Washing his hands, Aaron got ready for bed. Idina was already sleeping, sprawled out across the mattress. He got in beside her and pulled out his phone to use as a flashlight to read. After a few minutes, he heard whimpering coming from his dear wife.

"Chickadee," he whispered, stroking her bare forearm.

He looked at her. It did not sound like the content sighs she made when she fell asleep in his arms; they were much more troubled than that

Aaron wondered, at first, if he should wake the sleeping princess. She was not thrashing about or crying out in her sleep, but that did not mean she was not suffering from something she would prefer to be awoken from. Then again, if it was nothing, he was disturbing a rest for a woman who needed it.

He concluded, on the chance, Idina was having some form of a night terror, she would want to be roused. A few seconds later, she whispered again, this time clear in fear, making Aaron's heart lurch. He had spent too long making a choice.

"Hey, baby," he said, shaking her gently. He kissed her cheek. "Chickadee," he whispered, hoping not to wake her up jarringly. Just ease her into it. He kissed her again, calling her more pet names as he shook her.

Despite his efforts, Idina shot up with a rush of adrenaline when she awoke. She started shivering from the cold, staring off into nothing and Aaron brought them closer.

"Thanks for waking me," she mumbled against his chest, her voice as shaky as her body. She was quiet for a moment, while he rubbed her cold arms. "It was so real," she muttered. "I always have bad dreams, but I haven't had anything that felt so real recently. It was like it was happening all over again."

Idina started to whimper again, and Aaron went to wipe her tears, only to find that there were none. As they sat in silence, pressed against each other, Aaron wished he could do more. He wished there was more than a physical comfort he could offer, some sort of way that Idina would know deep down that she was safe and loved. So dearly loved no matter what. And safe. The amount she was loved was thrice less than the protection Aaron wanted to offer her. A world so carefree she would never have a bad night's sleep again.

He kissed her temple and rubbed her bare arms. Why had she decided to bring short-sleeved sleepwear?

"I..." She muttered, and Aaron was instantly attentive. "I don't think I'll go back.to sleep," she said. "It's probably early morning anyway I'll get a head start with the triplets."

"It's not even past midnight," Aaron informed her. "You got maybe twenty minutes of sleep."

Idina groaned, laying her head on his shoulder. Kissing her temple and rubbing her back, Aaron asked if she needed anything.

"No," she said quietly, "just sit with me." She took a deep breath. "Just a few minutes..." she mumbled, no longer talking to him. "It'll be over in a few minutes."

"I love you," Idina said, hugging her husband. She gently pecked at his cheek, her eyelids fluttering and giving him butterfly kisses.

Aaron keeps her close as if he could squeeze all the troubles away, petting her hair.

Idina starts whimpering again, and Aaron tried to soothe her.

"I just... I just," she gasps, while Aaron tried to shush her, whipping the tears from her eyes.

"Shh, baby," he cooed. "Shh honey, it's okay, it's safe. I'm right here." This time, he tried not the let the room go quiet. If she could not focus on his physical presence, he would give her his voice.

"Not that," she croaked, her breath laboured. "it's just... I have so much to love," she squeaked, cut off by a sob, "but I'm not grateful for it, not right now, and I hate myself for that." Her voice petered off as she buried her face in his chest.

"Oh baby," Aaron muttered, pulling her closer. "It's okay,' he said, "to feel how you do, Dee."

"I love our children," she croaked, and Aaron nodded. "But I don't want this."

He kissed her cheek, letting her know it was okay. " I do not want this for you either," he said firmly. "It'll pass," he said quieter, wondering if she wanted some assurance, running fingers through her hair. She grabbed onto his wrist and held it close to her breast with an iron grip, then kissed his knuckled.

"I think," Idina mumbled, "Seeing his parents, it's been a year, it's all coming back strong."

"That tends to happen," Aaron said matter-of-factly. "The first year is the hardest," he assured her. "Next year it won't be as bad. Just like each day is better than the last."

"Will I ever be rid of this?"

"I don't know, Chickadee," Aaron replied with a pout, kissing her cheek. "But I'll be here with you. Remember, take some deep breaths. I am so proud of you, you know, Dee. You're the strongest person I've ever met."

She kept a tight grip on her husband while he coached her. When she calmed, she clung to him still, loose arms around his neck as they both breathed deeply.

"Try sleeping again," he whispered. "I'll be right beside you this time."

"I want to shower first," Idina mumbled. "I'm all sweaty and gross."

"Okay," Aaron replied. "I'll be here," he promised, squeezing her hand.

In a half-hour, Idina returned to their bed, her hair damp and smelling like her citrus shampoo and face creams. She nestled close to her husband; damp head tucked beneath his chin as she breathed down his chest.

"I love you," she mumbled again, kissing the exposed skin near the collar of his shirt.

Sighing as Aaron ran his fingers through her hair slowly and methodically, Idina felt herself drift off to sleep.

