Idina woke up in Aaron's arms. Idina had dreamed last night. Striking realistic. It had rattled her. She looked around, slightly off-put by the different coloured walls and light streaming in from the wrong side of the room. They were on vacation, in a hotel. Aaron was still asleep, laying on his back with his arms around his wife. His mouth hung slightly open, and he looked serene.

For once, she was awake before him. Idina pulled herself up, propped her head on her arm and stroked his face. She kissed his cheek, muttering quiet words of affection. She adored it when he woke her up with kisses. Especially if there was breakfast involved. But he looked peaceful, and the triplets weren't screaming, so Idina resigned to letting him sleep in.

Tucking her husband in well so that the New York chill wouldn't get to him, Idina gave him the last forehead kiss.

"Dee," he mumbled, his arms moving as if they were trying to hold something. She took a pillow and laid it across his stomach.

"Sleep well, love," she said. Is that what Aaron meant when he told her she knew what he was doing in her sleep? Would he wake up feeling like she'd left him alone as she sometimes did?

Idina shivered and rummaged around in her suitcase for a cardigan, then quietly snuck into the kitchen with one goal in mind: Coffee. Today was going to be exciting, might as well get a good solid start.

The main living area already smelt like breakfast. Confused, Idina looked around the large room. The kitchen was near the door, and coffee was already on the stove. There were some croissants and fruits from the cafeteria in the lobby on the counter. Her brow furrowed, then she saw Erika sitting by the window, doing her embroidery.

Deep breaths, she reminded herself. The triplets were asleep in the cribs like little angels.

"Good morning," she said quietly to Erika, as not to wake the younger ones.

Erika smiled at her. "I took some of the bread and fruits from the buffet," she told Idina in a low whisper. "Since everyone's sleeping and buffet finishes at nine, and it's nine-" she checked her watched, "twenty-two now. They had waffles, chocolate, and other stuff too, but I didn't think that would be good to bring back. "The girl was grinning up at her, early looking for praise.

Idina smiled and sat beside her. "Thank you," she said. "But you don't have to wry, we can call room service."

"That's a real thing?" asked she. "Like, not just something they have in the movies."

"It's a real thing," Idina confirmed with a chuckle. She could smell some chocolate on the girl's breath. "I'm guessing you had some of the waffles and toppings?"

"Mhm," she replied, looking back at her embroidery, and making small knots on the fabric. "It was very good. I'm fairly sure it was a boxed mix. When Aaron makes them from scratch is better." She was brimming with contagious excitement.

"Of course, it's better when he makes it," Idina said, moving so that she was sitting more behind Erika and resting her chin on the girl's shoulder, looking at what she was doing.

Erika relaxed, leaning back against Idina, making the elder woman smile again. She closed her eyes, trying to commit the feeling to memory.

Erika yawned.

"Want some coffee?" Idina asked.

"Why?"

"Well, um," Idina wasn't sure what to say. "You might have more fun if you're not tired all day," Idina said. "And you're old enough to have some."

"Isn't caffeine addictive?"

"I think so," she admitted. "But it keeps the world running. I'll make you a small cup."

"Alright," she replied. "Thank you."

Idina walked over to the kitchen and got two mugs. She made herself one, complete with toppings. It was vacation, she wasn't drinking black coffee. Besides, she should be thinning it out anyway. She made a small sip of black coffee for Erika.

"Here," she said, handing the girl the mug. "Might not taste good, it's just plain coffee."

Erika took a sip and her face contorted, making Idina snort.

"it's not that bad."

"I wasn't expecting it," Erika replied.

"Try some of mine, it's much better."

Erika nodded after trying it, then handed the mug back to Idina, who took a sip. She put the mug down on the table and sat back down beside her daughter.

"Can you show me what you're doing?" she asked. It would be a good distraction; her dream was coming back to her.

Erika pointing at all the marking, telling her were different flower types. The colours you did them in were written down on the paper, which she'd tacked a photo of and was following on her phone. "I'm just making a bunch of French knots in this circle," she said. "Want to try?' shed.

"Sure," Idina said. She was handed the hoop in one hand and the thread in the other. Idina stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out who she would accomplish the task.

"Hold the hoop for me," she said.

Erika chuckled but did. "I just rest it in my lap," she said. "Or switch hands."

Erika helped her figure out how to get the small knots neat and consistent, and soon she found herself relaxing and smiling, her brain empty. "I can see why you like this," she mumbled.

"Yeah," she replied, leaning back on Idina, "It's calming."

"Now what?" Idina asked when she'd finished filling the circle.

"Change colours," Erika said, giving her a very blue-tinted purple thread and threading the needle with it. She made five straight stitches along the lines that were shooting out from the circle. "It's the 3d flower here," she informed Idina. "Basically, weave it through the five-spoke, but don't pull it too tight, and do it a lot until it's super puffy."

They stay there for a while, quietly talking.

"Thanks for bringing me on the vacation," Erika said. "I'm enjoying it."

"We haven't even done anything yet," Idina muttered, focusing very hard on what she was doing.

"I'm still glad you brought me," she said.

Idina kissed her cheek. "We're always going to bring you along honey," she replied.

Erika hugged her arm in response.

After a few more minutes, Idina got up to check on the triplets. The boys were asleep, but Lucinda instantly reached out for her and started giggling when Idina got close. Smiling, she picked up her baby girl and brought her to the bathroom to change her diaper, humming to herself while she did so.

When she came back out, she found that Aaron was awake too, holding the boy and playing with them.

"Mornin' love," he said when he saw here.

