Catlynn's POV

"I look like I'm 5." I whined to myself in the mirror, as I was putting my long auburn hair in a braid.

"Sunshine! Are you almost ready to go?" I heard Elle call from the kitchen. That was weird. This must be some sort of surprise.

"Go where?" I asked, confused.

"I have a surprise for you! Wear something nice!" Elle said.

I quickly undid my braid and blow-dried my hair. Then, I put on a decent dress and ran out of my bedroom. Just in the nick of time, too, because the doorbell rang.

"Woah, Cat!" Jessica said, eating a bag of potato chips. "What's the hurry?"

"I got dressed in record time." I said. Jessica laughed, and said, "Are you competing with Elle to see who can get dressed faster?"

"No, Elle's still in a T-shirt and sweatpants. And I, for some odd reason, look like I'm going to eat dinner at the White House." I laughed.

"C'mon, Cat, you don't look that formal. Look who's here." Jessica said, turning me around.

"Alice! Barrett!" I said, running towards them. Alice hugged me and said, "You got taller."

"Alice, we saw her a week ago. She could not have grown that much." Barrett said. Barrett hugged me and said, "How's school?"

"I told you about Violet Gardner, right?" I said. Alice asked, "No, why? Is she your friend?"

Elle looked at Jessica, and Jessica said, "I wouldn't exactly consider Violet to be Cat's 'friend.'"

"More like she-devil flute player." I said under my breath.

"What?" Barrett said.

"Oh, it's fine! Violet's just ruined my entire eighth grade year, no biggie!" I said. Alice hugged me and said, "What did she do?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, about to cry. I felt a swirl of emotions, a swirl of bad memories. I felt trapped in my own mind with no way out. I ran to my bedroom and slammed the door.

"I'll go talk to her." I heard someone say. I should be able to recognize everyone's voices by now, but the panic made it harder.

I heard a knock on the door, and I said, "Go away."

I heard the door open, and then heard, "It's Alice. I want to talk to you." I shook my head and said, "Just go, please, I'm begging you."

Alice didn't listen. She sat on my bed and said, "You can talk to me, I'm your sister. I know I don't see you often or know you as well as the others do, but you can tell me anything." I sighed, and said, "I want to tell you, but I just want to forget about it."

"Does it have to do with the crash?" Alice asked, I nodded and started crying. Alice hugged me and said, "I'm sorry, Cat."

"Don't be." I said. "Violet Gardner's the one who needs to apologize. She's this flute player, well, ex-flute player, who bullied me relentlessly because of who my family is. I'm kind of scared of her, but luckily, she got kicked out of Band. Her flute friends won't leave me alone, though."

Alice sighed, then hugged me and said, "Don't listen to them. Trust me, bullies won't get to you if you show them they don't bother you."

"But how? The flute section calls me a 'pathetic wannabe,' and I don't know what to think. Violet's the ringleader of it all, she dragged me into this mess and I-I don't know how to get out."

Suddenly, the words came out of me like vomit. I would usually not tell Alice this stuff, but I had to let it out somehow.

"I feel so insecure sometimes, and it's sort of Elle's fault, because I always feel like I'm being compared to her! Part of me says 'Elle's not your biological mother, no one will care,' but the other part of me says 'you share the same last name, people are going to know you as Elle's kid, and they'll hate you.'" Alice hugged me and said, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I didn't tell anyone until today. Please keep this a secret, I don't want Elle to feel bad." I said. Alice sighed, and said, "At least let me tell Jessica or Ryan."

I nodded, and Alice hugged me tightly and said, "You're beautiful. Don't change for anyone."

"I'm not, but that's fine. I woke up at 2AM yesterday contemplating whether or not I should just chop all my hair off with a pair of craft scissors." I laughed.

"Your hair is beautiful, Cat. Don't cut it off." Alice said, playing with the ends of it.

"Would you get mad if I told you I kept a bottle of blue hair dye under my bed?" I said. Alice laughed and said, "Maybe. Depends on if you use it or not." I giggled, and Alice said, "You have Elle's laugh. I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but it's something I've noticed."

"A lot of people say I look like a combination of Elle and Jessica. Which is weird, because I'm not biologically related to either of them. It's just legal papers that make Elle my mom."

"Does that hurt your feelings, getting compared to them like that? I wouldn't say getting that is really a 'comparison,' but still." Alice asked. I nodded, and said, "Kind of. Whenever I tell people that Elle's my mom, usually because they see my last name on the records, they shower me with compliments about her, not me. Which sort of makes me feel like the underdog of this family, I'm the one person who's not famous or talented in their own right. The only reason people know who I am is because of who my family is. And I hate it. I don't mention any last names when I talk about my family. That's because I don't want to get called a liar. Or worse, compared to them. Being the one saxophone player, the one ballet dancer in this family makes me feel better, it's a talent I have in my own right. But the massive Heathers fanbase just makes it worse."

I dug in my dresser and pulled out my Band sweatshirt, the one that said "McLemore" in big white block letters on the back. I thrust it in Alice's arms and said, "Elle can have it. I'm not wearing it to school anymore. Even though I have to wear it to rehearsals for some odd reason." 

"Keep it. Wear your last name with pride." Alice said.

"I can't! You're the famous one. Elle's the famous one. Jessica's the famous one. Ryan's the famous one. I'm just the girl who keeps getting compared to them, all because I'm Elle's kid, the underdog." I said. Again with the word vomit.

