Okay, there's a serious serious trigger warning in this chapter. I will post 3 black dots when it's over. It starts at the beginning and goes to the aforementioned 3 dots.

My nightmares hadn't gone away yet. I woke up this morning sweating, the dream was a flashback to Luke in the hotel room. This was terrifying because I was trying to shut everything out when it first happened, and it felt like I was experiencing all of that for the first time.

I was crying as I got out of bed, I tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom, I needed to shower. I felt his hands on me, I felt disgusting. He did things I didn't realize he did when I sort of blacked out. I quickly stripped and got into the shower. I scrubbed everywhere I could still feel his hands. I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, and started rummaging through drawers. I ended up leaving the bathroom and going into the kitchen, I opened the drawers quietly until I finally found something. I pulled out Lins pocket knife. I didn't realize that he had one. It just didn't seem like something he would own.

I looked at the knife for a minute, then decided to bring it back to my room. I changed back into pajamas and towel dried my hair. I sat criss cross on my bed holding the knife. I realized that if I cut my wrist someone would see it, so, I pulled up my pant leg, and set the knife to my ankle. I ran it over in my head, then dragged the knife back across my ankle towards me, slicing the skin. It stung, it really hurt, but I kept doing it, I couldn't stop, I had dragged the knife across my skin 5 times until I finally dropped the knife. I tried to wash the blood off using my towel from earlier. I used cotton balls I had for nail polish and wrapped an ace bandage over it, securing the cotton to the open skin.

I had a headache from crying, and I climbed back into my bed, pulling the blankets tightly around me, I was scared to fall asleep, terrified I was going to dream again. I fell asleep, finally, curled tightly in a ball, my head buried in my pillows, trying to shut out the world.

(I wanna say that you guys shouldn't worry about me at all with this stuff ^^ I'm not self harming, and I never have. Seriously. Don't worry, I'm going to be just fine, this scene is purely fictional)

•••

"FIFI!" I woke up to hear Sebastian yelling. "FIFI!" He ran into my room, "SISSY! FIFI!"

"Fifi?" I asked, pushing myself up in bed.

"FIFI!" He yelled running back out. I swung my legs over the side of my bed and saw the ace bandage on my ankle. I saw spots of blood on my sheets and my pant leg and the bandage. I can't believe I did that. I changed from my pajamas into jeans and a sweatshirt. Hiding the bandage on my ankle with the pant leg. 

I wandered into the kitchen, ignoring the occasional sting in my ankle.

"Good morning." I smiled walking in.

"Morning peanut." Lin smiled at me, unlocking the medicine cabinet. "Any reason you showered at 2 in the morning?" He asked, pouring my daily pills out of the bottles.

"No, I just, I woke up and felt like I should," I wrung my hands nervously, "I'm sorry I woke you, I didn't mean to."

"No no, it's fine, I'm a light sleeper." He said, handing me my pills and a glass of water. "Are you excited for Philadelphia? Or should I say Fifi?" He asked, handing me the apple I always had with my meds.

"Yeah." I smiled, "how long is the flight?" I asked.

"4 hours." Lin replied.

"Awesome." I said, dragging the word out sarcastically.

"Mija," Vanessa started, coming in to room, "that is exactly what I said when I found out."

"Philly is literally one state away, how is it a 4 hour flight?"

"Sorry Peanut."

"Okay." I sighed, "are we leaving now?" I asked.

"Yeah. Our bags are already in the car." Lin said.

"Quick question, Abi, would you mind keeping an eye on Seb today?" My mom asked.

"I'd love to." I smiled.

"Thank you so much." She gushed, "so you wouldn't mind sitting with him? I packed a couple trains and coloring books in his baby bag." She hugged me.

About a half hour later, we were walking into the airport, I had Seb on my chest, and was holding his baby bag. Lin had managed to wear his backpack, be pulling V and his suitcase, my carry on, Vanessa's purse, and mine.

"I am not looking forward to security." Vanessa whispered to me.

"Is it really as bad as people say?" I asked.

"You have flown before, right?" She asked.

"Once." I admitted, "out of PDX, it was with a foster family, they had to move to NY for work before they could dump me. Although, I feel like TSA was nicer in Oregon than here."

"You're most likely right. Oregon was always a little off, like, Portland just seems off."

"Everyone's high." I said, and she broke out laughing. "What?" I asked, laughing, "I'm serious, Oregon was like, one of the first states to legalize weed. Also, I don't know why, but, Oregon is, is really, um, I don't know."

