Jordan's point of view

It was late at night and I couldn't sleep, no surprise there. I was too busy thinking. I don't think it's normal to stay up this late so many times. Something must be wrong with me, again, no surprise.

I sighed and grabbed the Ipad that I rarely use. The whole time I've been here, I used it once or twice, and it was only because I was putting music into it. I had downloaded all of my favorite albums and songs.

I put it on sleep mode after I played a song and then turned my head to my desk. Alex Gaskarth's voice rang through my room and I sighed. Whether it was in content or in frustration, I had no idea.

All I knew that that I felt so bad being here. I was bothering the boys and I could see it. Ashton was so done with me and Luke doesn't talk to me much anymore. Michael and Calum are the only ones who seem to care, even if it is just a bit.

I sat up and then turned the light on. I narrowed my eyes a bit as the light burned them, but soon I could keep them fully open so I could see.

I grabbed my glasses and slid them on. I looked around for my phone and then saw it was on my desk, right in front of my mirror. I grabbed it and then turned my light off.

I looked at my contacts and then bit my bottom lip. I was tempted to text Timothy to see if he was still awake but I decided against it. He'd find me annoying and I don't want to bother him. Besides, he could be asleep too. Along with the others, so I didn't even bother looking at the other contacts.

I sighed and put my phone in my pocket. I didn't need to bother anyone else. I didn't even mean to be a pest to the boys, I just thought they genuinely wanted me to be apart of the little family they had. However, I guess they didn't.

I had to pretend I wasn't upset at them when my friends came over. I had to pretend everything was okay and that every time Ashton touched me or spoke to me, I didn't want to rip his hand away or tell him to leave me alone. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling them not to talk to me and not to bring up Ashton being my adopted father all the damn time.

I ran a hand through my hair and then I looked at my guitar case. I grabbed it and then made my way downstairs. I went straight to the backyard and then opened the siding door, slipping out of the house and into the cold, midnight yard.

I closed it behind me and then sat down beside the large pool. I sat cross-legged by the edge and set my guitar down beside me. I popped the case open and grabbed the old instrument, placing it on my lap.

I hummed as the cold wood hit my exposed thighs and I wrapped my arm around the large instrument, plucking at the strings. A thought occured to me and I pulled my phone out, setting it inside my guitar case. I didn't want to smash it by sitting on it.

I placed my fingers on the correct strings on the neck of the guitar and pressed down. I plucked the chords and hummed along to the only song I really knew how to play. It was an All Time Low song. It was called 'Therapy'.

As I neared the chorus of the song, humming along so I don't mess up, my phone rang. I stopped and looked at it, seeing Christian's contact light up my screen.

I picked it up and looked at the reflection of the moon in the water as I waited for his voice to pop up. Soon, I head his quiet, croaky voice. "Hey,"

"Chris, what's up?" I asked him as I set my guitar aside, wincing as I accidentally knocked it against the case. "Are you okay?" I asked him after he replied with a blunt nothing.

"Truthfully?" He asked and I told him to tell me and then he sighed. "No, not really... I'm sorry if I'm bothering you its just, I remember one day you told us you're usually up late at night and the guys would all be asleep. I can hang up if you want-"

"No, of course you're not bothering me." I cut him off. "Besides, I'm always open to talk to. Anytime, anywhere." I told him as I laid down along the edge of the pool. "What's wrong though Chrisy?"

"Promise me you won't laugh?" He asked and I promised. Soon, he went on about how his mother was being extremely homophobic when she saw a lesbian couple kiss on the television and then he proceeded to have a nightmare about her not accepting him and his significant other when they walk through the door, hand-in-hand one day.

"You're scared she won't accept you? Chris, you're her son, not some random person, she's going to accept it." I told him and he just told me that his mother still wouldn't.

"She think it's a sin. Boys and girls should be together rather than be in a same-gender relationship." He told me. "And it just terrifies me that one day she's going to like disown me for not being normal."

"Christian, having a different sexuality from others does not make you abnormal. You're still human. Besides, I don't believe she'll disown you. You're her son, remember that. She wouldn't be that cruel." I told him and he sniffled.

"Hey, don't cry Chris." I told him softly. "It's going to be fine. Besides, if she ever gives you hell for something you cannot help, you're always allowed at my house, where eighty percent of this house encourage being yourself." I told him.

"What about that twenty percent?"