Why am I telling my sister this stuff, and not my mother?

"What can I do to help, Cat? I want to help." Alice said.

"I don't need help! I just want the pain and the judgement to go away! Maybe this is a sign, Alice...maybe I'm meant to be alone."

"No, Cat, that is NOT true. You've been alone for so long so you aren't used to having people care about you and only you. Listen to me, we don't care if you're Picasso or Da Vinci. We want you- Catlynn Sunshine McLemore. The one and only."

I couldn't take it anymore. I started sobbing. I tried to run out of my room but Alice stopped me, hugging me tightly.

"I've got you, sweetheart. That's it, you're okay. I don't care what anyone else says, Cat. To me, you're perfect. You don't have to be alone ever again." Alice said.

I started to cry harder, and said, "I have to be...this is too hard..."

"You have to be what?" I started to full-on sob, and Alice said, "Shh, shh, I've got you."

"I have to be the perfect girl...the one who's beautiful and talented." I said in between sobs.

"You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are talented. Cat, you are one of the most talented girls I've ever met."

"Compared to you guys, I'm not." I said.

"You're right, Cat. You're not like me, you're not like Elle, or Ryan, or Katie, or Jessica. You're not like us in the same way that we're not like you. Do you want to know something, Cat? I'm jealous of you." Alice said. "Do you want to know why I'm jealous of you?"

I nodded, and Alice said, "You, Catlynn McLemore, are the strongest girl I've ever known. You've been abused, hospitalized, bullied, been through the mill over and over and over again, but you get up every morning and you show the world that you can handle whatever life throws at you."

I sighed, and said, "But on the inside, I'm a mess. I'm that girl who wakes up every morning scared to put on a Heathers T-shirt because I'm worried I'd get compared to you guys."

Alice took a deep breath and said, "And these are by strangers? You're worried you'll get compared to us by strangers?"

I sighed as well, and said, "No, by eighth graders. Kids in my school. It's one of the reasons I didn't join chorus."

"Do you wish you joined chorus?" Alice asked.

"Kind of. But it's too risky. It's too scary to think about people comparing my voice to someone in my family's."

Alice sighed, and said, "We will come back to that. About these eighth-graders - middle schoolers are rude and cruel and are always going to be picking on others. Do you want to know what I think?"

"What?" I said softly.

"I think that they're envious of you. I think that they see a strong, powerful girl who knows that she doesn't need anyone or anything so they're trying to make your life difficult. They're trying to hurt you to make themselves feel more powerful."

I laughed, and said, "No, they see a McLemore. Elle's kid. They see a Broadway star's adopted daughter and compare her to her mom."

Alice took my hands and said, "Then you go out there and you show them what Elle McLemore's kid can do. Show them that if they want a Broadway star's daughter, they're going to get a Broadway star's daughter. You go out there and you sing and you dance and you pound their smug little faces into the ground and watch their jaws drop and the worst of them come running for forgiveness." I laughed, and Alice said, "Do you want to know something else?"

"What?" I said.

"Elle, Jess, me, and everyone else - we're going to be right behind you, backing you up and cheering you on, because that's what family does." I nodded, and said, "Have I ever told you what happens in Band? Violet and her little flute posse think I'm a pathetic fangirl. The other half of the school just compares me to you guys.

"I know you're hurting... but, you're not alone, okay?" Alice hugged me tight. "Just let it out. You can't keep all of your emotions inside, you know? Bottling it up won't do any good."

I sighed, and Alice said, "I got an idea!" then ran out of my room. She came back a few minutes later with a giant bin. "Okay, these are Elle's but she's given me the okay before that I can use them for whatever. This is what I want you to do: say the name of a person or a thing that makes you feel upset or hurt or anything and throw a stuffed animal at that wall over there, okay?"

"Alice, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not in the mood for games..."

"This isn't a game. This is serious. Why don't I go first. I hate it when I get hounded on the street by fans!" Alice threw a stuffed animal on the wall and laughed. She turned back and realized I wasn't amused.

"Nothing will help how I feel. It's not anyone's fault, it's more of an internal thing."

"Maybe this does help, maybe it doesn't. Either way, it is a whole lot of fun." I sighed, and said, "I hate this feeling..."

"Good. Now throw the toy." Alice said.

That's when I got mad.

"Just shut up! You have no idea how this feels!" I yelled.

"You're right, I don't. So tell me what you're feeling." Alice said, sitting on my bed.

I sat down on the floor and started to break down crying.

"I'm sorry, Alice..."

Alice knelt down next to me and said, "Hey. It's okay, this isn't your fault."

"It is, though." I said. "It's my fault I'm such a mess."

Alice hugged me and said, "Let it all out."

I started sobbing, and Alice said, "It's going to be okay, Cat. Trust me."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I know you. You've bounced back from everything." Alice said.

"Yeah, this is the first time I've really let out my emotions since I met you. This is panic, fear, stress, sadness, anxiety, everything's coming out right now." I said.

"Just know, you can tell any of us anything." Alice said.

"Please don't tell Elle. I don't want her to get mad."

"She won't get mad. I'm so glad you decided to finally talk to someone." Alice said.

"You're a good older sister." I said, choked up with tears.

AN: Is it 1:30AM? Yes. Should I be sleeping? Yes. Do I care? No. Hard no. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Catch ya later!