She smiled in return. "Let's take care of these three, then get Walker up," she decided. Aaron nodded and kissed her cheek.

~

That evening, they were at her dad's house. After supper, Aaron was playing a board game with Erika and Walker in the living room, filling the house with content giggles and he teased them both and things got competitive. Idina sat away from them on the couch with her dad, who was more focused on his newest grandchildren than his daughter.

"So how have you been," he asked her.

Idina shrugged. "I'm a lot better," she told her dad. "I think. What are you talking about?"

"If your blanket response is you're doing better, that's swell," he replied. "Tell me about your life Dina, you don't call as much as you should."

"I know," she mumbled. "I'm happy dad," she told him. "I'm not having the easiest time, but there are so many good moments too."

"How are you and Aaron?" he asked.

"Aaron's amazing Dad," she said, her face lighting up. She looked across the room to where he was laying on the floor, holding some cards in his hand while Walker kept consulting Erika before his move.

"You're smiling," he pointed out.

"He loves being a dad," she said. "Oh, no don't chew on that," she said as she saw Soren grabbing at some of the plant leaves. She gave him a chew toy and held him away from the plant, kissing him on the cheek.

"Are you sure you're okay?" her dad asked again.

"Yeah, this morning was a bit off, I think it was waking up in a strange room." She didn't really want to get into this with her dad. "But I'm glad we're here and seeing you. Mom, Cara, and the boys are coming down in a few days, so we'll see them too." She went through their list. "Walker and Erika went to the pool this morning and had a blast. Aaron and I just stayed in the room with the triplets. I've noticed people don't pay attention to them as long as I'm not around."

"I'm always going to be worried about you," he told her, and she nodded, knowing the feeling. "And I want to make sure my little girl's alright."

"You don't have to be worried about Aaron," she said. "He cares about me, a lot. He..." she paused, trying to put it all into perspective. "Like, I just don't feel ashamed around him. Even is something embarrassing I still tell him, stuff like that. It's just all the little things I never had with Taye, and I know I'm in good hands."

He smiled. "I'm glad," he said, giving her a forehead kiss.

"And He does take good care of me. He doesn't do all that tough love stuff. I know I respond to it well, I guess, it just makes me feel so bad I try and make it stop. Aaron just sits beside me and tells me I'll pull through." She soon found it was easier to talk about it and was making a detailed list of all the things her husband did, even shocking herself. "He makes me breakfast for absolutely no reason," she said. "And I mean none, like he just gets up, noticed it was the weekend, and brings me breakfast in bed. Or he actually takes care of the triplets. That should have been higher up. He won't let me get out of bed if I've gotten up twice in a row. It's better now that we have the nanny, and they sleep more. And Walker adores him so much." She trailed off. "I think that's everything."

Her dad chuckled. "Dina, I want you to know right now you can always call me or your mom if something happens. We'll work together to make sure you are okay."

There was a seriousness in his tone Idina had not noticed before.

"Not that I think you have bad judgement," he said. "And Aaron is wonderful, but I care about you."

She nodded. "He'd be crushed if he knew we were having this conversation," she muttered. "You know he doesn't drink at all now? I found the smell of wine overwhelming n adjust jumped on the wagon because he said I'm more important. And," she paused for a minute, "something I had to come to terms with, and maybe it will help you too, is that everyone can hurt you. I was in denial about it for a long time. Everyone can hurt me. The triplets can, they kick, Walker and Erika could if they wanted to. You could. Everyone is physically capable of hurting you."

"I don't see how that's supposed to help--" she cut him off with a raised hand.

"We just believe that people won't. Saying someone can't hurt me is technically a wrong statement. But I can say someone won't. Aaron won't, for example. And I think we're less comfortable with won't because it implies a choice. Can is someone's capabilities, will is their willpower. I'm confident in saying Aaron won't hurt me, ever."

Her dad nodded. "I'm apprehensive," he admitted.

"It took a long time to realize that," Idina told him. "I was in a lot of denial, wondering how Taye could have done what he did. And it was negatively affecting Walker. Then it dawned on me that everyone can do what he did, but most people won't. I know you won't, I know the kids won't, and I know Aaron won't. You are capable of doing what Taye did, to anyone. The difference is you don't."

Her father was silent for a while.

"That's a change," he said. "In the hospital, you just said he was drunk, and it wasn't his fault."

Oh, so that must have been the argument she'd had with her mom. It made a lot more sense now.

He continued: "You wouldn't hear a word against him. I am, I have been worried that you might be applying the same logic with Aaron." He spoke slowly, making sure he was not saying anything uncouth.

Idina's heart raced when she asked him the next question: "Has Aaron done anything to make you think he'd hurt me?"

"No," her father replied to her relief. "But neither did Taye."

"Taye yelled at me more," she muttered, anger in her voice. "He's part of the reason I fucking hate myself sometimes. I wish I was ten again and believed that I deserved the entire world."

"That girl is still in there Dina," he consoled. "You just have to find her."

"I don't see much point," she said. "My career's over. I can do projects in theory, but the press, touring, I can't do any of that. I just need to find satisfaction in my family and in what I've done so far."

"It's not over. You just need to find a new way of doing it."

"I don't think there is one dad, at least not one I'm willing to find and fight for. I just want to be happy and spend time with the children. I do feel as though I've done all I can."

"Aaron said you write every night."

"In a journal. For my therapist."

"He says you let him read them and there are songs in there."

"For my therapist," she clarified for the second time.

"Alright," he said, backing off. "As long as you're happy, that's fine with me."