Now that I'm in college, I have some experience with alcohol, despite not being 21 yet. I have three experiences with alcohol. But damn, I feel like it's enough. All my experiences have been safe (except for maybe last night's, where I drank 7 Smirnoff's), so I'm afraid I don't have any W I L D stories to tell. But I can tell you quite a bit about alcoholism and the internal adventure.

So. College. It's great. It really is. I highly recommend it. But I'm starting to think maybe it's just not for me. I've recently had one of the most damaging two or three weeks in my life. One of them. Sure, I've had worse times, but this period of time is pretty high up on the list of traumatic experiences in my life. I've recently been actually diagnosed with severe depression. I'm even being recommended medication. I'm starting to believe my efforts here in college are worthless. I mean- music major?!? C'mon! What was I thinking?! And now to make it worse, my study in Cello isn't even making me happy! I want to study guitar! People are telling me to make the switch! But do they have any idea how much my parents will kill me?! It's not worth it. I want to kill myself. Alcohol... is... well. Not as addictive as people say it is. Even in my Situation, I'm not flocking to my friends to get drunk at the end of every week just to make myself numb and forget about all the shit that's happened. But I fear that eventually, I will start some kind of substance abuse. It frightens me. Makes me realize just how fucked my life will be in the future.

If you're thinking about starting to drink, consider my situation. Sure, I may not be addicted despite my vulnerability. But it's not making me happier.