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but, New York, people aren't very nice."

"No Mom, I haven't noticed this. Thanks for pointing that out."

"Oh you're totally welcome." She smiled, as we walked up to security. Lin had started to put all of our bags through security. I bent down and pulled my shoes off, tossing them into a bucket. I un-strapped Sebastian from my front, and put the carrier in a bucket as well, along with my cell phone, and the toy train that he Sebastian was holding.

They had Seb walk through the metal detector, obviously they didn't find anything, because, you know, he's one. The rest of the family walked through security, and I got Seb re-attached to me. He was playing with his toy train, right above my chest and around the back of my neck.

After we got through security, we were all sitting at the gate. Lin was reading something, he had his hair in a messy bun on the back of his head. He had Hamilton headphones on, and seemed immersed in his book. Vanessa was either texting or responding to work emails, usually I could tell by her face, but she just looked tired. 

"Now boarding, First Class, flight 204 New York to Philadelphia." We heard the boarding announcement, and the four of us stood up.

"Okay, Peanut, here are you and Sebs tickets." Lin said, and handed me two slips of paper. We walked over to the boarding zone, and I handed the attendant both of our tickets.

"What's your name?" The attendant asked, looking at my ticket, and scanning it.

"Abigail Miranda." I replied, and he handed me my ticket back.

"And what's your name?" He asked Sebastian who was snuggled up against my chest, playing with his train.

"Sebastian Miranda." I replied for my baby brother.

"Thanks." The attendant smiled and handed me Sebs ticket back.

I walked Sebastian and I up to our parents who were waiting for us. We walked into the plane, I was holding Sebastian's baby bag.

"Okay. Here are your seats." Lin said, shuffling me into a section with two black seats. "We're behind you." He said, and the two of them moved to sit in the two seats behind us. I unstrapped Sebastian from my chest, and strapped him into his seat.

An hour later, we were in the air. Sebastian and I were coloring in a picture of my favorite Chuggington train, Koko.

"Would you like anything to drink?" I looked up to see a flight attendant.

"Oh. um, a Diet Coke, and orange juice?" I asked, holding Sebastian on my lap.

"Alright." She smiled, and handed me a can, and poured orange juice into a cup, and handed it to me.

"Thank you so much." I smiled at her, and pulled Sebs sippy cup out of his baby bag.

"By the way," she started, "he's the cutest." She tousled his hair.

"Awe, thanks. His name's Sebastian." I said, and poured the orange juice into his sippy cup.

"Is he yours?" She asked.

"Oh, no, he's my brother." I laughed a little, "our parents are behind us." I motioned behind me, to where Lin was still reading with his headphones on, and Vanessa was sleeping on his shoulder.

"Well, you're an adorable family." She said, and started back down the isle with her drink cart.

LINS POV

Vanessa had finally woken up. She slept for the first hour and a half of the flight.

"What are we doing for Abi's birthday?" She asked.

"Oh, it's really coming up, it's like, next Friday, oh gosh." I ran my hand through my hair.

"I know, I feel bad, like we forgot her birthday." My wife admitted. "I mean, she'll be 16. That's a big birthday."

"What are we getting her?" I asked, partly to me and partly to her.

"I don't know, I mean, I don't think that she's a particularly hard person to shop for, but, I don't know, it's her first birthday with the family, and it's also her sweet 16." Vanessa tried to work through it. I heard soft snoring in front of us.

"I think they're asleep." I whispered, and stood up to look over the back of Abi's chair, and sure enough, Seb was on her lap, snuggled into her sweatshirt, her head gently resting on a little neck pillow. Sebastian had his Wilson train in his arms as well. "V," I motioned to her, "come here." She stood up and looked over at the two of them. As she did, I noticed some torn out coloring pages, one of Hanzo that had For Papa written on it, and another of Action Chugger, that said For Mama.

"Our kids are so cute." She whispered, and I pulled my phone out, and snapped a picture of them, Sebs head buried into Abi's sweatshirt, with the coloring book and his Wilson train.

@Lin_Manuel - Homeboy and Peanut are asleep at cruising altitude. Rest is important folks, especially after some quality sibling/train time.

•••

Hi. I'm so sorry this is late. Our Wifi router broke and we had to have a guy come in and fix it. So, again, I'm really sorry. I feel like you want an update more than questions, so, I'll do Vanessa's questions tomorrow!

I love y'all.

Thanks for reading!

- Abi