i want to give you a proper story, so here...

if your wondering this is the story of my second boyfriend. kyle, the one who couldn't take it anymore... im so sorry... if i could take it all back i wouldve...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kyle ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

one of my ex boyfriends, let's call him Kyle for now. he lived in a happy household, the perfect cookie cutter house hold. everything was perfect, everyone was always so lively. on the weekends you could hear a slight sound of pop music and laughter reverberating from the house. walking inside was never foul everyone smiling happy and chatty.

 or they were until i walked in... holding his hand he looked to me as their smile turned fake. slightly panicked and unsure what he was going to do i just smiled weakly and waved. not worried he just smiled as he looked back to his family. they were not smiling they were glaring at me and waiting to know why i was there in that matter. never seen them without a smile let alone a frown.

 wrinkled foreheads the slight twitch of an eyebrow they radiated hatred and disgust. and all there glares shooting at me i wanted to leave but Kyle was so oblivious. he smiled and said *i quote* , "you are all so suportive so i thouht i would come out! meet my boyfriend!"

i had never come out to anyone but my other friend. who wasn't the strangest either but now i had been pulled out of the closet with him. a mix of fear and confusion as i looked at Kyle and back to his parents. his parents and sister continued on their fake smile and invited us to dinner. me and my whole family, i could see the evil in there eyes they were going to destroy me.

 i was already bulled enough adding 'fag' to the list wasn't my highest priority. and hated by the most kindred family wouldn't help either. panicked i slap Kyle and run out balling my eyes out. not turning around i could still hear the gasp in shock and the distrust in Kyle's voice. his parents going to reassure him with anger lacing their voices. i could tell i had turned them all into venomous snakes. i wanted to stop them from infecting him with their venom but i was afraid...

i never spoke to him again. his house was never happy again. his father grew abusive and he blamed me for everything. he would always hit Kyle until he couldn't even beg for him to stop. but one day Kyle ran away, nobody went looking for him. 

everyone was to afraid of finding him and bringing him back to that house. anywhere else would be better for him they thought. i tried to go looking for him but i was told not to. what would i do anyway? nothing good, i was the one that ruined everything after all...

 after a year of worry and sleepless nights he was found. dead in a river bed he had killed himself the day he ran away based on the autopsy. the only thing on him other than his note and a knife was his note. found in his notebook the only page that hadn't been riped out was, "sorry for the trouble i caused, hope you are doing alright. i miss you ---"

since i was the only name on the paper i got back a 'my deepest condolences...' in the mail. me and his family got one along with paperwork saying how he mightve killed himself. reading over everyting and burning the paper i ran off again, crying. 

i cried for weeks i still have panic attacks that i killed him i was the one who ruined everything and he was sorry...

i just wished he hated me but he loved me to the very last moment...

sorry Kyle i wish i could say more but... it hurts to much, even after all these years... im pethetic aren't i?