.

Idina gave Aaron a quick peck on the lips before leaving, he had done a good job with the kids. She was so excited to raise the triplets with him, they were so lucky to have him as their dad.

~

Back downstairs, Erika felt again at uneasy. Not only had she had a meltdown, but she had also done it in front of her peer. With a blabbermouth. She bit her lip and tried to ignore it. Aaron kept trying to sit next to her, but after the moved a few times, he left her alone and Walker soon engaged him in another activity.

Then, she was alone with Sacha.

"Sorry," he said quietly, sitting on the opposite end of the sofa she was on. "I had no idea, and I assumed... I am not sure what, I just thought you were some stuck-up girl like everyone else who didn't have any reason to be so abrasive."

Her brows furrowed. "So, your master plan was to prove me as some pretentious stuck-up faker?"

"I guess so," he admitted, not meeting her cold stare. "They said you were held back a grade because you ran away, and that seemed very attention-grabby, but then you're you at school, no social media, and that didn't make sense either."

"I ran away because I hate group homes, and I thought no one would look for me because I was finally old enough they'd put the resources somewhere else," she said softly, "nothing to do with Idina and Aaron. I'd never even met Aaron before then, and I'd had a half-hour conversation with Idina." She felt a bit more relaxed now. It was all out in the open. "Don't go telling people at school about Idina though," she said. "I don't care what you say about me, but her health issues are hers, it's not your place to say it." She looked him up and down. "I will orphan-kid fight you if you say anything," she said, slightly as a threat, slightly to see his reaction. Her eyes narrowed.

"I won't," he promised. "I think I have learnt my lesson; sorry it is at your expense. I'd claim culture shock, but I don't think I've got the monopoly on it in this room."

Erika chuckled, a small smile appearing on her face for a second. "Idina keeps trying to throw me birthday parties. Absolute insanity," she joked, hoping it would land right. "What adult would do that?"

It had. Sacha loosened up, hand relaxing. "When's the party?"

"Um, I think the Saturday after the 20th," she said. Sounded right. Small one for just them on the 20th, then the weekend when the extended families would come over. And Diane and Robert. "You're not invited," she added, not mean, but making sure he knew. "It's family, um, I want it like that for now I think," she started, because she did not want to be mean, "plus there's already too many people coming, for me, I'm sure Idina would have found more if I said so, but we've already got the chef and stuff..."

"I get it," he assured her. "And thanks for not telling them to kick me out," he added.

"I don't think they'd do that," she replied.

"Pretty sure they would if you asked," he said. "Anyway, I hope your chef doesn't get mad at you."

"Actually, it's okay, you can be the tiebreaker, so I don't have to make choices. We have Idina, Walker, Aaron, and Jane, so that's four if I don't have a favourite. So, now with you, there is a tiebreaker."

"I'll do my best," he said with a smile, crossing his heart. Then the room grew quiet, but Erika was comfortable in it. She took to her knitting again, until Idina called them for dinner.