~

Idina woke up the next morning before her husband, warm and in his arms, He looked so peaceful when he slept. Gently, she traced lines across his face, listening for sounds that any of the children might be awake. There were no whimpers from babies wanting attention, nor the quiet whispers of Walker and Erika walking around their rooms or the communal area. Either all her children were tired out, or it was earlier than she wanted it to be.

Aaron grunted, and Idina tensed up, holding her breath. She did not want him to wake. She kissed the corner of his mouth, smiling when it twinged upward. She should wake him with kisses, and they could watch some TV. This was supposed to be a vacation for them as well. And she wanted to thank him for last night, wondering if he knew what he had quietly muttered to her. His guilt had slipped through his mask as he said into her hair that he wished he could do more, admitting to deep concerns he had never shared with her before. All her fault. Well, not her fault, but caused by her presence in his life.

There was a knock on their door and Aaron groaned.

"Mommy?" Walker asked.

She smiled. "Come in, Pumpkin."

The door creaked open, and Walker exploded inside, jumping on the bed, and wiggling his way in between the two of them. He kissed her cheek.

"Mommy, can I go to the pool again? I will ask Erika to come. Please mom?" he asked in a whirlwind of words.

"Sure," Idina said, rolling onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. "Only if Erika wants to," she stressed. "And if she's--"

"She's awake mom," Walker groaned, rolling his eyes. He kissed her cheek the scurried out of the room, closing the door with a slight slam. Nothing but the messed sheets were left as a sign of his visit.

Aaron chuckled, rolling over on his back, a wide smile upon his face. He spread his arms, beckoning her close as he sat up.

"How are you this morning?" he asked, kissing her lips.

"Better," she told him, then kissed him back.

They heard excited whispers and the rush of footprints as their elder children left the room in favour of the pool on the main floor, and they were alone, save for the infants.

"I should check on the triplets," Idina said, removing Aaron's arms from around her waist.

He nodded, moving to get up, but she pushed him back down on the bed. "I'm coming back, stay there." She ordered.

Her three little beans were still swaddled, dozing, their faces peaceful. She gently wiped a bit of dribble off their faces, then kissed two fingers and pressed them against each peachy forehead. Soren grunted as she did do, wiggling in his sleep. His lips were pursed and smiling.

"I love you," she whispered to the three of them, kneeling to be on their level. "So much, little ones. I hope you know that for the rest of your lives. Mommy loves you so much." She could feel some hot tears beaded up in her eyes. A couple fell, think, and burned down her face, but there were only a few. She whipped her eyes, then returned to her husband.

"Still asleep," she reported, sitting beside him, and pulling the blankets up around them both. It was drafty in here.

Aaron wrapped her up in a couple of thin sheets like he had when she had been pregnant and freezing. He peppered her neck and exposed collarbone with light kisses.

"I'm so in love with you," he mumbled between them.

She smiled. "So, we've got time to ourselves, what do you want to do?" Idina asked.

Aaron shrugged, making her chuckle. She remembered when she had her first free time after Walker was born. It felt so unnatural not to be at the beck and call of someone who could fit along your forearm, head in your hand and little legs dangling down either side of your elbow. Idina leaned back against her husband. This was nice too. But they could move to the living area, where their babies were sleeping, and watch them.

"Look at them," she said after they had moved. Leaning back on her husband, his hands resting over her abdomen as he kissed her cheek, she was starting to feel like she was on vacation again with the change of scenery, slightly strong cleaning supply smell, and snow that was lightly falling on the balcony outside.

He kissed her neck again. "They're perfect," he told her, resting his chin on her shoulder, and smiling. He rubbed her abdomen lightly with his thumb. "Just like their mom."

"Like they're dad too," she added, placing a hand over his. "So, Mom and Cara are arriving today. I think they're going to be too tired to do anything., but tomorrow we can go out with them if you're good with that," she said, going over her plans. Aaron nodded along as she did so. "We're lucky no one knows we're in New York," she said. "So far." Then she paused. "DO you wish your parents were here?" she asked, genuinely wondering. Idina could not imagine how she would feel if her parents did not accept Erika as their granddaughter, even more so what it is like to have a stepchild.

"I do," he admitted, "a bit. But if my mom is making me choose, I am choosing our children," he said. "And my sisters are still amazing, as always," he continued. "Still can't believe their little brother finally settled down and had kids." He paused for a moment, tentatively squeaking her hand. "My dad..." he trailed off, "I think my dad getting sick of mom's stubbornness. I'd like him to know the kids, I'm just worried letting him come over will give my mom an in we do not want her to have."

Idina frowned, looking down. She never wanted to be the one in between her spouse and their parents. Yet she was not, not really. Their children were. His mother had not tried to stop their wedding or showed displeasure at his choice of life partner, she had simply decided that biological children deserved more than adopted and step.