"Oh, he's just a grumpy old man and no one really cares what he says." I said and he gave a small chuckle. "Don't let the thought of others drag you down. You have to learn that the only opinion that really matters is your own. My opinion doesn't matter, your parent's opinion doesn't matter, just yours."

"Jordan?" I heard Ashton's voice call out and I pretended not to hear him. "Come inside before you get sick. It's cold out here." He told me as Christian spoke.

"But I care about other's opinions. I can't just trust my own." He said. "I want to know what other people see me as."

"That's what's going to end up destroying you in the long-run." I told him, remembering how I used to care what everyone else thought for a few years. "You need to stop caring what others think. You're your own person and have your own likes and dislikes, just as everyone else has their own."

"Just be yourself Chris, trust me, that's the best thing you could ever do for yourself and for everyone else. Don't lose yourself to be someone everyone wants you to be. This messed up world full of trend followers, wannabes, and copy-cats needs originality for a change." I told him and he was quiet for a few seconds.

"But how do I stop caring what others think?" He asked me. "Ive always done everything for other people, I can't just stop." He told me.

"Do things for yourself. Don't push yourself to be someone you're not or someone you don't want to be. If someone tells you to change the way you are for their own comfort, tell them to buzz off." I said.

"You mean fuck off?" He asked and I laughed as I stuck my free hand into the water, pushing it around. "Little miss Jordan doesn't curse does she?"

"Profanity isn't my thing." I told him and then I heard Ashton speak up again, telling me to go to my room and sleep because it's cold out here and I have school tomorrow. "Ashton's telling me to go to sleep Chrisy," I told him and he yawned.

"I'm quite tired myself now." He said and I chuckled. "Goodnight JJ, I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow Chrisy, night." I told him and then hung up. I sighed and looked at Ashton. "I can't sleep, I hope you know that." I told him.

"And why is that?" He asked as he walked up to me. "Why can't you sleep?"

"I don't know," I said and scooted away from him. "I have issues, a lot of them." I told him and he sighed. "This always happens."

"You know, we do love you Jordan. Just because we were forced to adopt you, doesn't mean we don't love you." He told me and I turned my back on him, facing the pool.

"Sure you do." I mumbled and he turned me around. "That's what they all say. 'I love you'. Then the next thing I know I'm stuck in an adoption center with a bunch of fake morons." I said.

"You're not going back there, I hope you know that. You're stuck with us until you're eighteen that is." He told me. "After that, you have a whole life ahead of you to lead."

"Is being stuck with you guys considered good or bad? Seeing the fact you hate who I am and Luke barely talks to me anymore." I spoke up and he sighed.

"Luke's a difficult person Jordan. He'll start speaking to you again just like before, don't worry about it. And as for me, I don't hate who you are-"

"You're always trying to change me into someone I'm not. I don't want to wear flowers on my clothes and I don't want to wear baby blues and yellows." I told him. "It's just not me and yet you're so content on trying to make me wear things like that with the excuse 'I'm a young girl'."

"It's how I grew up. My sisters were girly, my mother was girly, and my dates in high-school were girly. I just assumed every girl should be." He told me amd set a hand on my shoulder. "Besides, the last thing I wanna do is change you."

"No one ever likes me for me. There's always something I have to do; something I have to be or something I have to stop. Stop being so random. Be more polite. Stop eating as much as an elephant. Be quiet." I said, stilling my hand in the cold water. "Be prettier. Stop being like a boy. Dress nicer." I listed more and a tear slid down my face.

"Hey, stop that nonsense. You don't have to change." He told me and spun me around so he could look at me. I looked up st him and he gave me a soft smile. "You don't need to do any of that. You're perfect just the way you are." He said.

"Sure I am." I said sarcastically and wiped my eyes the hoodie I had on. It wasn't mine... I think it was Michael's, but I'm not sure. "I'm still not good enough."

"Don't say that. You are good enough. People are stupid for trying to change you. As you said, the best thing you could do for yourself and everyone else is to be yourself." He told me.

"You called yourself stupid." I told him as if he didn't know and he just nodded. "Why?" I asked him, swirling my hand in the water again.

"Because I was an idiot for being stereotypical and so rude towards you. I just didn't want to admit I was wrong and irresponsible." He told me and then stood up. "Now come inside before you get sick and don't want to wake up for school."

"Fine."