i have a million drafts, unfinished worlds. things im afraid of, ashamed of, hated for. i don't want them to see the real me, the person who's been hiding behind my smile and tears. but my mask has been falling threateningly fast.

i tried to take the masks of others to help them. and i would make my own mask again. but it took off my mask too. i was afraid and i am afraid. fuck i don't know one time in my like there i wasn't afraid. 

and i know your reading this, i won't say your name but, she was the reason for so much. all of it was well.. bad. ind i should've left the first time you said, "you should just leave me" and im sorry i stayed. i thought i could help but i snapped and you kept pushing me.

oh and stop using your age as an excuse. you lost that privilege when you said my problems are  less than yours. haven't you heard, "my cold is worse then your plague" it means no matter what is someones problem you can't compare it since your struggles and life is different from their. and even so my 'cold' is more like a brain cancer. one that i wish just absorbed me and killed me off already.

i tried to die, i won't talk about it, i don't want you crying about how cruel i am. cause im such a monster... i was in the wrong to reach out and try to help... yanno i was going to go back to you, i was. but you texted me again. if you left it to the one goodbye i would've came back. but i saw my future or well what wasn't there, so i left. and i won't let you get the last good bye this time.

no, this time im saying goodbye.

bye