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My life is far from normal

For one, I live in an orphanage.

And two, I don't speak. Ever.

I'll admit, It's a bit extreme to never talk to anyone, but it makes sense to me. I was always shy, always afraid of screwing things over, so this is my solution. If I don't talk, I can't mess things up. Simple.

Another habit of mine is blasting music through my headphones to keep people from approaching me. It's easier if I just shut myself out of the world completely than to face what a depressing life I have. I also don't have to make an effort to write down what I want to say.

because I'm lazy af...

Here at the orphanage, our entire lives are controlled by schedules and counselors. We all get our own room, considering that not many teenagers live here, and we all get breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Other than that, this place is a hëll hole.

At a mere 15 years of life on this cruel world, I've learned that death is always around you. For example, a couple of the kids are here due to there parents/guardians death - this includes me. Also, everyone dies at some point, obviously, it's just the way it goes.

However, it's not death that's the real tragedy, it's what dies within you while you're still alive.

Deep, I know.

Therefor - considering that one of my favorite songs is Terrible Things by MayDay Parade - Love is bad, friendships are bad, and interaction is bad. Basically anything that could possibly cause/lead to heartbreak is a no go for me.

If I don't talk, then it lessens my chances of this happening.

It also helps that I'll probably be stuck in this place until I'm eighteen.

Go me.

"Evelyn! Hello? I am speaking to you," Karen, one of our counselors, says, waving her polished fingernails in my face.

I immediately recoil at the sound of her calling me by my full name. Legit makes me sound like a grandma... But that might just be due to the fact that Evelyn was my Grandma's name.

'Listening' I scribble onto my whiteboard before showing her. I'm surprised she could actually read it.

"We gotta go downstairs, a family is looking to adopt," She quickly looks at her clipboard before continuing, "a girl in her mid teens... Quite specific..."

I curtly nod, knowing the procedure of meeting the family, getting questionable looks, and then getting rejected. Honestly, I could care less about getting passed up, it just means that I don't have to make any personal connections with anyone.

After losing my family, I'm petty sure if my heart shattered anymore than it already has, so would I.

"Let's go Hun, we don't have all day," Karen mumbles, rolling her eyes.

Before leaving my room, I grab my phone along with it's headphones from the table, just in case things get boring. I then pull my hair from it's high pony just so that I can hide my face behind it. Shy girl alert.

Step by step I begin to feel nervous but I can't put my finger on why.

I never feel nervous.

Why is this time any different?

Karen holds the door for me and I enter the light blue painted room with fish tanks surrounding the front desk. Much to my disappointment, it looks like they are doing individual meet and greets.

My favorite...

Within a few seconds, I feel my cheeks flush 5o shades of red as I stare at the family in front of me. It consists of one women, and two young men.

Well, one looks to be about my age while the other seems a bit older.

They all stand, the mother smiling widely as she holds her hand out for me to shake. Being polite, I take her hand in mine, slightly appalled by it's clammy nature.

Guess I'm not the only nervous one.

"Hello! I'm Liz," She grins, eyeing me up and down, "and these are my sons, Luke and Jack. I have another but he's off on his own right now,"

I give her a light smile and sit down in a chair opposite their family, gripping my whiteboard with such intensity that I'm surprised it hasn't snapped.

"What's your name?" Jack asks with a smirk. I already don't like him... He's too... Flirty.

'Evelyn, u can call me Eve tho' I jot down with my best handwriting, holding it up so they can see.

I watch as Liz, and Jack's eyebrows furrow in confusion while Luke's eyes stay trained on my phone. My gaze follows his to see that my music is playing, despite the headphones being plugged in yet not anywhere near me. I hate when that happens.

"She hasn't spoken since she got here, and won't even give an explanation, but that doesn't change the fact that she's a very sweet girl," Karen says hurriedly as I click a few buttons on my phone to turn of Drown by BMTH. Luke's eyes then return to my own making me feel quite awkward.

"Is she deaf?" Jack mumbles, raising his eyebrows at me.

I roll my eyes and simply write down 'n-o' on my white board for him to see. I'm obviously not deaf if I just told my name after you asked aloud.

"Well I don't know. I thought you were some special person who could read lips," He says sarcastically, earning a stern look from Liz.

The thing is that I'm not special at all.

"I see that you used to sing," Liz smiles while looking at my information sheet, "do you ever sing when your alone? Luke over here loves to play the guitar,"

"Mom, stop it," Luke quickly hisses, sending his mom a glare.

As an answer to her question, I shake my head slowly, adding a shrug to emphasize the fact that I don't care for it. Never will I ever miss singing, ever.

"Karen, could I speak with you in private for a moment?" Liz says nonchalantly, giving me a small wink.

This can't be good.

"Of course! Let's just step into my office, leave the kids to get to know each other,"

From the table to the exit, I never remove my eyes from them until they disappear from site. I really don't want to be left alone with these guys right now.

"So, wanna talk to me? I can show you a good time," Jack smirks, tracing a circle onto the wooden table with his finger tip,

A small smile tugs at my lips before I grab my phone and slip my headphones in. Best to ignore a döuche bag then to waste my precious hand writing to them.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Jack grunts, abruptly standing up and exiting the room.

This left me, and the awkward teenage boy with an incredible fringe.

I can just imagine him saying to his mom 'It's not a phase!'

My gaze shifts to Luke who gives me a nervous smile. The poor kid...

I silently remove my headphones and decide to be nice for once, writing down 'I like your shirt' in messy handwriting. He quickly looks down at his Green Day shirt, a wide smile growing on his face.

"Thanks. Do you listen to them?" He asks, looking to my phone once again.

I lightly nod and showed him the song that was just playing. Wake Me Up When September Ends. Such an awesome song.

"That albums the best. By the way, I really like the song Drown too," He smiles, referring to when he heard my music blasting from its headphones.

He's kinda cool though.

'It's beautifully sad,' I jotted down, showing him.

His eyebrows furrow, "Why don't you talk again?".

I purse my lips, shrugging his question off. The reasons I don't talk are obvious to me, but if I were to tell another being they'd just brush it off. Maybe even think I was just doing it for attention.

I'm doing it for the opposite reasons.

"Luke, Hun, I'd like to talk to both you and Jack together," Liz calls, ending Luke and I's conversation.

Would you even consider that a conversation?

Luke quietly stands up an exits the room, soon to be replaced by Karen who is smiling widely at me. Great.

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