"you didn't looked surprised"
He asked as they left the office

"I knew already...
I have my sources"
She said walking straight, behaving normal and casual as if yesterday's chat never happened

"Ofcourse......"
He gave remark, as he took a look at her

"So are we good
I mean , will it be ok with you"
He asked and she slow down her speed

"Country and duty comes first.....
Everything after that...."
She said proudly remembering him.......
And the lost look on her face and her zoning out made him look at her more intensely.....

"Your work profile is remarkable....
And especially your first operation.... I mean you took down a minister.....
What guts man......

And again with the mention of lala gehlot came all the haunting memories of past....
The burning jeep
His court martial......
Lala gehlot's betrayal......

Her chest started getting tight
She started feeling choked
Her breathing got difficult
She couldn't comprehend anything he said after that.

"Excuse me "
She said and started running towards her quarter.....

She Locked the door and went to the window
Trying to breathe with effort....
Her hands trembling and she was sweating profusely......

"It will pass
It will pass
It will pass"

She kept chanting
As she hold tight her parents photo
Looking at them....
Telling herself that she has to live for them
She can't get week.

She can't tell what will trigger her panic attack
But it's mostly when someone brings up those last  days with him
Or what happened after that....

She even avoid talking to captain abhimanyu as it brings back so many memories, so many regrets
And she gets so overwhelmed that it's impossible to not go insane ....

With help of her psychologist and dr. Shalini
She has learn to manage it well....
But still she prefer to not tell people about it unless it's absolutely necessary.

She believes that you have to fight your own battle and no one will walk with you forever
U need to learn to walk alone.

She has no idea how she will go through this operation with him being beside her.
But she know that she can't back off due to personal reasons....
This is not what her rajveer sir had taught her

And then again
She started thinking about alternative
What if he hadn't died and still here , they would have been together, maybe
Or may be he should not have loved her at all
He would have lived atleast.

Teri khushboo aur Teri sansen
Dheere dheere sab bhulaenge
Silvate Jo tumne chodi hai
Dheere dheere sab mitaenge

Katne ko itni lambi Umar age hai
Jane kis ke peeche tu bewajah bhage hai

Uski raton se subah apni
Rafta rafta kheench layenge

She sat there against the wall
Breathing heavy.....
Counting numbers to even her breath

_______________

"Something was definitely wrong
The way she ran from there
I tried to catch up with her but then i didn't
She doesn't like me being near her
And now we will be working together as husband and wife ...
Are you kidding me
Anurag kashap ki movie chal ri hai kya yaha pe"
He was talking with seri....

Filling her up with all the information on phone......
She is a good person to talk and take advice from....

"Obviously she is still processing the trauma Rajeev
She is not healed yet.....
She is still mourning "

"Yeah but why does it cause so much distress to me....
I mean I look a hell lot  like that captain guy .... But what am I supposed to do about it
Why does she keep giving me all the heat.

"I don't know how to answer that
But i can send you nudes if you like...."

"Ab itne pyar se de Rahi hai to mana bhi kya hi karun.... Kar send"

"Kamine "
She laughed and hung the call

___________

Next 15 days they were trained for their role

Ansari and major gulam...
Made them recite some prayers and and basic domestic habits.

They memorised the names and location of their informants there
Whom to give message
Where can they go to make calls here in the base

All major religions events and what will be expected from them.

Within 15 days they were ready to start the operation.

____________

Alekh - keep in touch

Naina - you know I  can't

Alekh - operation ki details nahi mangunga
Just your safety news ...

Naina - i can't promise alekh
You know how it is ...
And it's so terrible that I won't be there for huda's promotion party....
I so wanted to come...

Alekh - Jane se pehle usse baat kar Lena

Naina - ofcourse....
Ali Pooja ke beta kaisa hai...
Haven't seen him also....

Alekh - mast hai ek dum....
Aur pata hai kya
Mere hath mein ate hi so jata hai....
Pooja ne mujhe full time job pe rakha hua hai
Usko sulane ke liye.

Naina - who would have thought ke tere pas aisi bhi superpowers hongi....

She was smiling with all her heart
Her friends happiness is the only source of her joy....

Two table away in the cafeteria
He can't help but notice her smiling and being all chatty
Must be talking with her friends
Alekh Pooja and huda he remembers and there are two more he guessed
They are the only one with whom she opens up ...

He took the plate to keep back on counter
And as he walked back to his room
He wondered.... How can someone be in so much pain....

As a matter of fact he is also an orphan
He never had family..... Or any close blood ties.....
But he doesn't pine about them....
Maybe because you can't miss something u never had .....
You can be sad about it....
But it doesn't wrench you heart and you don't feel the never ending pain to every fiber of your being.

He never experienced any great loss
Because he had nothing to loose.

So he was never aware of this side of life
He has created humour as his defence
And use to sweep away any negative feeling under the mattress

But she is affecting her inner core
What does it feels like to be loved to be cherished by someone.

If he die
There is no one to miss him
No one will mourn for him
Like naina singh ahluwalia mourn for captain rajveer singh shekhawat

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