"It sucks," Aaron muttered. "I thought she'd be happy for me. Especially after everything that happened with my fiancée before."

Idina nodded. She had met this woman once, back in the early 2000s. She had been so nice and Idina had been happy for them, and admittedly slightly jealous of the way Aaron had talked about his bride-to-be, wishing Taye would talk about her that way. She tried to place what she knew about the woman. Her name had been Bridget. She had died sometime after she and Aaron had done See What I Wanna See, and until they had met back up in 2014, it seemed like Aaron was never going to date again.

"What happened?" Idina asked. "If you want to tell me," she added quickly. "It's fine if you don't."

"I don't mind," Aaron replied slowly. He waited long enough Idina was starting to think he would not. "We met in Highschool," he began, and Idina took his hand, hoping it would comfort him the way it did her. "So, the whole high school sweetheart thing," he continued. "And um, we actually didn't start dating until after we graduated. We had this flat together, one of those struggling artists ones, a loft, and a mattress in the corner. Dreams, all that stuff." He was getting lost in the memories, things he had not thought about in years. "Just, our whole lives ahead of us. One morning, I woke up, and normally she got up before I do so it was confusing when I was not awoken by the blender or toaster alarm. I..." he throats caught and Idina knew where this was going. She turned and whipped a tear from his cheek. He hugged her, breathing deeply before he continued: "She was laying there, blue lips, stiff as a board. I called for an ambulance and did CPR, but I knew there was nothing I could do."

"What happened?" Idina asked in a near whisper.

"They said she had an aneurism during the night," he replied. "So, it was quick and painless. Like flipping off a light switch." Aaron stopped there.

Like switching off a light switch. That was what it had been like. One moment the room was light, and the next it was dark. Until Idina when out with him to supper. And they had talked for hours until her coffee went cold, untouched as there had been too much to say. At that moment, he thought maybe it was not too late, there was hope left for him. If only this woman would agree to a date. And she had. They had gone on a date, then two, then three. She had introduced him to her son and kissed him late at night on her second world tour. She said yes when he asked to marry her, and they had a fairytale wedding in the backyard of the house they bought together. Now, they were sitting with five children on their first family vacation.

Idina was quiet, trying to think of something to say. Should she say anything at all? She turned to give her husband a hug, quietly thanking him for telling her. He gripped her, tightly, shoulders shaking as he buried his face in her neck. Rubbing his back, Idina kissed his cheek, telling him everything was okay, thanking him again for telling her.

"I always say at least I got to fall in love twice," he said after a half-hour of silent tears. Idina wiped them out of his eyes again and kissed his cheek, a small smile on her lips. "Most people don't even fall in love once; I got to meet two wonderful women and love them. And I am not unhappy," he continued. "I'm so glad to be here with you and the kids. You know, I never thought I would ever feel that way again until we had that dinner," he told her. "It was pre-emptive, but that date, before we were even dating, that's when I knew I wanted to marry you."

"Oh?" India said, raising an eyebrow.

"It was the first time in almost a decade I did not feel like the almost-widower. You just started talking, and you did not stop, and I realized I wanted to keep talking to you all night. It took so much restrain not to call you as soon as I got back to my apartment and ask you out."

She chuckled. "And then I called you that morning."

He nodded. "I thought I was hallucinating when your number popped up."

"I was not expecting you to answer," she said. "That's what guys do; you disappear for three days without a trace then show up like nothing ever happened."

"I don't know how any man could bear to spend three days apart from you."

Idina smiled, laying down on him again, spreading her legs out on the sofa. "I'm glad you picked the phone up. The dinner was a bit like that for me too. I was not thinking about marriage, it was the furthest thing from my mind at the time, but I knew I wanted to see you again. You were such a great listener and told me those stories about your nephews, and I forgot all about the divorce, custody, mitigation, and all that. I also realized how nice it was to be apart from Taye. I was not worried about him being jealous, or what time I needed to be home by. And I had been out before with friends before that, but it was the first time I walked out of the restaurant without a single problem on my mind. I'm glad it was not a fluke."

"Me too," her husband replied. "And, I am sorry if I ever got, or get in the future, a bit wound up when you're ill. I do not want to lose you until we're old and grey."

Idina nodded, the pieces now falling into place. All the times he had woken her panicked, asking if she was right. When he sat with her in the hospital after the birth of the triplets. It all made sense now.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's not your fault, Idina," he replied.

"I know," she replied. "But I am still sorry you ever felt that way."

"Thank you, chickadee," he replied, kissing the top of her head.

"I think I got to fall in love twice too," Idina replied. "Because I was in love with Taye. He just did not love me the same way I loved him. And I got to fall in love with though, though it involved less falling. It wasn't quick, but you grew on me." She felt the heat rush to her face, worried she was saying something wrong admitting her feeling had not been strong when they started dating.

"It's okay honey," he said. "Means we have good roots."

She grinned up at him and nodded, echoing his words: "Good roots."